People who don't think...

[Ree]

I have a friend who is getting married.
One of my other friends is the maid of honour.

Everybody knows how most brides are about their wedding.
They want everything to be perfect and they like to keep a lot of the details private until the big day when everyone can see the whole effect of all the little details.

I was just on Facebook, and the maid of honour has posted a picture of herself in her dress, and right behind her, clearly visible, is the bride's dress.

Maybe I'm old fashioned and all that, but I was a bit ticked at my friend for posting that.
The wedding is only in a few more days.
Would it have killed her to wait a bit, or make sure the bride's dress wasn't right beside her in the picture?

Am I being petty?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Not in the slightest. She didn't even need a fancy editing programme to cut out the bride's dress; she could have cut her out in Paint or blocked her out. I would do that, personally.

[Ree]

The wedding is on a different continent completely, so I'm sure she's just really excited about all of it.
The way I see it, though, if she wanted her family to see her dress, she could have just emailed them the pictures rather than posting them publicly on Facebook.

I like this girl, but she has a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed at times, and probably didn't even think about it when she posted that.

I was supposed to go there to do the wedding cake, but couldn't afford to go.
If I had been able to go, though, even if I was really proud of my work with the cake, I certainly wouldn't have been posting pics of it until after the fact.

[Hobbs]

Did you ever stop to think that she didn't realize the bride was right behind her when the photo was snapped? Also, was this a straight-from-phone pic? I know some people can upload pics right after they've been taken. If that's the case, then maybe she didn't take the time to notice what was in the background. Onto that vein, how far away is the dress from the foreground? Is it clearly visible, or do you have to lean into the screen to see it?

[Boozy]

Also, was this a straight-from-phone pic? I know some people can upload pics right after they've been taken. If that's the case, then maybe she didn't take the time to notice what was in the background.

Ree obviously acknowledges that as a possibility; that is why the thread is titled "People who don't think..." and not "People who maliciously and purposefully ruin weddings".

[Hobbs]

Ree obviously acknowledges that as a possibility; that is why the thread is titled "People who don't think..." and not "People who maliciously and purposefully ruin weddings".
Despite the title, I didn't get that from the OP.

[blas87]

I have no doubt in my mind that Ree considered every "what if" and probably initially gave the girl the benefit of the doubt as the situation being a giant "woops" before she even thought of posting this.

I also agree with Boozy that Ree was never insinuating that this girl's picture pre-exposing the wedding gown is going to ruin the entire wedding or send the bride into instant bridezilla mode, but it was a sucky thing to do, obviously without thinking about it. Hence the title.

[Hobbs]

Yea, but there's a difference between people who don't think like this bridesmaid, and people who don't think and end up with major Charlie Fox-trot. So in that vein, it's hard to generalize the people that can have ditzy moments with those who simply have never learned common sense.

[Ree]

Perhaps if you had more carefully read what I posted, things would be more clear.
I hold no anger to this girl.
I just saw the picture and I was mildly ticked at her lack of thought before she posted it.

To answer your question, this was taken by someone with a camera, and not with a digital phone.
She was standing right beside the bride's dress, and the entire front of the dress was clearly visible.

As I stated, I don't think it was done with any malice.

She just posted the picture as a fun snapshot of her trip to her friend's wedding, and it simply wouldn't occur to her that maybe she should wait until after the wedding to post that picture of her dress. For some brides, even the bridesmaid dresses are meant to be kept a secret.

I guess it's just that I do think about the little details, and things like that, so it irks me when I see other people acting without thinking it through.

I'm sure she hasn't ruined the wedding.

I didn't really want a sneak peek at things, myself, and wanted to wait for the official wedding pictures.

I'm sure the dress will look much different off the hanger and on the bride, though, so I am still looking forward to that.

[Peppergirl]

Good Lord, where is the :headdesk: smiley over here?? :mad:

[Hobbs]

Wouldn't or didn't? I take it from the OP that you see this as a chronic behavior of hers.

Oh, and if you hold no malice, it shouldn't be posted in a forum called "Things I Hate..."

