Choice of where to get married

[Rapscallion]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8562611.stm

Short version is that I didn't realise that in the UK you couldn't get married at a church unless you attended it regularly or used to.

The bit that bugged me is that the MP had to do this. The church could have made an internal change, yet it failed to do so.

I really think he shouldn't have started down this route. Church and state are supposed to be separate. If the church shouldn't interfere with government, then it should work the other way around as well.

Rapscallion

[Ree]

Aside from all the Church and State stuff, if you don't even go to a church, why would you want to be married in it?

If a church has absolutely no significance to you other than the fact that it's a pretty backdrop for the wedding pictures, why bother?

[crashhelmet]

If a church has absolutely no significance to you other than the fact that it's a pretty backdrop for the wedding pictures, why bother?

QFT

What I really find odd about this is there was a law controlling it to begin with. I'd think that any church would be glad to accept the money to host and perform the service.

CH

[Rapscallion]

Aside from all the Church and State stuff, if you don't even go to a church, why would you want to be married in it?

I have to admit that one escaped me. I'm more concerned with the separation of church and state that's supposed to exist, so I didn't see that part.

I suppose it's one of those traditions. However, in the article it points to allowing people who used to live there and moved away in these days of highly mobile populations to marry in a church they used to attend. I think that's the way they were aiming it.

What I really find odd about this is there was a law controlling it to begin with. I'd think that any church would be glad to accept the money to host and perform the service.

Laws to control it? I think they were internal laws within the church, and they could have altered it. I have no idea why the MP thought it necessary to intervene. Not sure why they thought they had any real authority over a religious institution save for clear and serious breaches of the law. This was just an internal matter.

As to why they wouldn't just marry anyone, I have to admit that while I don't share religious beliefs, I do hate pick-n-mix practitioning. "I'll believe this bit, but not that bit. I'll get married in a lovely archaic church, but I won't be back until my funeral, unless I have a child I want to christen."

Rapscallion

[AdminAssistant]

There are some non-religious people who get married by a priest in a church in order to appease parents, grandparents, or other people who don't believe you're married until you're married by God. At least in America, it's hard to find an affordable, non-church, indoor venue for a wedding.

[Boozy]

At least in America, it's hard to find an affordable, non-church, indoor venue for a wedding.

Almost impossible here, too! My husband and I are not church-goers, so we really didn't feel right getting married in a church.

It took us forever to find a place indoors.

Then it took us forever to find a decent non-religious officiant.

I can see why so many couples end up getting married in a church despite the fact that they aren't attendees. If the church will have them, it's easier.

[HYHYBT]

If a church has absolutely no significance to you other than the fact that it's a pretty backdrop for the wedding pictures, why bother?For starters, it might not be of "no significance." Perhaps it's the church your family in the area attends; perhaps, while you don't go often and might not even *have* a regular church, you're still Christian and having your wedding in a church would be more meaningful; perhaps for logistical reasons you're getting married far from where you live and, again, still find it important to marry in a church, especially one of your own denomination, etc.

For example: I went more than ten years without going to any church unless I was invited, averaging maybe twice a year. This was because I was working late Saturday nights and got in the habit of sleeping in Sunday mornings, and of course once I was out of the habit of going I kept on not going. It didn't reflect a change of *beliefs* at all (though a change in priorities of belief has made finding a new church more difficult.) If, during that time, I'd had any interest in marriage as defined in the state of Georgia(still kicking myself for forgetting that was even on the ballot until the election was over!), and if I'd found a woman fool enough to marry me, it would have been important to marry in a church. For that matter, if I *do* find someone to marry in the foreseeable future, we'll have to travel out-of-state to wed, and while I firmly believe a marriage is between those who wed, and God if they'll allow him in, regardless of who performs the wedding where or whether it's recognized by anyone else, it would still mean a lot for it to be done in a church.

