Life in general

[BlaqueKatt]

You're not the only one in your situation, BK. You'll be able to find others looking for shared acommodation in your city. Most of them are probably good people down on their luck, just like you.

checking the "roommates wanted" on CL(I can't afford what the "roommate matching companies charge) gives results like:
One large private bedroom currently available to share in house with other grad students, young professionals, and visiting scholars. Non-cigarette smokers, no pets.

and

Looking for a fellow female grad student.

or the ones that want to dictate your political views:
Pro-choice, pro-union, pro-equality M seeking similar M/F gay/straight/trans roomie.

some even want to dictate your entire personal life:
no smokers, no drinkers, must be home on weekends because I like to hang out with my roommates.

I have sent emails to around 30 different ads, all of them have rejected me out of hand due to my age, non-student status, or my cats, or the fact that I smoke....OUTSIDE.

I feel for you, this is not an easy situation to be in. I am curious though why you wouldn't be entitled to alimony, even if it has been less than 10 years? Seriously? What do they expect women to do in these situations, just live on the streets? It's not fair you should fight for some of that money. If people can do palimony surely you can get some alimony out of this deal.

1, I can't afford a lawyer, he can.
2, that's how the laws in this state are
3, 85% of the population of this town has a degree(or family and friends, or a car and can move to an outlying community where rent is cheaper, move 10 miles and I can get a two bedroom HOUSE for $600/month).
4, in order for me to get ANYTHING from him, I have to prove we had a verbal agreement for him to pay for my schooling once he was done and his car was paid off, which is fundamentally impossible to prove.

[Teysa]

Are there any CSers out in your neck of the woods? Maybe one of them has a couch or knows someone who has a couch you could crash on. I'd offer mine, but if I remember correctly, you live in Wisconsin. Texas might be a wee bit of a commute.

[telecom_goddess]

I feel for you, this is not an easy situation to be in. I am curious though why you wouldn't be entitled to alimony, even if it has been less than 10 years? Seriously? What do they expect women to do in these situations, just live on the streets? It's not fair you should fight for some of that money. If people can do palimony surely you can get some alimony out of this deal.

[Nekojin]

I agree, Nekojin. There are ways to make shared living spaces safer and more comfortable for everyone involved.

After looking over my list again, I guess it boils down to clearly defining boundaries, and having a way to enforce them for yourself (and not simply relying on the landlord). People who don't respect your boundaries aren't likely to respect you in other ways.

[Boozy]

I agree, Nekojin. There are ways to make shared living spaces safer and more comfortable for everyone involved.

You're not the only one in your situation, BK. You'll be able to find others looking for shared acommodation in your city. Most of them are probably good people down on their luck, just like you.

At the very least, it's clear that taking another chance with new roommates is safer than living on the streets, which from the sound of it is your only other option.

[Nekojin]

I think I already covered that


losing things important to me, some of it irreplaceable, having all the food in the house eaten by my roommate's friends, and attempted rape are not worth it in my book.

I've rented rooms (rather than full apartments) a few times, and there's a few good guidelines that you can follow:

1.) Ask if your room will be lockable, and whether you'll be the only one with the key. If not, ask why not. You deserve privacy and security as well as the next person. This one alone will eliminate most of the problems listed above. If the person renting the space takes offense at the idea of you wanting to secure the room (or blows it off as unimportant), move on and write that potential landlord off.

2.) Ask for personal shelves in the community fridge - where your stuff goes, and nobody else's. Many times in communal arrangements, people eating other people's stuff happens because it's not clear who owns certain food items. At one house I lived in, each of the roomers had their own fridge (the owners of the house rented out each of the five bedrooms), and it was an ejection offense to take anything from others' fridges. In a worst-case scenario, you CAN bolt a ring-and-padlock setup on the outside of a mini-fridge. Or just get a mini-fridge in your own room, secured by #1.

3.) Get the rules for community spaces set down in writing, and stick to them. If there's another renting roommate causing problems, you want to make sure that the owners don't have any reason to look at you over it.

