Look at me, I'm special

[Ree]

This may not sit well, and get me in a lot of hot water, but this is something that has bothered me for a while.

What is it with people who introduce themselves with the add-on that they have Asperger's/autism, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, OCD, or any number of "trendy" syndromes or labels that seem to be rampant these days?

At CS, it seems like there are bandwagons and everyone wants to be a special snowflake.

Someone will post a link to some quiz that tells whether people are high risk for certain things, especially Asperger's, as that seems to be the latest "cool" syndrome, and suddenly, all these people are posting their scores and self-diagnosing.

When I introduce myself, I don't say, "Hi. I'm Ree. I'm a sexual abuse survivor who suffers from sciatic nerve damage, eczema, high blood pressure, acid reflux and gynecological issues."

That would be stupid. First of all, because nobody really cares about those things, and secondly, they do not define who I am.

What is it about Asperger's that makes people think they're special?
I should think by now, with the rate of diagnosis, and so many more people being labelled every day, that it's just a normal fact of life now, and people with this syndrome really aren't all that unique or special at all, now.
It's like saying, "Hi. My name is .... and I have dandruff..."

[Boozy]

Those who genuinely have Asperger's probably let people know about it upfront because it affects their behaviour and social skills. I haven't found it manifests much in the written word, but I suppose it might affect their actions in the stories they're telling. Its nice to know where someone is coming from.

With that out of the way, I entirely agree with you about the current "trendiness" of this diagnosis, and I find self-diagnosed Asperger's to be a complete joke.

You know why its popular to self-diagnose Asperger's right now? Because it doesn't affect intelligence, appearance, or life expectancy. You don't need to take medications with crippling side effects. People believe they'll get the special attention that goes with a disorder without actually suffering.

Some people think that the diagnosis gives them a license to be anti-social. They no longer have to try to get along, to fit in. Its just the way they are, and everyone else becomes the problem. It becomes a convenient way for an socially-awkward person to give up and blame everyone else.

PS - I hope everyone knows me well enough at this point to know that I am not disparaging genuine Asperger's sufferers.

[Ree]

Those who genuinely have Asperger's probably let people know about it upfront because it affects their behaviour and social skills. I haven't found it manifests much in the written word, but I suppose it might affect their actions in the stories they're telling. Its nice to know where someone is coming from.That occurred to me , too, but I know a couple of people with Asperger's, and I knew them for a long time before they actually told me that's what they had.

They aren't ashamed of it. They just don't let it define them.

There's another aspect of introducing one's self with a label that bugs me, but I didn't include it.

When I introduce myself, "I don't say, "Hi, I'm Ree a heterosexual," yet so many people add on the , "I'm gay/lesbian/bi," as if that is a relevant fact to normal everyday conversation.

Quite frankly, I couldn't care less what a person's sexual preference is when the topic isn't even touching on sexuality.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I recently got a genuine diagnosis of AS, and yes, I do tell people about it cuz I have very poor social skills and I sometimes honestly don't realise that I'm being rude. I don't see it as a "get out of jail free" card; more of an explanation, like someone with shaky hands saying "I have Parkinsons" to explain why they might drop things more, but they won't be throwing stuff around purposely. I do work hard to not be seen as rude and nasty to people, but at least they can realise that if I am it's not done out of spite.

As for RL, only the people close to me know cuz I see it as a "need to know" thing, and I certainly haven't told the people at work this.

[AFPheonix]

It's not just CS. It's an internet thing. It's a huge joke over at Something Awful, since there's a lot of people over there who like to play internet doctor. I think mentioning it earns you a probation over there, though.

[Rapscallion]

What interests me is that we have an apparently large number of people with this condition on the main board. We're talking numbers more than the actual number of cases as a ratio.

There is the possibility that some people are seeking attention. The other possibility is that people with Asperger's are attracted to message boards and the Internet. Social interaction without people?

Rapscallion

[AFPheonix]

If they get an actual diagnosis from a doctor like Lace has, then cool. Far too many people on message boards just think it sounds like them since there are frankly a lot of antisocial nutsos sitting in the dark behind a computer monitor, decide that they do indeed have whatever the condition is, and then trumpet it loudly.
I sincerely doubt that there's that many borderline autistic people out there, just lots of lazy ones who have poor social skills, a situation of their own making, exacerbated in this day and age with the internet and MMORPGs.