[HYHYBT]

I never knew until reading this thread that women like to keep their wedding dress a secret; therefore, in a similar situation, I would not have seen any reason to hide it no matter how much thought I put into the photo. But then, I'm a guy, which, though overused as an excuse for cluelessness, seems fair enough in a discussion of wedding dress etiquette :)

[Ree]

Wouldn't or didn't?Huh?

I take it from the OP that you see this as a chronic behavior of hers.Actually, there you go misreading and adding to what has actually been said.

From the OP, I said she has a tendency to be self absorbed.
That was not meant as an insult or slam to her, and was not a statement of chronic behaviour such as this on her part.
I was simply stating that she, like many other people, gets so caught up in her own excitement that she wouldn't have been thinking about the picture.
I did not say she has a habit of doing things like this.
I merely implied that she would be so excited to be travelling so far away to be maid of honour for a very good friend, that she wouldn't think about the fact that the dress is in the picture.

I, on the other hand, tend to be a "think outside the box" kind of person.
I tend to overthink and pay attention to details such as that, and spend a lot of time stressing about how my actions will affect someone else.

I'm not saying I don't have my brain fart moments, but I do try my best to keep them to a minimum. :D

Oh, and if you hold no malice, it shouldn't be posted in a forum called "Things I Hate..."Ummm...that was a name stuck onto the forum as a catchy title, but, once again, if you would read carefully past the title, and actually check out the details regarding this forum, you will see that this is a forum to vent.
Quick rants about what you hate and why.
I do hate that people don't think.

It happens a lot.
I just chose to post about this particular event because it was fresh in my mind.

I don't have malice toward the girl...why would I?
It's just a dress.

I do hate the fact that she didn't think before she posted the picture.

I actually had another thing happen to me personally just the other night, and it was a case of a person who didn't think.

It's no secret that my husband passed away almost 2 years ago.
Anyone who knows me or is familiar with me, knows how devastated I have been.
I have been slowly starting to put my life back in order, and have actually started going out socially by myself, rather than hiding away in my home like a hermit.
A few weeks ago, I went to a karaoke event with my daughter(s).
They were late getting there, so I sat all by myself at a table saving them a seat.

The other night, I attended a wedding of two coworkers.
I walked in by myself to the hall.
It was the same hall where the karaoke event was held, and it just happens that it's the hall belonging to the service club that I'm affiliated with, and in which my husband was a member.

I met one of my fellow members of the club at the door and, without thinking, he said to me, "All alone again, Ree? You looked so lost the other night at that karaoke. I felt kind of bad for you sitting there all by yourself."

OK...he was probably trying to be nice, but what an asshole thing to say, really.

Did he think I needed a reminder that I was alone?
I wanted to say, "Gee, thanks...I hadn't thought about that fact yet this hour. Thanks for the reminder."

Do I hate the guy for saying it...really?
No.

Do I hate that he didn't think before he said it?
Yes.

So, I guess the title of my thread wasn't as well thought out as it should have been.

Thanks for pointing that out, Hobbs.

I don't really "hate" people who don't think, but I do hate that it happens.

Is that a bit clearer for you now?

[lupo pazzesco]

Whoa whoa whoa whoa WAIT!!

.....

NO ONE told me that I was required to THINK!!

Life is going to get a lot more complicated from here on out.

Thanks y'all..... >.>

[Ree]

I never knew until reading this thread that women like to keep their wedding dress a secret;Not all brides do.

Some brides don't care about that stuff at all.
Some post pictures of their dresses all over the place.

I just happen to know a lot of girls who really cared about keeping it all secret so, on the big day, everything gets presented in all its glory, and people see it all for the first time.

I do know some people have a superstition about the groom seeing the dress, so, by publicly posting a picture of it, there's a chance the guy will see it.

Some brides want their groom to be blown away when they see the whole ensemble for the first time. If they've already seen the dress, it kind of detracts from the drama of the moment.

I may be completely wrong about it, but I like to think I know this bride pretty well. She seems like one of those types of brides who wants to have that dramatic entrance.

Like I say, I could be wrong.

That doesn't detract from the fact that I hate when people don't think before doing stuff, though.

[Hobbs]

Tendency: 3. A predisposition to think, act, behave, or proceed in a particular way

Pretty much sounds like something that'd be a habit.

Just as you said..."its just a dress." Not even your dress, for crying out loud, so why get so bent out of shape about it?

