Marriage?

[MergedLoki]

Alright I'm really not sure what board this should go under so move if necessary.

Here's the thing... My question here is WHY do we have marriage?
and yea i'm sure i'll catch alotta flak for this but so be it.

Like... if you're IN a comitted strong relationship do you need government approval and a piece of paper or else BOOM everything will go to shit one day if say... the living room isn't vaccumed?

I mean... who invented marriage who's the guy that said 'baby this shit we got is so good we GOT to get the gov't involved in our personal private life and pay them a fee in order to 'officaly' recognize our union as a couple'

but.. it's part of society now. and if you dont marry her fellas then you're an asshole.

I mean that being said I'll probably get married some day as i'm IN a long term relationship and I love my gf. so when and if i do it'll be for her to make her happy. cuz honestly when i think 'wedding' i think 'boring ass ceremony that no one really wants to bother with but needs to be done and over with so we can move on to big ass party with friends and family'

like.. why all the legal mumbo jumbo and legal issues. etc. being 'married' should be like... pinky swearing when you were a kid, a pointless act that has no REAL meaning except to you and the other person. 'oh yep promise can NEVER be broken now we pinky swore'... 'ok yea we... jumped through a hoop and ran in a circle backwards 3 times we're married now woooo'

like the speeches. i mean hell. EVERYONE you know thats getting married. everyone who's gonna BE at the wedding has already said 'congrats, awesome way to go' what more NEEDS to be said. I 100% gurantee that the ONLY person who cares about the speeches is up at the podium talking 'the first time i knew what love was, was when i saw harry and joanne meet blah blah blah'. they're talking and... no one's really payign attention the other speakers are thinking about what THEY need to say and the REST of the guests are thinking 'shut up so we can go back to partying as oppose to listening to 5 hours of this drivel.'

really should be short to the point 'congrats, we're done lets go'

and.. end rant.

[Boozy]

There are practical reasons for the government to recognize partnerships. Here's an old post of mine listing some of the benefits of marriage to both the couple and society:

http://www.fratching.com/showthread....1761#post31761

I find it convenient that the government recognizes my marriage, but that has nothing to do with my relationship with my husband. That would have been solid regardless.

If a couple does not feel the need to take advantage of the many legal benefits that marriage provides, or they are not religious and don't need their marriage to be recognized by their church, there's no real reason to get married. Couples in this situation often don't.

[MaggieTheCat]

I know a few couples who are in a long-term relationship and don't want to get married. It's not a big deal to them and I think that's great, more power to them. My husband and I debated back and forth a bit about whether we were going to get married or not. He didn't want a big wedding and neither one of us feel that we have to have a piece of paper saying we're going to be together forever in order for us to be together forever. However, in the end, we decided we would for all the benefits provided, which I believe Boozy listed in the other post (stuff like insurance, being each others' next of kin, etc.)

We had a VERY low-key wedding. Only one person (besides us and the justice of the peace) attended. There were no speeches and nothing fancy whatsoever about it. The whole thing took maybe 20 minutes, and that was with our friend taking a few photos of my husband and I and the JOP. So you can get married without all the frivolity involved.

That being said, I think if someone wants to have a big, traditional wedding, that's fine, if they can afford it. To each their own.

[BroomJockey]

Here's the thing... My question here is WHY do we have marriage?

Because churches previously held insane amounts of control over government, to the point of basically being theocracies. Thus the formerly religious arrangement of one man and one woman being bound together by the soul became part of secular life, because by controlling marriage, churches could control divorce as well. It has been maintained as such both for convenience's sake (Boozy mentioned the legal benefits) and so that governments could enforce their own form of morality and what they felt was the most culturally and economically beneficial unit.

[Rapscallion]

My hypothesis is that marriage was designed by women way back when to protect themselves. This is when religion stepped in to take it upon themselves to control more aspects.

Look at the average bloke. Attracted to young women, right? Back when might made right, then a wandering todger attracted to the next young thing is likely to happen. A woman knows that eventually she'll get older and her looks will fade, so the women aranged a system whereby, "No nookie until we're committed as a couple, and here's some penalties if you stray."