[Seshat]

What is it with people who introduce themselves with the add-on that they have Asperger's/autism, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, OCD, or any number of "trendy" syndromes or labels that seem to be rampant these days?
<snip>
First of all, because nobody really cares about those things, and secondly, they do not define who I am.
<snip>
What is it about Asperger's that makes people think they're special?


I've taken three quotes because I want to address all three aspects of the question.

The first - why do people introduce themselves with the add-on - bugs me as well. I don't like it, but I understand one potential reason that hasn't been addressed yet in this thread.

I've am both visibly and invisibly disabled, depending on whether I use my mobility aids or not.

Invisibly disabled, I struggle with everyday life. As an example of the type of struggle: I have a friend who went for a walk without her walking frame once a week as part of her physiotherapy. She was struggling her way across a road, at a crossing, one day and a bunch of people in a car honked their horn and yelled at her to hurry up. She literally couldn't!
Invisibly disabled, I cope with this sort of this - though thankfully, less rudely - every time I'm out.

Visibly disabled, I get a lot of kindness. I'm very grateful to the kindness! I've had people in line in a government office offer to hold my place for me, while I sat down. I've had people offer me a seat in a busy bus. When in a wheelchair, people will press lift buttons for me.

I started taking my walking stick with me even on a good day, because the simple kindnesses reduced my struggle with life enough to let me make it back home without collapsing. (Nowadays, I can't walk two blocks without severe pain even with the stick, even on a good day. :( )

Perhaps introducing themselves with the illness may be part of trying to get the consideration that makes life less of a struggle.

That was pretty long, so I'll repeat the second quote:
First of all, because nobody really cares about those things, and secondly, they do not define who I am.

I've found that people are actually very interested in hearing about exactly what sort of disability I have, and exactly how it affects me. Either that, or I've got really lousy social skills. But they ask, and I try to stop when they stop asking. Sometimes I'm the one who has to stop the conversation or change the subject.

And sometimes it seems that to other people, my disabilities are the defining factor of who I am. I can't be the only disabled person with that feeling. Unfortunately, some of them may have absorbed the lesson.

Lastly:
What is it about Asperger's that makes people think they're special?

That Asperger's usually shows up together with a high degree of intelligence?

Of course, this is raw intellect that, without the skills to utilise it, is about as useful as a talent for painting showing up in a blind person. But tell a child they're intelligent often enough, long enough, and they'll think they're special.

:o why would you think I might be speaking from personal experience? :o

[Lace Neil Singer]

The other possibility is that people with Asperger's are attracted to message boards and the Internet. Social interaction without people?

RapscallionThat is a major factor for me; I hate meeting new people in real life, but on the internet it's so much easier. :)

[Dreamstalker]

I sincerely doubt that there's that many borderline autistic people out there, just lots of lazy ones who have poor social skills, a situation of their own making, exacerbated in this day and age with the internet and MMORPGs.
I agree. I have an actual diagnosis of AS, yes, but as time goes on I'm getting the feeling that said diagnosis was only made because they didn't know what else to do with me at the time (my diagnosis was made when it first became a known syndrome in the US). A small handful of the signs fit me (not without some fiddling), some did but now do not (that seems to point to a physiological error that gradually fixed itself), some never did except by a severe stretching of criteria.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Maybe I should introduce myself using my previous diagnosis' of antisocial personality disorder and psychosis... would make for some interesting conversations. XD

[CancelMyService]

I would volunteer two things that I think help explain this phenomenon:

1. The internet is........how to put this delicately........well, it tends to draw people with social issues like a moth to a flame. I've been on tons of boards where there are lots of people with some sort of personality disorder. People who can't engage in person find it a lot easier on the web.

2. Autsim and related disorders haven't been properly diagnosed until just very recently. My wife has an uncle that almost certainly has some form of high functioning autisim, he's basically Rain Man the home game but those kind of disorders were not checked for back when he was in school (he's about 50 or so). Just like my father in law had a learning disability that wasn't properly diagnosed either. Things just weren't done that way back then.

