Sending kids to bed without dinner

[guywithashovel]

Although it was never done to me when I was a kid, some parents have punished unruly children by sending them to bed without their dinners. I don't think very many parents today do it, but from listening to people who are a few decades older than I am, it seems that parents sometimes did this in the past.

I'm just wondering what everyone thinks of this as a punishment. Is it too cruel and over the top, or is it an acceptable form of punishment? Also, were you ever punished this way as a child? I never was. My mom told me once that before she even had my sister and me, she swore that she was never going to use that as a punishment, and she never did.

[AFPheonix]

It's one tool in a toolbox and hunger isn't necessarily the most horrible thing ever, especially if the kid gets breakfast the next day. It can be uncomfortable for a little while, yes, but it is hardly harmful. For some food-motivated kids, it may very well be just the ticket to push their reset buttons.

[Greenday]

When I was a kid, if I said I didn't want to eat what was made, my parents threatened to take my plate away from me. If I continued to complain, they took it away from me and there was no way in hell they were going to make me something else.

Come to think of it, if I don't like what my mom cooks now, I have to make myself something new, even if it's something she's known that I haven't liked for the past 21 years of my 21 year old life.

[Boozy]

I don't like the idea of using hunger as a punishment, but I see nothing wrong with using this as a tactic for really picky eaters.

Some kids, no matter how hard their parents try, won't eat anything but junk food if you let them. In that case, as soon as they're old enough to understand, I have no problem with parents putting a plate of broccoli and chicken (or whatever the family is eating for dinner that night) in front of them and saying, "This is the family's dinnner tonight. You will eat this, or you will eat nothing."

My mom was pretty good about letting us pick and choose what we wanted to a certain extent. I ate every vegetable put in front of me, except green beans. So it was no big deal for her to put some raw carrots on my plate on green bean night. But my little sister refused to eat anything but bread and potatoes. My parents had to get tough with her. My mom used to put the plate down in front of her and say, "You're here until you've eaten." She'd hold out for a few hours, then eat so she could go play. I don't recall her ever refusing to eat before going to bed, but I have no doubt that my mom would have been okay with that, at least for one night.

[Greenday]

My mom used to put the plate down in front of her and say, "You're here until you've eaten." She'd hold out for a few hours, then eat so she could go play. I don't recall her ever refusing to eat before going to bed, but I have no doubt that my mom would have been okay with that, at least for one night.

I like that tactic. You learn really fast that disgusting food hot tastes better than disgusting food cold.

[AdminAssistant]

I was a bit of a picky eater. I didn't care for meat, I only wanted bread.

My nephew is the same way, except he only wants junk food - chicken nuggets, especially. Problem is, my sister hardly ever cooks, so he usually gets what he wants.

[Dreamstalker]

I was also a somewhat picky eater when it came to veggies (but what kid wasn't?) My mom used that tactic a couple times, but I think we both knew that my innate curiosity would lead me to eating it at least once. (she started me out good; my first solid food was fresh oyster stew and I was chowing down on the best peking duck in DC by age two).

If I only liked something with butter/etc or really hated it, she didn't mind making changes because to her, I at least tried and could say why I didn't like it. Eventually I would come back to the food...I couldn't stand brussels sprouts when I was a pup, now I'd eat them year-round if I could.

[blas87]

I think that's a better idea than forcefeeding. And no, my parents didn't literally try to shove nasty things like sprouts and other vegetables (eww I HATE veggies!) into my mouth and down my throat, but if I did not finish every single bite of everything on my plate, I was grounded. Of course I never went to bed hungry...but I did want to make myself vomit at times.

You really need to understand though, my mother is one of those women who thinks she is Rachael Ray, but her food is literally toxic and beyond disgusting.

I've always hated veggies anyway. Good thing we got a dog when I was 12.

[the_std]

This was something my parents used against my little brother, who used to be the pickiest little fart-head you ever did see, plus a troublemaker to boot. No other punishment really worked on him, because he found a way to weasel out of it. Time outs didn't work because, no matter where you sent him, he found something to play with. Grounding didn't work because he loved playing at home and didn't have much of a social life. Only the more primal stuff, like hunger, was effective, because it was one thing he couldn't ignore.

It was never cruel, however. He got breakfast the following morning, so it's not like he was truly starved or anything. Just a little wiser for the wear.

[Greenday]

It was never cruel, however. He got breakfast the following morning, so it's not like he was truly starved or anything. Just a little wiser for the wear.

Now that I think about it, with the way I eat while at school (2 meals is a good day, 1 meal is average), missing out on dinner every so often is not a big deal at all.

