Door to Door Religion

[lupo pazzesco]

I was going to post this on CS, but I think it would've gone downhill quickly, so I'm erring on the side of caution

This isn't a rant about any specific religion, per se, it's more against those who share the word despite it being blatantly obvious they aren't necessarily welcome.

Example: Today is the ONLY day I get to sleep in this week. I've been getting up at 4 am on weekdays, 5 am on weekends to get into to work on time, and today is the first day I have off. I'm sleeping. There's a knock on my door. It's two women, who want to "show me the joy that is God"

I say no. And tell them to get off the apartment property, since it's very clearly and explicitly stated EVERYWHERE that there are no solicitors allowed anywhere in the apartment complex. Even if a girl scout lived here, she couldn't sell cookies door to door. Period, end of story. That's part of the draw for my signing a lease here in the first place. Blessed, peaceful existence in my little one room box on the corner, with only the occasional neighbor flare-up. And none of those fliers that get strewn everywhere for pizza, burgers, cable TV, church, better places to live, etc, etc, ad infinitum.

Upon my telling them there was no soliciting allowed, they respond by telling me that they aren't solicitors.

My response? "You're trying to sell me your religion, aren't you? Thus, soliciting, thus not adhering to the No Solicitation signs, thus, I get to call authorities on you. Yay me!"

"But we're not soliciting!"

"So, you think because you're trying to sell me on your God, you're above the rules? Right. Check. Gotcha. Whatever, go away."

I shut the door in their faces, and immediately called the leasing office, because, as per the lease I signed, I'm entitled to have the No Solicitation enforced to better enhance my living experience.

Except, now that I'm awake, I can't go back to sleep. Grr. Cranky.

[blas87]

They bug me, too.

And they got smarter....now they come earlier, an hour or so before I go to bed or right when I just get home from overtime......

I don't even know it's them, I haven't a peephole.

[lupo pazzesco]

I have a peephole, but it doesn't exactly do any good, really, if they stand off to the side (which they do!)

I'm just irritable because I'm tired, and I want to sleep, but can't. So now I have to drag my ass around to start the day. Meh...

[blas87]

I feel your pain, even if you weren't tired, it's still so rude and obnoxious.

I love how they think they are exempt from "No Soliciting" places, because what they are doing is for God.......

[protege]

Ah, the solicitors...

You could always use the approach my late grandfather used... That is, he'd tell them he wasn't interested. Most of the time, they'd go away. But, every now and then, he'd get some idiot...who would refuse to leave. How to deal with that? Simple...he'd just ask my grandmother to fetch his shotgun. Worked every time :D

[guywithashovel]

Many of the people who do this have it in their heads that "No Soliciting" doesn't apply to them because they aren't asking for anyone's money. However, it's a pretty safe bet that if someone puts up a sign on their door that says "No Soliciting," they probaby don't want to be bothered.

Personally, I find this door to door stuff pretty insulting. I have yet to meet someone here in the US who does not know at least the basics about Christianity (I single that religion out because most door to door people are peddling some version of it; I've yet to encounter a door to door Pagan, Buddhist, or anything else). On top of that, it's rarely possible to drive five miles in any direction within city limits and not pass at least one church. I'm pretty sure everyone knows where to go if they want to learn more about the faith.

[smileyeagle1021]

Then there's always the answer that I'm going to use the next time Mormon missionaries come to the door... when I open the door, before they can say anything, with as straight a face as possible say, "oh good, you two must be the strippers I called for"
... either it will scare them off... or, if they are willing to take off their clothes in a seductive way, I might be willing to hear about the good book ;)

[lupo pazzesco]

Personally, I find this door to door stuff pretty insulting. I have yet to meet someone here in the US who does not know at least the basics about Christianity (I single that religion out because most door to door people are peddling some version of it; I've yet to encounter a door to door Pagan, Buddhist, or anything else). On top of that, it's rarely possible to drive five miles in any direction within city limits and not pass at least one church. I'm pretty sure everyone knows where to go if they want to learn more about the faith.

THIS!!! EXACTLY!!!