[Dreamstalker]

The internet is........how to put this delicately........well, it tends to draw people with social issues like a moth to a flame.
Heh, been there...was in the middle of a particularly nasty Usenet war in the 90s. That was actually how I learned to develop numerous aliases (more out of a desire to not be found/cyberstalked/spoofed by the nut rolls than to deceive). I've also met a number of people from my newsgroups in real life and they've all been quite goodpeople. But yeah, you do get a lot of nutcases who find it a hell of a lot easier to fling insults hiding behind a computer.

[Seshat]

2. Autsim and related disorders haven't been properly diagnosed until just very recently. My wife has an uncle that almost certainly has some form of high functioning autisim, he's basically Rain Man the home game but those kind of disorders were not checked for back when he was in school

I describe it as 'I was geek before geek was cool'. My husband was/is, too. We're both the stereotypical classic geek. (Brian 'the brain' from The Breakfast Club, or most of the kids from Real Genius, with a touch of Lydia from Beetlejuice. We're not the Comic Book Guy.)

Given that the same traits that make a classic geek are the traits that define Asperger's, and we have a great deal in common with a friend's child who has been formally diagnosed Asperger's, we've looked up the 'adult Asperger's' info (with the help of the friend) and yeah, we're a strong match.

We haven't bothered to get a formal diagnosis: we've managed to shape lives for ourselves which leave us content, and which contribute to society. If it ever causes us real problems, we'll get tested then.

Returning to my point: think back to your own school days. Think of the kids you knew then who fit the stereotype, and of the kids who were 'trying too hard' to fit in and break the stereotype. In my experience, in every public school there were one or two such in every 30-kid class. In private schools, I presume the ratio was higher - geeks often get scholarships to private schools.

Even if you think that only half or a third of those kids are actually Aspie, that's still a hell of a lot of kids; and a hell of a lot of adult former-kid-geeks.

[Boozy]

Even if you think that only half or a third of those kids are actually Aspie, that's still a hell of a lot of kids; and a hell of a lot of adult former-kid-geeks.

Sure. Or maybe they're just geeks.

Where does personality end and "disorder" begin? For example, there's an Asperger's "spectrum". Meaning, you can actually have a touch of Asperger's.

At this point, I believe the diagnosis has lost all meaning.

I don't like labels, and I don't like psychology's obsession with classifying people. Human beings are more complicated than that. And I'm surprised someone would want to pigeon-hole themselves.

Just for fun, I took one of those online Aperger's questionnaires. My results: borderline Asperger's. Get real - anyone with eyes and ears knows that's not right. For example, I'm a gifted salesperson, am highly involved in my community, and I enjoy public speaking. But I'm also clumsy, have trouble modulating my voice, and need order and routine. I'm complicated, dammit! :D

[Seshat]

That's a point. My husband and I both showed up in the fuzzy area where Aspie meets Autism. So does the friend's kid.

If I had a kid like me, I'd probably find out what resources the diagnosis offered, get the diagnosis if it seemed like it'd be useful, and otherwise pretty much ignore it as a 'disorder'.

To me, a diagnosis is useful when it offers things like "these techniques usually help X kids achieve Y", where 'X' is any diagnosis, and 'Y' could be anything from eye-hand coordination and motor control to social awareness and human interaction skills.

A diagnosis which says 'oh, you're special' doesn't really help - I wouldn't want my hypothetical kid to be special, I want him/her to become a content (preferably happy) adult who functions well in society and achieves a reasonable percentage of his/her life goals.

So yeah, I'd probably tell my hypothetical kid's teacher that he/she is Aspie - and I'd talk with the teacher about what resources that opens for her and what techniques are worth trying. Otherwise, it's just the same as any other kid: help him where he needs help, teach him where all he needs is guidance.

[MystyGlyttyr]

I only do it because I literally went my whole life without realizing that not everybody in the world behaves the way I do. Once I got my diagnosis and had the revelation that "Hey, not everyone hates speaking with people to the degree of avoiding them, not everyone can't filter out background noise, I'm actually NOT just a spaz for having the attention span of a flaming gnat who cries because she literally CAN NOT make her focus stay on any one thing for more then five minutes, and it turns out that all this time, people have been asking me questions that, for whatever reason, they actually DIDN'T want me to answer. Which explains the pissivity when I did."

