What About Me?

[blas87]

Ok, that title probably comes across as totally selfish, and I apologize if so.

I'm the oldest of 2 kids, I have a 20 year old brother.

My brother just started a relationship. His very first girlfriend.

Mom is insanely worried at how much time they spend together, that he took pictures of them kissing and put them on Facebook, etc etc.

In fact, two Saturdays ago while shopping together, Mom told me "Blas, I need you to have a talk with your brother. The Talk. You need to let him know that if they are going to be serious, they need to be safe."

Of course I got squeamish and defensive of my brother and all that good stuff, and Mom's response was "Blas, boys don't always think right, and your brother has a really great life right now and everything is going so well for him, I don't want to see his life ruined by mistakes."

I'm sure you guys know what the mistake would be.

So why am I upset?

When I was my brother's age, I was very promiscuous. I never talked about it with my mom (yes, I AM thankful we don't go into detail about sex, that part yes I am glad the focus isn't on me) or really at all with any family members, but she had to at the least have known that I wasn't pure anymore. She HAD to know. It's a Mom thing, right?

My beef is that other than when I was a high schooler and the good old "Talk" that came back then (when I wasn't even doing anything!), NOT ONCE in my adult life has my mom ever told me to be "safe" or that I have a good life and that things are going good for me and that I need to avoid making mistakes.

So it's totally selfish and I really don't even care about that. I must not be worth worrying about. Is it so what if blas gets pregnant? She's just the cute dumb girl who works at a factory, but little brother has a good job and a future!

And it is true. My brother is way smarter than me. So he WOULD know better. Sure, most guys don't think. HE does. He is smart.

Besides all this, I am NOT giving my 20 year old brother The Talk. He knows better. If anything, I'll text him "By the way, Mom says wrap your pork if you're going to bork." just to keep the hot shot on Mom.

This is probably really stupid and selfish but it's been bothering me for over a week and I can't smoke now so all I can do is babble and go on and on.

[Greenday]

Maybe your mom just thinks you are a lot wiser than your brother and at this point, she doesn't need to tell you. Maybe she really did have no idea what you were up to when you were younger. I could have told my mom I never had sex when I was in high school and she probably would have believed me.

[HYHYBT]

A 20-year-old knows these things anyway. Giving "The Talk" now would be insulting...

[Rageaholic]

That's strange, isn't it usually the first born who gets most of the talks?

[Greenday]

That's strange, isn't it usually the first born who gets most of the talks?

Nope, it's the opposite. Parents don't realize they are supposed to have these kinds of talks until after it's too late with their first child. Parents learn from their mistakes with the first child and apply knowledge to future kids.

[BlaqueKatt]

it may not be the way it was meant, however-I'd take it as "Blas being a female you are smart enough to be responsible 'in the heat of passion*'-so to speak. A male doesn't exactly have all the blood flowing to his brain at that moment."

Or as my mom used to tell me-" a stiff prick has no conscience"


*I've known girls that would get totally can't walk a straight line drunk, but they ALWAYS had and used protection, wouldn't without it. The guys I know, always complained about "the loss of feeling/sensations" "I don't want to wear a raincoat on a sunny day" etc. Mainly because of the idea of "hey everything's treatable" and "if she gets knocked up, yeah I have to pay support, but that won't happen to me."

[Andara Bledin]

it may not be the way it was meant, however-I'd take it as "Blas being a female you are smart enough to be responsible 'in the heat of passion*'-so to speak. A male doesn't exactly have all the blood flowing to his brain at that moment."
This is sort of how I was seeing it, too.

It's not so much that she didn't care enough to discuss this sort of thing with you, but that she honestly believes she didn't need to.

That said, I can certainly relate to how it feels to be the "responsible" one when compared to a sibling. My younger brother was the "screw-up" because he couldn't be better at being the "good kid" so he got a lot more leeway than I ever did, because I never seemed to need it.

I understand why it happened, but it still left me feeling a bit bitter over the whole situation.

^-.-^

[crashhelmet]

It's a gender thing. Mothers are generally over-protective of their sons, as fathers are of their daughters.

[MaggieTheCat]

My mom didn't have The Talk with me till I was 23 and only then 'cuz I was dating a guy who she didn't like. :rolleyes: As if I'd never gone on dates before, but that was ok 'cuz she like the other guys.

Also, I think it's HILARIOUS that your mom expects you to have The Talk with your bro. Hello, isn't that her job?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

If anything, I'll text him "By the way, Mom says wrap your pork if you're going to bork." just to keep the hot shot on Mom.



I prefer "Cork your dork before you pork."

[blas87]

Actually, I'm not even the responsible one, I'm the screw up, if you want to be technical. Not that smart, not that ambitious at school, cared more about friends and boys than getting good grades, still haven't been to college. Of course, I don't think of myself as a screw up or failure because I know people that still live with their parents and can't even handle working more than part time because it interferes with their party time and are flunking out of school that their parents are paying for.

No, I was never called a "screw up" to my face, but I've always felt like a disappointment to my parents because he's so much smarter than me. And he has a sunnier disposition and can handle pressure and stress better. His fuse is much longer than mine. Someone starts pushing or irritating me, I snap and give them what for, he has to be bothered for quite some time before he snaps.