If I wanted to know about a religion, I'd look up the information and go to the specific place of worship myself, thank you very much!


Then there's always the answer that I'm going to use the next time Mormon missionaries come to the door... when I open the door, before they can say anything, with as straight a face as possible say, "oh good, you two must be the strippers I called for"
... either it will scare them off... or, if they are willing to take off their clothes in a seductive way, I might be willing to hear about the good book ;)

<falls over laughing>

Smiley...I <3 you. That made my day. Completely. I'm going to have to remember that one...

[Nyoibo]

Ah, the solicitors...

You could always use the approach my late grandfather used... That is, he'd tell them he wasn't interested. Most of the time, they'd go away. But, every now and then, he'd get some idiot...who would refuse to leave. How to deal with that? Simple...he'd just ask my grandmother to fetch his shotgun. Worked every time :D

Why do I hear in a southern drawl "Ma, go'n git ma scattergun"? I love it.


Then there's always the answer that I'm going to use the next time Mormon missionaries come to the door... when I open the door, before they can say anything, with as straight a face as possible say, "oh good, you two must be the strippers I called for"
... either it will scare them off... or, if they are willing to take off their clothes in a seductive way, I might be willing to hear about the good book ;)

You know, I think you're on to something, the last 2 I had here were hotties. :p

[Flyndaran]

The last time anyone came to my door, I gave them the card to my friend's Coven. Funny, they never came back.
After I moved, and a different group came, I simply told them we are atheists. I think my following small talk really confused them. I guess they weren't warned about considerate atheists. It was funny though.

[lupo pazzesco]

To me it's just rude, I think. I mean, my house, my sanctuary, essentially. I don't want anyone coming to my door and trying to tell me about how their life choices are just SO much better than mine, especially at a gawdawful early hour in the morning! So, no, I'm not going to be considerate to you. You're knocking on my door, I've told you no, and you protest that I'm in the wrong. Sorry, no dice.

My mom used to just accept the literature, thank them, and shut the door. Worked fine, until one woman kept coming back repeatedly to ask opinions on the literature. And asked my mom if she knew where she was going when she died. Mama said she was going to heaven, to be with HER mother, whom she lost when she was young. This lady told my mom she wasn't, not unless she knew for sure she was one of the chosen few who actually are going to heaven.

I told my mom about it, and said this is why she needs to get me what I've been asking for for years. I've wanted a life size model skeleton for a while now. I told her I'd prop it in my window, with a sign, reading something like "The Previous Proselytizer" or just straight "No Solicitors! I'm pretty sure most normal people would look twice and decide it's not worth it, and those who knock anyway? Well, they deserve what they get.

She said no dice, which I figured because they're wicked expensive. Although I reminded her I wouldn't be using it solely for frivolous purposes, I'd be using it as a study aid, too! She wasn't convinced...

[AdminAssistant]

Student groups used to come around dorms. I would just pretend I wasn't home. But I heard them arguing with a guy across the hall, until I finally heard him yell, "Look, I'm CATHOLIC, leave me the fuck alone!" *slam*

[tabbyblack13]

I don't have much to deal with this here. Of course my cousin got rid of the Jehovah Witnesses by showing up to the door (when he was under 18) in hunting gear and an empty hard sided rifle case.

There was also a group of Jehovah's going though one of the dorms and encountered one of my friends who is an atheist. When the solicitor told my friend that he was going to hell. He stated "That's the great thing about being atheist is that you go "poof" after dying". Apparently the solicitor got really pissed but was kicked out of the room.

[Cat]

I find hissing and low throaty growls get rid of most people I don't want to deal with :)

[Lace Neil Singer]

I have a fake skull right by my door that comes in handy when dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses. I tend to grab it and use it as a prop for when I say in my most menacing tone, "Actually, I'm a Satanist." Works every time. :D

[blas87]

Having a large dog helps.....or a dog that has a real extreme dislike for young men dressed nicely on bicycles.....

