As a former NY'er, I "call it as I see it." I guess I'm rude.

[Ladeeda]

Yes, Kimmi. Exactly.

There are people who pride themselves on their "honesty", when really, they just go around flapping their gums, being actually really rude.

Then there are people who are able to be honest and call it as it is without sounding like an ass or like they know everything.

The difference is Tact. One can say just about anything without sounding rude, with some small effort.

Hell, take that chubby girl one. "Maybe she should join a gym. Lots of guys hang out there and could be looking for a workout buddy."

Edit: By the by, I've been to New York, and know many people IN New York. I've never heard anyone be that rude. Sounds like a weak excuse to me.

[Andara Bledin]

In a related note, a couple of years ago in California a woman sued her doctor for.... calling her fat. Yahoo pulled the link so I can't link it, sadly.

If you're talking about Dr. Bennett, it was New Hampshire, and the issue wasn't so much that he told her she was obese and needed to lose weight so much as how he went about it.

Link to article from 2005.

A judge decided that it doesn't matter what he said, he has the right to be rude and patients have the right to seek a different doctor. She also noted that the AMA's compassion requirements were so vague as to be unconstitutional.

The outcome.

^-.-^

[blas87]

Yes, Kimmi. Exactly.

There are people who pride themselves on their "honesty", when really, they just go around flapping their gums, being actually really rude.

Then there are people who are able to be honest and call it as it is without sounding like an ass or like they know everything.

[Kimmik]

It depends how you come across.. there is a difference between
Lose some fat lard ass and Say that a true friend would tell them that if they wanted to widen the dating pool maybe they should join a gym or the y because even though we wish it were different society teaches us to judge based on looks.

You can be honest without being cruel. The best thing you can be is honest but there is a thing called tact.

[Greenday]

I tend to be pretty frank with people (I'm from the tri-state area too). I've learned people don't appreciate it when you tell them facts. People generally want to hear made up sparkly stories that makes them feel good.

[Gawdzillers]

1. Simply pointing out a trend in S. FL:

Me: It's getting harder to find a girl that doesn't have children.

CW: Well let's face it at your age it's going to be tougher to find women without kids.

Me: Yeah that's because in S. FL women between the ages of 16-22 don't seem to know what a condom is and the men don't seem to know either!

CW: That's rude and rather blanketing!

Yeah, rude. My area has some of the highest percentage of teenage out of wedlock pregnancies in the nation.

People don't like it when "outsiders" make negative comments about their area, even if they are true. That's like if I were to say "upstate New Yorkers are rude". You'd be offended by that (you made a thread about it), wouldn't you? Just as you defend it with "New Yorkers call it as they see it", S. Floridians can say that they're just more free in their sexuality than other people.

[guywithashovel]

2. Sorry, I'm not going to sugarcoat this.

Guy is telling me he has a female friend who is rather big. He was telling how she always complains about men never noticing her.

Me: I'm sorry about if she's complaining about that then she should lose weight and maybe then she'll be desirable to most men.

Guy: Geez not every guy wants a stick....

Me: I agree with that. I don't like skin and bones either. But if she is as big as you describe, most men won't go for that.

Guy: I just tell her to keep trying and someone will like her for who she is. What do you think I should tell her?!

Me: You wanna know my honest answer? You and others keep telling her that and she'll never make an effort to lose weight which has other dangers (IE: health) then just men noticing her and she'll continue complaining that the guys she wants don't look at her.

Guy: That's rather rude, you know. That would hurt her feelings!

I'm sorry but the guy wanted an honest answer, and I gave it to him. In a case like this being PC to someone is actually going to hurt them, not help them. Please before anyone starts the nasty replies I'm not exactly saying to call her a fatass, just lose weight.

In a related note, a couple of years ago in California a woman sued her doctor for.... calling her fat. Yahoo pulled the link so I can't link it, sadly.

This may be a little OT, but women are the same way with men. You have this feminist types who harp about society judging women by their looks, and to some extent, they're right. However, men are treated pretty much the same way.

Let me give you an example. I have been on and off a dating site for the past few years. This site has its members go through a step-by-step process when communicating with each other. Members have the option of not letting other members see their pictures until they arrive at certain steps in the communication process. One time, just for the sake of it, I decided to not let other members see my photo until they got to the second communication step with me. I had several matches close me out the second they saw my picture.

Likewise, I just had a brief email correspondence with a girl from that site. For some reason, she had been unable to see my picture on the site. I sent it to her, and I never heard from her again.

