I'm Sorry, I Have A Job...

[blas87]

Didn't really know how to title this one, it was the best I could come up with. Again, a deceiving thread title.

I absolutely despise when people who don't have jobs or as busy of lives as others cannot compromise or even bear in mind that their friends or family HAVE jobs or busy lives and need to make schedules or balance their time out properly.

My boyfriend hasn't had a job in a few months, and it didn't take him long to going back to "forgetting" how precious and short my time off from work is, especially with overtime and required weekends. I don't even get an entire weekend off, so I have to make every second count, and he never bears that in mind. Because he has every moment of every day, his life is pretty easy and convenient.

He is more of a "fly by the seat of your pants" type than I (because I'm really not at all) but I swear, if he argues with me one more time about trying to make plans and getting mad at me for attempting to arrange things, I will smack him upside the head. I hate him saying "You can't schedule everything in life, we'll just see what happens when Friday gets here."

No, we won't. See, I only get two nights off a week, some weeks NOT EVEN that many. I WILL try to make concrete plans and I will try to make a mental schedule of who and where and when of everything I can so that not a moment is wasted. I don't have all day everyday to do what I want. I hate it, but that's how it is.

Or people like my grandpa, who is retired, and just decides when he is going to come take care of matters. After my Nanna died, he only came when it was convenient for him (when really, he has no life and can do whatever he wants whenever, any day) but it was at a time when neither of my parents had very many paid holidays or PTO they could use.....they had to both cram or make last minute arrangements with their bosses, because grandpa actually HAD to be there for this stuff, there was no getting out of it, and this stuff did have to be arranged because of the estate and the Will and whatnot.

His wife does the exact same thing...will try to plan to make visits here to Wisconsin but at the most inconvenient times, then throw a fit that my parents cannot drop everything they are doing and take days and days or a week off of work to accomodate the visit they are planning. Bf and some of my friends have tried the same stuff with me, trying to drop stuff on me when I don't have the extra PTO to take off or miss work or wake up early to do something.

Just because you have all the free time in the world doesn't mean that I do. Please respect that. Thank you.

[DrFaroohk]

I thought I was the only person with this problem. Well I knew I wasn't, but still. I feel your pain.

My very best friend doesn't do anything all day. Except play wow. I envy him actually. But anyway, he complains we don't get to hang out enough, but then when I actually do have free time he's doing something else. It's like...dude...you can go to the bar any night of the week. You can go out to eat or go for a cruise any old time. If you wanna hang out with me, you gotta adapt to my schedule. Sounds selfish, but its just a simple truth. I'm free for like 2 hours a week. It's either then or never.

[blas87]

I feel for you too, I know you have a lot of the same job rants that I do.

I have that problem with certain friends as well. They have day jobs or part time jobs (or no job) and could literally go out any night of the week or do whatever, but come Friday or Saturday "Oh sorry, we are painting the computer room".....whatever.

[Cat]

AMEN!!!!

I have a friend who has been out of work for quite some time now, and always whines that I never see him. Sorry, I have a job that leaves me too tired to go driving all over just to see him or go to his shows.

I really cannot stand when people don't undertand that you actually have responsbilities OTHER than seeing them. Ugh.

[muses_nightmare]

I'm not working, but I'm in school, and my boyfriend seems to think that any moment outside of school is free time, which it's not. In fact the vast majority of my time is spent on homework, at some points I've done more hours of homework than I did hours working when I was working full time! He pouts and says I don't spend any time with him, and then wonders why I get mad at him and tell him to go away.

[Plaidman]

I have that problem somewhat. I try to do stuff on certain days, though now I have plenty of freetime sadily. However, when I was working, I tried to do stuff and hang out with my friends. Though my most difficult friend always made it so damn difficult. Hard to understand. All he does is play WoW, and bitch about his parents making him chop wood or mow the lawn, or put dishs in dishwasher for his rent. (He's 27, no job, only a GED, refuses any minimal wage job and customer service as its for teens and idiots, and thus beneath him).

So I tried to set something up, he'll go we'll see... we'll see... we'll see... maybe.

Very day it happens, I call, he goes bananas. 'I FUCKING SAID MAYBE!! THAT IS NOT A YES!!"

Right. I forgot. That day was a raid day....

Then of course he does the same thing, and I can't make it, he'll call up furious. "I FUCKING SAID MAYBE!! THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD BE READY!!"

Right. I forgot. I need to sit on my ass and wait for your royal ass to maybe come for me to bask in your greatness of being nothing but scum.