[smileyeagle1021]

Having a large dog helps.....or a dog that has a real extreme dislike for young men dressed nicely on bicycles.....

hmmm, young men dressed nicely on bicycles... yummy.... oh... umm... wait... what was the topic again :p

[Giggle Goose]

Does anyone SERIOUSLY know someone that has immediately converted/dug deeper into a certain sect just because someone came to their DOOR?

What is wrong with people???

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Ah, the solicitors...

You could always use the approach my late grandfather used... That is, he'd tell them he wasn't interested. Most of the time, they'd go away. But, every now and then, he'd get some idiot...who would refuse to leave. How to deal with that? Simple...he'd just ask my grandmother to fetch his shotgun. Worked every time :D


Yeah, I was gonna say. Back when I lived out in the sticks, I seriously did come to the door with a shotgun. I didn't freaking play around, I lived alone in the woods. Well, more or less alone, my great aunt lived in her own place on the same property.

Conversation with Mormons:

Me:Boys, you can't seriously think I'm gonna open the door and invite two strange men into my home. (this was said through the front window)
Mormons: Oh, you don't have to be afraid of us.
Me: Oh, believe me, I am not afriad of you. (and here I hefted the shotgun stock so they could see it.)
Mormons::eek::eek:
Me: Don't bother the old lady over there, either. She is not as hospitable as I am.

They didn't ever come back. :confused:

Oh, and Nyoibo, go ahead and add the southern accent on this shotgun story, too. I have one. "Oh, BLEEVE me, boys, I ain't skeered a' ya." In all honesty, that's probably more or less what it sounded like.

[Boozy]

Does anyone SERIOUSLY know someone that has immediately converted/dug deeper into a certain sect just because someone came to their DOOR?

What is wrong with people???

They don't expect you to convert, although that's a bonus in their minds. Evangelizing is something several religions, including Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, require of their membership. It's not about our souls, it's about theirs.

[Lace Neil Singer]

For some reason, I see in my mind's eye Homer Simpson opening the door to a pair of space aliens and going, "Oh great, Mormons".

[Flyndaran]

They don't expect you to convert, although that's a bonus in their minds. Evangelizing is something several religions, including Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, require of their membership. It's not about our souls, it's about theirs.

It makes perfect sense to me to spread what you believe to be the truth. I just don't like those that ignore signs.

[lupo pazzesco]

I just don't like those that ignore signs.

Or those who won't listen when you say no. Or those who tell you your way of believing is wrong, and theirs is right. Or those who feel the need to tell you that if you don't listen and/or change your belief, you're going to hell because god won't love you anymore. Or...

Well, you get the idea.

I've had a few bad experiences with doorstep evangelizing...

[protege]

Yeah, I was gonna say. Back when I lived out in the sticks, I seriously did come to the door with a shotgun. I didn't freaking play around, I lived alone in the woods. Well, more or less alone, my great aunt lived in her own place on the same property.

Grandma's place, wasn't off the beaten path. In fact, it was along a two-laned highway...which saw a fair bit of traffic, because of the coal mines. Well, that, and because the PA/WV border was a few miles away. I always felt safe there, simply because of her farm's location.

At night, it was another story... Even with the mine's "street light" on the corner, it was pretty dark and spooky at night. Dead quiet as well. You could literally hear a pin drop in the house, which was still a good 1/4-mile away. As such, the doors were kept locked.

I'll never forget that one night I was there alone. That night, some idiot tried to break in. No car was visible, and since Grandma's auto accident made the papers...they thought it would be an easy score.

Needless to say, I foiled their plans. Not only did I hear someone attempting to force the front door open, but I literally ran them off. Not content with using the porch light to scare them... I grabbed the pitchfork off the kitchen porch, and went after the bastards :eek:

I don't know about you all, but if I see some "crazy redneck" coming after me, screaming and carrying a pitchfork, I'm going to think twice about breaking into their place :p

Getting back on topic here, most of the door-to-door types were usually polite, and would go away if we told them no. The ones who didn't, usually got messed with. That is, Grandpa would ask for his shotgun, or we'd call the cops. However, there really were some strange ones. They usually got told "Look asshole, I've told you to leave. I have 80 acres to hide bodies...do you think you'd be missed? Get the fuck off my property."