My brother and sister-in-law had an interesting situation: they got married right after graduating college. My side of the family is from north Georgia, and hers from South, right next to the Okefenokee swamp. Her parents' church is... well, I'll just say a bit weird about some things. They couldn't get married there, nor could her parents attend a wedding anywhere else, though they had no objection to its taking place. So Brother and SIL found a church in the area willing to have them (which wasn't easy,) and her parents hosted the reception at their home. But, again, it was important to both B and SIL, and to this side of the family, and to most of her side as well, that it be a church wedding; it was simply impossible logistically to have it at a familiar one. A four-to-six-hour car ride between wedding and reception over a route most of the guests are unfamiliar with and half of them just did the other direction the night before? No way.

Sorry, I'm rambling and probably a dozen other replies have been posted in the meantime.

I can see why so many couples end up getting married in a church despite the fact that they aren't attendees. If the church will have them, it's easier.If *easy* is what you want, Dad and Stepmom got married in the living room. Not much room for guests, but it was a legal wedding, and it seems to have stuck: I don't remember the date, but that was 1985 and they're still together.

I wish I knew why the UK doesn't just pass a law that the churches and the government go their separate ways. We in the US may have trouble now and then over just how much separation to have between the two, but at least we don't have to get Congress involved over churches' internal affairs.

[fireheart17]

In Australia, I've only attended one wedding in a church and that was more or less because the bride was Catholic.

Despite the fact that out of my immediate and close extended family, my grandmother and spinster aunt are the only two who attend church, they don't seem to mind where their grandchildren/nieces get married. I've attended weddings in the Botanic Gardens, a nice little German restaurant and in a hotel's chapel. None of them were overly religious. While there were plenty of wedding traditions, the only one we didn't do was the throwing of the garter. I'm not sure if it's more an American tradition or if it's just that my family didn't do it for moesty's sake.

[KellyHabersham]

Just a comment I wanted to add.............the church which I work for has been known to allow couples who aren't members hold their wedding/reception at our facilities, the main difference being that they will be charged the "building usage" fees, whereas members would not.

[Cat]

I do not want to get married in a church....I don't believe in the religion, I don't want to lie to the priest, don't want to waste time with a ceremony that means nothing to me.

I want to get married on top of a mountain....and hike to the summit to do so :) Though my mother probably has some bs dream of me getting married in a church...if so, I'll elope :D

(my friends are non-relgious, and they got married first in a venue where he booked shows......but did the church one to appease the family.)

[Fryk]

I want to get married on top of a mountain....and hike to the summit to do so :)

That's gonna be a really LONG version of "Here Comes the Bride".

[BlaqueKatt]

It took us forever to find a place indoors.

Then it took us forever to find a decent non-religious officiant..

my first wedding was in The Wisconsin state capitol building-it's free, you just need a permit from the capital police-which involves filling out a one page form.

The officiant was the chief justice of the supreme court of WI-also free

[Wingates_Hellsing]

That's gonna be a really LONG version of "Here Comes the Bride".

Just get the club mix, that should do it.

[Fryk]

Ah yes, Sir Integra. I always thought that what the Bridal March needed was more record scratching...

[Wingates_Hellsing]

Ah yes, Sir Integra. I always thought that what the Bridal March needed was more record scratching...

Don't forget the minute long segments that are just the same thing slower or faster, I hear those are 'in' right now. :D

[Fryk]

That's the way to go... "The Bridal March" remix by Fatboy Slim

[Vagabond]

Can I get a 10 minute ...errrm... organ(? as opposed to drum) solo in the middle? A la 'Inna Gadda Da Vida' by Iron Butterly? That might help a bit.
Or just start the song when the bride is in view... depending on how tall the 'mountain' is.

[Fryk]

First of all, are we talking about the bride hiking up the mountain, or climbing it? Cause climbing up the moutain would be hardcore.

Secondly, Drums? Organ solo? That sucks, I was thinking about a 10 minute spoons and kazoo rock-out.

[elsporko]

Alot of people apparently didn't read closely. The church of England changed its laws so anybody can get married anywhere, but the church of Wales is unable to change its own laws as it isn't an established church.