Renting a room can be a great way to save money, even if you're rooming with total strangers. And if there isn't any suckiness going on, you can end up with some new friends, to boot. =^_^=

[the_std]

Man, it seems that there are no good options for you, are there? Have you considered reaching out to all the charities in your area? I know you've turned down every suggestion brought up to you already, but I have to wonder - if you plead your case, maybe someone will try to help you out.

[BlaqueKatt]

Second, if apartments are that expensive, you might consider movign in with soeone. Can't be as bad as having to decide between clothes and food, no matter how bad they might be...

I think I already covered that

I have zero friends, and zero family, last few roommates I had turned out very badly(things stolen, bills/rent not paid, "guests" of roommates trying to climb into bed with me).

losing things important to me, some of it irreplaceable, having all the food in the house eaten by my roommate's friends, and attempted rape are not worth it in my book.

[kamn]

First of all even if from a total stranger

Second, if apartments are that expensive, you might consider movign in with soeone. Can't be as bad as having to decide between clothes and food, no matter how bad they might be...
I think crash was suggesting that you just talk to the abuse home counselors, as they would probably know how to help more than we can.

If nothing else, move to Europe . Just think, free healthcare, a bad, but decent enough economy, and accents, ACCENTS EVERYWHERE! Be it German, English, French, Italian, accents everywhere! :P

[BlaqueKatt]

FYI, I suspect there's a typo in your first post. Unless you live in Hong Kong, it's unlikely that 100 square feet of space would cost you $600 a month. You should be able to get 3-4 times that much space, even in NYC. I realize that's cold comfort if the $600 is too much for you at all.

the "actual measurements" of the studios a around 330 sq feet, and they include kitchen, bathroom, and closets the only place you can put furniture is the "living sleeping area" which is usually 11'x10', so about 100 sq feet of "living space", or floor space. This city went "condo crazy", during the housing boom and when the 30% of all new buildings must be low income, law was repealed, nothing was built except condos,(and a few "luxury apartments which run $1200 for a 400 sq ft studio, and some townhouses] and numerous(by some estimates over 50%)existing apartment complexes became condos*, which sit empty rather than be rented because the owners got greedy. the "median income listed for my city is $50,000(because a previous mayor decided to condemn all the low income/high crime areas[buildings were gutted and turned into condos] and merely move the tenants to an area that is technically not "city"), we're a college town, rents are high due to students. The only places you can rent a room with a shared kitchen and bathroom are near campus, and they charge $400 a month.


*the first apartment I lived in back in 1993, was a two bedroom for $420/month, I made two dollars an hour less than I'm making today-that apartment is now a $90,000 "condo", and it was not updated from when I lived there(paint and carpet I don't consider to be "updates")

[Akasa]

I'm sorry you're going through this. /hugs

[Boozy]

I'm sorry about the divorce. After my parents' (relatively amicable) split, my mom mentioned that she wouldn't wish that experience on her worst enemy. Even without children involved, it can be such a heart-wrenching experience. My thoughts are with you.

FYI, I suspect there's a typo in your first post. Unless you live in Hong Kong, it's unlikely that 100 square feet of space would cost you $600 a month. You should be able to get 3-4 times that much space, even in NYC. I realize that's cold comfort if the $600 is too much for you at all.

[Rapscallion]

Damn, BK. I've held off on commenting as I don't have any practical advice to give, but you have my sympathies.

Rapscallion

[blas87]

I hate squealers like that.

A little off topic, but I think any boss who instantly jumps on the opportunity to ream someone who is tattled on for the most minor thing, but ignores one or more desperate cries for help against a bully coworker (or superior)........needs to be hung upside down by their toenails. Talk about priorities!

[SkullKing]

I do notice that the other female standing next to you that you play MMORPGs with isn't offending you by wearing a shirt cut so low I can tell you she's wearing a black lace bra...because I can SEE IT.

Did you report her?