To me, it's like learning some brand-new language at this point to learn what people actually do. I equate to saying "Hi, I'm Mysty and English is my second language." Because to me, it almost kind of IS. I don't realize when I'm doing something "weird" because I went to a very small school in the 90's that had already accepted that I was just "eccentric" and no one even knew autism had a spectrum, let alone that I could be on it somewhere. My behaviors were just accepted as part of who I was in a very tiny community, and now that I'm in a bigger world, I'm realizing that not everybody sees me and automatically knows that I'm not just like they are, and I don't know the unwritten rules they do.

Basically, I'm trying to ward off my accidental rudeness ahead of time. I KNOW I'm going to say something inappropriate, and I'd rather people know that they should just tell me "Hey, you don't do that, because ____" rather than a bunch of people screaming at me for doing it and not tell me WHY. If folks would just do that in the first place, say "Hey, you shouldn't say that because of _____," and not just say "YOU SUCK YOU BITCH I HOPE YOU ROT YOU OFFENDED ME BLARGH," then it wouldn't be a problem for anyone. It's not been a big problem on CS, for the most part, but most anywhere else is a slushpile.

In short, it's just like...people always expect me to know the rules, and until I was 23, I didn't even know there was a game going on, you know?

[Seshat]

I know exactly what you mean, especially your first paragraph.

However, most of the time they don't understand what you mean when you say 'I'm Aspie'. They'll probably perceive you as meaning 'I'm special' - it's another case of indirect speech. That really frustrating, annoying, indirect-speech thing! Argh!

It's going to be a matter of learning what you can of social interaction, and if they start getting pissed off with you, you'll have to come up with an 'acceptable' response. They expect you to speak 'neurotypical' - very few of them are willing to learn to speak 'Aspie' or 'geek'. :(

A response that's helped me in the past is 'I'm sorry, I have a neurological problem. I honestly didn't intend to upset you - would you please help me avoid that mistake in the future? Could you tell me what I did to upset you?' Even with something like that, there'll be a percentage who'll claim 'you should know!' or something and storm off angry. But there'll be enough who are willing to help you that you'll eventually get the hang of it.

Side point: learning to speak neurotypical:

It can really help to study monkey interaction. Especially the great apes. Animal Planet had a really helpful program called 'Monkey Business', in which the narrator would describe what the interactions meant to the monkeys involved. The monkeys produce a simplified version of human social interaction - kind of 'training wheels' for us non-neurotypicals.

Other than that, spend some time studying human interaction as if it's your current fascination. ;) Read psychology and sociology texts, learn about direct and indirect speech, and watch people in a shopping centre or other major gathering place. Once you've intellectualised what other people do instinctively, you'll have mostly beaten the handicap aspect of it. It'll still be a strain - I go home and crash out - but it'll teach you how to speak 'neurotypical'.


Edit to add:
The moment of 'OH! THAT'S why people behave like that' predated me hearing about Asperger's syndrome. It was a documentary about chimpanzees and bonobos, and the voiceover started saying how chimps who have a strong social instinct do better in the tribe.
My thoughts went something like: chimps have a social instinct? Hang on - HUMANS have a social instinct? HEY WOW! Maybe that's what's different about me! Maybe I don't have the same sort of social instinct as other people!
That's about when I started really studying human interaction, to replace my lacking instinct with a learned response.

[MystyGlyttyr]

Well, on the CS board, everyone already knows I'm Aspie, for the most part (I'm sure there's new people who don't, but usually that's one of many somethings to pick up when you're new to any board-quirks of the pre-existing regulars ;) ). The reason I might precede something with "I'm Aspie" is just to lay the groundwork for a story where it lead me to do something stupid, or if I'm agreeing with another Aspie on something they've experienced. That's just an expediated thing to me without going on too long about it. When I'm doing my introductions to new people, I'm more specific and explain the situation, but then I expect them to remember it for future reference with a minimal amount of reminder, but a lot of people just don't remember. So I guess maybe I've just gotten into the habit of dropping a little reminder for it rather than wait to see if people do? Something like that.

To another direction, I've given the topic some thought, and in a sense, you could say I AM proud of being Aspie. I think of it as similar to being proud of being, say, blonde...it's a feature you're born with that you particularly enjoy. If I were to delve too much more deeper into the reasoning than that, this post would be pages long.