[blas87]

Wait Plaid, let me get this straight....you call to confirm, if he doesn't want to, it's "I SAID MAYBE DAMMIT!" but if he wants to and you can't, it's "I SAID MAYBE THAT MEANS YOU NEED TO BE HERE!"....

What the fuck?

Eh, I'm still getting over my friends painting their computer room on a Saturday night. I really want to believe they were getting out of hanging out with us.....why the hell would you do that when you work mornings and have all weekend off?

[Plaidman]

I don't know. He has issues. Many... many issues. He's thinking about getting on disability because he can't handle the stress of working. So yeah. I mean, this is the same dude who tries to convience me to stare at girls boobs because as male, we're biology suppose too. Thankfully after me smacking him enough, and if I'm not close enough to do so, call him on it so girl can slap him, he doesn't make it as obviously, nor flat out tell me. Hell, he almost got in a car wreck staring at a girl running chest, and didn't understand why his girlfriend who was in the same car dumped him later.

This is same guy who refuses to get a job with public, nor any job that doesn't pay at least like, ten bucks an hour I think he said he needed, (likely higher) even though he has very very little job experence, only a GED that he had to study for a couple years for, and even then took a year off because it was so hard. (I mean, I think we're at least equal in terms of brain power, and I only studied for like, two months, took all five tests in one seating and passed them all).

Same guy, who got fired shortly after freaking out at work, got pissed off he got written up after punching holes into his place of work after I hung up on him for calling someone close to me several rude names. His excuse was that that place of employement knows he gets stressed out easily, and it should have been ok.

Same guy who cries and cries and cries, and tries to hug his ex's chest where her boobs were, but refuse any hug from anyone else, (Only girls can give healing power of hugs! :rolleyes: ), only taking his stress pills in her presence even though he's going bonkers slamming his head into the wheel. But hey, he wants her to see what she put him through by taking pill. Any wonder she had to block him from all her sites, changed her number, and moved out of state?

He tries to act like his money situation is the same as me, or better which is annoying. I offer him out to dinner, "I'M BROKE!!" Its my treat... "YOU DON"T HAVE ANY F-ING MONEY!!"
Yeah.. my bank statement says something else...

Yeah, I may have worked longer then he did in my field and got paid more, but I had benifts. Not to mention, I still have my job. (Kinda). Where as he won't likely get a job after being fired for among many things, insorbation, destruction of proptery, lying, etc etc. He's very angry about not getting his unemployment check. "They fired me! I should have my unemployment check! THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

Naturally, rather then try to get another job, he just going straight to disability.

[Boozy]

My family is constantly making Sunday plans and then acting shocked and confused when I say I can't make it.

I have been working every other Sunday for five years.

They seem to believe that because they don't work Sundays, no one does.

Meanwhile, my mother-in-law has a bad habit of calling my husband and telling him that an airline is having a seat sale, and he could fly out for a visit for only $99. The caveat is that you have to leave tomorrow.

She can't comprehend that he works and his job does not allow him to book vacation with 24 hours notice. She's been retired for a long time, and even before that, her jobs were very casual and flexible. My husband has a career, and there are a lot of people who depend on him to do what he says he's going to and show up every day.

[blas87]

Gee Boozy, I thought my grandparents were bad!

Well, the boyfriend went and did it tonite. His friends dropped by for a surprise visit (aka an evening full of drinking) and he took off with them sans cell phone, no thought of even attempting to call me and let me know what was up......I finally get a hold of him and tell him fuck off we are not doing this AGAIN where your friends randomly show up on a Friday night when we have plans, we had NO plans to go out drinking and my apartment is no longer motel 6 for those stupid friends (which before, he invited to stay at my place without my permission) and to be honest, I don't feel like meeting new people or entertaining tonight. It was supposed to be dinner and a movie and our show and bedtime. I did not work all week so that he could pull this crap on me.

Oh, I'm being selfish and a bitch for not wanting to hang out with his friends. Oooh, he didn't want to call me and risk waking me up. Well if it's regarding PLANS, then PLEASE call or text me, idiot. Ohh, and we can still keep our dinner and movie plans, but we still have to go out with his friends later. No, they aren't staying here. Well dumbass, where are they gonna stay? Your parents said no, because they hate these friends, and I say no...are they going to get drunk and then drive to the other side of Wisconsin? I think not.

Fuck it all, I'm going to bed.

[KellyHabersham]

My family is constantly making Sunday plans and then acting shocked and confused when I say I can't make it.

I have been working every other Sunday for five years.

