The rape culture thread.

[kibbles]

I want episodes of tv shows to reveal emotional blackmail is wrong period. How about all the money you waste on family members who "really need it" and if you "reallly loved them" you would just help them out.

I'd like to see episodes of TV shows that didn't make or imply something is assault when it's clearly not. JMO.

[Fryk]

I think you're trying to get me to be too specific about it. . .

When dealing with touchy subjects like this that, due to the discomforting nature of the subject, are usually left vaugue or half-defined anyway, there is NO such thing as too specific.

[jackfaire]

Well, and since we're talking about culture here, it would be helpful if the media didn't excuse that kind of emotional blackmail in sex. I want a Glee episode where the guy is trying to get her in bed, and she says, "NO!", kicks him in the crotch, and moves on.

I want episodes of tv shows to reveal emotional blackmail is wrong period. How about all the money you waste on family members who "really need it" and if you "reallly loved them" you would just help them out.

[NodmiTheSellout]

Probably not, McDreidel09. But I also don't think anyone in this thread would try to justify what happened to you as not being rape. I was basically allowing them that there's such a thing as a rapist who doesn't know how they're hurting their victim. If such a person exists, then logically talking to them might help. Of course, the truth is that, as your example shows, even rapists do not think they are rapists--so their view on what is and isn't rape is not terribly relevant.

[McDreidel09]

Friends and family involved with the rapist and people around him should inform him of the nature of his behavior, why it's problematic, why he violated the woman in question with that behavior, etc. etc.. People shouldn't pretend it away, they should try to make him understand, and go to the good ol' shunning only if he refuses to believe he's in the wrong.

Because talking to rapists about what they did will really help. If talking to the rapist helped, then they wouldn't have committed the crime, when their victim said no. Just as anyone who commits a crime, a rapist does not care about the person they hurt. For them, it was a power trip.

My rapist keeps changing his story about what happened. First he said that I didn't say stop. Then he acknowledged that I did tell him to stop, but he continued because I gave the okay for him to continue, which I did not. He was my boyfriend and I was in pain, so I told him to stop. He did not stop. I tried to struggle away and cried and he held me down and told me that I "needed to get used to it."

Do you honestly think sitting down and talking about what he did would really help someone like that?

[AdminAssistant]

Well, and since we're talking about culture here, it would be helpful if the media didn't excuse that kind of emotional blackmail in sex. I want a Glee episode where the guy is trying to get her in bed, and she says, "NO!", kicks him in the crotch, and moves on.

[NodmiTheSellout]

I think you're trying to get me to be too specific about it. . .I don't think rapists cease to be human beings the moment they rape someone. Friends and family involved with the rapist and people around him should inform him of the nature of his behavior, why it's problematic, why he violated the woman in question with that behavior, etc. etc.. People shouldn't pretend it away, they should try to make him understand, and go to the good ol' shunning only if he refuses to believe he's in the wrong.

[Hobbs]

I think an Amish shunning is just as backwards as the thinking you're combatting, Nodmi.

[Fryk]

So a true amish shunning then?

So how does losing contact with one's entire support group lead to you being able to change your ways?

[NodmiTheSellout]

Let's see...how does a society hold a perpetrator accountable? Oh, that's right, a trial. A trial by a jury of his/her peers in which factual evidence is presented to convict/aquit them.

I'm talking about getting ostracized by friends, losing the support of family, etc., when I say "in a social way".

[jackfaire]

.
Didn't say it was something someone should be convicted for. By nature, it's difficult to prosecute. But the perpetrator should definitely be held accountable for it, if only in a social way.

*nods* I can get behind that with any emotional blackmail there is usually a wariness of the person who engages in it and people less likely to trust that person.

[Hobbs]

Didn't say it was something someone should be convicted for. By nature, it's difficult to prosecute. But the perpetrator should definitely be held accountable for it, if only in a social way.

Let's see...how does a society hold a perpetrator accountable? Oh, that's right, a trial. A trial by a jury of his/her peers in which factual evidence is presented to convict/aquit them.

[NodmiTheSellout]

. . .it's a word. I didn't make it up, at least, I'm not the first person to type it in the world ever. Cheapening the WORD is different than cheapening the CONCEPT. I'll stop using it because I see why it's bothersome, but it's not inaccurate when speaking of predatory things. Saying you've been "raped" when losing at a video game, or that a tax "rapes" you because you lose ten cents a paycheck. . .that cheapens rape as a concept, not as a word.

If rape by emotional blackmail is something that one can be convicted on doesn't that make all emotional blackmail illegal?

Didn't say it was something someone should be convicted for. By nature, it's difficult to prosecute. But the perpetrator should definitely be held accountable for it, if only in a social way.

[Hobbs]

As for the cheapening of the word 'rape' in that way. . .yeah, I should've said "pretty predatory" or something instead, but that's just a. . .I mean, it's the way it rolls off your tongue (or whatever), it's not cheapening the IDEA of rape the way that the other mentioned things do. It's not attacking the concept, it's just using the word in an accurate way that some people think looks weird. I don't think it's the same, but I understand why it's bothersome and will think of how I articulate myself with things like that in the future.

So it's okay for you to cheapen the word...as long as it achieves your goals, am I interpreting that right? Making up a word like "rapey" cheapens it by making it sound like a nonsense word. It sounds like something Dr. Seuss would say...if he were a pedo, I suppose O_o

[jackfaire]

If rape by emotional blackmail is something that one can be convicted on doesn't that make all emotional blackmail illegal?