Don't get me wrong, my heart goes out to anyone who is having trouble finding someone because of an appearance issue. However, I'm sure even the heavy woman in the OP's post wouldn't take just any guy who asked her out for coffee.

[HEMI6point1]

One of the things about being from NY (not the city.... upstate) is that I like to call things as I see 'em. Unlike where I live now (S. FL) where the majority of people like to beat around the bush and BS you right to your face.

Of course, this is a trait of many NY'ers and which is why we have been dubbed as "rude." Of course, throw in the people who think I generalize. I can't stand this, after I think it is better to just tell it like it is.

Let's count some examples of how I was "rude:"

---

1. Simply pointing out a trend in S. FL:

Me: It's getting harder to find a girl that doesn't have children.

CW: Well let's face it at your age it's going to be tougher to find women without kids.

Me: Yeah that's because in S. FL women between the ages of 16-22 don't seem to know what a condom is and the men don't seem to know either!

CW: That's rude and rather blanketing!

Yeah, rude. My area has some of the highest percentage of teenage out of wedlock pregnancies in the nation.

---

2. Sorry, I'm not going to sugarcoat this.

Guy is telling me he has a female friend who is rather big. He was telling how she always complains about men never noticing her.

Me: I'm sorry about if she's complaining about that then she should lose weight and maybe then she'll be desirable to most men.

Guy: Geez not every guy wants a stick....

Me: I agree with that. I don't like skin and bones either. But if she is as big as you describe, most men won't go for that.

Guy: I just tell her to keep trying and someone will like her for who she is. What do you think I should tell her?!

Me: You wanna know my honest answer? You and others keep telling her that and she'll never make an effort to lose weight which has other dangers (IE: health) then just men noticing her and she'll continue complaining that the guys she wants don't look at her.

Guy: That's rather rude, you know. That would hurt her feelings!

I'm sorry but the guy wanted an honest answer, and I gave it to him. In a case like this being PC to someone is actually going to hurt them, not help them. Please before anyone starts the nasty replies I'm not exactly saying to call her a fatass, just lose weight.

In a related note, a couple of years ago in California a woman sued her doctor for.... calling her fat. Yahoo pulled the link so I can't link it, sadly.

---

3. I'm sorry you feel I insulted shoppers of big-box stores.

For this, I'll refer to the store as Yellow Tag or YT.

CW: Why does all our antivirus softwares we sell at the YT suck to no end?

Me: Because they're sold retail. Ever notice how the good antivirus products - VIPRE, AVAST, NOD32 to name a few are not sold retail? Because let's face it, people who know about computers don't shop at big box places like YT. Big box shoppers don't care as long as the product dazzles them with pretty graphics and buttons even if the product is not effective.

CW: You know, that's a rather rude blanket statement. I know a guy who's an IT guy at a law firm and he shops at YT all the time.

Me: And what antivirus does he recommend?

CW: Norton.

Me: I rest my case.

Big box places may be fine for things like TV's and such but when it comes to security software, the best stuff is usually only sold by the vendor.... online.

---

4. Yeah, being around cars my whole life I think I would know the difference between rebadged and same-platform and I'm not afraid to call people out for paying tons of money for a rebadge.

This is for the car-people. I was talking to a buddy of mine about Lexus cars....

Me: I feel bad for Lexus owners, many times they are too stupid to realize that an ES350 is a Camry in a 3-piece suit. The only difference is the grill, lights and dashboard. The Hyundai Genesis is actually a better car but those people won't buy it because it's a Hyundai and not a Lexus.

Buddy: It's their desire to buy the higher-end model. It's rather rude of you to call them out as being stupid for wanting the Lexus over another car.

Me: I guess you missed it when Motor Trend summarized the E350 as "how to pay too much for a guised-up Camry" while the Hyundai wins nearly every test.

Buddy: And didn't you say that if given the choice you would rather have an MKZ over a Fusion, an Enclave over a Traverse or a Sierra Denali over a Silverado? By your standard, you're stupid as well!

Me: Those vehicles may be same-platform, but there's enough of a difference in sheetmetal and interiors that they're a different car. I don't know of anyone who looked at an Enclave and thought, "rebadged Chevy!"

Okay, maybe the Denali could qualify as a rebadge (The reason I would pick it is because it has the cooled seats from the Escalade. Even a top-end Silverado doesn't). But don't try to test me when I have grown up around cars my entire life and have a father that used to race.