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Taking a Long Time to Grow Up

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  • Taking a Long Time to Grow Up

    I'm not talking about immaturity, though immaturity could probably go hand in hand with this.

    I'm talking about a concept where, even though you are of legal adult age, you still don't really feel like an adult. I've felt this way for most of my 20s. Even though I have been doing many things that adults typically do over the past decade, and even though the law has treated me like an adult over that time, I have still not felt completely grown up. Part of me has still felt like a teenager. When I stop and think about it, I think that's kind of odd, because when I really was a kid, I was often told I acted mature for my age. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I have always looked quite a bit younger than I really am, which has caused people to want to talk to me like a kid at times. Also, I'm one of those people who spent most of his twenties going to school and working in random menial jobs. Perhaps that has also played a role in me having a hard time feeling like a grown-up.

    Shortly after I started my current job, a coworker came into the library while I was working. She was giving a prospective student a tour of the campus. While telling this student about the school, she pointed at me and said "And this man here is guywithashovel, and he is our librarian."

    This may sound weird to some people, but the sheer fact that she referred to me as a man caught me off guard, though not in a bad way. Throughout most of my life up until then, when people referred to me by my gender, they would usually call me a "guy" or even a "boy." Also, this coworker was close to my age, so that kind of added to the surprise.

    Once again, I'm not sure how many other people can relate to any of these feelings, and if you can't, this might sound strange. In any sense, maybe I'm finally starting to grow up.

  • #2
    I turn 40 this year.

    And while I and my boyfriend have been completely on our own (me for the first time without additional roommates/family/etc) for the last 4 years, this last year was the first year I really felt like I was moving forward from that awkward post-teen/early adult stage I hit at around 20.

    ^-.-^
    Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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    • #3
      I still feel like that, I've got some friends who are only a couple of years older than me, but it feels like they're 10-15 or so, they're married, have kids, living together out of home, have careers, not just a job, all that sort of stuff.
      I am a sexy shoeless god of war!
      Minus the sexy and I'm wearing shoes.

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      • #4
        Reminds me the first time I got called "Sir," or "Mr. Protege."

        I couldn't help but think "No, he (meaning my dad) isn't here right now..."

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        • #5
          Once time when I worked at Wal-Mart, this lady approached me and said, "Excuse me, Sir," but then stopped short and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, you're not a sir. You're not old enough to be."

          Her heart was in the right place. She didn't want to make me feel old. But darn it, I was around 20 years old and trying as hard as I could to embrace adulthood, and I WANTED to be a sir!

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          • #6
            You're as old as you feel.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by aurelemsrealm View Post
              You're as old as you feel.
              What, then, about those days when you feel 80 and 16 at the same time?
              "My in-laws are country people and at night you can hear their distinctive howl."

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              • #8
                Call it 48 then?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by HYHYBT View Post
                  What, then, about those days when you feel 80 and 16 at the same time?
                  That may mean you are Dave Bowman.

                  Seriously, though, I tend to believe that the body may age, but the soul is timeless. I live in a 33-year-old body, but I often act like a stubborn, cantankerous old man who is set in his ways. Another case in point, I have a coworker who was most accurately described as "40 going on 20." He is almost 40, but acts more like a freshman college student.

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                  • #10
                    I'm 26 and feel like this basically constantly. Despite the fact that people overestimate by age by quite a bit if I let my beard grow out a bit. I'm never carded for anything, and once when working at Kroger I had a mystery shop that included "Estimated Age of Employee: 45".

                    Originally posted by protege View Post
                    Reminds me the first time I got called "Sir," or "Mr. Protege."

                    I couldn't help but think "No, he (meaning my dad) isn't here right now..."
                    Reminds me of a couple of my college professors. Mr. Hill taught science on the second floor of the science building. His son, Dr. Hill, taught math and computer science on the first floor. When a student referred to him as "Mister Hill", Dr. Hill generally responded with "No, my father works upstairs."
                    "The hero is the person who can act mindfully, out of conscience, when others are all conforming, or who can take the moral high road when others are standing by silently, allowing evil deeds to go unchallenged." — Philip Zimbardo
                    TUA Games & Fiction // Ponies

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                    • #11
                      I'm 28, but don't really feel that old. But that's common with grad students...Being in school until you're 30 really does put you in a state of suspended animation. No career (yet), generally no time for marriage or children, but it's the same situation as your peers so you don't feel odd.

                      I do tell my students they don't have to call me Ms. or ma'am or anything like that. I'm just now getting to the point of being a generation removed from my students, though, so that may change. Some will anyway, this being Kansas and all, and I understand that.

                      Although walking up the hill most days, with my left knee creaking and my right ankle cracking, I feel about 102.

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                      • #12
                        Here is an odd one. Trying Being in your 30s when your in your 20s and Vice Versa.

                        I got married when I was 20, had a wife, kid, car payments, career no time to think about the world or what I wanted out of my life. Divorced when I was 22 and became a weekend dad. Spent three years taking care of my mom and little brother. Then for another 5 years I had my own place worked long hours taking care of the various people I knew as they came along. I basically went from being 30 to 40 in my 20s.

                        Then after about 6 months into being 29 I thought about my life. I had just had my 10 year reunion a month before I turned 29 and seen people who had lived their 20s being 20. Thought about my friends who had been on road trips and adventures while I had been busy taking care of family and friends. I packed up my apartment slipped my mom some money and moved into her place.

                        Now I am 30 going on 20. Now I have the time and money to have existential angst, travel, figure out what I want out of life. as such I have been watching a lot more teen shows and feeling a lot younger than I have in a long time. I haven't suddenly become immature but I feel like my whole life is ahead of me and the opportunities too many to number.

                        So Yeah I get that.
                        Jack Faire
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