You know something is wrong with the US......

[Titi]

When an immigrant from what we call a third world country (Pakistan) is complaining about not letting her children play outside alone stating, "This isn't Pakistan. This is the US, where people only look out for themselves."

[Greenday]

I don't really see how people looking out for themselves relates to not being able to let your kids play outside...

[crazylegs]

I don't really see how people looking out for themselves relates to not being able to let your kids play outside...

I suppose its along the lines of if something happens then people won't go to their aid.

Perhaps. :shrug:

[Boozy]

Eastern cultures raise their children with the "it takes a village" mentality. All their kids play together and are kept watch over by all the parents.

In the West, its more like, "I got mine, you got yours."

The Pakistani mother is sad that her children can't play out of her sight as much because she doesn't have the same extended support network. It restricts both the children's freedom and hers.

[Titi]

Eastern cultures raise their children with the "it takes a village" mentality. All their kids play together and are kept watch over by all the parents.

In the West, its more like, "I got mine, you got yours."

The Pakistani mother is sad that her children can't play out of her sight as much because she doesn't have the same extended support network. It restricts both the children's freedom and hers.

You got it exactly. I understand because of the time I lived with my kids in a small town in Germany. It didn't matter whether you hated each other if one of "babies" (the older generation called all children under 10 babies) got hurt then they would be there for them (even to attempting to cross the language barrier) and it went both ways, my friends and I would be there for the German children and they would be there for ours.

It was really refreshing to know that if you were inside cooking dinner and your child wanted to be outside and play that you could let him (we lived in apartments so no fenced in backyard) and if they got injured that someone wasn't going to thinking what a bad mother or calling up CPS on you for being neglectful.

[rahmota]

Eastern cultures raise their children with the "it takes a village" mentality. All their kids play together and are kept watch over by all the parents.

In the West, its more like, "I got mine, you got yours."

Exactly in the more enlightened cultures people realize that looking out for the children is not only good from a standpoint of good but also from a standpoint of protecting the future of the village and society in general.

Unfortunately here in america peopel are too worried that the next person over is an abuser or pedophile or whatever to even reach out. Not to say that a little paranoia isnt a bad thing in america but still yeesh our country is messed up and definately needs an enema.

[Slytovhand]

Exactly in the more enlightened cultures people realize that looking out for the children is not only good from a standpoint of good but also from a standpoint of protecting the future of the village and society in general.

Agreed!!!

Unfortunately here in america peopel are too worried that the next person over is an abuser or pedophile or whatever to even reach out. Not to say that a little paranoia isnt a bad thing in america but still yeesh our country is messed up and definately needs an enema.

Not just in your country... over here, I recall the case where an adult male was asked (told to change seats on a plane because he was sitting next to a 'child'. Talk about paranoia!!!

Slyt

[daleduke17]

Eastern cultures raise their children with the "it takes a village" mentality. All their kids play together and are kept watch over by all the parents.

In the West, its more like, "I got mine, you got yours."

The Pakistani mother is sad that her children can't play out of her sight as much because she doesn't have the same extended support network. It restricts both the children's freedom and hers.

I'm probably going to get blasted on this, but, the mother is upset because someone actually called her on not watching her own kids? Oh my God, take a little responsibility for your own kids. If you want this to be like Pakistan, either move to a neighborhood with a high population of Pakistanis (if there is such a thing like Chinatown, Little Italy, etc) or go to Pakistan.

While I was raised in a small town and frequently played outside unsupervised, I can guarantee you my parents (or whoever I was entrusted with) weren't too far away. It wasn't let whoever happens to be nearby supervise me.

So, to the upset mother: take some damn responsibility for your kids. They are YOUR responsibility.

[Boozy]

So, to the upset mother: take some damn responsibility for your kids. They are YOUR responsibility.

I was waiting for someone to say something like this. You've misunderstood.

Of course she takes responsibility for her children. In fact, in Pakistan, she took responsibility for her own children and every other child in her neighbourhood. And so did every other parent.

That's a huge support network, and is beneficial for everyone, parent and child alike.

[kamn]

...While I was raised in a small town and frequently played outside unsupervised, I can guarantee you my parents (or whoever I was entrusted with) weren't too far away. It wasn't let whoever happens to be nearby supervise me.

So, to the upset mother: take some damn responsibility for your kids. They are YOUR responsibility.

I think that she is complaining that she cant count on a random stranger to help her kid if something bad happened to it. And since she is complaining about it, I think she is taking responsibility (although grudgingly).

[daleduke17]

I was waiting for someone to say something like this. You've misunderstood.

Of course she takes responsibility for her children. In fact, in Pakistan, she took responsibility for her own children and every other child in her neighbourhood. And so did every other parent.

That's a huge support network, and is beneficial for everyone, parent and child alike.

It isn't so much that I've misunderstood, as I'm probably reading it differently. My view is that it is like a parent leaving their kid in the toy section of a store, and the store getting upset at the parent for leaving them there. It isn't the store's responsibility to look after the kid. Just like it isn't the neighborhood's responsibility to look after the kid.

In the US parents are expected to look after their kids more directly than in Pakistan. Why come here and get upset? Just like immigrants coming and expecting US citizens to know and speak their language. I have no problem with immigrants coming as long as they acknowledge, understand and respect our beliefs, customs and nuances. Would I go over to India with a grill and cook up some ribeyes? No. As I would respect their beliefs.

[Boozy]

Just like it isn't the neighborhood's responsibility to look after the kid.

That's the way you feel as a result of being raised in your culture. That's not the way it is in most parts of the world.

In the US parents are expected to look after their kids more directly than in Pakistan.

This statement is what makes me think you've misunderstood. Pakistani parents don't have less responsibility for children, they have more. Because they feel responsible for all children in their neighbourhood, not just theirs.

Yes, it frequently allows them the freedom to turn around and focus on something else for a minute or two. Because theirs is not the only pair of eyes watching their children. But at the same time, they keep an eye on other people's children as closely as their own.

Would I go over to India with a grill and cook up some ribeyes? No. As I would respect their beliefs.

Can not caring about your neighbours really be considered a "belief"? Comparing that attitude to the religious tenets of Hinduism doesn't seem appropriate to me.

Besides, she's not being disrespectful, and she's not really complaining. Just drawing a distinction between her culture and ours.

[daleduke17]

That's the way you feel as a result of being raised in your culture. That's not the way it is in most parts of the world.


Yes, and she is coming into an area that is following my (or a similar) culture.


This statement is what makes me think you've misunderstood. Pakistani parents don't have less responsibility for children, they have more. Because they feel responsible for all children in their neighbourhood, not just theirs.


In Pakistan, that is all fine and well. Not here.


Can not caring about your neighbours really be considered a "belief"?

Besides, she's not being disrespectful, and she's not really complaining. Just drawing a distinction between her culture and ours.

It isn't "not caring about your neighbors". It is taking some responsibility on your children. A person shouldn't be required to keep an eye on someone else's kid just because that kid's parent is from an area that belives that.


Comparing that attitude to the religious tenets of Hinduism doesn't seem appropriate to me.

How would you feel, if you were Hindu, and I started eating a ribeye sandwich? Pretty upset, right? That's the kind of reaction I get to the woman in the OP. "I want it this way, you WILL change your way to suit me."

[the_std]

How would you feel, if you were Hindu, and I started eating a ribeye sandwich? Pretty upset, right? That's the kind of reaction I get to the woman in the OP. "I want it this way, you WILL change your way to suit me."

The Pakistani woman never asked anyone to change to suit the kind of child-rearing she was used to. She was merely commenting on the difference between Pakistan and here, and how she was disappointed that she couldn't do it the same way here as should could back in Pakistan. Doesn't mean she's abandoning her kids to the neighbourhood and saying, "You all have to watch them now! I'm going to the bar!"

[Slytovhand]

Yeah Dale, I'm with the others on this...

I understand where you are coming from in what you are saying, but the direction we're coming from isn't about parental responsibility and all, but the fact that the sense of community is seriously lacking in todays western society.

I can appreciate that...

Slyt

[Boozy]

A person shouldn't be required to keep an eye on someone else's kid just because that kid's parent is from an area that belives that.

Quit setting up strawmen.

The only information we have on this woman is the one comment she made in the OP, which reads:

"This isn't Pakistan. This is the US, where people only look out for themselves."

To our knowledge, she has never told her neighbours to watch her kids because she doesn't want to. In fact, the quote above would indicate that she entirely understands that the rules are different here, and that she in fact adheres to them.

[Titi]

It looks like I have to clarify. My coworker is NOT and would NOT force responsibility for caring for her children to someone else. She was complaining because she DOESN'T FEEL SAFE to even let her daughter (7) walk down the street to a friend's house alone. Heck when her children are outside and she is watching them, she DOESN'T FEEL SAFE even to leave them just to use the bathroom. She felt safe in Pakistan.

And we live in a what is considered a good area. (Lancaster County PA among the Amish.)

[Millahtyme1983]

To be honest I don't think that sort of thing is entire lacking in American culture, at least not when I was a kid, which admittedly was awhile ago. We lived right next to a playground and my parents did not have a problem letting me play with the neighborhood kids because most of our houses overlooked the playground so there was always somebody watching. I can recall a few times that something happened like somebody falling of their bike or getting hurt somehow and one of our parents would be running out of the house before we even had to say anything, usually not the parents of the party involved, though they would find out rather quickly.