Unaccepting family?

[BroomJockey]

So, I was raised Anglican, went to church with my mother, and dad stayed home. Then eventually, I stayed home with dad and just mom went to church. Shortly after that, I came to the realization that I wasn't really a Christian. Took some time, but I finally found out what fit me, and what I fit into. Took more time, but I eventually told my mother. And that seemed to trigger something in my mother.

Now she's switched churches to Lutheran, and my dad goes as well, as that is what he was raised. And now everything is "God's work" in her mind. I see someone I've not seen in ages? God steered them to me. I find $10? God wanted me to have it. I get a good mark? God helped me. I have a string of good luck? Divine providence. Nothing just happens, or happens because I worked for it. And she gets more insistent the more I point out that I now lack a belief in God's Hand. She's told me that I'm in a cult (nice, seeing as I've never met another member of my religion face to face), that it's a phase I'm going through, etc. and I hate it. I'm pretty much regretting that I told her anything.

So, I was wondering if anyone else had gone through a situation where they'd told family something important and had it thrown back in their face because of intolerance? Also, is it better to just keep your head down, or to show defiance to family?

[Seshat]

Yes. Almost the same situation as you. My decision has simply been to be polite but assertive. If they say something is God's will, I'll just shrug and maybe 'that's nice' them. They're entitled to their beliefs, after all.

But I won't tolerate religious intolerance from them. My father once said something stereotypical about Islam - I forget what it was - and that triggered a family discussion. I pointed out that the majority of Muslims are just people, not that different from anyone else. He pointed out that one of the high-ranking Muslims 'in' Australia (representing Australia, but rarely here) was an intolerant bigot. We ended up deciding to be in broad agreement, actually.

I'm also slowly teaching my niece and nephew comparative religions - with their parent's approval, actually. My niece started out answering 'name three religions' with three branches of Christianity, but she can now include Shinto, Buddhism and Judaism. I'm so proud! She even knows Christ was Jewish.

Essentially, in religious matters, I treat my family as strangers. It's sad, but it's the way it has to be. They don't understand me, they think I don't understand them (because if I did, I'd be Christian like them!), and we avoid the topic.

[Amethyst Hunter]

It depends on how good a relationship you have with your family. Some people go along just to get along (especially if they don't see their relatives all that often and can tolerate limited exposure to the differing viewpoints, especially outright nasty ones). Others will vehemently insist that their choices be openly acknowledged (which many people's relatives pointedly refuse to do, especially in hostile environments). It's your call, really.

I think I'm at the point where I've come to a semi-decision that ALL organized religions are mostly bullshit, and therefore want nothing to do with any of them. However, I DO believe that there is a God...I just don't think that it's necessarily the stereotypical kind of god that's espoused in popular cultures. To me, organized religions seem to be about oppressing others, especially women, that whatever One True Belief that's ruling doesn't like - basically, an excuse to be an asshole to people you don't like for whatever reason. Religion is supposed to help people, not hurt them.

I'm not cool with that, so I've decided to simply avoid religions and do my own thing, and let God - Whoever that God is - do the God stuff. He's better at it than I would be anyway - I'd make everybody worship cats like they did in ancient Egypt!

[NightAngel]

Overall my family acts like they don't really care what religion I am.
Once my Mother did say that she "felt sorry" for me because I'm not her religion.

Except the entire time I was growing up she was a fully proclaimed Aethiest.
She didn't get back into her religion until I was well into adulthood.

Whatever.

[AFPheonix]

I would be willing to bet it's a very common theme for a lot of people that grew up in religious families.
My mom is STILL trying to get me back to church. She seems to have gotten a little more nutty in the Jesus dept. these days. I tend to take the tack of "if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" with her with religion. At this point in the game, I'm kind of heading off into agnostic land, so I'm really not interested in going back to a church and having to sit through a message that I don't agree with and being with people who can't be bothered to read or comprehend stuff that isn't spoonfed to them from church leadership.

Fortunately, all my sisters are much like me, several having left church and being defiant in much more spectacular ways than I ever have, so we have fun.

[IDrinkaRum]

Actually, I'm having the exact opposite problem. My mother was raised in a strict Catholic family who (according to her) shoved religion down her throat so when she grew up and got married, she wasn't as stringent about wanting to be a church-going member of the church.

I was raised Catholic. My mom made sure I was baptized, had my first communion and confirmed. After I was confirmed, my mom said that if I wanted to go to church, I could, but her & daddy wouldn't go (until my sister was ready for her confirmation). My mom knew she was in "trouble" with me when, at the time of my confirmation, I took the name of Saint Therese of Lisieux as my confirmation name instead of Saint Anne (mother of Mary) like my mother, her mother and her mother all did. (For the record, my sister, the kiss-up (did I saw that out loud ), did take the name of Saint Anne).

