Giving and Receiving Gifts

[MaggieTheCat]

I wasn't sure if this would be better in Clash of Cultures or Social Woes...

Anyway, I got to thinking about this after talking with a friend of mine (D) earlier today. Her and her brother (K) always go in together to get Christmas gifts for their (adult) nephews and the nephews' wives and children. In turn, the nephews and their wives (as a couple) get my friend and her brother gifts as well. They've been doing this for years and my friend and her brother always enjoy finding new and unique gifts to get for everyone each year.

It was recently brought up (as in, about a week ago) by one of the wives (I'm not sure what her name is, we'll call her A) that maybe they shouldn't do gift exchanges anymore, and that she didn't want to do it at all this year. This kind of upset D, because the gift that she had gotten for A, and the other wives, was a matching set of bracelets that I had custom made, and they include charms with the ladies' initials on them. So D wanted to be able to give all of the wives their charm bracelets and not leave one of them out. K told A that if she didn't want to be part of the gift exchange next year, fine, but it was a little late to be opting out for this year.

Then A said that they (D and K) could still get gifts for the kids in future years but not for the adults, "Because Christmas is all about the children."

This really upset D, not because it would mean she would be giving but not receiving...but because she doesn't believe "Christmas is all about the children." She believes Christmas is for everyone, and for people to do nice things, including getting gifts, for people they care about. She cares for the kids, yeah, but she cares for the adults too, in a way even more than the kids since she has more of a relationship with the adults than she does with the kids.

I was also reminded of a post that someone made recently on CS. The OP said that she(he?) loves hunting for or making the perfect gift, and giving gifts away. But s/he hates getting gifts because s/he hates being in the limelight and in the center of attention.

Personally, I think that kind of attitude is rather selfish. First off, what if someone who you give gifts to doesn't like to receive gifts any more than you do? It's okay for you to not like to receive gifts, but you would put someone else through something that you find unpleasant? Admittedly, the OP didn't specify whether s/he gives gifts to everyone, whether they like it or not. But besides that point, most people give gifts for a reason. It makes THEM feel good. I love to give gifts, I love seeing peoples' reaction when I get something they really like. It makes me feel good. Denying friends and family that feeling because it's unpleasant for you is, in my opinion, selfish. I dislike going to my parents' house because it's unpleasant, but you know what? I do it anyway sometimes, because it makes them happy. If you really care about people, sometimes you just gotta suck it up and realize that not all things in life are going to be great.

I guess it would be different if someone said they didn't want to give OR get any gifts, from anyone, for any occasion. Then it's going both ways. An ex-boyfriend of mine was like that. It still kind of annoyed me, because I wanted to get him something for his birthday, but I understood at least the reasoning behind it: "I don't like getting gifts, so I would rather not be part of gift exchanges at all, going both ways."

Anyway, I'm curious on everyone else's take on this subject.

[jackfaire]

Bear with me here but I feel that saying, "It's all for the children" strikes me as a tad materialistic.

She is basically saying "it's to give the kids stuff" and as an adult she never gets good stuff that she wants and it's a hassle having to get rid of it.

Most people I know who are "it's for the children" say that because of the toys and the stuff.

Christmas is about love and togetherness. And family both the chosen and the "oh god not them again" type of family.

Suck it up enjoy the gift and be glad your Aunt loves you so much to go to such trouble.

[Fryk]

There's more to this than she is saying. That sounds like pretty flimsly reasoning to me. Maybe there's an underlying reason she doesn't want to participate, and she'd rather not say what it is?

[AdminAssistant]

Could be that she's having financial trouble and doesn't want to have to buy presents for everyone. My sister has already said that they aren't exchanging presents with anyone because they're trying to build a house right now, and all spare cash is going towards that. All they're doing is for the kids, and that's even been minimized.

[Boozy]

Maybe, like me, she's just tired of the annual orgy of consumerism.

I don't need anything, and if I do, I go out and buy it. Christmas is about spending time with my family and friends. I understand the joy in giving someone a gift, and I would never deny someone that, but I do want them to know that I don't need more stuff.

My advice to the OP: Make a donation to a children's charity in your family's name.

[Lace Neil Singer]

My mum decided this year that she doesn't want presents.

I however love giving presents, even if I only spend £4 on one, I tend to put love and thought into said presents. So, my mum has agreed that I will get her a present this year.

As for "it's all for the children", well, aren't we all someone's child? :p

[protege]

At my place, Christmas isn't just for the children. It's for the kitties! They get more petting, a few toys, but the best...has to be the leftover turkey scraps ;)

[TOLady]

About 3 years ago, DH and I sat down with his family - no children - and we mutually decided that the commercialism was driving us nuts!

On my side of the family - we made the same arrangement

I was physically making myself ill with worrying so much about gifting etc. that I couldn't actually enjoy the season itself.

Not to mention the incredible expense we all incurred and that most of us don't actually need anything.

Since then, we go over on Christmas eve for a few hours of good food, chatting - lots of laughs and a lot of fun. Hug each other, go our separate ways and sigh "that was easy!".

DH and I are home by 10:00, open the one small gift we have chosen for the other to purchase for us, then settle in for our annual LOTR marathon with a bottle of icy cold vodka!

I have to add, though, my Daddy still hands me a sweet cheque :p for the box of chocolates I give him.

I highly recommend it! :D

[jackfaire]

then settle in for our annual LOTR marathon with a bottle of icy cold vodka!

Does the Vodka come in pints? :D

When I don't have a lot of money only my daughter gets gifts from me.

When I do have money it extends to my mom and her fiance, my best friend, and if I have a significant other them. Other than my daughter each one gets 1 gift. I don't worry about cost I worry about what they would like.

[Boozy]

My sister and her husband told us to not get them anything this year. They have two boys whom we love to lavish with gifts, and they don't feel right accepting all that stuff for their family. Especially because they can't reciprocate in kind.

When I asked them what they'd like for Christmas, they said, "Children's books and puzzles." Their kids' happiness is a gift for them, too. Maybe that's the way you should look at it, Maggie. :)

[Cat]

At my place, Christmas isn't just for the children. It's for the kitties! They get more petting, a few toys, but the best...has to be the leftover turkey scraps ;)

See, it was easy to shop for the 'rents, the boyfriend, the other humans...I have no idea what to get the cats!! LOL.

Maybe a shiny new laser pointer......

[Rapscallion]

Maybe a shiny new laser pointer......

More a present for you, yes?

Rapscallion

[Cat]

Haha, not really....they loved the old one.....when they heard me pick it up they came running (not so if I picked up something similar, like keys)

They could use more cat nip

[protege]

Goofy kitties. Both of mine have plenty of toys. But, Baxter just *loves* the plastic rings from gallon milk jugs. He actually begs me for them when I open up a new gallon. He'll literally bat those things around for hours, and carry them all over the place.