"You're pathetic, you live with your parents!"

[McDreidel09]

I'm going to say that I'm not trying to put you down. That is not my intention.

Life is stress,kid. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking it's not. Even the millionaires and billionaires have stress because they are running their business, though they have better access to vacations than your average bear. I'm sorry, but your parents are not doing you any favors by just letting you relax and not get a job.

As for the attitude you see, it's coming from the people who HAD to learn to be independent. We were brought up to care for ourselves, to work, and how to survive in the real world. It's the only way we know.

Personally, I wouldn't look down upon someone who lives with their parents. I don't know their situation. For all I know, it could be that the parents are having a hard time and need help. However, I don't think that someone is mature when they say "I just don't want to stress myself out", especially when they are older than myself. This is coming from the girl, who worked in high school, did homework, came home to help take care of a house and a younger sister while my mom worked to support us, ran two academic clubs, and did some sports, participated in class functions, and still managed to graduate with honors and raise a sister who is a great student and very mature for an almost 15 year old. Stress has been my companion for years.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Oh and while she does do her own laundry she basically does almost nothing else around the house unless I specifically ask her to...and then it's little things like emptying the dishwasher. I still do the majority of the cleaning.

You're much more lenient than my mother; I never would even have dreamed of refusing to do housework while I lived at home. XD

Then again, when I did move out, my mother predicted that my flat would be devastation. XD It seems I'm tidier in my own space.

[the_std]

I just wanted to say here that we're not trying to put you down or say we think any less of you for the choice you're making, we're just trying to show you how much you could help yourself by choosing a different course of action.

[telecom_goddess]

Coming from the other end of this scenario....I have a daughter who's 20 and still living at home, has never had a real job, and isn't going to school. I'm sick of it. I'm afraid she's just going to waste her life away. She has zero ambition. But I have finally put my foot down and said she has to find a job..and that means looking every single day, not just when you feel like it. At this point in time it looks like she has a job at Dairy Queen. Sucky yes but it's income and I need the help paying the household bills and rent...

Oh and while she does do her own laundry she basically does almost nothing else around the house unless I specifically ask her to...and then it's little things like emptying the dishwasher. I still do the majority of the cleaning.

[elsporko]

STD: Don't get me wrong, I AM looking for a job and even volunteer work if I can't get a job (I've volunteered in the past). I just don't want to feel like I have to keep up with everyone else. That would just stress me out.

I hope I didn't give the impression that I'm not even trying to do anything because I am. It's just that I'm trying to take a laid back approach to it as to not stress me out.

You probably can't get a job because you are 22 and have never had a job before.


I lived at home part time during college. I went to school in another city but lived at home expense free during the summer so I could earn enough money working so I didn't have to work while at school. The worst two months of my life were after my seasonal gig ended but before I could get a full time job. I felt like a complete sponge sitting at home all day. I did alot of job searching but I still felt bad for not being able to contribute t society.

How long is it going to take you to finish school on your part time schedule? Do you want to be that guy who graduates from college at 28, has never had a job or real life experience, and can't get a job because he is 28, never had a job, and never had a real life experience? As fun as it might be only have a couple classes to go to each week and be able to spend the rest of the time playing video games or watching porn you eventually have to realize that you are an adult and there is more to life then that.

[protege]

I lived with my parents until I was 30. But, it's not like I wasn't doing anything--I did pay rent, and had a full-time job. Living there, I was able to save up some cash, pay off the car, pay off the school loans, do some traveling, etc. But, by 30, I'd had enough. I got tired of the constant arguing and the general stupidity in that place. By then, I'd saved up enough...that I put 30% down towards a house down the street

[MaggieTheCat]

I'll also just throw in that if you can get a part-time paying job, and your parents don't expect much or anything from you as far as rent/helping with groceries/etc go, start saving up! I did that when I was 21 or 22. I was going to school full-time, and living at home, so I got a part-time job. Eventually turned into a full-time job. Even after going full-time, I was still living at home for a while and had very few expenses. I managed to save up several thousands of dollars over the course of about 2 years and I STILL have some of that savings left now, when I'm almost 26. It's great for stuff like taking our cat to the vet at 9pm when he swallows part of a plastic bag and we need $300 to pay for an emergency vet bill.

[Lace Neil Singer]

also, i'll jump on the "volunteer work" bandwagon, if not an actual paying job, because the longer you go before getting a job of some sort, the harder it's going to be for you. even if you wait until you have a degree, you'll be competing with people with the same degree who have years of actual work experience behind them.

After I left college, I couldn't get a job. Eventually, to get myself out of the house and away from the temptation of watching nonstop cartoons, I got a job in a charity shop. Ironically, having the exporience of working did in fact net me a job.

[Boozy]

Part of dealing with stress is having it and learning.

Quoted for truth!

The more you do something, the better you get at it. Handling stress is no different. And it is probably the single most important thing people should practice doing while young. Stress is unavoidable; it will eventually happen, and you don't want to crumble under the pressure when it does.

[Fashion Lad!]

I mean no disrespect, but I hate that arguement. There are some things we can't control, but the things we can control, we should control to our liking. My parents don't want me to stress myself out since I am prone to do that. For now, I am growing up at my own pace. Yes, I'm a lot slower than other people, but it's not like I'm going to be living with my parents forever.