Anyways, my religion fell to the wayside until I was old enough to drive/make my own decision about going to church.

My mom's mother died in 1997 and her father died in 1998. Since both deaths, my mother has had a serious crisis of faith and now doesn't believe in organized religion at all and has serious problems with God in general.

I also had a serious crisis of faith after the death of my mom's mom. I stayed away from the church, occassionally attending mass, but for the most part, I wasn't religious. For the record: I did get married in a church (a non-denominational Christian church, NOT a catholic one and didn't even have a Catholic Priest attending as at that time in my life, I wasn't ready to accept my Catholicism).

However, now, I have looked within myself and realized I want to have religion in my life. I have found a new Catholic church closer to my house that I enjoy attending. I don't attend every week, but when I do, I enjoy the masses. I've told my mom about the church and have even offered to take her to the church, just to have her check it out. She seems bemused about it and always declines, but I'll always leave that option open to her.

Sorry this is so long, but just wanted to get this off my chest.

[protege]

I grew up in a religious family. Er, make that my *mother* was religious...my father just tolerated it. After awhile, I got tired of getting dragged to church every damn Sunday. That, and since I went to a Catholic grade school...I simply got tired of all of it. Oh, and while I was there, several of the nuns, teachers, and even a priest (who was an asshole then, and now that's he's the pastor, he's an even bigger asshole) told me that I'd "never amount to anything." That pretty much turned me off to the idea of religion.

As if that wasn't enough, I have an uncle who has been "born again." And yes, he's an asshole. He thinks he's so much better than everyone....and because of that attitude, most people usually can't stand him. I mean, the last time he came down to my grandmother's, he, along with his family....totally ignored her! They spent the entire weekend reading their Bibles, and talking about it.

This is the same guy who, after my grandmother's 1994 car accident, nearly got his ass kicked over some comments he made. Some idiot in a gravel truck rear-ended her, pushing her car into the path of a semi coming the other way Anyway, as we're having lunch at the hospital, it took all I had not to strangle him. He was going on about how he "had a strong Christian background" and "didn't want to go after the guy" over it.

Since then, nearly every sentence begins with "Because of my strong Christian background..." Trust me, it's pretty annoying

[rahmota]

My family pretty much has the attitude that once you're an adult if you wanna burn then thats your problem. Just dont drag anyone else down with you that doesnt want to go along for the ride.

Kids are to be taught the parent's religion until they get old enough to decide for themselves.

I am an unapologetic aethiest/agnostic/apathetic when it comes ot organized relgion. But generally at family gatherings they dont bother me with thigns and I dont bother them. During the prayer before any dinner I just sit quietly and let everyone else have their moment.

Its all about learning to respect the person and let them live their life even if you dont agree with their choice.

[Amethyst Hunter]

FWIW, atheism and agnosticism are NOT the same thing.

Atheism means that a person does not believe there is *any* god, regardless of the religion in question.

Agnosticism (which I identify with) is more or less a 'wait-and-see' approach. It means that someone accepts that there is a *possibility* that there might be a god...or not, specific religion regardless. Basically, it's an open-minded view that any and all possibilities may be in play, and nobody will know for sure until they get to that other side.

If you want to get more complicated, there are also varying degrees of agnosticism, but for the purposes of this post the above definition is the simplest way of putting it. (You can find the degrees listed in the Wikipedia entry for agnosticism.)

[rahmota]

If you want to get more complicated,

hehehe. Thats okay I like it nice and simple. My personal beliefs are not real complicated but can be difficult to explain in a single sentence.

To give the cliff notes version. I described myself the way I did because first off. I'm not apologizing for the way I believe. I'm not sorry I feel the way i do and I'm not sorry someone else feels the way they do. Its a very personal choice and as long as the person is happy, comfortable and able to funciton with their choices then so be it more power to them. I'm an aethiest in that I am not a follower of any organized Theologies. Aetheoes from the ancient greek if I recall.

Agnostic because I do believe there might be a higher power or at least somethign beyond humanity and/or human understanding. Maybe maybe not. there are strange things that occur in this world and I'm not goign to entirely close my mind to them because science hasnt yet discovered an explanation for it. I'm not going to leave my mind so open it falls out either though.

Apathetic because I stopped really caring about the whole is there is there not a god/afterlife supernatural thing a while back. I am living this life as good a person as I can be. Doing what I feel to be the best actions that cause the least harm to myself, those around me and the world in general. If there is an afterlife and a god then I'll deal with it when i get there. If not then I'll rot in the ground like everyone else.

Basically if you want ot have a belief in whatever deity and you're happy and comfortable and choose to live your life that way and let me live my life my way then terriffic. I'm happy for you. Try and shove it down my throat and we'll be scraping soon.