[blas87]

Because Ree is allowed to vent on here as anyone else is, no matter how silly it may seem to you.

It's a habit a lot of people have, it's quite annoying. Not always regarding wedding dresses, but you get the drift.

Edit to add: I don't know exactly why deep down Ree posted it, most likely just to join in on the venting like everyone else, but a lot of times, I feel that this place is a "safe haven" for me to vent about stuff that I can't vent about to anyone in my day to day life. Even if others don't agree with me, it feels good to let it out. And I'm sure others agree with me and post on here because of the same reason.

[Hobbs]

I post on here because, if not, I'd never talk to my friends.

[RavenStarr]

Wouldn't or didn't? I take it from the OP that you see this as a chronic behavior of hers.

Oh, and if you hold no malice, it shouldn't be posted in a forum called "Things I Hate..."

Oh I didn't know we had the *Things I Hate* police. Ree is posting this as a way to vent.

JMO there is only one person being petty here, and it isn't Ree.

[Hobbs]

To quote Raps

Don't worry - someone will be along to prove you wrong in a short while...

[Rageaholic]

I was a little confused at first. My first thought was that is was the BRIDE who posted the picture of her dress. In which case, it would be silly to condemn the bride for posting a picture of her own dress. But since it wasn't the bride who posted the pictures, than yeah, I can see being a little annoyed.

As far as people who don't think, how about people who don't think before they talk? There are some jokes that are not meant to be told in public places. It's even worse when the offender is TALKING VERY LOUDLY SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR THEM. It's pretty embarrasing to be around those people.

[Ree]

Just as you said..."its just a dress." Not even your dress, for crying out loud, so why get so bent out of shape about it?Because I can!

Why do you care?

I assume you're just picking in order to pick because Raps says you can, so I'm venting because I can.

I care about my friend and I want her wedding to be perfect.

Like I said, I could be wrong, but I like to think I know her pretty good, and I was worried that the posting of the picture would be a disappointment, so I was sad for her.

So go ahead and pick.
It really doesn't bother me much.

Have you ever had an annoying piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe, or a booger that you just can't blow out, no matter how hard you try?

Yeah, that's kind of how I feel about this thread. :p;):D

[kibbles]

Have you ever had an annoying piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe, or a booger that you just can't blow out, no matter how hard you try?

Yeah, that's kind of how I feel about this thread.

You just created a visual that's going to take a while to forget ;) :) :p

[HYHYBT]

Just as a guiding principle, and not specific to any one person or site, it's generally unwise to try to tell site moderators what they can post and where.

[Hobbs]

Just as a guiding principle, and not specific to any one person or site, it's generally unwise to try to tell site moderators what they can post and where.
"Or what, they'll sic the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in thier mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

[blas87]

Well, if you are feeling particuarily feisty, you could keep questioning moderators and see how much you piss them off and see what becomes of it.

[Hobbs]

Well, if you are feeling particuarily feisty, you could keep questioning moderators and see how much you piss them off and see what becomes of it.
I think I've found that out already, thanks.

[Ree]

Just to clarify, I didn't post this as a moderator.
I posted as a member.

I would never abuse my role as a moderator to get back at someone who was attempting to debate my thread.

[Hobbs]

Thanks. I'm glad to hear you say that Ree...though it appears some members would disagree with you.

[blas87]

I don't think Ree (or any of the other mods for that matter) abuse their power, nor did I ever insinuate Ree would "Get back at you" for questioning the point of her thread.

[Ree]

I don't think Ree (or any of the other mods for that matter) abuse their power, nor did I ever insinuate Ree would "Get back at you" for questioning the point of her thread.I know that blas.

I understood the meaning of your post, and that of the other members who cautioned against pushing a mod.

I was simply anticipating exactly what eventually happened, and attempting to clarify in case anyone decided to skew what you were saying to insinuate that on their own.
It was an attempt to nip that tangent in the bud, but I see it only added a bit of fuel to the fire.

[RavenStarr]

Thanks. I'm glad to hear you say that Ree...though it appears some members would disagree with you.

Oh please do tell us how Ree is "abusing" her role as moderater.