Part of dealing with stress is having it and learning. You can't avoid stress. And not all stress is bad. Case-in-point. I had an extremely tough CISCO Test. I worked myself near to death studying for it. Working full-time. Plus, I have two other classes that I needed to study for. I worked myself up, got a 91%. I was the one that brought the class average up to 67%. (My instructor told me in an email) Take me out of the picture, the class average was a 58%. This is a level 300 class. It's a hard class. If I didn't stress myself out over it, while I probably would have still passed, I wouldn't have done as well.

I used to compete in karate tournaments, stress is what got me the first place trophy. It's what had me ranked #2 in the entire mid-west in sparring for 3 years straight as a 1st degree blackbelt.

I understand wanting to take things easy, I really do. I understand that it's great when you don't have to worry about anything, really. I did that in high-school.

My parents don't want me stressing myself out. That's why they're letting me stay at home until I graduate. They don't want me living with new people, whom I may or may not get along with, while working full-time and going to school full-time.

[linguist]

However, I don't think taking it easy is just for retirement. While I would like to get a job, do more things, and have experience, I don't want to be one of those things where I am overwhelmed with life. I see this happen so much on the CS forum, where someone's life would become so stressed filled because of their job.

that sounds great in theory, but the reality is that almost everyone feels that way at one point or another, and if you think waiting means it'll never happen to you, you're wrong.

also, i'll jump on the "volunteer work" bandwagon, if not an actual paying job, because the longer you go before getting a job of some sort, the harder it's going to be for you. even if you wait until you have a degree, you'll be competing with people with the same degree who have years of actual work experience behind them.

[Rageaholic]

STD: Don't get me wrong, I AM looking for a job and even volunteer work if I can't get a job (I've volunteered in the past). I just don't want to feel like I have to keep up with everyone else. That would just stress me out.

I hope I didn't give the impression that I'm not even trying to do anything because I am. It's just that I'm trying to take a laid back approach to it as to not stress me out.

[the_std]

But why not use the time that you have now, while you're young and don't have to worry about grinding at a job you might not like just to pay bills/support your family/whatever, to get ahead, get some experience that could help you avoid the tedium of a hated job later on? Volunteer work, like Boozy said, is fantastic for this. It can help you make great connections, give you some fantastic experience to put on your resume, and can even be a lot of fun if you volunteer doing something you enjoy.

Case in point - I am 21, and went to school for fine art. While going to school, I volunteered with the university's general interest fine arts program, which didn't give credits or anything like that, but was more meant for hobbyists. I loved doing it, because I got to work with the art I loved and the people I volunteered with were always amazingly grateful for my help. After a few years of volunteering, one of the instructors of the program approached me to teach some classes! So instead, I got to do what I loved, but this time I was getting paid over $30 an hour to do it. I was an instructor in a university program by the time I was 20.

There's a difference between not stressing yourself out and taking the lazy way out just cause you can.

[Rageaholic]

I think in a long run, your parents are doing you more harm than good. Life doesn't go at your pace... I learned that a long time ago.

I mean no disrespect, but I hate that arguement. There are some things we can't control, but the things we can control, we should control to our liking. My parents don't want me to stress myself out since I am prone to do that. For now, I am growing up at my own pace. Yes, I'm a lot slower than other people, but it's not like I'm going to be living with my parents forever.

My best friend is like that now, although he's 29. Still, he's just gotten his masters in something or other and is looking for work. He doesn't spend alllllll day at it, and he takes it easy too, plays wow most of the time. Some people give him shit for it, and even people who have no business judging him at all. It's not like the money spent on him was going to be theirs if he had a tough life.

Ditto, we agree again. I think those people who give him shit are either jealous or need someone to compare themselves to. I guess we all do it at some time, but most know when to keep their mouth shut about it.

There's nothing wrong with living with your parents. Nothing wrong with living there rent-free either, as long as your folks can afford it and don't mind.

But it's important to stay busy and focussed. I strongly believe that everyone should do something full-time, or have several part-time pursuits.

You shouldn't feel badly about it, because there's no point. Feeling bad doesn't make anyone else's situation better. But if your schooling takes only part-time hours and you're doing nothing else, you should probably be pushing yourself a bit more. You're only 22 years-old! "Taking it easy" is for retirement.

If you can't handle more classes, and can't get a job you like, do some volunteer work. It looks great on a resume, and at your age, you need to be concerned about building some sort of solid work history.

You're right, feeling bad is just unnecessary grief that doesn't get me anywhere. Like I said, to hell with those people who want to insult me over it.

However, I don't think taking it easy is just for retirement. While I would like to get a job, do more things, and have experience, I don't want to be one of those things where I am overwhelmed with life. I see this happen so much on the CS forum, where someone's life would become so stressed filled because of their job.

I just don't like the idea that people can't take it easy until they retire. It's one of those things that's hard to explain without using extreme examples.

[Amanita]

I live at home too, and yes, I feel like a failure for it. I work full time, but can't afford my own place. Nobody to be roomies with, and to be honest given the bad experience I had with roommates in Toronto, I am not sure I want to risk that again. I help out, cook a lot of my own food, and do my own laundry. I'm not the sort of layabout mooch they always show on Dr. Phil.