They seem to believe that because they don't work Sundays, no one does.




That sounds a bit like how my family gets about things.......many's the time that I've had to remind them that I don't get both days off every weekend, I can't just take time off at the last minute,....etc.

[Amanita]

I have a friend who is sorta like this. She's on welfare, I work nights doing security. It used to be that we could get together earlier in the day, but not so much anymore. I get only two nights off a week, and my dad (who drives me into town) works those other two nights. So I can't come into town for 10 am anymore. My friend always wants to clear off and go home by 3:30 pm, regardless. She complains about not wanting to sit on the bus in rush hour traffic. I suggest that instead of having lunch, we could get supper together and she could head out after rush hour has subsided, but she doesn't like that either.

She has no job. She lives right in town with easy bus access. I work weird hours and live a good way outside the city. But she won't even entertain the idea of changing her self-imposed 3:30 pm time limit. I've already explained till I am blue in the face why I can't "just come in earlier".

[KitterCat]

Blas, I don’t want to be rude, so just disregard this if you don’t want to answer, buy why don’t you dump your boyfriend? If he has no regard to your time, and seems to use your apartment as a motel for his needs/friends needs why are you still with him?

Same question to Plaidman. Why are you hanging around this sponge. Both of you seem to be intelligent people. Why are you hanging around the very people who are giving you headaches? Or is it simply for the entertainment value they have. :confused:

[AdminAssistant]

I have this issue with some of my friends. Most of them are on fellowships, while I'm a TA. My sections are on Friday. None of them have class on Friday, and they always plan stuff on Fridays! To which I have to reply, "Sorry, I have to teach" for the fiftieth time. I mean, it's all good natured and I don't mind that they do stuff on Fridays, but geez!

[Plaidman]

Same question to Plaidman. Why are you hanging around this sponge. Both of you seem to be intelligent people. Why are you hanging around the very people who are giving you headaches? Or is it simply for the entertainment value they have. :confused:

Despite how awesome I may seem on the forums, I have very little friends. Growing up, my best friends were my legos. I still call the figures by their names, rather just thinking them as a piece. As such, He, TheRedHeadOfDoom at cs, and Tom are really the only people I hang with. My two other friends live in Washington, nether of them have a car and nether do I. Only way to get there is through the spoonge, and he finds them disgusted and has a stupid disbelief that they are attracted to him. (Because their gay you know, and thus after him.... Despite them being married to each other, and him not being their type).

Not to mention, I too have many many issues. Trust Issues. Depression. A large hatefulness of vast people. Low self esteem. Slight homcidal tendencies. Self harm. He has at times helped me out. Despite all his problems, you can count on him a vast majority of the time. When he isn't depressed or crying, or blaming everyone but himself for his lack of drive, he is a good guy. He does some good deeds (...rarely. I still haven't forgiven him for not helping the woman who's purse was snagged by the kid. His excuse was that the kid might have had a gun and he would have been shot, despite the kid being maybe 14 and being chased by two addition guys. All he had to do was put his big ass city car in front of the kid to block, but whatever).

Yeah. He has problems. But so do I. That, and its very difficult to find dungeons and dragons players. He likes comics. We may not have the same sense of humor, (Like, at all) but we do have alot in common. He been my friend for coming up 9 years. The longest friend I ever had, and the second friend I ever made.

[powerboy]

I had a friend like that. It had to be up to him on when we would hang out. We both worked days and he also had a second job.. I had to be at work during the week at 4:30am. If we hung out during the week. I had to be home and in bed at 9:00pm. He just could never understand that. He would want to go out on weekends. Every other weekend would be fine, not just every weekend.

[Plaidman]

I had a friend like that. It had to be up to him on when we would hang out. We both worked days and he also had a second job.. I had to be at work during the week at 4:30am. If we hung out during the week. I had to be home and in bed at 9:00pm. He just could never understand that. He would want to go out on weekends. Every other weekend would be fine, not just every weekend.

Ahh, but my friend has no job. He just expects me to be ready whenever he wants. I never understand it.

[DrFaroohk]

lol @Plaid until you said GED I thought we might have a mutual friend.

Although my friend is a little more emotionally stable. Except when he drinks. And then its annoying because I know he's not just so drunk that he loses control, its more like "Hey, I'm drunk, so I can be an ass and just blame it on the booze later. WOOHOO! BREAK STUFF! YEAH! LET'S TALK ABOUT BORING THINGS! YEAH!"

He likes to pull this one too:

"Man, I'm hungry, you hungry?"