[Cat]

Oh, just hiking up....if it was Mt Washington, it'd be about a 4-5 hr hike up, and I;d have a white skirt in my pack to throw over my hiking pants.

guests can take the auto road up, and no tradtional music needed :)

(no, I havent thought a bit about this...)

[Fryk]

Alot of people apparently didn't read closely. The church of England changed its laws so anybody can get married anywhere, but the church of Wales is unable to change its own laws as it isn't an established church.

If they're not an established church, then they should have no established rules, and each church would be free to do as they please.

And that sounds good, cat. Just hire Sir Integra as your DJ and it will all go well.

[Stormraven]

We got married in the backyard of my wife's grandparents' house, and held what reception there was inside. Her best friend officiated.

We didn't think a Wiccan ceremony would go over well with a Christian church. :)

[smileyeagle1021]

At least in America, it's hard to find an affordable, non-church, indoor venue for a wedding.

*ahem* Las Vegas ;)

[Boozy]

*ahem*. Airfare. ;)

[smileyeagle1021]

AA made no mention of transportation costs, only venue costs :p

[AdminAssistant]

AA made no mention of transportation costs, only venue costs :p

Yeah, Vegas is not so much happening for me. Since the current most likely candidate for groom is also from Arkansas, we'd probably get hitched there. And good luck having a non-church wedding. I'm loosely Christian, although I abhor most denominations, and he's Buddhist. (That's a long long way down the road, but who says I can't plan?) I will not go through the PITA of an outdoor event. I'd personally love to get married in a theatre, of course. :D

[Boozy]

I think it's wonderful that so many of you were able to marry in someone's home (or backyard, if the weather's nice). That would have been my first choice as well.

Unfortunately, once the guest list ballooned to over 100 people, we ran out of living rooms large enough. My husband and I have very big families, and they're close-knit.

We were seriously stuck for an indoor venue in this area. There were several non-church options, but they were extraordinarily pricey. We eventually did get married in a church, but it was an historical building that no longer offered services or had a congregation.

[elsporko]

I wanted to get married at my family's camp on the lake by my friend's brother who is a captain, but this idea got shot down by my fiancee's mom.

This idea, and a suggestion of what our song should be (Glory of True Love by John Prine) are the only contributions I have given to the wedding and they were both rejected. I officially wash my hands of the entire thing. The only reason I wanted a wedding was so I could get a blender, and now that I've gotten my grandmother's old blender I don't even have that to look forward to.

[smileyeagle1021]

Boozy, to be honest, I would love to be married in a church, not because of it's religious value (at least not for me)... but it has to be one of two churches, either the First United Methodist Church in Reno because it is such a gorgeous building inside and out. Here is an article on the church and its building (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://my.hsj.org/Portals/2/Schools/863/Article286724_Outside%2520Reno%2520First.jpg/300/300/jpg/Image.ashx&imgrefurl=http://my.hsj.org/Schools/Newspaper/tabid/100/view/frontpage/schoolid/863/articleid/286724/newspaperid/839/Reno_First_bridges_past_present.aspx&usg=__FjrjQAeO0OGh3237xWuxzh7-6OY=&h=225&w=300&sz=17&hl=en&start=4&itbs=1&tbnid=mrQD22Z3ztIwyM:&tbnh=87&tbnw=116&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfirst%2Bunited%2Bmethodist%2Bchurch%2 Breno%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disc h:1). The other one would be South Reno United Methodist Church because it has an outdoor gazebo with a nearly unobstructed view of Rose (the namesake of Mount Rose... seriously, look at the mounting and it looks like a woman lying on her back)... and then worst case scenario can move into the sanctuary which, while not the best venue on the planet, is still rather comfortable.

[Fryk]

Sporko that is why my #1 rule for my wedding was the my wife and I paid. No one else gets a vote, it's our ceremony. As long as my wife and I were happy, I could give two shits and a mouse fart what everyone else thought.