Also, it's a truth that there are higher concentrations of Aspergers people online than in the "real world". It's just because a lot of them are either nonverbal, or, like me, are just more comfortable not talking. Plus body language and voice tone are completely taken out of the equation, so it's harder to say or do the wrong thing. I mean, if you HAVE to preface your typing with *sarcasm* then it's hard to misread it, right?

I've joked a couple of times that I wished I was nonverbal because sometimes talking is just the most irritating thing there is. One of the happiest days I had in high school was when I had laryngitis and had to communicate with a notepad...I actually faked it for two days more just because it was such a relief not to HAVE to talk. Typing or writing is SO much more comfortable and feels more natural to me.

[CancelMyService]

Also, what's to say some of the people claiming to have social disorders don't actually have a diagnosis? Should Aspies keep a note from their doctors scanned on their PCs so they have proof on the internet?



BTW, for the interest of full disclosure, my mom was told when I was kid that there was a chance I was autistic. I was painfully shy and loved to sit Indian-style and rock back and forth for hours, plus I still have issues to this day with social interaction. I don't go around identifying myself as any type of autistic, but it wouldn't shock me to find out one day that I was.

[Dreamstalker]

I may or may not actually have Aspergers per se (I had some fairly serious brain bleeds in infancy so part of what was first seen as Aspergers may have just been the brain in the last stages of repairing itself), but that diagnosis has gotten me help when I needed it so I'm not bucking the label officially. Yeah, I'm weird and proud of it. Since it's not 100% clear what I have, if anything, I tend to no longer define myself that way.

Mysty, have you ever read a novel by Elizabeth Moon called The Speed of Dark? It's about an autistic group of scientists who--due to the autism--are brilliant in their fields, then along comes a "cure" and anyone who refuses it will be let go.

[Lace Neil Singer]

My interpretation of having AS is like the X-men universe; then again, a lot of people don't get that analogy. ^^

[Pedersen]

Meaning, you can actually have a touch of Asperger's.

Yes, you can have a touch of Asperger's. Just like you can have a touch of a cold. A mild fever. A small infection. A local anaesthetic. Mild OCD. Shall I go on?

Take a look at a roomful of kids who have Autism, or Asperger's, and you will see a whole range of behaviors. In fact, there are those who believe that Aseperger's is just a mild form of Autism.

Some of those behaviors will show kids who are barely any different from normal. Others will be so strongly abnormal that they almost require restraints to be in the same room. And the whole range in between.

So, yeah, you can have a touch of Asperger's. Why would they make a diagnosis where you can have a touch of something? Well, I think you said it best:

I'm complicated, dammit! :D

Just like all the people who suffer from Asperger's. From Autism. From ...

[Amethyst Hunter]

I only do it because I literally went my whole life without realizing that not everybody in the world behaves the way I do...To me, it's like learning some brand-new language at this point to learn what people actually do. I equate to saying "Hi, I'm Mysty and English is my second language." Because to me, it almost kind of IS...In short, it's just like...people always expect me to know the rules, and until I was 23, I didn't even know there was a game going on, you know?

This is EXACTLY what having ADD felt/feels like for me.

[Dreamstalker]

I was talking with my dad, and he said that some/most of what is seen as "disorders" nowadays may be throwback survival traits. Hunters had to be able to pay attention to everything (ADD) to determine within seconds if something was food or wanted them as food and react accordingly. Hyperfocus (as sometimes seen in AS) was good so as not to be distracted from stalking prey, or when involved in another difficult task. That trait is also useful today for some of the same reasons (such as coding for example).

We still don't exactly know what is considered "normal" as far as brain workings go, so how can we say with certainty what is "abnormal"?

I've brought up with my shrink the concept that I may have had something different than AS that was only mimicking it, and been met with either silence or "has someone been telling you you're retarded?"....um, no, I have valid observations of my own dramatic improvement that lead me to believe there's another explanation. I'm not disputing the diagnosis as it has helped me, I'm just curious as there were physiological factors that had nothing to do with AS at all.