That's my thoughts on the origin on marriage. I'm fairly certain I'm close to the facts, but it's educated guesswork from knowing what men are like.

Is marriage good or bad? No idea. If it works for someone then that's good for them. No real opinion either way from me.

Rapscallion

[Flyndaran]

Weddings were uses to assume legitimacy for children borne by the woman before DNA evidence makes it unnecessary. It was also used to create alliances between groups.
Now a days, marriage is only useful for medical and legal decisions when one partner is incapacitated. There's no logical reason to disallow any group that wants such a legal bond, whether two gay men, or two men and two woman in a group.

[MergedLoki]

Actually i do remember reading a few years back that back in the day basically you WERE a virgin until you were married there were plenty of guys who'd marry a woman JUST to get to sleep with her. (kinda throws morality out the window there).

Yea my whole issue w/the gov't legal benefits thing is more that I feel the gov't should ONLY look at you as an individual. But that's just me so meh.

anyways i just wanted to rant. lol.

[blas87]

It's your own choice if you want to get married or not. No one can make you do it. And if you can find a person to share life with that feels the same, more power to you.

[guywithashovel]

It's probably because people living in stable family units usually makes for a more productive society. Now, that's not to say that people who don't get married can't have stable lives or aren't productive. Marriage was probably just a way for the government to promote order.

To sum up my feelings on the matter: I like the idea of getting married, but I don't necessarily like the idea of having a wedding. I'm hoping that any girl I meet will be fine with a small, simple, calm ceremony. I don't want to put up with dozens of relatives running around fussing over these flowers not being the right color or the tuxedos not being just right or the decorations not matching or whatever other petty thing people find to get riled up over when a wedding is being planned. And most of all, I don't want a bridezilla on my heads biting my head off every time the wind doesn't blow in the right direction. I hate drama, and I hate lavish expressions of emotion.

[Teysa]

I've been with my partner for over ten years now. I've known him even longer than that. We've told our friends that we're married and we consider ourselves married before God. Someday, maybe, we'll get around to telling the government. We've been through the for better and the for worse. We're going through some of the for worse right now. However, we know we'll make it because we're going through it together.

We don't need a wedding or a piece of paper to tell us what we already know.

[kiwi]

Marriage has only recently become about love, in its most original form it was an exchange of property. The woman being the property that was transferred from father to husband. Every culture has their own history/ reason for marriage but basically it gave the husband the exclusive sexual rights of his wife. Keep in mind that until very recently a woman could be divorced for being barren/refusing to fufill her marital "duties".

In the early modern period (for a eurocentric point of view) the state became involved in the early 1700's to try and "standardise" marriage. It is only very recently (in the last 150 years) that marriages have stopped for the most part being arranged in western culture and that practise continues in other cultures.

In current times at least in western culture most people marry for love or security or tax purposes. Now that women are legally independant of a guardian in most parts of the world, they are free to choose.

Im not passing any value judgements on arranged marriages by the way, each to their own.

[HYHYBT]

Yea my whole issue w/the gov't legal benefits thing is more that I feel the gov't should ONLY look at you as an individual. But that's just me so meh.

Legal kinship is a big deal, especially for medical issues, funeral arrangements, sometimes immigration... and one of the biggest benefits of marriage is the right to a legal divorce. Why should such things *not* be available, or how would you go about them while treating everyone solely as an individual?

[jackfaire]

My girlfriend doesn't want to get married. Me I am either way on it. I was married once and having the government involved did not promote any sort of stability or change anything that was there before the wedding.

If two people want to be together they will.

[Flyndaran]

My girlfriend doesn't want to get married. Me I am either way on it. I was married once and having the government involved did not promote any sort of stability or change anything that was there before the wedding.

If two people want to be together they will.

As of yesterday, my girlfriend and I have been together for 11 years.

[jackfaire]

As of yesterday, my girlfriend and I have been together for 11 years.

Congrats!