[Peppergirl]

I second my request for an :eyeroll: icon over here.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

[Hobbs]

I know that blas.

I understood the meaning of your post, and that of the other members who cautioned against pushing a mod.

I was simply anticipating exactly what eventually happened, and attempting to clarify in case anyone decided to skew what you were saying to insinuate that on their own.
It was an attempt to nip that tangent in the bud, but I see it only added a bit of fuel to the fire.
I wouldn't "push" a mod enforcing a rule; but that wasn't the case here. And Blas, in your statement, it seems pointedly like the insinuation you said it wasn't.

[Ree]

All hail the king of threadjacking.

[Hobbs]

All hail the king of threadjacking.
Is that...good?

[Wingates_Hellsing]

Is that...good?

It comes with dental.

[Hobbs]

Sweet, I need some.

[HYHYBT]

I second my request for an :eyeroll: icon over here.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
There *is* one, isn't there? :rolleyes:

If not, you can probably use the one from CS by copying its address and using image tags http://www.customerssuck.com/board/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

Testing...

Yup. Both methods work :)

Edit: no, they don't. IMG works perfectly in the preview, but not once the post is public. Odd, but it doesn't matter anyway.

2nd edit: and now it *is* working again. :confused: Oh well. typing "rolleyes" between a pair of colons is simplest anyway.

[Hobbs]

Oh please do tell us how Ree is "abusing" her role as moderater.
I never said she did. What I meant was that, through other people's posts, they seemed to threaten that she would abuse her powers. These are the posts I was referring to.

Just as a guiding principle, and not specific to any one person or site, it's generally unwise to try to tell site moderators what they can post and where.

Well, if you are feeling particuarily feisty, you could keep questioning moderators and see how much you piss them off and see what becomes of it.

Despite Blas' backpedaling, her last phrase, "...see how much you piss them off..." suggests to me a moderator abusing their power.

However, as I stated, I was glad at Ree's admission that she doesn't abuse her power, because I respect her and would think she'd not petty. Unlike some people who would undoubtedly use such privilege to win arguments.

If you want stories about a mod abusing power, I can sure supply them, though. I'll only respond through PM to protect the innocent.

[Dips]

In order to abuse power we'd actually have to have power. This is private property, after all. The only entity with any real power here is the owner of this property. ;)

All hail Raps! :lol:

On a more serious note, trust me when I say that none of us mods acts alone. Rest assured that any action taken by one of us was taken by all of us.

Every PM.

Every infraction.

Every banning.

There are all group decisions. If you blame one of us, you have to blame all of us.

[Ree]

Hobbs, I'm beginning to think, if I look up the term "passive aggressive", your picture will be under it. :p

You come across as if defending, when it's actually a way to dig the knife a bit deeper.
Just as a guiding principle, and not specific to any one person or site, it's generally unwise to try to tell site moderators what they can post and where.See, I took that to mean that a moderator usually knows which types of posts go where, or which types of posts are suited to a forum or not, so making a post questioning why they posted something in a particular thread seems a bit futile.
Oh, and if you hold no malice, it shouldn't be posted in a forum called "Things I Hate..."I'm pretty sure that was what HYHYBT was referring to. It never occurred to me that he was implying you would get in any type of trouble for picking at my thread.
I, on the other hand, have observed your "style" for a while, and figured that was a conclusion you might be inclined to make, so I wanted to make sure that people were aware I was not posting this thread as a mod, and I anticipated and welcomed intelligent debate if any had occurred.
Well, if you are feeling particuarily feisty, you could keep questioning moderators and see how much you piss them off and see what becomes of it.I'm pretty sure blas was referring to your other thread (http://www.fratching.com/showthread.php?t=2632)where you are lamenting your banning, and possibly questioning the mocking tone of your reply to HYHYBT."Or what, they'll sic the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in thier mouths, and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"I think she felt you were nitpicking this thread simply to nitpick, (and other members got that impression too) and thought maybe it was just because it was my thread, possibly because I am a moderator and you already have an axe to grind. (As I say, she wasn't the only one who thought that, the others just didn't bother to post in the thread, but expressed their opinion via PM.)

