Fat people

[guywithashovel]

Why? It's not your fault. It falls solely on how I look, which can't exactly change over night. Falls on my physically deformalities, which again, can't exactly change overnight. Even if I could, it's a very very good chance it'll revert since it's part of my genes. Falls lastely on my fianically problems, which since I can barely walk most days, lack of education, isn't going to change overnight ether. Even if I become super rich, super intelligent, and super phyiscally attractive, I still wouldn't be able to get past friend stage.

Somehow I doubt that my saying this is going to help much, but I have seen your pictures over on CS, and honestly, I don't think you look that bad. I mean, I don't swing that way, so it's hard for me to tell how hetero females see you, but honestly, you look like a normal guy to me. You did talk about some genetic things, though. so maybe there are things I'm not seeing.

I do know what you're talking about, though, because I have similar problems. I have tried online dating off and on, and I have gotten brushed off more than a few times. I tend to suspect it might be because I look quite a bit younger than I really am---always have, too. When I was in the 12th grade, I used to get jaw drops when I told people how old I was. Now, I suspect I could probably pass for nineteen if I wanted to. There really isn't much I can do about that, either. When I was in high school, I tried lifting weights, thinking that if I bulked up, I'd look older. I didn't bulk up that much, and I didn't end up looking much older, if at all.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Any doctor who tried that with me would soon find that I'd find another doctor.

A doctor I used to have tried to tell me that my excema was self inflicted at best, all in my mind at worst. I was only ten years old at the time; however, both my mother and I decided that we weren't going to go to this doctor any more, so we changed surgeries and found a doctor who prescribed a steroid cream. I eventually grew out of it, thankfully.

[Racket_Man]

I never said anything of the sort; just that a doctor saying, brutally, to an obese woman, "Quit eating or you're going to die," is a hell of a lot different to some nasty person shouting, "Stinky fattie! Lose some weight, fatso!" It's not about so called "stop shaming fatties", more about not being a bully.

.

you would be surprised at the number of Doctors that try the bully line (and try and be funny to boot) and yes I have relevant experience with that (not me but my Ex)

[Lace Neil Singer]

On topic--yes, the bit about people being miserable due to how they're mocked for their weight, and turning to food, is valid. . .though it's not really uh. . .I mean, I can't get behind advice that amounts to "stop shaming the fatties, you're only making them fatter!" It adds to the really ridiculous "anti fat" sentiment. Blah, I can't really articulate what I mean. But, advice about being kind shouldn't have a driving force as mean-spirited as policing other people's body type. It doesn't help people who think it's their place to tell people what to do with their bodies, it just shuts them up.

I never said anything of the sort; just that a doctor saying, brutally, to an obese woman, "Quit eating or you're going to die," is a hell of a lot different to some nasty person shouting, "Stinky fattie! Lose some weight, fatso!" It's not about so called "stop shaming fatties", more about not being a bully.

In any case, a lot of the people who say stuff like that really ought to take a good hard look at themselves. We all have faults, so none of us really has any right to make spiteful comments about someone's body.

[NodmiTheSellout]

Indeed. Most people think it's hilarious of me to have a starry-eye view on women. Followed by reminders that it's all I'll ever have.

So yeah. Laugh at me all you want. No real difference from reality instead of being online. I may be repulsive by women, but I at the very least deserve to at least dream that one day I'll be able to not repulse a girl, and you know, date and have a girlfriend that likes me far more then just a friend.

Well, the thing with that is, it's not that it's hilarious, it's a bit dehumanizing. Like women are some different species incapable of being gross, or something. On one level it's sort of cute, on another it's just. . .like I said, dehumanizing. No matter the pedestal I'm put on in the process, I don't really like that, it's weird and not flattering at all.

So I'd say in your case, maybe "be yourself" isn't good advice so much as "examine the way you think about women, and remember that every woman you talk to is a human being, just like you are, and you have more in common than not".

On topic--yes, the bit about people being miserable due to how they're mocked for their weight, and turning to food, is valid. . .though it's not really uh. . .I mean, I can't get behind advice that amounts to "stop shaming the fatties, you're only making them fatter!" It adds to the really ridiculous "anti fat" sentiment. Blah, I can't really articulate what I mean. But, advice about being kind shouldn't have a driving force as mean-spirited as policing other people's body type. It doesn't help people who think it's their place to tell people what to do with their bodies, it just shuts them up.