I had to think back to what my parents would do to punish me, but now I remember. It was kinda mean too. If I refused to eat dinner, my parents told me they'd have to take me to the hospital and force feed me with tubes and needles. They'd try to scare me into eating. I'm going to have to have a "Remember when" chat with my mom now.

[AFPheonix]

Most kids are picky about veggies. I myself hated (and still hate ) peas. I just figured out that if you pinched your nose shut, you couldn't taste them, especially with a milk chaser. Mom was happy, I was happy, and got my veggies.

[AdminAssistant]

What I can't stand is the Jessica Seinfield idea of hiding veggies in chocolate. Um, shouldn't you be teaching your kids that veggies can be good and good for you? How is hiding broccoli in a brownie really helping in the long term?

We weren't a big veggie and fruit family - except in the spring and summer, when our neighbor's garden would start producing and the corn was ready. Then it was all veggies, all the time! Lucky me, with the littlest fingers, getting to silk the corn and shuck the peas. Lucky, lucky, lucky me.

[Boozy]

One thing to consider, though: Kids have far more sensitive tastebuds than adults. Parents sometimes forget that. Cooked vegetables such as peas, carrots, and broccoli have very strong flavours. Kids aren't reacting to how they taste so much as how strongly they taste.

[katie kaboom]

How is hiding broccoli in a brownie really helping in the long term?


That reminds me of when I was little and the rule was I couldn't have dessert unless I ate all my dinner. I didn't like broccoli all that much when i was a kid (love it now though) and so I dipped my broccoli in my chocolate pudding and ate it. My mother thought it was gross, but she let me get away with it, beacuse it was getting me to actually eat the broccoli.:)

[kiwi]

My Mum made one dinner for everyone and thats what I had to eat.
There were times we relied on the salvation army food donations to have anything to eat so my brother and I shut up and ate whatever it was.
It wasn't usually bad tasting, just very plain... spices were expensive and usually out of the question.

Any food is better than no food and mum didn't need the added stress of kids moaning about food she stuggled to get on the table. My brother and I were usually just happy that there was something to eat.

I now can no longer eat spagetti bol anymore because all anyone ever seems to give the sallies was spagetti pasta and canned pasta sauce. I remember having it for weeks on end.

Any future kids I have won't be in the same position thankfully but I won't be putting up with any moaning either. If I take the time to make dinner, they can bloody well eat it with no lip, or they can have no food. At least they will have a choice.

[katie kaboom]

Now that I think about it, with the way I eat while at school (2 meals is a good day, 1 meal is average), missing out on dinner every so often is not a big deal at all.



Yeah, but you're an adult. Making a deliberate choice to skip a meal as an adult is one thing, but to deny it to a kid as a punishment is cruel. Plus since kids don't really think of a meal as a reward, it may not even do much to deter them from misbehaving. Take away something that's fun to them. Taking away dinner is not a healthy way to teach your kids to behave.

[guywithashovel]

It seems that most of the people who have responded have associated this with kids who don't want to eat what has been cooked for the meal. I was actually talking about using the missed dinner as a punishment. For example, it's dinnertime and the kid is acting up badly. Maybe he's running around, knocking chairs over, bothering the other kids, etc. The parent decides to send him straight to bed without his dinner.

My mom actually did have some battles with my sister and me over finicky attitudes towards food. I went through a faze where I was super picky about what I ate, and so did my sister. I can remember one time my mom made pasta for dinner, and she added some kind of herbs to the pasta. I'm not sure what it was, but there were tiny specs of green herbs on all of the strands of pasta. For that reason, I didn't want to eat it. My mom's spoken attitude was, "Eat what I cook, or don't eat at all." But I think that even on our really picky nights, we ended up eating at least something.

[Boozy]

Punishment by hunger is like punishment by spanking. It's corporal. I don't see any qualitative differences. So I would imagine that people who support spanking as punishment would support this as well.

[AFPheonix]

Like I said, it's one tool in the toolbox. If you have a kid that is food motivated and are having trouble getting him to alter his behavior any other way, this might be the answer. Not having food for 12 hours is hardly the epitome of cruelty.

[katie kaboom]

Not having food for 12 hours is hardly the epitome of cruelty.

No, but can you guarantee it won't promote bad eating habits in those kids later on in life? I just think there should be other ways to punish even the most stubborn kid.

[DesignFox]

My parents never used it is a form of punishment.

The only time I got denied dinner was when they would make something and I would refuse to eat it. If I didn't eat what was made, then I didn't eat at all.

That happened once that I can remember. Never did complain at dinner again...

