Baby Showers

[jackfaire]

I have only one kid and I was at the baby shower. That being said apparently I know nothing about them.

I am watching a show and the woman wants a baby shower to help her out with getting new baby things because this is the fifth baby and they planned on stopping at four so had no baby things.

2 things the episode points out

1) It is inappropriate to throw your own shower and to invite your own friends to it..

2) it is inappropriate to throw a baby shower if it is the fifth baby, possible implications that only the first child should have a baby shower.

Thoughts?

[bex1218]

This is what I hate. People thinking that there are set rules for everything out there, when a lot of it depends on what the person wants. They can make up their own rules about their weddings, baby showers, etc. But when someone on the outside interferes, it turns into a bigger mess than it should be.

Fuck that.

[jackfaire]

Honestly I don't think there are set rules and the rules cited were expressed as rules that the person in the show throwing themselves the shower believes in.

Call them accepted customs if you will. Some things come with different sets of customs in different areas. For example the Suburbia often seen in Hollywood isn't much like the suburbia I grew up in. However from my forays into eastern part of the country I gather their suburbs are very different than the suburbs in my area.

I figured Baby Shower customs similarly differ in various parts of the country and I was curious about baby shower customs more than whether it's right or wrong.

[bex1218]

I didn't think of it that way. Unfortunately even customs are different for other people, too. Not just the area. It makes things so bad.

[kiwi]

I think customs are different by region/ country but in general I agree with you.

My Mother threw a baby shower for her DIL which I refused to go to, my DIL then also threw a shower for herself, which I refused to go to. Neither of them could understand how "gift grabby" it made them look. Then again this was the mother to be who demanded a $1500 crib and $400 highchair for her child and would only dress her in organic cotton clothing.

It's the same with any shower, my friend and her mother got REALLY upset when people declined their third wedding shower, they had a joint engagement party, a hens party and then kitchen tea, expecting gifts at all 3 and also at the wedding. By the the kitchen tea people were out of money and out of patience. They tried to backtrack and say the kitchen tea was you bring your favourite recipe and the ingredients for the bride-to-be to try. They didn't get it. I don't want to spend $300 on your wedding/ baby/ whatever.

[HYHYBT]

I don't see the first one, particularly, as a rule so much as common sense. A shower is, by definition, an occasion specifically for the purpose of giving someone gifts. Throwing a shower is saying "let's all get soandso a bunch of stuff for the new baby/house/marriage/whatever." Throwing *yourself* a shower is saying "hey, y'all go buy me stuff!" No rule against it, it's just tacky.

As for having one for the fifth baby... well, that depends. To me, the appropriateness of a shower doesn't depend on its being the first, but on whether the person being showered is lacking a lot of stuff they need for an upcoming life event. If they're not, but you want to celebrate, call it a party instead of a shower and don't focus on gifts.

(And, along the same lines, wedding gifts.)

[tropicsgoddess]

I've been to plenty of baby showers and seen showers for not just first babies, but also if the second, third, etc. baby is the opposite sex of the first. The fifth baby thing like the OP was referring to, I can see that happening because really, after so many years and after giving the older kids baby stuff away, the fifth was unplanned and they didn't have baby stuff for it. Throwing yourself a baby shower is just rude and screams gimme pig to be honest. It's nice if somebody threw a baby shower for you but to think that you're ENTITLED to people giving you gifts just because you're pregnant. I don't think so. Same goes for the bridal showers. I get irked when the guest of honor doesn't at least show appreciation and gratitude to those that came and gave gifts for them for any reason.

[bex1218]

Here's something to think about:

My roomies cousin is pregnant with a boy. She wants to not only throw a baby shower. But 5. For one baby.

[AdminAssistant]

Cripes. I'd be very very tempted to give them a box of condoms at the shower, particularly if I'd been invited to more than one.

Although, my sister had seven wedding showers. There was the: family shower, church shower, co-ed shower, lingerie shower, and then each of their workplaces gave them a shower.

[bex1218]

The workplaces I can understand a little, and maybe the church. Small get togethers. Nothing too fancy. But wow.

[AdminAssistant]

She didn't ask for any of 'em either, she was just told to show up.

[bex1218]

Yeah. Thats different than throwing 5 of your own for one kid. One I can understand a bit more.

[guywithashovel]

I think a general rule of thumb is that you only get a baby shower for the first kid, but I can see why people would appreciate showers for following kids, especially if they are of the opposite sex.

My sister had a baby shower for her first baby, the one who was a still born. They went against convention and invited men to it. I don't think she's had showers for her other two babies, though. If she did, I didn't hear about them and wasn't invited to them.

[fireheart17]

Showers I have heard of/been invited to (but couldn't go to because of work):

Cousin's Firstborn: was invited, couldn't go, but apparently her sisters (my cousins) hosted the shower. My mum and sister went and took along a "baby bath" full of things that my cousin would need including nappies, pacifiers, burp cloths and whatnot. I threw in some baby board books for my contribution (did not want to put a onesie in because none of us knew the sex)

Other Cousin's Babies: For the firstborn her mother hosted a shower, not so sure about the second one. Although because they were both boys, it didn't matter so much. Not sure if it was female-only.

Girl I used to work with: threw the shower herself, it was more of a piss-up if anything (she was around 18) and everyone was drinking (from what I heard, her included). Not sure if she expected gifts.

Girl I went to school with: She hosted a shower, although everyone gave gifts. I only suspect that she hosted it based on questions she was asking on facebook about the big day (i.e. "Should I do cupcakes, what kind of food should I do?" and so on). I have no idea if she'll hold a shower for #2 but I suspect that she might, due to the fact that #2 is a boy.

Girl I Went To School With #2: I think her family threw the shower and it was mixed-gender. Not sure what games she did, although from memory, I think one of her gifts was a framed photo of her and her partner while she was pregnant (a friend of hers was trying to build a portfolio and did some shoots of my friend week-by-week while she was pregnant)

Out of those, only one of those I consider to be outright tacky and that's the one involving the piss-up. Why? Because the girl I went to school with was not outright demanding about presents, she was wanting to spend time with her friends and from my guess, it was a case of "Friends + Baby=baby shower"

The girl I used to work with however, her attitude gave the impression that she was playing the pregnancy card to get out of work and at the same time, also not looking after herself or the baby during the pregnancy. while it appears that she adores her child NOW that she's born, her overall attitude during the pregnancy sort of screamed to me "Entitled".

Now I know what you're going to say...her morning sickness might really be that bad. Funnily enough, a friend of mine who was pregnant a bit after her also had super bad morning sickness (to the point of hospitalization) but never complained, still went to work (was moved into a less demanding role as her pregnancy progressed though) and as far as I know, didn't even throw a baby shower!

[SongsOfDragons]

Do we have these in the UK? O.o I suspect that I would be highly embarrassed and would go hide in the cupboard.

Generally baby gifts come when babbyling is born and you visit, or at the Christening party if one happens. At least in my knowledge of friends and family. My mum has a neat tip for buying clothes for babies - ignore the newborn and 0-3 months stuff, get them stuff for 3-6 or 6-9 months. These little buggers grow quickly and she says it's useful so they have something already for several months down the line.