Raised in a two-religion family

[Aragarthiel]

Growing up, I was always given the option to choose to believe in whatever I wanted. However, I was never taken to church, and didn't know what I had to choose between. I ended up developing my own set of beliefs and I consider myself non-religious. I would have liked to call a religion my own, and have someone to answer my questions, but that could never happen.

My husband was raised Baptist. He went to church every Sunday and some Wednesdays, if his parents' work permitted it. We pretty much leave each other alone about the religious aspect of our relationship, and when one of us has a question, we discuss it thoroughly, trying not to turn it into a debate.

At his current job, he rarely gets a chance to go to church because of his schedule. As a result, our daughter has only been twice. I've attended church with him before, and I'm much more comfortable with it than I used to be. I want our daughter to go to church as a child, so that when she's old enough, she knows what her options are. She's not old enough to understand it yet, but as she grows, I want to be more proactive with getting her to church.

I'm asking for opinions on this, maybe from people who were raised in families with two religions. I have so little experience with religion that I really don't know what's best for her in this aspect.

[Andara Bledin]

In my opinion, if you only take her to a single church, the only options she'll know about are that church vs no church. I'm in a major metropolitan area, and in my immediate area alone, I've got about 15 different denominations worth of churches.

I never really did church because I have no use for it. I've never needed the community (I am a member of several communities already, both offline and online) and church structure is actually irrelevant to my faith, despite my being what I would refer to as deeply religious.

Is there a specific goal you have in mind other than the options you mentioned? Or is there something you felt you lacked as a child that you are going to suplement vicariously through her?

[Aragarthiel]

The only churches in my area are Baptist and some sort of temple that doesn't speak English. I'd like her to experience more, but where we are now, it's just not possible. As for a goal, I'm just hoping that she'll have a foundation for her own beliefs, she'll have someone to go to with any religious questions, and that she'll have an easier time finding something to believe in than I did.

[CriminalMindsRocks]

well, I wasn't raised in a two religion household per say, it's just that my father's side of the family & my mother's interpreted the same ideas differently..See, my paternal grandmother raised my father with certain ideas & so my beliefs growing up were, I see now, a little warped. For instance, growing up my paternal grandmother always made out that Catholics, Jews, Buddhists etc were evil & that they would never have a chance at eternal life b/c they didn't hold to the same beliefs we did. Which, like I said, I know now that's not true, John 3:16 says "Who so ever will believeth in Me shall not perish but shall have everlasting life" key words being whosoever will, not whosoever will & oh & if you're Catholic, Jewish etc don't bother

I was raised Non-Denominational & our church taught the Kingdom message that when Christ's second coming happens, He & His Kingdom will reign here on earth.

So my advice to you is, next time you & your husband get a chance, sit down & discuss what you each believe (mention that you'd like your daughter to be raised in church & that you are willing to take her yourself if he can't make it). The goal here is to come to an agreement on the major points of your beliefs so that later on down the road when she's old enough to understand, she doesn't wind up becoming confused if mommy tells her one thing & daddy tells her something completely opposite (not saying you would mind you)

Hope maybe I helped a little...Good luck

[Aragarthiel]

We've had these talks before, and we agree that she should go to church. I have no problem reading her Bible stories (good morals, if nothing else), and if she has a more in-depth question that I can't answer, I field her off to Daddy, and if he can't answer, well that's what church is for. We have a plan for this, I just don't know how well it will work.

[Panacea]

I'm asking for opinions on this, maybe from people who were raised in families with two religions. I have so little experience with religion that I really don't know what's best for her in this aspect.

My mother was a Congregationalist (modern day Puritan), and my father was raised Baptist. Dad was pretty disinterested in religon. Mom considered her church to no longer exist when the only pastor she'd ever known finally retired.

The only thing they agreed on was not to baptize either me or my brother as babies, and leave that decision up to us when we were old enough. As a child, there were 3 choices in our area: Baptist (Dad said HELL NO!), Catholic (Mom said HELL NO!) and Methodist. So we went to the Methodist church until I was 8 or so. I remember having just graduated from Sunday School and was able to attend real church when Dad said we were leaving the church. He was angry with the pastor, who liked to arm twist members into donating more money than they could afford. The pastor wanted to grow the church very quickly (and he did).