[Sylvia727]

I have bipolar disorder, aka manic-depressive disorder. I can't remember if I've ever mentioned this on CS or not, because it's rarely relevant to the story. But when I'm talking to people in RL, I occasionally have to explain it. Ideally, I drop the label and continue with the story. Sometimes I have to backtrack and explain bipolarism, but usually the conversation continues unhindered. I don't see it as pingeon-holing myself, because it is a convenient label to describe one aspect of my personality. Just like I tell people that I go walking. Not everyone walks the same way, but one gets the general idea of my actions. In the same way, dropping my disorder into the conversation should give my audience the general gist of my behavior at times.

As far as it making me special in some way...well, yes. I've been on all the drugs that could normalize me, and I hated them all. I don't want to be average. I am a unique and beautiful snowflake. But like the t-shirt says, "You're unique. Just like everybody else." Being disordered isn't anything to brag about, but it is who I am. Just like having long hair, or being tall, or being female. They're all parts of my identity, but my personality doesn't have one central factor or characteristic. Everybody is a complex sum of parts; identifying and labeling a single part is like having one piece of a jigsaw.

I've been reading Mysty's posts since I joined CS in November, and this is the first time I've heard about her Asperger's. If I go back and reread her threads, will the meaning change for me? Not significantly, no. Examples of social awkwardness (or any other Asperger's symptom, please excuse my ignorance) haven't even consciously registered with me. I've filed them with my mental picture of Mysty and gone on. Knowing that she's an Aspie just filled in some of my mental jigsaw, but I don't base her entire identity on that and neither should anyone else.

Now, attention whores piss me off. They're playing the disability card like playing the race card or the gender card. What if I started walking with a cane, like Seshat does, so that people would open doors for me? I would be a festering boil on the ass of humanity, that's what. Furthermore, anyone who realized I was faking would be just a little bit more jaded and a little less likely to help someone with a geniune disability. And that's all entitlement whores are doing. By saying that they have a disorder that affects social skills, whether they do or not, they obtain permission to act like douchenozzles. Anyone who witnesses this behavior will then be less sympathetic to someone who's just looking for understanding, because they will believe that X Disorder equals douchiness.

I have to deal with the aftermath of attention whores every time someone says or implies "You're not really bipolar/Manic-depressive isn't a real disorder, you just want to be trendy." And yes, people have said this to my face. They think X Disorder is New Age psychobabble because they have no reason to believe differently. I have the option of saying "Fuck you" and walking away because bipolarism is way down on the list of things that will fuck up your life, but many don't. Everytime a teacher punishes an ADD kid for bouncing in his seat, or a kid with an anxiety disorder for running out of the classroom, I see red. It's an uphill battle.

[Seshat]

Now, attention whores piss me off. They're playing the disability card like playing the race card or the gender card. What if I started walking with a cane, like Seshat does, so that people would open doors for me? I would be a festering boil on the ass of humanity, that's what. Furthermore, anyone who realized I was faking would be just a little bit more jaded and a little less likely to help someone with a geniune disability.

Yes - EXACTLY! And thank you for putting it so clearly. It's really irritating when things that disabled people need get denied because of too many fakes. One that really upsets me is the misuse of service dogs - but then, that's probably because of my blind friend.

She's got the advantage that she can just take her sunglasses off to prove that she's blind: one eye simply isn't there, and the other has a cornea so clouded noone can tell what her iris colour is. As soon as a doubter sees that, they'll accept her golden retriever with 'Seeing Eye Dogs Australia' embossed on the harness. (Not that most people doubt such a stereotypical service dog.)

I'm invisibly disabled, however: if I don't have one of my mobility aids, I don't look disabled. If I foolishly go out without them (because I'm having a good day and 'oh, I don't need it today'), then when I end up struggling to walk and clearly limping, I get people looking at me with that 'you're just trying to get attention' expression. :( I HATE that expression.

Um. I've forgotten where I was going with this. I guess mostly I just wish noone ever tried to be 'special' with disability, and that people would trust that people with mobility aids (or who are limping along) really needed them. And the two kind of have to happen together, I guess.

Edit to add: include all forms of disability in the last paragraph, please. Not just mobility disabilities.

[Lace Neil Singer]

*shrugs* Like I said before, I have had to mention my AS to people who's sites I help mod, mostly cuz it helps them to understand me. I don't see it as an excuse for being a bitch, just an explanation. And I do try not to be one, honest.

