Inviting people to eat at your place..

[suchislife2]

Then asking them to pay for it after they have eaten???

Now this is interesting. I heard a story about a person I know being invited to go to his boyfriends sisters home for dinner. Not sure if it's relevant but, apart from the guy I know they are all germen and living there at the moment. noAfter the meal was finished the sister then asked them to pay for their meal. Much like you would if you went to a restaurant :S This was a meal she prapared and cooked herself, not one of those times when you say "hey come over and we'll order pizza/chinese and OH would you mind just bringing a little cash to help out? " No

If I invite someone over for dinner that I will be cooking and so on I would NEVER think to tell them after the meal that they had to pay for it. That's just beyond rude to me. :S am I missing something??

[Wingates_Hellsing]

When you're offering someone a meal, then the assumption is that only the included information applies (person offered meal get's meal from host). If you expect to be re-payed, that should be made clear up-front. Otherwise the host cannot expect nor demand anything.

[Plaidman]

It would be unthinkable from my viewpoint to do that.

However, after mucho google fu, seems to be a ettiquete deal in Germany to bring a gift. chocolates, importanted wine (Bringing German wine is an insult. Implies that they won't serve quality wine). Flowers are ok, as long as their yellow roses or tea roses. Red roses means romantic. Carnations are mourning. lilies are funerals. Not sure if your pal brought a gift or not. Not sure how much she even asked for.


That being said, assuming it was really recently, tell pal to send a handwritten thank note to place ASAP. Another one of those etiquette deals.

Not all countries follow America rules of food serving, and if they are freshly immigrated, they might still be going based on what they grew up with.

Unlike some people here, I don't belive immigrants should completly change their entire culture to fit America culture, seeing as we aren't any better then theirs.

[Greenday]

Well, local custom would say that's ridiculous. Demanding money for a home cooked meal is absurd. But, part of what Plaidman mentioned, if someone was going to make me a home cooked meal, I might bring a bottle of wine or offer to get something they might need on the way there.

[HYHYBT]

All sorts of things are right and proper when agreed to in advance, whether explicitly or by shared custom. And honest misunderstandings happen... the question is, *was* this an honest misunderstanding? Hard to tell.

[suchislife2]

don't know the full details but it just seemed off to me.

BUT then again different cultures do, do it differently I guess :S

Still

[Boozy]

Inviting someone to your home for a meal and then presenting them with a bill is considered abhorrent manners in every culture of which I am aware.

Something that seems to have fallen out of favour is the act of paying for a restaurant meal if you were the one extending the invitation. For example, if my husband and I ask friends to join us for a dinner at the new steakhouse downtown, we'll be picking up the check. We invited, we pay.

But more and more, it seems that people are being invited to restaurant meals and being expected to go "dutch". This even happened at a birthday party to which I was invited recently. Not only was I expected to bring a gift to the "hostess" (also the birthday girl), but I was also asked to pay my way. I won't be attending any parties given by this person again.

[AdminAssistant]

I agree that presenting a bill for a homecooked meal is horrible manners. If I have people over, I cook for them. If I can't afford to cook for them, I don't invite company.

However, among my group of friends, if there's a birthday, the birthday person will pick a restaurant and we'll all pay for our own meal. The more considerate among us pick a place that's relatively affordable. However, one friend absolutely insists on going to a sushi place that's not only expensive, but always leaves me hungry.

[MaggieTheCat]

When I invite our group of friends over for lunch or dinner I would never dream of asking them to pay. I did get annoyed when, after several weeks of me making lunch on Sundays for the group and asking them to bring something like soda or fresh fruit to go with it, nobody would bring anything, and I let them know. They usually bring something to pass now whenever they come over.

With regards to going out to eat at a restaurant, I've never heard of the inviting party paying for everyone's meal. I'm not saying it's not a tradition or custom, but we've never done it. If one of our friends says to us or to our group of friends, "Hey you guys wanna do dinner one night this week?" I would never expect them to pay our way. I have gone to many birthday dinners where I have paid my own way (or my husband and I have paid for both of our meals) and then we also bring a gift for the person whose birthday it is, or do something else similar to a gift like make dessert for after, or buy their meal, or take them out on a separate occasion if their meal is already paid for. I would not expect the person who organized the party to pay for everyone's dinner, especially if there are a lot of people in attendance.

[Boozy]

With regards to going out to eat at a restaurant, I've never heard of the inviting party paying for everyone's meal.

Like I said, it seems to have fallen out of favour.

In some groups of friends, there's an understanding that all meals are dutch unless someone says otherwise. But if no understanding exists (ie, you haven't dined out with them before), then none should be presumed. So when I invite someone to lunch or dinner out, I am fully prepared to pay.

[Red Panda]

I think its kind of nuts to expect somebody to pay for all the meals when they invite people out for their birthday. You invite ten people who spend ten dollars each you're looking at a 100 dollar bill. Who can afford that?

Unlike some people here, I don't belive immigrants should completly change their entire culture to fit America culture, seeing as we aren't any better then theirs.

To expect others to follow some part of your culture because it benefits you isn't very nice.

[Plaidman]

To expect others to follow some part of your culture because it benefits you isn't very nice.

So.... since it benefits YOU to not follow their culture, because it's YOUR benefit and culture guess that means your not very nice?

[KellyHabersham]

Something that seems to have fallen out of favour is the act of paying for a restaurant meal if you were the one extending the invitation. For example, if my husband and I ask friends to join us for a dinner at the new steakhouse downtown, we'll be picking up the check. We invited, we pay.

But more and more, it seems that people are being invited to restaurant meals and being expected to go "dutch".

I kind of had this experience the last time I went out on a date - it was the first time I'd been out with the guy, he'd been the one to initiate things/invite me to dinner, and it wasn't until the waitress brought the check that he let on he was expecting to split the bill. Fortunately I'd planned for this, but it still felt weird......especially as the guy dropped hints that on future dates, I'd also be expected to pay my own way.

[Greenday]

I kind of had this experience the last time I went out on a date - it was the first time I'd been out with the guy, he'd been the one to initiate things/invite me to dinner, and it wasn't until the waitress brought the check that he let on he was expecting to split the bill. Fortunately I'd planned for this, but it still felt weird......especially as the guy dropped hints that on future dates, I'd also be expected to pay my own way.

See, that's what gets me. Women (the majority anyway) almost seem to expect men to pay for stuff. If the only reason I should be the one paying for the meal is because I'm the man, then that's laughable. It's a pretty sexist attitude to expect guys to be the only ones to pay (I'm not saying this is your attitude as you brought money to pay your own way).

[Rebel]

See, that's what gets me. Women (the majority anyway) almost seem to expect men to pay for stuff. If the only reason I should be the one paying for the meal is because I'm the man, then that's laughable. It's a pretty sexist attitude to expect guys to be the only ones to pay (I'm not saying this is your attitude as you brought money to pay your own way).

I hate women who expect the guy to pay, but sometimes it can be thought of as a given if the guy was the one asking for a date.
Every date I go on, I always bring money and try to pay for my share. Otherwise, the guy might think that he's 'in' and that the night is going to end very well for him.
Yeah, no. I'm a 3 date minimum type of girl.

As to the OP, it does seem a little rude to expect your guests to pay for a home-cooked meal. If it is because of their home countries social customs, then they should realise that their guests are most probably not aware of it and give them a heads up. If they don't, then it's their own fault and their guests shouldn't be held at fault or made to feel uncomfortable after the meal.

That being said, who doesn't bring a bottle of wine or something similar when invited over for dinner. It's just polite (even if that same bottle does end up being handed back and forth with every dinner party #cough# not that I've done that.)