Yes, I stay at home.

[Aethian]

I am 52, my freshman, junior and senior years are *long* past! It turns out that there is a second property rob was looking at - 2 stories, ground floor is a 4 bedroom flat upstairs is a 4 bedroom flat and both are currently occupied. Tenants in one unit would be good, as income. Rob is an excellent handyman having trained as a construction plumber and done 20 years as a machinistsmate so many repairs he can actually handle himself.

Got a good side and a bad side to this. Good side your tenants are right up stairs. Bad side is your tenants are right upstairs.

[AccountingDrone]

Neither did I but then freshman, junior and senior years of college happened.

I am 52, my freshman, junior and senior years are *long* past!

It turns out that there is a second property rob was looking at - 2 stories, ground floor is a 4 bedroom flat upstairs is a 4 bedroom flat and both are currently occupied. Tenants in one unit would be good, as income. Rob is an excellent handyman having trained as a construction plumber and done 20 years as a machinistsmate so many repairs he can actually handle himself.

[Greenday]

I do not plan on having any 'roommate hell' stories!

Neither did I but then freshman, junior and senior years of college happened.

[wolfie]

One that I've heard, that has a U.S.-centric bias.

"A woman's place is in the House" (wait for outraged response) "and the Senate".

[AccountingDrone]

Nobody does. I wish you success in avoiding them.

Thanks =) After some 34 years of various living situations I figure I have suffered through enough varieties that I can write a contract that avoids the ones I know about. I do know one of the expenses that are going into the rent is hiring a maid service to come in once a week to sweep/mop the floors and do the dusting. I have determined that floor care and dusting are the main jobs that tend to get ignored. Even as gimpy as I am, I actually manage to clean the toilets and sink in the bathroom, and we use a good autospray for the tub/shower.

[HYHYBT]

I
do not plan on having any 'roommate hell' stories!

Nobody does. I wish you success in avoiding them.

[AccountingDrone]

We are planning to move to either the Florida keys or to Fresno California after my mother dies - the estate will give us the ability to buy a place to live and make the move and put the current place on the market without financial issues. Once in place, we will have 4 people in place [2 couples] with a possible 5th person and we plan on having Robs Navy retirement pay continue going into the Navy Fed Credit Union to be used for property taxes, and any repairs that need to be done. All the other bills will be divided out into 4 or 5 units, each person is responsible for that portion of the utilities [cable, electricity, water, garbage, sewage as appropriate] and since we will be starting up from scratch, I plan on having contracts about the financial and physical upkeep of the property ready for everyone. I love that the various utility companies have provision for 'economy plans' where they break out the bill into monthly equal amounts - it makes planning so much easier. I do not plan on having any 'roommate hell' stories!

[powerboy]

I still like the system my grandparents had. Regardless of how the money came in, it was divided into three accounts: one for him, one for her, and one for common expenses. The common one was mostly inarguable stuff like mortgage, utilities, repairs, etc., and their own were their own.

That is how the wife and I do it. It works out great. We buy what we need and/or pay bills, and the rest, we split it up.

[HYHYBT]

I still like the system my grandparents had. Regardless of how the money came in, it was divided into three accounts: one for him, one for her, and one for common expenses. The common one was mostly inarguable stuff like mortgage, utilities, repairs, etc., and their own were their own.

[anakhouri]

That's a terrible situation for your cousin. Before setting the stay-at-heme thing in motion, the couple needs to sit down and talk it out thoroughly. His wife had some serious issues if she thought the way she apparently did. A marriage is a partnership, one party can't cdominate the other for any reason if you want it to work.

For a long time I felt bad about using any of the money my husband brought in for myself. He kept reassuring me that it's OUR money and I work as hard as he does, so I am entitled to a cut. It still took years before I felt comfortable about it, and I still prefer to use the money I make covering shifts at the bookstore, which isn't much, but I no longer feel like I am stealing from him if I want to buy a t-shirt for myself or something.

[Nekojin]

See, the problem that often arises with "One working parent / one stay-at-home parent" (or even the same situation without kids) is that all too often, the fact that Person A is working becomes a power issue. "I make they money, I pay the bills, I get to decide what we're doing." Or even worse, decides that since they're the cause of the money coming in, they should be the only person who gets to decide how the money gets spent. That results in the creation and perpetuation of a power imbalance between the couple, and can make it very, very difficult for the "stay-at-home" spouse to change the situation at all.

My cousin, Matt, had a similar situation with his first wife. She was the household bookkeeper. Although they both worked, and they both brought in money, she controlled the finances unilaterally and completely, and would refuse his requests for things that he felt that he needed simply because she didn't want to spend the money on them. That resulted in Matt feeling like he had such a lack of control, that he ended up getting caught shoplifting. (Note that when we were growing up, Matt was the most "upright" of us kids, the least likely to do anything that we could get in trouble for). The court psychologist pointed out that the power imbalance was the cause, and this is not uncommon. Shoplifting, in that situation, isn't a lack of morals (he deeply regretted the shoplifting), but a sense of taking control of some aspect of his life.

They divorced not long after.

[Andara Bledin]

As long as everyone is happy, I don't see why they should get angry about the decision. Having a stay-at-home parent (or someone in loco parentis) is a really wonderful thing for children, which is so undervalued.

It's quite possible that one or more of them wants to be a homemaker and was pushed into not doing anything "traditional" due to stupid supposedly-feminist ideals and is now bitter over not being allowed to do what they really want.

Or, they've just slid too far past equal into some fantasy where in order to be a liberated woman, you have to do things like men, instead of for themselves.

[Medea]

To play Devil's advocate briefly, I'm the same age as you and your friends, and if one of my friends were in your situation, I would be worried about her. I would be concerned that she might be being taken advantage of as a free housekeeper as there appears to be a lack of choice surrounding the situation. However, your friends don't appear to be concerned about you.

As long as everyone is happy, I don't see why they should get angry about the decision. Having a stay-at-home parent (or someone in loco parentis) is a really wonderful thing for children, which is so undervalued.

In short, your 'friends' are arseholes. As long as you're happy with the situation, sod any faux-feminist nay-sayers out there!

[sophie]

I've also been accused of using him to get citizenship...we're not married, I couldn't. I was not born here but I have been a citizen for years! Just because I was born in 3rd world country doesn't mean I leech off people.

[Greenday]

Simple solution then, say you are a nanny, just don't tell them the children you care for are your own.

I don't understand why people should hide that they take care of their kids. Why is taking care of your kids instead of just dumping them off on someone else such a horrible thing?