Most of my friends growing up were Catholic. I went to Mass occasionally when they invited me, and enjoyed it but it didn't do much for me at the time. I also continued involvement with the Methodist Church on my own, with the help of neighbors still with the church, mostly in the summer, but was disenchanted with it by the time I turned 18 (the church politics turned me off). And the truth is, every time I step into a Methodist Church, I walk out angry. There is something just so smug, self congratulatory, and obnoxious about the Methodists that I just can't stand anymore . . . and I've found it wasn't just the church I went to as a kid.

Granted: I'm well aware that many people feel the same way about the Catholic Church. YMMV.

I spent the following 20 years as an agnostic. However, I investigated, and rejected, a lot of different religious paths including Wicca, Ba'hai, and Buddhism. Nothing fit, until something happened and Catholicism called. I finished my conversion 2 years ago.

Getting to the point: if you have no religious path of your own, it will be harder to guide your daughter. My mother used to say, "You don't have to go to Church to believe in God." Of course, my priest would disagree with this, and so would most ministers. However, I think there is some truth to it. We all find God in our own way, if we're looking for Him.

I think there is nothing wrong with exploring the Bible with your daughter on your own, and taking her to Sunday school at your husband's church so she can learn something about his faith. Exploring other religions is something that really should wait until she is old enough to understand what she is looking at.

I would suggest the idea of her attending church occassionally with her friends. The exposure to diversity in religious beliefs will be good for her, especially if she has friends who are non-Christian. She'll learn tolerance for the beliefs of others.

[CriminalMindsRocks]

My mother used to say, "You don't have to go to Church to believe in God." Of course, my priest would disagree with this, and so would most ministers. However, I think there is some truth to it. We all find God in our own way, if we're looking for Him.

^^^ THIS! 100X this, church is NOT about the building itself, if you seek the Lord in an empty field He will be there. "where 3 or more are gathered in MY NAME I am there in the midst of them"

You know where I was baptized? I was baptized in the backyard swimming pool at our pastor's son's house, was it fancy? nope, but I can tell you that the spirit of the Lord was among us & really, that's ALL that counts

[Barracuda]

Most Christians undergo a test of their faith while in their late teen years or early 20s. Some churches' doctrine actually allow for this (such as the Catholic custom of confirmation once the child is old enough to decide if he or she really wants to stay Catholic.) Speaking as a Christian who was raised in the faith, I think you should raise your child with a solid framework and take her to church on a regular basis. Then, when she is old enough, she can decide for herself if it's really for her, if she wants to stay with what she has been taught, try other options, or simply discontinue any kind of religious belief. Laying the foundation is the most important thing--teach your child the Bible, and encourage her to discover what she believes and why. No adult Christian's faith can survive without making the transition from "my parents taught me this is true" to "this is what I believe to be true and this is why". Prepare her for that moment, and she will have a solid base to rely on later in life.

[Andara Bledin]

You know... I just don't get this need for children to be raised with a faith. It just baffles me.

Of course, if one or both parents are religious, it would make sense for them to include any children in that aspect of their lives, but being good people with solid values should be all that any child requires to grow up to be a decent individual.

And if said child grows to feel that there is something more that they're missing, the Internet has such a glut of information on all of the choices available (far more than any local church could possibly offer), that nobody who really cares would be lacking in opportunities to learn and choose their own path.

It's worth nothing that I don't have children and that I believe religion to be a profoundly personal thing and thus find outward displays of religiosity to be ostentatious and potentially offensive (and if you're Christian, the Bible said not to be overt in your worship, anyway).

[jedimaster91]

It's worth nothing <snip> that I believe religion to be a profoundly personal thing and thus find outward displays of religiosity to be ostentatious and potentially offensive (and if you're Christian, the Bible said not to be overt in your worship, anyway).