[Mytical]

Blas, you are by no means a screw up nor do I believe your brother is smarter or better then you. Cause if he is, then he is superman in disguise. Cause you are awesome. Let me know if your brother has a secret stash of clothing with an S on the chess, and capes..gotta have capes.

Oh and even if he does..you should totally do the "You will kneel before ZOD!" bit :P

[Ginger Tea]

Take this to regard some mothers in general and not yours specifically as I don't know you, her or your brother.

A daughter knocked up on a one night stand will grant her a grand child (assuming it's to be kept)
A son knocking up someone on a one night stand and a child being born wont nececairly mean he let alone the grandmother will get much in the way of visitation rights.

So atleast if you were "careless" she would get a grand child she could see out of it, regardless if you were a single mother or not

A son having 5 kids by 5 different women might not count as grandchildern if you can't see them

[blas87]

Aw thanks Mytical *hugs* ya know, someone last night said they were proud of me, and I nearly cried.

And wow, Ginger, that's a creepy thought. Pretty creepy.

I'm hoping Mom isn't hoping for grandkids. As far as I'm concerned, ain't no babies being birthed out of here, if not forever, at least not until I'm 30 or older.

[Ginger Tea]

I kinda got the thinking via a Jamacan guy I work with
He got stranded in Haiti (I think) many years ago whilst fishing and in the time he was over there he fathered a child, but he only classes his daughter with his wife as his, as the other ones are in Jamacia and Haiti and he has little to no contact with

[Andara Bledin]

... I've always felt like a disappointment to my parents because he's so much smarter than me.
Smarts is not the same as wisdom, and it appears that your mom tends towards a mildly sexist view as regards how young people handle being sexually active.

Since you're a girl, you will have more sense and won't need her to oversee your activities, perhaps projecting how she recalls herself at your age.

But your brother is a boy, and boys will be boys, don't ya know.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

Aw thanks Mytical *hugs* ya know, someone last night said they were proud of me, and I nearly cried.

And wow, Ginger, that's a creepy thought. Pretty creepy.

I'm hoping Mom isn't hoping for grandkids. As far as I'm concerned, ain't no babies being birthed out of here, if not forever, at least not until I'm 30 or older.

Or Mom figures if you get knocked up, you can get a smishsmortion. If your brother knocks a girl up, you can't force her to get a smishsmortion.

[telecom_goddess]

Or Mom figures if you get knocked up, you can get a smishsmortion. If your brother knocks a girl up, you can't force her to get a smishsmortion.

ROFL!!!!! I know where you got "smishsmortion" from too.....awesome. That made me laugh.

[Tanasi]

Blas, I'd say that your Mom thinks your brother is more apt to listen to you than her. For them it would be an embarassing converstation for both, between you and him maybe not. Also maybe she thinks you're protective of him to some degree. My older daughters are very protective of their brothers and little sister. The boys are extremely protective of their little sister.

Personally I've never thought grades equals intelligence as we all know some really stupid intelligent folks. My uncle had a saying for such people "Bless his heart, he was educated way beyond his intelligence."
I have two daughters your age and I don't always agree with their decisions nor have I agreed with some of your decisions, but all three of you know that you'll have to live with those decisions so you try to make the best ones. You're working, paying your own way, and living on your own sound to me like you're the adult between you and your brother.

[blas87]

I'm very protective of my little brother, but I know he's smarter than to throw his life away for a girl or make a stupid decision like that. I wish my parents would give him some credit. He hasn't came as far as he has in life because he's an idiot or a "typical guy in love". He's a very smart, ambitious young dude and he knows better.

Besides, he could take me being the messenger as siding with my parents, and then get mad at me. I don't like people being mad at me over something that was never my idea or my business to begin with, but I was dragged in.

[smileyeagle1021]

No, I was never called a "screw up" to my face, but I've always felt like a disappointment to my parents because he's so much smarter than me..

I wouldn't consider how smart someone is a good measure of how much of a screw up they are, how they use their intelligence is a much bigger issue. Not everyone is going to be able to graduate top of their class in Yale or Harvard, some people will struggle to get a B average at a community college, some people will work in factories. As long as you are striving to improve yourself and are working up to your potential it doesn't matter whether you are a Nobel prize winner or a factory floor worker, you aren't a screw up until you give up.



Personally I've never thought grades equals intelligence as we all know some really stupid intelligent folks. .

*raises hand*
I am definitely one of those people :(
I got a 98% in college algebra, and am doing well in all my accounting courses, but can't remember where I leave my keys each night.

[AdminAssistant]

Oh, you'd be amazed at the profs I know who have Ph.D.s from top universities who can't manage simple classroom technology or keep their stuff the least bit organized. One always apologizes for his office and says, "I promise nothing that you need to graduate is on the floor."

[purplecat41877]

I don't remember getting 'The Talk'. My parents gave me books about it instead.

[jackfaire]

Or Mom figures if you get knocked up, you can get a smishsmortion. If your brother knocks a girl up, you can't force her to get a smishsmortion.

Sweet Googly Moogly we are talking Seth Rogan style.

Anyway yeah parents aren't always thinking about the things they say or how they say them. It was obvious my older brother was a huge blind spot to my parents when it came to doing anything bad, he was on drugs and sneaking girls in all the time, because they kept asking me if I was on drugs and even had my brother give me the "drugs are bad" talk.

Sometimes it's just assuming one child understands something better than the other.