"Yeah man."

"Let's go to Denny's."

"Cool!"

Get to Denny's, order, eat....

"Oh by the way do you have any money?"

He's been going to college for like the past 10 years now, just taking one or two classes at a time. Got a masters in business something or other, but he thinks he's just going to land a job that pays 100K a year. I've tried to explain to him that he needs to have some employment on his resume, which he just doesn't understand. He's not willing to get a job to show some stability, but he wants the big paying job right away.

[telecom_goddess]

OK Plaid has a point I guess although I still think his friend sounds more like a loser than not.:(

Blas....honey.....dump that guy seriously. Unless he can change right quick he ain't worth it.

[blas87]

I'm not going to dump my boyfriend of a long time because of his stupid friends or his little flaws. I'm just venting about things I hate. He isn't the only person in my life who has no regard for my time, I certainly can't just dump everyone who doesn't understand what it's like to work my shift or have a demanding job that takes up almost all of your time.

When I wrote my last post, I also didn't know the entire story. When I finally saw him last night, I found out that his friend had asked him if they could come by and have a party night, bf said no because of our plans and he's been worn out from taking care of his dad and dealing with his brother lately and we did have solid plans, but his friend just drove halfway across Wisconsin and came over anyway! And I don't know what hold this particular little shit has over my boyfriend, but he just felt "rude" in sending him away so he let him stay and he did offer to do our plans alone, but I refused to hang out with his friend or go out and party with them.....I went out with my friend instead (cuz I wasn't going to sit at home on my night off) and we met up and I made him leave with me because he was so drunk and his stupid friend had wandered off somewhere.

We are having a serious talk today about what his friend did. Apparently, he wasn't clear in understanding how much I hate this particular friend of his, and after the night was over, he was also very upset about his friend just showing up, because he was in no mood or ambition last night to entertain and host....and apparently he DID tell his friend that he was NOT going to be able to stay at his house (because guess what, his family hates his friend too) and that there was no way I'd allow them at my place either......so his friend "promised" he'd get a hotel room or stay at one of his girlfriend's friends houses in town here.....and then when the night was over....NOPE....so what does this little shit do? Just comes over to my bf's house and tries to get in! By the time my bf and I got there, his friend had locked himself in the guest house were my bf sleeps, because bf's mom had kicked him out of the house but for some reason never checked to make sure he left!

We're all quite upset and angry today. Bf's mother even kicked HIM off the property for the night because his friend still somehow ended up there. So we ended up staying at my place....

[Racket_Man]

surprising enough my Ex-Wife did some of the same things to me near the end of our relationship.

was out of work for a while (partially my fault, just pure lazyiness).. but I did finallly get a job as a gas station AM and starting worked nights full time (as in 40 per week). then she determined we needed MORE money coming in and somewhat forced me to get a second job (the one I have left as a delivery driver) that entailed me starting around 23 to 26 hours per week (short night shifts and short lunch shifts) then very quickly progressing to 30 to 33 hours per week (3 closing shifts per week and 3 short lunch shifts + a truck shift per week with maybe a short lunch shift on Sundays during football season)

way before this happened my Ex was declared disabled by the government (lots of legit medical and physical problems) so by this time she had no really been able to work for like 14 years. Now I did not have any problem with that as she did work and work a lot during the pre-medical problem years. it was just that all her problems would not allow her to do any real work (even sit-down work)

Now if we add up all the hours I was working at the time, you get around 72 hours per week on average (more or less).

now the part that gets me.

after a while she kept on whinning that I was NEVER home and when I WAS home all I wanted to do was sleep or rest (I wonder WHY YA THINK). I was not coherient to do house work, or laundry or do this or that. we never went out to have fun or see a movie or go out to eat or celebrate, or do some of the stuff we used to do outside of me working. she could not get it through her head that SHE forced me into this situation (yea I know we kinda needed the money but...) ya know like I had the time to do any of those things anyway.... NOT.

this was not really the reason for a 20 year marriage to fail. there was all sorts of other strange and wierd things going on for a few years prior to this (which really no one would believe me if I detailed them).

[Plaidman]

... Great Racket man. Now my mind is so freaking curious as to how it failed.

Sorry it happened though.

[telecom_goddess]

Yeah I'm curious too.....what weird things were there..

Anyway Blas I'm glad it worked out communication wise....it helps if people talk ;)
His friend sounds like a .....oh I don't know what.

I wouldn't suggest dumping someone just because of the time thing it was sounding like he didn't respect anything about you. But maybe he is after all.