There's a difference between advertising one is of a certain faith and sincerely living one's life in accordance with those teachings and other people notice. For instance, I don't drink, smoke, or partake in recreational drugs (partly due to religious beliefs, partly because they'd make me sick). When you're at a vendor party on Bourbon St in New Orleans and the only one drinking Sprite instead of whatever cocktail everyone else has, it's noticeable. People who are sincere in their beliefs tend to act differently in some respects than those who either have no particular beliefs or are not as diligent in living the way their religion teaches they should.

As for why non-religious people might want their children to go to a church, I have a theory. Adults have a long time to observe the world around them and make decisions on what they believe to be wrong or right. Adults also have the advantage of a fully developed brain (eventually anyway) and are capable of reasoning out those decisions. Young kids don't have that ability yet. It's a much easier starting point to say don't hit your sister because God says not to than to try to explain to a child who's toy got snatched away the concept of turn the other cheek. I used to teach the 8-9 year old Sunday School class and there was a huge disconnect between what they "knew" they "should" do in a given scenario and what they actually did. They weren't bad kids per se, just not able to extrapolate information from the lesson to real life. So in other words, church is a good beginning framework for morality. It doesn't necessarily have to be the complete framework for the child's entire life, but it can form the foundation. As the child grows and experiences the world, they can start to make those distinctions of what they truly believe and what they don't.

[Aragarthiel]

As for why non-religious people might want their children to go to a church, I have a theory...

/snip

...As the child grows and experiences the world, they can start to make those distinctions of what they truly believe and what they don't.

This is one reason, though I personally have another. I spend many of my younger years wanting to know what the world was about, where we go when we die, and things like that. It was a long and difficult road for me, where I had to reject a lot of what people told me, because I didn't feel it was right. For example, there's a Bible quote that says that taking God's name in vain is the one unforgivable sin, but I don't think that any sort of benevolent being would damn someone to a fiery pit to be tortured for all of eternity if their only slip-up was to say "Oh my God." There are things like that throughout various religious teachings that I have a real problem with.

I want my daughter to have someone to go to for the questions I had to answer by myself. That was something that I really felt like I was missing in my life and I don't want her to feel that way, too. Even if she goes for only the first few years of her life, it's a foundation that I'll be glad she got.

[HYHYBT]

How the brain thinks is formed all along. If you raise a child without religion, you're largely foreclosing the possibility of any benefit they might have gained from it. Whereas if you raise them with a (reasonable) religion, they have both maintaining that (or adopting a different one) and abandoning it as genuine options.

[mjr]

I'm asking for opinions on this, maybe from people who were raised in families with two religions. I have so little experience with religion that I really don't know what's best for her in this aspect.

When I was a kid, we went to both a Methodist and a Baptist church. We switched from one to the other.

My father's family was Methodist. I think my mother really didn't have a specific denomination, she just happened to find a church she liked that was Baptist, and that's where she went, so that's where I went. My dad stopped going to church after a while.

I consider myself a Christian, but I haven't been to church in years.

My immediate family is in a similar situation. My wife is an atheist of Jewish descent. We do Christmas, Passover, Easter, and Chanukkah.

It might not be a bad idea to buy your daughter one of those "children's bibles" and let her read that, as good "exposure" to Christianity in general. I'm facing the same decisions you are. I want my son to at least be exposed to it, and see where I'm coming from. When he's older, he can read and decide.

[HYHYBT]

I had (have, for that matter) Methodist-Baptist parents too. When they married, and up until I was about six, they went to the Methodist church because it would accept Mom's baptism, but the Baptists wouldn't accept Dad's.

[mjr]

I had (have, for that matter) Methodist-Baptist parents too. When they married, and up until I was about six, they went to the Methodist church because it would accept Mom's baptism, but the Baptists wouldn't accept Dad's.

That's interesting. Was your dad baptized as an infant? My sister was.

The reason I ask is that a lot of denominations believe that you have to consciously make the decision to be baptized.

And you can be baptized, based on my understanding, without the whole "being dunked in the water" thing.