That was why I made my post clarifying that I was posting as a member and not a mod.
I knew, by posting here, there was going to be a chance that someone would post and say it was not a big deal that the girl posted that picture, and perhaps a discussion could occur about whether it was a breach of etiquette to do so.
Some people care about that sort of thing. Some don't.

In a debate, however, I know that the discussion can go anywhere.

The fact that you took it off on the tangent that I was angry at my friend and was implying that she did inconsiderate things like that all the time was a bit annoying, but was not really enough to get under my skin and anger me.

I have learned a long time ago that one should not really turn on a stove if they aren't prepared to take the heat.
I wish more people would learn that lesson.

[Hobbs]

I wasn't mocking anyone. I used a quote from a classic episode of The Simpsons. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a clip on Youtube.

I was expressing my own opinion; not nitpicking. I do it in other threads. Sometimes those are mod threads, sometimes they're not. Just cuz you're a mod doesn't mean I'm going to agree with your ideals/value judgments...and in this setting I'm free to voice that disagreement. I thought I was doing it in a respectful tone, but if I was not, let me know and I'll correct myself.

Dips, I wasn't necessarily talking about this site or CS.

[blas87]

I have a feeling you are most likely alone in your claim that you were not mocking anyone.

Your other post bitching about being banned screams to me that you do have an axe to grind with moderators/admin on both sites. It may be a quote from the Simpsons, but what is everyone supposed to think when you basically are mocking, wanting to know what will become next of you if you keep it up.

That is why I (and maybe HYHYBT also) snarkily encouraged you to do so. And then you personally offended me when you attempted to make it look like I was insinuating that the mod staff here abuse their power.

To me, there is a difference between questioning a post for clarity, and nit picking and disagreeing just to nit pick and disagree and rile others up. You most likely knew nit picking at Ree's post would encourage others to back her up, and you to continue in your nit picking, then you completely derailed her thread, which is supposedly something you cannot stand when others do to you. Hmmm.

[Hobbs]

If you read my OP in my other thread, you should know that was not the intent of that thread. It became, somewhat, the basis of the thread because people like you made posts about it.

It's not my fault you were offended. I can't control how someone feels from my posts. That's exactly what you and HYHYBT were doing, anyway. Frankly, I think Ree should be offended at you for insinuating she would do that. She's always been professional with me when we've spoken in an official manner, and has even taken my comments in this thread as I intended.

[blas87]

Do you not understand what was posted pages ago?

I never insinuated that, and Ree never took it that way. In fact, she made it a point to state that she knew that as well, and meant to post that to put an end to it, but it simply just fueled your fire even more.

And here you are, still accusing me of insinuating silly things.

[blas87]

I know that blas.

I understood the meaning of your post, and that of the other members who cautioned against pushing a mod.

I was simply anticipating exactly what eventually happened, and attempting to clarify in case anyone decided to skew what you were saying to insinuate that on their own.
It was an attempt to nip that tangent in the bud, but I see it only added a bit of fuel to the fire.

And there you go. Reading is fundamental.

[Hobbs]

Considering my past, your comment could, in my opinion, be only taken one way. I know what Ree said, and I accept it. That still doesn't change the fact that you took something and twisted it to something it wasn't. It's not nitpicky to criticize someone in this site...it's a debate site.

[blas87]

Please go back and read where exactly I said "Keep pissing off the moderators so that Ree will abuse her power and ban you!"

Never said it. Never used the words "abuse their power" or anything of the such. For the millionth time, I encouraged you to keep pissing them off to see what would happen, since you appear so curious as to how many times you can keep fueling the fire before it gets out of control and you end up in trouble.

[Hobbs]

There you go assuming things about me as well.

Like I said; it's not wrong for me to disagree with a mod on this forum. It truly sucks for you that I don't have the same opinions as you or your friends, but I will not agree with you if I think differently.

[HYHYBT]

Treading very carefully and reluctantly... I didn't mean to imply at all that Ree or any other moderator here would abuse her position, but one of the things I did mean could, possibly, be taken that way.

So: primary meaning, yes, those who run the site and have been doing so for years know where and what to post without being told.