[protege]

People who play the "mental problem" card just piss me off. Some of you know that I've had to deal with depression most of my life. Some of it comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family, some comes from not really "fitting in" anywhere. I was on some of the drugs for it...but, really didn't like the nasty side effects. I grew tired of being fine one minute, and wanting to strangle someone the next. Contrary to what the commercials claim, there's no cure for it. Sure, you can sometimes control some of the effects, but it never truly goes away.

For years, I had to deal with it alone. My parents, and most teachers, just assumed I was an idiot...until my junior year of high school. That's when I finally got help. I'd always felt there was something wrong, but didn't know what...and usually felt alone because of it. Even now, I sometimes have a hard time dealing with people, and my relationships usually suffer.

However, after dealing with it for many years...most people are surprised if I mention it, even friends I've known for years. Why? Well, I don't let it determine who I am. In fact, I think it makes me stronger; yes, I *do* have something to prove. In other words, lead, follow, or get the hell out of my way. Difficulty? Bring it on!

[BlaqueKatt]

Where does personality end and "disorder" begin? For example, there's an Asperger's "spectrum". Meaning, you can actually have a touch of Asperger's.

At this point, I believe the diagnosis has lost all meaning.


Going to have to disagree with you there.

Autisum/Asperger's is Officially diagnosed via DSM-IV, you have to have at least 6 of the 12 symptoms-which are split into 3 catagories-you need at least one in the first, two in the second, and one in the third.

My son has Autism, after they diagnosed him they checked myself and his father-extensive interviews with both us and our parents(some of the symptoms HAVE to be present before age 3)-they diagnosed me-my husband divorced me(because my genetics were "faulty" and I "damaged" our son) and the courts gave him custody, because "I wasn't fit to raise a child"

The "trendiness" comes from those who don't understand what it actually is, and think it will excuse them for certain behaviors/actions. But someone who truly is Autistic-will generally never have a clue that anyone is any different than them, it just doesn't occur to them. And there are complications that go along with the disorder. I'm great at math, but I have to be reminded to eat, sleep, and shower(I sleep around 4 hours a night, as does my son) or I'll go days without doing any of those. Loud noises cause physical pain, touching causes pain, my immune system is hosed. If I get frustrated I'll go into a blind rage that I have no memory of-the person I am is gone-replaced by(in my husband's words)-"a destructive banshee, hell-bent on terrorizing the planet"-he has had to physically restrain me while I screamed, flailed, and tired to get away-he figured out the rocking trick while watching me with my son in an episode like that-we turn almost feral.

you want to say that's my "personality"?
it's not-it's something I wish would've been found out sooner so I could've learned how to cope better-my son's getting taught what he needs to cope-but it's too late to try behavior modification on me-it won't work, and there's no one willing to try. So every couple months my husband has to deal with me in a state that terrifies him(he's afraid of hurting me while restraining me), and hope that it doesn't happen when he's not around.

The only people in real life that know my diagnosis, are my family, my husband's family, and a few co-workers I trust to do what's necessary if I have an episode. I don't flaunt my diagnosis, as I really don't care, but it angers me when anyone "self-diagnoses" anything-"would you self-diagnose epilepsy-no, so why are psychological disorders so popular to self-diagnose?


Sorry if I seem snarky-but for those of us that do have it-it can have devastating effects, and those that take a 10 question survey and "diagnose" themselves and go around telling everyone they have it, are seriously hurting those of us who do-the quoted comment at the beginning of this post is evidence of that. At my last job everyone called me "rain man" when someone found out(it was in my personnel file, so they knew there were things that might happen), and I've had people ask why my son holds his toys funny in all my pictures of him, I say he has Autism and get told "oh my friend has that-it's not like that, he obviously has something else"-when usually their "friend" is a survey taker and is using it as an excuse.


And Ree-look at it like you would an epileptic-it's a medical condition, and there are certian risk factors involved with it(if they actually do have it), those that actually have it(epilepsy or Autism) generally DON'T talk about it, and it's not something that should be misdiagnosed, or taken lightly.

As one of my friends once said:
"Those who speak don't know, and those who know don't speak."

