Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Argument with a Friend

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Argument with a Friend

    I had my best friend come up to stay with us for a couple of days. We don't see each other often as we live at least 10 hours away from each other. My friend, we'll call her...Legend, is VERY passionate about everything law enforcement and self-protection. I'm somewhere inbetween Absolute and Conditional Pacifism. We make for an interesting pair to say the least

    Legend has become more into guns after she turned 21. She knows everything about holsters, guns and how to use them.

    When she came up, she spent a lot of time lecturing Mr. Wooden and I about our lackadaisical attitude towards locking our door. And about our not having guns in the house. And my boyfriend's "subpar" boyfriendiness(?) (another topic entirely). I got really good at changing the subject to avoid confrontation, but it got to the point that I was incredibly annoyed. I appreciate that we have a difference in opinion, it makes life more interesting. I eventually kind of snapped at her. I finally made it known that we have no intention of changing our stance on locking our doors and we will not have guns in the house, period. I also requested a change in topic.

    After that, things chilled a little bit, but the rest of her stay was pleasant.

    What am I Fratching about? I'm a little torn. Healthy debate is good, but I'm not comfortable with debating on these topics. I'm not intending on preaching about the "evils of war" and "guns killing people" and all that rot. My stance is that I'm not comfortable with physical confrontation and guns make me uncomfortable. Nothing to debate, just my personal feelings. I'm a little upset at myself, because I didn't handle the situation as an adult. I should have sat Legend down and explained that I didn't agree with what she was preaching and felt a little insulted by the way she was approaching it. Instead, I raised my voice to her.

    I know you guys have friends who are very passionate about certain debateable topics. Any suggestions, in case I run into this again?

  • #2
    Unfortunately, as many on this forum have probably noticed, I'm rather more on Legend's side in being a forceful debater.

    Honestly, I think the best way to deal with such things is to just let her know it's not a topic you feel like discussing and request that she not bring it up. It's polite, to the point, and serves to put specific topics on the "not open for debate" shelf.

    And I totally agree that nobody who is uncomfortable around guns should ever have a gun in their house.

    ^-.-^
    Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

    Comment


    • #3
      Sometimes friends grow apart from each other. Especially when there are great distances involved.

      Regardless of the topic, your friend shouldn't be trying to pressure their views and opinions onto you. They should respect your wishes and not be trying to convert you. A healthy debate should be about presenting sides and not insults, uncomfortableness, or even anger.

      There's no rule that says that all debates must be won, but sadly too many people insist on trying to win them.
      Some People Are Alive Only Because It's Illegal To Kill Them.

      Comment


      • #4
        We have always kept in contact via some form of communication (texting, email, FB, etc.). I think I just forgot how she can get very soapboxy. Her reasoning for having guns all over the house is that if someone breaks in with a gun, you can shoot them.

        Honestly, I'm going to blame the gun thing on my upbringing. I wasn't allowed anywhere near guns and I wasn't allowed to have any gun shaped toys. Heck, I was 16 before I was allowed to do Lasertag.

        I was proud the other week when I had a Nerf battle. Mr. Wooden has at least 16 different Nerf guns. It was awesome, by the way.

        Comment


        • #5
          Next time you are together in person, just have a sit-down and explain that you're sorry that you over-reacted but that you'd rather not have that discussion anymore and blah blah blah, move on to something more awesome, like ponies or glitter or something. I'm friends with plenty of Consveratives and Baptists - we just don't discuss politics or religion.

          That said, even as a guest, I wouldn't feel very safe in a place that wasn't locked. I live in a safe area, but I still lock my doors any time I'm not going in/out of them.

          Comment


          • #6
            Sounds like the inherent problem is that it's not actually a debate.

            A debate is "Here, let me explain why I think I'm right then you can explain why you think I'm wrong". But an unfortunate amount of people mistake it for "I AM right. Let me tell you about it until you give up and agree."

            Comment


            • #7
              plus debate =/= casual conversation. if one is having friends over, it's probably more interesting to talk about what's been going on during time apart than to lecture eachother on politics/religion/etc. depending on the friends involved, sure.
              All uses of You, You're, and etc are generic unless specified otherwise.

              Comment

              Working...
              X