Can I please just have an emotion?

I blame the Barney the Dinosaur effect for that.

Back in the days of Fred Rogers and his neighborhood (god I miss quality children's programming), he would teach that there are times when you're going to be sad. That you will be angry at times.

And it's OK to feel these emotions. Just don't let them overwhelm you, don't let them take over your life. Feel the negative emotions, let them get out of your system.

Hell even Sesame Street looked death straight in the eyes and fucking dealt with it on camera. No sugar coating, no covering it up...dealt with death and loss and reminding people that happiness can and will return in time.

I attribute my attitudes about death to the loss of Mr. Hooper. Thank you CTW!

(that's sincere BTW and not sarcasm)

Then came Barney the Dinosaur and the children's shows that came afterwards. Shows that showed only happy kids. That showed that sadness and anger and other negative emotions as something bad and needed to be hidden from the world at large. That it was not OK to cry. That it was not OK to be angry. That you had to be happy 24/7/52.

And so society started forgetting how to deal with these feelings and turned real genuine concern into people trying to force you to put on a smile and repress the fuck out of these emotions until you need therapy, develop ulcers, and/or snap and going on a shooting rampage and take out a bus load of nuns.

Me? I like to wallow in my emotions. When I'm pissed off I have a little ritual that I love doing.

I take a bowl and put a candle in it. Then I add water until it's a half-inch below the top of the candle. Then I light the candle and the fun begins.

I sit there and stare at the flame. I bring up everything that's been bothering me. Some twat cut me off in the parking lot? Pour it into the flame. Some shit head gets into my face about how my celebrating Christmas offends them? Fuel the flame. Someone kicks my puppy? Into the fire.

My rage fuels the fire! Makes it burn! That flame is an inferno driven by my death and glory bloodlust! It is the avatar of all my revenge plans!

Then when the candle burns down to the water it goes out. The shock of seeing the flame burn out snaps me out of my meditation/murder fantasy. I'll have had about 10-15 minutes of letting my rage monster loose to stretch its legs and I'm usually spent.

If I do it right before I go to bed I find I sleep like a baby.

But I let my anger go in a safe, harmless, and non-destructive way. When I'm done I even feel damn silly for doing it. Last time in the ritual my mind came up with the phrase "Flaming Murder Boner" and I could not stop laughing for the rest of the night.

It's not totally my idea, the inspiration came from a friend of mine who does the same thing for sadness. She puts on mascara (the kind that runs when you cry), dresses in black, puts on the most depressingly sad and melancholic music she can and sets a timer for 15 minutes of wallowing in self-pity.

Then when it's over she looks in the mirror and sees the mess her mascara made and it snaps her back into reality. She also takes a picture...they're fucking hilarious (her words) and she laughs so hard for having let that bottled up emotion loose.

So I blame the BtD effect. We have gotten it in our minds (as a society) that negative emotions are some sort of disease and are evil and should never be seen by anyone, least of all yourself.

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Can I please just have an emotion?

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