What is cheating?

[JLG]

Do you think that a married man chatting to another woman online is cheating? What if the woman chatting with the man has no intention of taking it to a sexual level. Is she wrong too? So many questions to ask so just tell me what you think?

Yes it is me getting ready to do this. I like his conversation and talking to somebody is nice after a long day of hearing friends complain and bitch. He knows that I will not take this to any other lever but chatting.

At first I would say yes that it can be cheating but now that the shoe is on my foot I am starting to think maybe not.

[Nyoibo]

If you feel like it's something that needs to be hidden or not be open about, then you probably shouldn't be doing it, two people talking however is not cheating.

[Andara Bledin]

What is or isn't cheating is open to interpretation.

Just talking about ordinary things should never be considered cheating, and those who do are those I would suspect of being cheaters themselves or dangerously insecure in the relationship.

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

Define "chatting". Simply talking to other people is not cheating, everyone should be allowed to have friends outside of their relationship. However, the fact you're even asking this question over "chatting" would indicate that there is possibly more occurring than just conversation? -.-

[Andara Bledin]

There doesn't have to be.

I have a friend on Skype who I know through City of Heroes. We used to chat about all sorts of random crap and his wife (they weren't really a couple by this point, just not divorced, mostly because I don't think she wanted to have to deal with the kids) demanded that he stop talking to me at all. He did. It didn't change anything because she's fairly psycho. He got back in touch with me on a new Skype account and apologized for giving in to her demands.

Some spouses/fiancees/*friends can be insanely jealous. I've yet to run into a relationship with one of these people that didn't end in disaster, to be honest.

^-.-^

[HYHYBT]

I'd think a good rule of thumb would be that it's cheating if it would be considered any form of dating were you single.

[powerboy]

Just chatting online or even in person is not cheating.

[MaggieTheCat]

Chatting is not cheating and should never be taken as such, in my opinion. I chat with a co-worker of my husband's online a few times a week, a male who is married himself. Neither one of us feel at all uncomfortable or awkward about it, we are friends and we like to keep in touch so we email and/or chat on Google Talk a few times a week.

[Cymberleah]

in my opinion, cheating is anything that the legal partner(s) either do not know about (hidden) or would have a problem with.

If the legal partner has a problem with simple chatting, then to that person their partner is cheating. The legal partner at this point is a bit crazy and might need to re-adjust their view of reality to a more commonly accepted version. But still, to them, that behavior is cheating.

Basically, nothing is cheating that you can talk about fully with your partner and they don't care that you're doing it. If you have to hide what you are doing or the extent to which you're taking it to keep the relationship harmonious, you're cheating.

[Kheldarson]

It's going to depend on a couple of things, JLG. One, does your partner have an issue with this chatting? And two, are you going to be chatting more to this other person than your partner?

If either is yes, than you're probably coming close to cheating, at least on an emotional level.

Both of these questions are important because this happened to my aunt and uncle. My uncle had/has (I'm not sure if he's still talking to her or not; I'm not asking) a single female friend. Knew her from when he was still single. My aunt didn't have a problem with them still talking...until she realized that one, he was talking to this other girl constantly. Like they set up luncheons nearly every day, he'd be over at her house fixing things, helping train her dog, etc. Two, this gal would be very sexual in her conversations with my uncle. My aunt asked my uncle to stop and he seemed to, but it turned out he just hid it. That led to my aunt and uncle not speaking to each other for about 6 months. They're mostly reconciled now, but I'm not asking details.

So mostly, if you should, but can't seem to, talk to your partner about something but can with the new guy...I'd say you probably need to relook your relationships.

[JLG]

Thanks for all the input. I should have been more clear. Sorry I was heading to work when I made the thread.

I have been tyring to do online dating. Tired of being single finally. I get a message from a man that I didn't see in his profile that he was married. He sent me another message to make sure that I read that part. I said nope I just assumed he was not. I told him no thanks that I don't want to get involved with a married man. But I got curious and asked him why he is cheaiting. I even told him to go spice things up with his wife because after being a stay at home mom and being with the kids all day she is not in the mood. He answered me and we continued a few back and forth messages about it along with every day stuff. A few days later he sends me another message saying that he lliked our conversation and would like to chat only. So it got me thinking if it would be cheating to just chat with him about every day stuff. He would probably be keeping it from his wife since he met me on a dating site.

I asked a friend about it and she said nope not in her opinion was it cheating. So I thought that I would get other opinions before I decided to chat more with him. Now that I think about it even though I am single it would not be cool to chat with a man online that is keeping it from his wife.

[AdminAssistant]

Yeah.....I'd stay away if I were you. I mean, he set up a profile on an online dating site. I doubt that he did that because he was looking for someone to just chat with. Skeevy.

[Andara Bledin]

A word, here, if I may, as someone who was married whose husband had a profile on a dating site: Not all of us are strictly monogamous.

The fact that he makes a point of letting people know he's married from the very beginning moves him a couple of steps up from the typical skeevy cheater.

At this point, we have far too little data to make a determination as to his Skeevy rating.

^-.-^

[Greenday]

If someone is going to another person that isn't their spouse to fulfill some needs, be it physical or emotional, without their spouse's permission, it's cheating.

[Kheldarson]

I'd be cautious with that extra info, JLG. As Andara pointed out, they may not be strictly monogamous...or he may be cheating. And he's going to use your curiosity against you if it's the latter. Personally, I'd drop him and find someone else to chat with.