[Greenday]

Faking security and positivity will come off as fake and adnormal.

At first it does, but as you keep doing it, you no longer are faking it. It becomes real.

At least that's how it worked for me. I was always nervous, never outgoing. Finally, especially in my senior year, I decided that it was stupid to act like that. I started getting louder. You know how when a teacher asks a question in class and no one answers? I answered. Confidently. Yea, sometimes I was wrong. But usually not. But people noticed it. I talked to people at the end of each semester this year and they would not believe I wasn't an outgoing person. I ended up getting a lot more female attention than I did before and it's awesome.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Also, I'm hardly model material; yet I managed to land a guy. Why? Personality and making the best of myself, which is what everyone is able to do.

Food for thought: Being obese is often linked to poverty, because it's easier to afford foods that will make you fat than it is to afford to eat healthily, particularly when time is an issue.

Also, if a person is miserable, they could well eat more than someone who is happy. In other words, being covered with other people's scorn and contempt for the way they look will just make them eat more. In any case, just why do some people feel that they have to judge others? What gives them the right? Unless said fat person is coming up to you and rolling over you, then stfu.

As for stinky people, I will say this. In my job, over all the years I've been working, I've encountered several stinky people... and believe me, not all are fat. A lot are skinny; they're usually the tramps, stoners or chavs. There have been a few fat people who are smelly, but the vast majority of overweight people who I serve don't smell at all. People are all different, and it's the height of ignorance to lump all of one type together and say they're all the same.

[Plaidman]

There's nothing that's more of a turnoff to women than insecurity and pity parties.

Very true. So the biggest advice people has ever given me, "be yourself" never held any water. So only way to attract others, is to not be yourself, which can ultimately just crash and burn when it does come out, that you are not the way your faking.

Faking security and positivity will come off as fake and adnormal.

Ultimately, it just means in order to find love, you cannot be yourself. So really, the people that /love/ you, love an illusion that you cast, rather then yourself.

[Ree]

There's nothing that's more of a turnoff to women than insecurity and pity parties.

[Plaidman]

but yeah. . .you're imagining this in a bit of a starry-eyed way I think, haha.

Indeed. Most people think it's hilarious of me to have a starry-eye view on women. Followed by reminders that it's all I'll ever have.

So yeah. Laugh at me all you want. No real difference from reality instead of being online. I may be repulsive by women, but I at the very least deserve to at least dream that one day I'll be able to not repulse a girl, and you know, date and have a girlfriend that likes me far more then just a friend.

Um...ok...sorry.

Why? It's not your fault. It falls solely on how I look, which can't exactly change over night. Falls on my physically deformalities, which again, can't exactly change overnight. Even if I could, it's a very very good chance it'll revert since it's part of my genes. Falls lastely on my fianically problems, which since I can barely walk most days, lack of education, isn't going to change overnight ether. Even if I become super rich, super intelligent, and super phyiscally attractive, I still wouldn't be able to get past friend stage.

[NodmiTheSellout]

Believe me, the smells that come from sweaty cleavage or lady crotch aren't always alluring--and for many people all it takes is skipping a shower, or sleeping one summer night without air conditioning. Of course I wouldn't go so far as to encourage douching or whatever, that's just "YOUR BODY IS DISGUSTING" shaming crap, but yeah. . .you're imagining this in a bit of a starry-eyed way I think, haha.

[KnitShoni]

Why shut up? It's hard enough for me to even get girls to look at me. No reason to act like I know what I'm talking about with my extremly limited experence in that area of smelling.

Um...ok...sorry.

[Plaidman]

Why shut up? I was thinking the same thing.

Why shut up? It's hard enough for me to even get girls to look at me. No reason to act like I know what I'm talking about with my extremly limited experence in that area of smelling.

[KnitShoni]

.... There are such things as a good stinky.....?? Not that that smells, just making it a point that unless you never ever wash, then no reason that doesn't smell normal, which is meant to arouse.


Well... I like that smell in anycase.


I'll shut up now.

Why shut up? I was thinking the same thing.

[Plaidman]

. I mean maybe if you shoved your face in my boobs or crotch I'd stink, but, well, it's your own damn fault then. :P

.... There are such things as a good stinky.....?? Not that that smells, just making it a point that unless you never ever wash, then no reason that doesn't smell normal, which is meant to arouse.


Well... I like that smell in anycase.


I'll shut up now.