And the rule about veggies was that I had to try them. If I tried them and still didn't like them, then we would move on to a different veggie. (but I had to eat them all the very first time- none of this "take one tiny bite and throw a hissy fit" stuff.

For instance, my parents never forced me to eat green beans again...I did what I was told and ate them, even though the first bite was horrible... then immediately puked them up all over the table... :o

[powerboy]

(but what kid wasn't?)


I like to eat veggies and fruits when I was a kid. Sending kids to bed without dinner is not cruel. It is like spanking. If that is an option they have, then by all means.

[guywithashovel]

I like to eat veggies and fruits when I was a kid.

So did I. In fact, once I got past my short-lived picky stage, I ended up liking a lot of foods that kids are often stereotyped as not liking. I liked broccoli, and still do. I liked spinach, and still do. I liked lima beans, and still do.

[AFPheonix]

No, but can you guarantee it won't promote bad eating habits in those kids later on in life? I just think there should be other ways to punish even the most stubborn kid.

Like what? Not eating late at night? Eating a large meal at breakfast?

I'm saying this is a tool in a large toolbox with many more tools in it. Obviously this is a pretty large hammer, and if you're having to pull it out often to get your point across, then you as a parent need to figure out a better method of positive/negative reinforcement. It should really only be used for pretty egregious errors on the kid's part.

[powerboy]

So did I. In fact, once I got past my short-lived picky stage, I ended up liking a lot of foods that kids are often stereotyped as not liking. I liked broccoli, and still do. I liked spinach, and still do. I liked lima beans, and still do.


Just like Liver and Onions, I always loved liver and onions. I need to make that again

[blas87]

To this day, I still hate vegetables and refuse to eat them. Except potatoes.

[Greenday]

To this day, I still hate vegetables and refuse to eat them. Except potatoes.

I'll eat raw carrots, green beans, corn, and potatoes. That's it. The rest is gross. My mom doesn't force me to eat other stuff because she doesn't hate broccoli and knows what it's like to be forced to eat it.

[kiwi]

I love vegetables, always have always will. As a kid I much preferred a big plate of brocolli, carrots, kumera and pumpkin to a chicken anything

I really struggle to eat protiens of most kinds... I do because you need protien to be healthy but yeesh I hate the texture of meat (get your mind out of the gutter)

[Flyndaran]

One thing to consider, though: Kids have far more sensitive tastebuds than adults. Parents sometimes forget that. Cooked vegetables such as peas, carrots, and broccoli have very strong flavours. Kids aren't reacting to how they taste so much as how strongly they taste.

Then I am backwards. I couldn't taste jack as a kid. I was all about textures. As an adult I can detect all sorts of subtle flavors.

[Flyndaran]

As a kid I could go for 2 days without eating, so that tactic wouldn't have worked on me.

[Cats]

I'm meh on the issue. One the one hand, it can help teach children better eating choices and that sometimes they need to suck it up and deal, but on the other, kids do need that energy. Some of the lack can be made up with a good breakfast in the morning, but if you were in my house growing up, you didn't HAVE that. You made your OWN breakfast, usually a bowl of cereal or a pack of poptarts. THAT'S IT. We weren't allowed to cook until we go older, and since there was nothing for breakfast we were allowed to eat that could be nuked, small cold breakfast it was.

Now I hate to think of my parents of having been intentionally cruel (be cause they weren't), but honestly, I think that was. Lunch was the ONLY guarenteed meal I had of the day sometimes, as I'm a very picky eater. Eventually, we sort of compromised because most of the time I DID eat some of the dinner, usually before some ingredients were added (such as spaghetti with no sauce, turkey without gravy, chop suey with only the sauce and hamburger, etc. For the record, I don't have a food TOUCHING issue in itself, it's the combined flavors I don't like). And if I STILL didn't like what was being served, when I was old enough, I could go make myself a sandwich.

If parents feel the need to send their kids to bed without dinner on frequent occasions, then something needs to be done, because to me, that IS cruel. Once in a while is one thing. All the time is another. As a parent, it is YOUR job to make sure your kids needs are taken care of. Trying to reform a picky eater is hard, but constantly starving them out of dinner shouldn't be happening frequently.

[Sylvia727]

Generally, I think children are entitled to proper food, shelter and love. Depriving a child of the basics such as sending them to bed without dinner (for any reason) or making them sleep on the floor or whatever else have you is an extreme measure. Most parents should be able to raise a child their entire childhood without having to resort to these punishments more than twice or thrice*. However, some children's personalities or circumstances or whatever combination make them difficult to raise. And in these abnormal circumstances, abnormal punishments may be what works. As long as the kid is safe, healthy, and happy, twelve hours without food once in a while won't hurt them. I trust the parents to evaluate each individual instance and decide in the child's best interests.