But also: I really was trying to speak as generally as possible. Any system of rules, etc. has a certain vagueness at the borders, both between what is and what is not allowed, and between possible penalties. If you're pulled over for speeding, for instance, you might get a ticket or you might just get a warning. If you're polite and apologetic, you're more likely to get away with the warning than if you cuss and make donut jokes... but also, no matter how polite you are after you're stopped, it won't do you a bit of good if half an hour before he heard you telling your friends how stupid you had to be to become a cop and how good you were at talking your way out of tickets. Not a perfect analogy by any means, and I should have made an explicit distinction between telling a mod her post as a user is in the wrong place (which I believe they don't even like users telling each other) and arguing over an order or penalty issued by one as board staff, but you get the idea. And if you should find yourself on some other site where the moderators are *not* ethical, or you believe them not to be, well, all the more reason to be nice, right?

But mostly the first one.

[Hobbs]

Well, if a Mod doesn't like my post in their thread, they can go on and warn/infract me.

[Plaidman]

Online Porn.

[Rebel]

Wow.
If we locked you guys in a room together, you would either kill each other in an incredibly violent way, or have wild room-destroying monkey sex.

OP: I'm not much of a girly girl, but if someone leaked pictures of my wedding dress before the actual wedding, friendships could become very strained.
My friend is gonna get married in a couple of weeks and she is keeping the dress VERY hush hush. If someone posted pictures, they would be likely to lose a limb, or at least sport deep gashes from her nails (still have scars from a scratch from her 10 years ago).
Either way, it is just good sense to wait until after the wedding to post any pictures regardless of who the bride is. It's also good manners.

I just hope the bride either doesn't find out about them, or that she is pretty easy going and won't care too much.

Now...please continue.

[Ree]

Thanks for getting the thread back on track, Rebel.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I have to admit, I'd be tearing limbs off if someone leaked my wedding dress before the event, and I was keeping it a secret. If I ask people as a favour to do something, and someone reneges on that promise, it makes me want to break things. -.-

[Dips]

Dips, I wasn't necessarily talking about this site or CS.

OK. :)

And to get this thread back on track...

I too hate it when people are so eager to be Johnny-on-the-Spot that they don't consider what they are revealing or saying.

While she can't really undo what she did, she *can* take the pic down and apologize. Hopefully she does that.

[Ree]

To be honest, I really don't know if my friend was keeping it a secret. I haven't really discussed it with her.
She just seems to me to be the type who would want to keep all those details a secret until the big day so that people are seeing it all for the first time.

She's been so busy with the wedding prep and our mutual friend is visiting her, so I didn't want to even mention it because I didn't want it to seem as if I was bashing our friend. I'm not.

Maybe I am being silly and petty to get bent out of shape on my friend's behalf when it might not even be an issue with her.
I just saw the picture and when I realized the bride's dress was hanging right there in the picture as well, I thought it was a little bit tactless to post it.

Of course, I am always willing to entertain the possibility that my friend didn't breach any rules of etiquette, and the dress in the picture is not actually my friend's dress, and is just one that happened to be hanging there on the hook. (It's hard to tell if it's a private home or a bridal shop from the picture, so there's always that possibility... LOL... It looks like a private home, and the dress only has a bag wrapped partway across at the top of the hanger, as if the bride just finished trying it on, so I can't imagine, if it's a shop, why someone else's dress would be sitting there hanging open with a different bridal party in the room.)

I just wondered if I was alone in my thinking that it was a bit of a breach of etiquette, or if others might feel the same as I did about it.

(Maybe I should have just posted this at "Etiquette Hell" instead. LOL)

[Dips]

Nah, you're not.

You could ask the gal who posted the picture to take it down just in case the bride might object.

If she's a decent sort she probably will agree and take it down (and you can both hope the bride never saw it).

But if she's the kind to get all defensive it's probably not worth the hassle. ;)

[thrifty]

I would be so sad if someone posted a picture of my wedding dress on facebook, because it was important to me and my husband both to keep my dress a surprise.

We both wanted him to get the full effect of me in the dress walking down the aisle.

And in fact it would hurt even more for me because the joke with everyone is "Amy can never keep secrets or surprises." I'm the one who buys the birthday present then gives it two weeks early because I can't see the look on their face. So for me if I kept my wedding dress a secret for 9 months (which is about how long I did for my wedding), and then days before it was posted where my husband could see it, I would be really disappointed!