Not saying whether or not you paid, just saying that other people shooting ideas down for your own wedding blows.

[elsporko]

My fiance's mom is paying for pretty much everything so she gets to weigh in on the decisions.

[Slytovhand]

A) just because a person happens to be a member of parliament, does not mean that they shouldn't be permitted to bring to the government's attention certain 'issues' that arise in their community, and thus try to do something about it. In this case, a certain MP noticed something, and realised it was something that the local government needed a bill to change. (Given there is a Marriage (Wales) Bill, it would make sense). I'd also guess, since it did change at governmental level, that the marriage bill also had some similar stipulations - otherwise the bill would have been completely useless.

Short version - politicians are people too... (oh, ok, they're not!!!! :p)

B) can we start another civil war?? :p

[wraiths_crono]

There are some non-religious people who get married by a priest in a church in order to appease parents, grandparents, or other people who don't believe you're married until you're married by God. At least in America, it's hard to find an affordable, non-church, indoor venue for a wedding.

I like this: 1. My lady and I shall be having a viking style wedding (need more combatants tho lol) 2. out at a park.

Yes it is true most of my family says this will not be a marriage in the eyes of god, well im pagan so w/e. Tho I have checked and the park does want to charge more for a 'reservation for marriage service' than their normal 'having a family BBQ/reunion" oh well.

[tropicsgoddess]

Aside from all the Church and State stuff, if you don't even go to a church, why would you want to be married in it?

If a church has absolutely no significance to you other than the fact that it's a pretty backdrop for the wedding pictures, why bother?

That and if you don't go there you would have to donate like bout 10% of your money to them to get married there...eff that. I want to get married in a nice hotel ball room or something like that. Country clubs are nice too but 9 out of 10 times they're pretty pricey.

[Rapscallion]

Well, this is in Britain, and tithing is usually observed by groups such as JWs etc. Most mainstream religions pass around the collection plates and hope for the best.

Rapscallion

[KnitShoni]

Well, this is in Britain, and tithing is usually observed by groups such as JWs etc. Most mainstream religions pass around the collection plates and hope for the best.

Rapscallion

Ah. See, here, a lot of churches expect you to contribute to the collection plate in addition to tithing.

[Rapscallion]

I believe judaism still has the paying for the seat in the synagogue thing, so sort of similar. No idea about islam. My experience of the christian churches over here is that it's occasional fundraisers (church galas etc) and collection plates.

Rapscallion

[HYHYBT]

The churches I've been to, tithing is a suggested amount to put into the collection plate.

[jackfaire]

Believe it or not at one point I was a pretty big Christian and at that time I decided that Churches the buildings themselves were the furthest thing from God possible I preferred chapels in the middle of the woods with the benches made of fallen trees and the alter being a tree stump this to me was being closer to God.

That being said I have always wanted a wedding in creation in a forest clearing the seating made of materials natural to the area in a way so that as to look natural to the area.

If possible me and the others would make the seating on site and then burn all of it in a bonfire to celebrate. Most things would be from the woods themselves except where that wasn't possible and when we left it would be as if we never were there in the first place the only thing noting our passing being the photos we would take and the memories in our hearts.

[smileyeagle1021]

I'm having my ceremony at a state park. Jordenelle State Park has a gorgeous facility, with wrap around floor to ceiling windows, which really open seamlessly into an open area, all looking over the reservoir. It is truly a modern meets natural place, and the beauty of it, every penny I pay in venue charges is going to be used to fund the state park for all to enjoy. If I were to go to a church (not that any in Utah would have me), the money would go to improving the church which only its members would get to use. If I were a Christian, I'd guess that would be a good thing, but for one who is not a member of any organized church, I see no purpose in putting money into an organization that I will never use. Besides, who wants to be cramped up in a church in the city when we can have it in the wide open spaces in the mountains :)

This of course reminds me that I need to get my money together for paying for the deposit on that place... anyone feel like making a donationg :D