*I Am Not A Child Psychologist; 74% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

[Seshat]

A well-nourished healthy child isn't going to suffer anything except a bit of hunger by going to bed without dinner, especially if the parents ensure that breakfast is something nutritious and in suitable quantity for the kid.

That said, for most parents it should be only a 'picky eater' strategem, and if it doesn't work after a few attempts, they should probably be talking to their family doctor or some other qualified advisor.

However, some parents get a bad roll of the dice.

I believe that sociopathy, serial killers, psychopaths, all that stuff, are probably a continuum. At one end are the ones who are all 'born' that way, and no amount of good upbringing could prevent it. At the other end are the ones who would have been just fine with normal parents.
I suspect it's a bell curve, so most of these personalities are a mix of born and made.

So some parents - perfectly normal parents who are doing nothing 'wrong' - have just ended up with a kid who is, to put it politely, "a handful". These parents need every parenting tool they can get, and they need community support. Sending a baby sociopath to bed without supper isn't going to hurt them - as long as the lesson learned is 'there are boundaries' and not 'might makes right'.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Actually, my kid ends up going sans supper more times than I would like. It's not punishment, she just decides she's not interested in eating. I do make a point to make sure she has food I know she likes, and I reward her for trying new stuff. But sometimes she just gets stubborn and won't eat, or kicks up a fuss and demands something else. Well, no, you eat what I prepare.

I'm sure not going to start off on a road where it's a debate every night, or a power struggle. The only debate here is "take it or leave it."

I do remind he that there will be no snacks if she doesn't eat her supper. She does understand that. Usually, at that point, she'll just start bargaining over how much she has to eat.

But it is sure not a punishment, at least on purpose. It's not presented that way, I see it as more like learning about cause and effect.

Now, if she was being disrespectful or disruptive of us or our dinner hour, I can see where dismissing a kid from the table hungry might be a punishment fitting the crime. I would think that would be a lesson on a visceral, primal level, too. If you want to be part of the tribe, and eat with the tribe, then you respect the tribe. And twelve hours of hunger, most of which you miss because you're sleeping, is hardly that much of a dire hardship, provided you have no health problems.

[DrFaroohk]

Withhold supper should NEVER be used as a punishment, and food should always be made available, but you cannot force the child to eat, which I feel would be a worse punishment than starvation for a night.

We had a problem for a long time with my 5 year old stepson where he would cconstantly disrupt dinner. He'd sit down, take a bite, get up, run around and yell and scream, come back and get another bite, run around and yell and scream...

So then we made some rules for dinner: He has to SIT DOWN and eat, and not get up until his meal is finished. He has to sit properly in his chair, he can't stand up and jump in his chair and tip it and bounce around. He is free to join in the table conversation, but he is not to yell randomness and indulge in lots of baby talk. Once he starts acting like a 2 year old, dinner is over.

He loses out on his supper a LOT. And without finishing his supper, he doesn't get a snack afterwards either. It may seem harsh, and honestly it's not working all that well, but I don't necessarily see his failure to learn as my problem. He wants to starve it's his problem. He'll learn one way or another.

[guywithashovel]

Given how liberal the members of this board tend to be on social issues, I'm a bit suprised that many of them would be okay with such a punishment in most circumstances. I say that not to condemn anyone. It's just an observation.

I know that many people say that you can never know exactly how you would handle kids until you've had them, but I doubt I'd ever use this. If the kid was acting up during a meal time, I might send him to his room and say, "When you're ready to act properly, you can come out and eat."

Maybe I'm too soft, but I have always hated being extremely hungry. I don't know if I'd be able to inflict that on a kid.

[kiwi]

Maybe I'm too soft, but I have always hated being extremely hungry. I don't know if I'd be able to inflict that on a kid.

My mum would give us 30 minutes to get going with our food, if we were still acting up then it was put in the fridge for us to eat the next night.

We were given the chance to have dinner, it was our choice to eat and be happy or to put up a fuss and face the consequences of that choice. Needless to say we rarely choice to go hungry.

I think there are two issues here, 1 punishing your kid by not giving it any food for dinner, and 2 a kid being naughty and not eating the food that it was given.
I don't agree with punishing a child by refusing to feed it dinner, I do however agree that giving the child a resonable chance to eat and then taking it away is acceptable because the first gives the child no choice, the second does.

[Slytovhand]

Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

[kiwi]

eat a lump of cold poison,


you got poison, I would have given my left arm for poison, all we got to eat was a clip around the ear :rolleyes: