Creepy like beauty in the eye of the beholder?

[jackfaire]

I have noticed a trend not just when I flirt with people but when anyone does.

What you say is never as important as how you look.

If you are stereo typically gorgeous you can say some of the creepiest line and the person is gushing about how this hot person was flirting with him/her; however if you aren't classically attractive extra weight, skin problems etc then suddenly the same person is shuddering and telling their friends how creepy that person was for even deigning to flirt with them.

For example incredibly hot person leers at them and says something one step away from, "Hop into my bed it could be fun" and I hear "Oh my god that hot guy at the bar was totally hitting on me that is so freaking awesome"

Then same person someone who is overweight tells them, "I think you are very pretty" and not in a way that most people would define as creepy just in like you would observe beauty way and suddenly the person is all, "OH my god can you believe that person was hitting on me how creepy"

Is it just me and having shallow coworkers or do other people see that as well?

[Glados]

You're not alone. I see this attitude too. I am back in college and it's all over the campus with the younger crowd but I am sure that it carries into older years as well.

[HYHYBT]

One reason I never do anything that might remotely be considered flirting.

Of course, that approach (or lack thereof) has its drawbacks as well.

[protege]

One reason I never do anything that might remotely be considered flirting.

That's why I've given up. I'm tired of wasting my time.

[Andara Bledin]

Well, at the very least, they're letting you know right up front that they're shallow twits who don't deserve the attention of anyone who wants a relationship with any depth.

^-.-^

[Canarr]

Well - that's pretty normal, if you pause to think about it.

It's the same mechanism that lets you believe your significant other is beautiful, even if, maybe, she isn't (eye of the beholder, again). As humans, we are naturally predisposed to viewing people we like, love, or are simply attracted to, in a more favorable light than those that don't fall into one of these categories. This, of course, extends to their actions as well.

Therefore, people we like get away with more than we'd accept from people we don't like. It's not even necessarily a conscious action; we just rationalize bad behavior, until it has - for us - reached an acceptable level.

So, yeah: Creepiness and beauty are both in the eye of the beholder. The rest of the party is in the stomach of the Beholder...

[jackfaire]

So, yeah: Creepiness and beauty are both in the eye of the beholder. The rest of the party is in the stomach of the Beholder...

See for me that's weird because to me I don't have a How much I like you VS how creepy you can be scale.

If I think flirting with me is fine it doesn't become creepy because I am not interested.

You grab my ass randomly I don't care how hot you are it's fucking weird.

[Canarr]

So, you've never been hit on by someone you found absolutely unattractive? Never had a one-second-impulse, "Ugh! What the hell?" response?

It's happened to me, once or twice, and I'm not exactly George Clooney. And while I try to be civil in such a case (mostly, because I always try to be civil unless the opposite is warranted), it wasn't fun. On the other hand, having an attractive woman show an interest in me is an ego boost.

[AdminAssistant]

So, you've never been hit on by someone you found absolutely unattractive? Never had a one-second-impulse, "Ugh! What the hell?" response?

Exactly. It's even happened to me, in my younger and thinner days. I distinctly remember being backed in a corner by a very tall, very overweight rugby player, who was insisting on my number. Gave him a fake one just to get him to back the fuck off. That, my friends, was creepy.

It can also be a matter of reading body language. A woman at the bar sipping a drink, reading the paper, or chatting with friends is probably not there to be ogled or hit on, and I don't think women have the responsibility to sweet talk every potential suitor. It's dangerous, for one. After all, we're all told to be clear and assertive with our 'no's, aren't we?

[Canarr]

That's another good point: facial expression and body language of the wannabe-suitor. After all, no two people behave exactly alike; even if two guys used the exact same lines on one girl, she'd still feel differently about them, because they'll look, and sound, and stand/sit/lean, and smell differently.

Smell is, actually, more important in judging other people than we generally give it credit for. Our sense of smell is hard-wired directly into a very instinctive part of our nervous system (forgive me if I'm not 100% correct here, biology isn't my strong suit). If someone smells "wrong" to you - because your mind connects something about his smell with some unpleasant experience from years ago that you've forgotten all about by now - then it won't matter if they are friendly, charming, good-looking or whatever. You won't like them. And you won't even know why.

[jackfaire]

So, you've never been hit on by someone you found absolutely unattractive? Never had a one-second-impulse, "Ugh! What the hell?" response? .

Yes I have been hit on by people that I haven't found attractive but it never disgusted me or creeped me out. I was flattered and let them down gently.

Probably cuz until I was an adult I never got hit on like ever.

I was always the brooding loner kid and people steered clear even more so after Columbine

Exactly. It's even happened to me, in my younger and thinner days. I distinctly remember being backed in a corner by a very tall, very overweight rugby player, who was insisting on my number. Gave him a fake one just to get him to back the fuck off. That, my friends, was creepy.


That is creepy period. If someone said that but inserted Brad Pitt and gushed about how awesome it was I would wonder what the heck is wrong with the person gushing.

Someone backs you into a corner insisting on your number that's a step beyond just hitting on you and well into creepy territory.

[Canarr]

Someone backs you into a corner insisting on your number that's a step beyond just hitting on you and well into creepy territory.

That's the problem right there: the line between hitting on someone and being creepy is very thin, and very, very subjective. Most people probably aren't even aware that they're making a conscious decision about it, but it'll still pop up in their mind - either, "Hey, that cute girl is shooting me looks! Score!" or "Why is that woman staring at me like this? She reminds me of the character from Misery..."

It's an involuntary reaction.

[Boozy]

Much of the time, the line between creepy and uncreepy has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with social cues and body language.

It's okay to shoot side-long glances across the room at a woman you are interested in. It is not okay to fix an unbroken gaze on that woman for the entire night.

It's all right to momentarily place your hand on a woman's arm while chatting with her, to indicate your interest, as long as that woman is being friendly to you and her body language is open. It is (usually) not okay to place your hand on a woman's arm to get her attention or to begin a conversation.

I could go on. My point is that sometimes I think guys blame their perceived physical flaws for coming off as creepy, instead of the fact that they have no game.

[AdminAssistant]

I could go on. My point is that sometimes I think guys blame their perceived physical flaws for coming off as creepy, instead of the fact that they have no game.

*High Five*

[Sleepwalker]

"That is creepy period. If someone said that but inserted Brad Pitt and gushed about how awesome it was I would wonder what the heck is wrong with the person gushing.

Someone backs you into a corner insisting on your number that's a step beyond just hitting on you and well into creepy territory."

Pitt wouldn't have backed said person into a corner because said person would have welcomed his advances.

[blas87]

I agree with Boozy and Admin.

Now, I wish I could make a PSA that says just because two or more girls are out on the town by themselves, does NOT MEAN they are out to be hit on or picked up. See the girls hanging out amongst themselves, talking to each other, dancing with each other and only each other? They are NOT INTERESTED in being hit on or taken home. And even if they are dressed nice and dancing with each other, that DOES NOT MEAN approach and be lecherous. It's girls' night. FUCK OFF.

I am also inclinced to agree with Boozy. It's not always because you're fat or ugly. Mostly, it's because I saw you gawking at me for an hour, ominously following me around the bar, and even saw you hiding around a group of people still staring. So, by the time you come up and say something, I think you're a serial killer and need to go away.

[Hyena Dandy]

Pitt wouldn't have backed said person into a corner because said person would have welcomed his advances.


Unless they didn't find him attractive. Or they weren't interested in men. Or, hell, just didn't like the guy. I mean, you can be attractive, and still be a creeper.

[Sleepwalker]

They wouldn't have gushed about him afterwards though. The Pitt example clearly states that Pitt's advances were considered awesome. So it is more than just looks, it is also behavior.

If someone stands, say, with his hand on the wall behind me and very close after we have been flirting for ten minutes, that is welcome. If someone has backed me into the corner while I have frantically been trying to brush him off for ten minutes, that is horrifying. It might start because of looks, but it is the behavior that crosses the line.

[Sleepwalker]

Meh, this is probably the wrong thread for me to begin with. I do not believe anyone has the right to pussy or peen. Those things are parts of someone else' body, and I don't give a shit if they don't like you because you got straight As in math, are black, or weigh more than a hundred pounds, if you are resenting them for not giving you the pussy/peen you 'deserve', you are the creep, not them.

[Shangri-laschild]

For example incredibly hot person leers at them and says something one step away from, "Hop into my bed it could be fun" and I hear "Oh my god that hot guy at the bar was totally hitting on me that is so freaking awesome"

It could be that I've been watching Leverage too much lately but that kind of line would probably set off my "stab him with a fork he's being suspicious" thoughts no matter what they looked like. And not because of any feelings I have towards myself but completely because I tend to generally be more suspicious/skeptical of that type of guy in general.

Is it just me and having shallow coworkers or do other people see that as well?

I've known girls who would react like you said to the two difference scenarios no matter how creepy or not creepy the other person was being. I've got to agree with the person who made the comment about weeding out certain girls.

Much of the time, the line between creepy and uncreepy has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with social cues and body language.

Have to agree with this. I've been hit on by people who I found unattractive. Honestly that in and of itself it didn't creep me out. I may have felt a little nervous about how to properly respond just because I'm sometimes bad with people but so long as they weren't creepy about how they hit on me it wasn't a big deal.

[DGoddess]

That's why I've given up. I'm tired of wasting my time.

Or you may not be wasting your time, as you put it, in the right place.;)