I only spoke out here to correct a few misconceptions, mainly the diagnostic process-it usually takes ruling out everything else-a good psychiatrist does not make diagnoses quickly(took 2 months for my son, and about 3 for mine).

[Seshat]

My son has Autism, after they diagnosed him they checked myself and his father-extensive interviews with both us and our parents(some of the symptoms HAVE to be present before age 3)-they diagnosed me-my husband divorced me(because my genetics were "faulty" and I "damaged" our son) and the courts gave him custody, because "I wasn't fit to raise a child"

And someone who behaves like your husband did IS fit to raise a child? Aaah!

If I get frustrated I'll go into a blind rage that I have no memory of-the person I am is gone-replaced by(in my husband's words)-"a destructive banshee, hell-bent on terrorizing the planet"

. . . ooooookay. Now I definitely need to speak to a psych. I'm not quite that bad anymore, but I used to be. If the psychs can actually help, then it's worth taking the time to get the diagnosis (and the help!)

Where does personality end and "disorder" begin?

When the person feels trapped inside their own skull. When the person's 'self' is stuck helplessly watching their own behaviour. When the person knows that what they're thinking is wrong and dangerous, but can't manage to stop themselves. When the person knows that what they're doing is not what they want to be doing, but they can't stop it. Or when the person isn't even 'there' while their body/mind is doing something or living something.

When treating the disorder makes the person happier and more functional. When just a minor bit of treatment makes the person's father say 'We've got our daughter back'. When learning a mental skill enables the person to gain control of their own actions and words.

And yes, I have personally experienced all of those. Some of them I have mostly eliminated. Some I simply endure and wait for the illness to pass. Some I put myself in a safe place and get someone to stay with me while it passes, because I can't trust myself.

I'm with BlaqueKatt. If my disorders are me, then I'm - well, actually, I can't think of a way to describe it. My self, my me, is not the thing that's acting and has control of the body and thoughts during the worst of it.

[XCashier]

I only do it because I literally went my whole life without realizing that not everybody in the world behaves the way I do. Once I got my diagnosis and had the revelation that "Hey, not everyone hates speaking with people to the degree of avoiding them, not everyone can't filter out background noise, I'm actually NOT just a spaz for having the attention span of a flaming gnat who cries because she literally CAN NOT make her focus stay on any one thing for more then five minutes, and it turns out that all this time, people have been asking me questions that, for whatever reason, they actually DIDN'T want me to answer. Which explains the pissivity when I did."
...In short, it's just like...people always expect me to know the rules, and until I was 23, I didn't even know there was a game going on, you know?
:eek: Holy moly, you sound like me!

I always felt like there was a big game where everyone but me knew the rules, could change the rules at a whim and got P.O.ed at me when I "broke" said rules. I still find myself doing that; I'd be at a social gathering, get into the swing of things, then do something like laugh too loud or get too involved with a topic of conversation, and all of a sudden I'm the pariah.

It would be nice if people would understand that no, I'm not being a bitch, nor am I stupid, I'm just a little different.

[Lace Neil Singer]

That is precisely why I stick with the same group of friends; they know me, and know how to gently push me away from certain topics of conversation. If said conversation swings towards one of my obsessions, I do have a tendency to deliver a monologue and monopolise the entire conversation and not let anyone else speak. My friends understand this and will gently intervene; however, someone I don't know well might just say, "Just shut the fuck up and let someone else speak!"; thus provoking the "bitch from hell" that I become when I lose my temper. O_o

I know that being that way is not normal, but I've spent a long time feeling like I'm up on stage and tho I'm sure I've learned the right part, I'm actually speaking the wrong part for the play. Like reading for Othello in Macbeth. That's the best way to describe that feeling. Now tho, I can put on an NT act for work, but it's hard. I do it cuz I want to keep my job; I like the fact that I'm encouraged to talk about stuff to people, and I can always find at least one subject to talk about that's "safe".

[protege]

I always felt like there was a big game where everyone but me knew the rules, could change the rules at a whim and got P.O.ed at me when I "broke" said rules.

That's why I've always kept to myself. I grew tired of everyone giving me a hard time growing up...and, according to my mother, withdrew from things for a bit. Growing up like that was a bit lonely...and even now I still don't get very close with people. Most people think I'm a cold bastard that way. Sorry, but I'm just protecting my own interests.