Sadism/Masochism

[McDreidel09]

I just wanted to know people's opinions on sadism/masochism. For those who don't know what this is, here are some in-a-nutshell definitions.

Sadism= Where one enjoys inflicting pain on another
Masochism= Where one enjoys recieving pain

I also consider Fantasy Rape to be a part of this grouping.

Personally, I enjoy recieving pain during sex. I find it to be enjoyable to be smacked around a bit,treated roughly, and even choked a little. I like to struggle a bit.

Some may think that means I'm mentally unstable, but I don't think so. I know I can distinguish between fantasy and reality. In the world outside the bedroom, I am a strong woman. In my current relationship, my SO and I make decisions together and treat each other with respect. When that bedroom door closes, I let him dominate me and take control. We practice safety and he knows not to take it to the extreme.

Views? Opinions about the topic at hand?

[MadMike]

The way I see it, anything done among consenting adults in the privacy of their own bedroom is no one else's damn business. Not the government's, not the church's, no one's.

[Lace Neil Singer]

As long as both people are fully consenting and have a "stop" word for when it gets too far that the other will take notice off; then it's fine. As Madmike said, their business no-one else's.

It's only a problem when one partner is unwilling, or if the dominant partner refuses to stop when asked.

[Boozy]

Pain and pleasure are closely linked in some people, and there appears to be a physiological basis for that. If that's the way you're wired, I say have fun and stay safe.

I'm not wired that way myself, but it's wrong to judge others for being different. I wasn't born gay, either, but that doesn't mean everyone who is has a mental disorder. They're just different than me.

[anriana]

How are ravishment scenes sadism/masochism?

[Flyndaran]

Saidsm and masochism are mental illnesses that are easier to treat with consenting couples carefully indulging themselves than with therapy. It's like sexual misidentification. It's obviously a mental illness to want to damage a perfectly functional body... But it's much much easier to fix via such surgery than with almost impossible to succeed therapy.

No one is completely right in the head, and sometimes living and dealing with it is much more conducive to a fullfilling life than trying to fix every little character flaw and mistaken urges.
The point to life is to maximise pleasure and minimize pain for as long as possible. Everything else iis just details and personal preference.

[anriana]

Saidsm and masochism are mental illnesses that are easier to treat with consenting couples carefully indulging themselves than with therapy.

Why would you say that when the APA stopped classifying them as such over ten years ago?

It's like sexual misidentification. It's obviously a mental illness to want to damage a perfectly functional body... But it's much much easier to fix via such surgery than with almost impossible to succeed therapy.

Are you referring to transexuals or still talking about sadism/masochism here?

The point to life is to maximise pleasure and minimize pain for as long as possible. Everything else iis just details and personal preference.

Perhaps if you're a hedonist.

[crashhelmet]

I think it all comes down to the level of the act. If you're sadistic to the point of having to beat the crap out of someone or maim them to get off, yeah, that's a disorder. Same can be said for someone that needs to be on the receiving end of that.

However, there are some people that like to be in control. Some people that like to be dominated. I personally like a woman that can be dominating and take charge. It's a flip from what my normal day is. Choking? There are those that are into erotic-asphyxiation(sp?). It heightens the sensations felt.

As others have said, if it's all in good "fun" and safe words are put in place, then it's no problem. Once it border son the extreme or crosses over, then maybe there are some underlying issues.

CH

[kamn]

I just wanted to know people's opinions on sadism/masochism. For those who don't know what this is, here are some in-a-nutshell definitions.

Sadism= Where one enjoys inflicting pain on another
Masochism= Where one enjoys recieving pain

I also consider Fantasy Rape to be a part of this grouping.

Personally, I enjoy recieving pain during sex. I find it to be enjoyable to be smacked around a bit,treated roughly, and even choked a little. I like to struggle a bit.

Some may think that means I'm mentally unstable, but I don't think so. I know I can distinguish between fantasy and reality. In the world outside the bedroom, I am a strong woman. In my current relationship, my SO and I make decisions together and treat each other with respect. When that bedroom door closes, I let him dominate me and take control. We practice safety and he knows not to take it to the extreme.

Views? Opinions about the topic at hand?

I wouldn't call it mentaly unstable. I know quite a few friends that like pain to a degree and are more stable and open-minded people than anyone I've seen. Masochism and sadism MIGHT be indicators for some mental illnesses, but they themselves are not.