[IDrinkaRum]

Reminds me of a stand-up comedian from many, many, many years ago. (Can't remember his name or I'd try to do a you tube search to see if the routine was there).

Anyways, this guy had the perfect answer to any door-to-door people (either Mormons, Jehovah Witnesses, window salesmen, security alarm salesmen, etc.):

"Come on in! I was going to take a bath! Take off your clothes and join me!" (or something really close to that).

He said after a while, no unwanted people stopped by his door anymore. :p

[RecoveringKinkoid]

For some reason, I see in my mind's eye Homer Simpson opening the door to a pair of space aliens and going, "Oh great, Mormons".

"Peggy, it's the Manger Babies. Ill get rid of them."

Cookies for reference.

[Boozy]

King of the Hill. I like chocolate chip cookies, please. :)

[smileyeagle1021]

Yeah, RK, that was way too easy... had you left Peggy out it would have been more of a challenge :p

[guywithashovel]

They don't expect you to convert, although that's a bonus in their minds. Evangelizing is something several religions, including Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, require of their membership. It's not about our souls, it's about theirs.

This is why I take issue with virtually all forms of religoius witnessing. The vast majority of the time, the people who proselytize to others are doing so for THEIR benefit, not the other person's. They don't really care about helping you improve the quality of your life. They just want to score their magic Jesus points so that ther god will be more likely to let them into his Heaven when they die. Either that, or they just want to exert power over someone else.

[Red_Dazes]

It's not about our souls, it's about theirs.

haha all I could think about was "Those selfish Bas**rds!



... told my friend that he was going to hell. He stated "That's the great thing about being atheist is that you go "poof" after dying".

My friend's fav quote is "but you won't be there right? Sounds like fun to me!"



I finally scared off the Jehovah witnesses that used to come around my mom's place. I have nothing against them but the one lady lived kinda behind my mom, and she just wouldn't leave her alone. Every week she was there pushing pamphlets... and my mom is too nice to tell her to sod off. I was visiting mom one day and this lady pulls up into the drive way. mom says "Oh no!" and I say... let me deal with them.

So I go out and meet her in the drive way. And she starts telling me all about the love of god etc. and I listen very politely. So she keeps going, spurred on by my 'interest' and finally comes to the Apocalypse. She asks me
"What do you think the apocalypse will be like? and How will you prepare yourself?"
And I managed to keep a straight face and say (completely serious),

"Well first I am gonna stock up on all the guns and ammo I can get my hands on cause those Zombies can be a real pain in the ASS when they out number you. Then I'm gonna find a nice secluded place far away and shoot anyone who tries to come knocking. And live out the rest of my days safe while the world burns"

...She thanked me for my time and left.... they have not been back since.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I would have said, "Well, I'll be riding at the head, actually; I've been told by Satan himself that I'm going to be Death. I am so looking forward to it."

But then, that's just me. XD

[Fire_on_High]

I'm pretty sure I've posted this story on CS before, but that was a couple of hacks ago so...yeah, I'd found something that discouraged the door to door shoveling of unwanted religion in my face.

I used to keep pet rats...at the time I had several hairless, all of which were extremely sweet natured beasts. So I've got this giant male nekkid REW roosting on my shoulder snuffling in my hair and the door bell rings. I answer it and it's a couple of older ladies trying to proselyze for whatever religion, I think it might've been JW.

Now, Karana was the rat I'd let anyone handle who was curious what a tame rat was like...he was fairly perceptive and very, very easygoing and gentle. He LOOKED scary, but he just wanted to snuggle up and be friends.

So...being rather nearsighted like all rats are, he sticks his head out from my hair and peers at these ladies with his dark, dark red eyes, whiskers twitching away while he's sniffing to catch their scent as well. I think those religious folk would've qualified for the Olympics as hastily as they took off.

*shrugs* Ain't my fault if they've never seen one like him before. Given half a chance he would've happily been swindling treats and ear scratches from them.