BUT (And there is always a but) one should remember, everything in moderation. Too much of either of those 2 and you have a big problem.

[Seshat]

It's obviously a mental illness to want to damage a perfectly functional body

To quote someone I know: there's a big difference between 'hurt' and 'harm'. As I understand it, there's quite a lot of this sort of sexplay that can be done without so much as a bruise.

And there are those who deem light bruising and welting to not be harmful - I can only presume that such people are healthy and heal well!

[Lace Neil Singer]

It's ironic in a way that the Marquis de Sade, who gave his name to sadism, wasn't nearly as bad as he was painted.

As far as the practice goes; if your practices are leaning towards the Ian Brady school of thought, then it's unhealthy. However, a little healthy sex play between consenting adults is their business and none of anyone else's.

[telecom_goddess]

I want to say that I practice the BDSM lifestyle 24 hours a day. I am a slave with a Master who owns me....I get into as deeply as I can on a daily basis...it's waaaaay more than the level of receiving some pain during sex, it's a way of thinking and living.

And I'm not unstable :D

[tropicsgoddess]

Personally I'm not into to sadism/masochism, but for everyone else, I don't care. Whatever floats their boats as long as both people are willing and it's not to an extreme degree.

[kiwi]

It's obviously a mental illness to want to damage a perfectly functional body...

You could take that to mean anyone with their ears pierced is mentally ill, same with tattoos or even hair dye. What about people who play sports and have to tackle or body check others, they are knowingly causing damage, does that mean they have a mental illness? It all depends on what you mean by damage.

The point to life is to maximise pleasure and minimize pain for as long as possible.

To many people pain can be pleasureable.

We defintately have different views on the point to life but I will leave them to a different thread.

[fireheart17]

IMHO, as long as it's between two consenting adults, there's a stop word in place (obviously not "stop" but something like "lasagne") and they've been instructed on safety, then it's not a problem for me. I don't consider it a mental illness.

[Seshat]

Saidsm and masochism are mental illnesses


In rereading this thread, I am reminded of something...

If it interferes with your ability to live fully, participate in life and enjoy life, it's a mental illness. If it doesn't, it's a personality trait.

[Slytovhand]

I'm going to agree with Flyn... but for quite different reasons that he'd come up with.

Firstly, I figure that about 99% of the world's population is insane. Its not sane to want to cause someone pain, or harm, or kill them. Yet, that's what humans are doing all over the world, and 'justify' it. It's not sane to abuse someone you're close to, yet people do it because they can't just face up to the truth about situations...

And a whole stack of other obvious things.

This is just another one that the world is going to think is perfectly 'normal', while it continues on in it's insane ways..... 'normal'=insane on this planet...

[Seshat]

That comment and your sig go together SO perfectly.

[unholypet]

As a member of both adjectives, I say its not bad at all.

If something feels good, why would you want to stop? One could say the say for alcoholics or addicts, and at the same time, if its not causing lasting damage, or obvious mental harm, why bother?

Everyone's had a little rough poking, even if you're not into either category. You get into the mood and the feel, and you/your partner hurts a little, but it feels good? Its the same thing, on a low level.

I am a practicioner of switch slave/master with my man. We're lovers and fighters, outside of the bedroom, and love to spar and push our limits. Something as simple as two martial artists, fighters, as a couple, fighting and enjoying it isn't bad. For me, its just foreplay.

A lot of people don't seem to understand the love and trust you place in each other.


If you have a doctor, that has treated you very well as a patient, they listen and have never steered you wrong, you trust them?

You love and trust your mother/father, who has always been there for you and loves you no matter what, is that wrong?

With both, you have and will place your lives in their hands (whether as an adult or child), and you have a bond that would be hard to break, no?

Why would it be bad to put your life in the hands of your love?



To quote someone I know: there's a big difference between 'hurt' and 'harm'. As I understand it, there's quite a lot of this sort of sexplay that can be done without so much as a bruise.

That's very true. Just like vanilla, its up to the pair how far they go with each other.

Its also worth mentioning that you can cause a large amount of sensation (being a feeling with a very thin line of hurt/good) with no marks whatsoever.

[Nyoibo]

Who was it who said "Show me a sane man and I'll cure him"?