The Great Smacking Debate

[BroomJockey]

However, for the most part spanking models aggression and only stops the bad behavior temporarily.

Which is why no punishment should be meted out while angry, especially physical ones. And sometimes, the temporary cessation is enough. After all, if you can get the kid to stop for a minute, and then get them out, you can then do the "explainy-bits."

[Savannah]

And sometimes, the temporary cessation is enough. After all, if you can get the kid to stop for a minute, and then get them out, you can then do the "explainy-bits."

That is precisely why I said that sometimes physical punishment is the best solution. If the kid is going to get injured/injure someone if they don't stop NOW and they don't respond to other methods, then I would use physical punishment. For long-term behavior changes, however, the "explainy-bits" are key. Excellent phrasing; I've been trying to figure out how to say that!

[Lace Neil Singer]

You seem to have missed the point; smacking, done properly is NOT physical aggression. A parent hitting out in anger, or beating a child, again, is completely different to giving out a smack. This is what the anti smacking lobby refuse to accept.

Also, try explaining to a child just why they shouldn't touch a hot grill or put their fingers in a socket; by the time you finish, they'd have done it anyway whereas smacking their hand would have stopped them in their tracks.

[DesignFox]

<snip>

Also, try explaining to a child just why they shouldn't touch a hot grill or put their fingers in a socket; by the time you finish, they'd have done it anyway whereas smacking their hand would have stopped them in their tracks.

Exactly. And after you've prevented the injury, you can explain WHY you did what you did and WHY what they did was wrong.

Broom /Lace hit the nail on the head.

[kibbles]

What I don't get is when people defending parents beating their children if they are being insanely bratty. I didn't know it was ok for a grown adult to stoop to the level of a child. Seen that in a recent post on a board where the poster stated that once the "mother" got the child out of the store "she" didn't go gentle on the child and that if anyone said anything to the mother they would defend her.

All I have to say is huh? I don't care how vicious or bratty a child is, it's not excuse for abuse. If the beating was as bad as the post implied, I certainly hope CPS will be called on "her" eventually.

[Savannah]

You seem to have missed the point; smacking, done properly is NOT physical aggression. A parent hitting out in anger, or beating a child, again, is completely different to giving out a smack. This is what the anti smacking lobby refuse to accept.

I totally agree that there is a difference between a smack and a beating. However, I'm not sure what you mean when you say that a smack is not physical aggression.

Please explain to me, in concepts that a 2-5 year old can understand, what the difference is between "Mommy smacks my butt when I do something she doesn't like" and "I smack sister when she does something I don't like". (Or show that my example is not valid.)

Also, try explaining to a child just why they shouldn't touch a hot grill or put their fingers in a socket; by the time you finish, they'd have done it anyway whereas smacking their hand would have stopped them in their tracks.

You could grab their hand in yours. Not only is it not hitting, but it's probably safer for them since you have more control over where their hand goes.

As I said earlier, if someone is about to get hurt and the only way to stop it is using a physical punishment, then that punishment is appropriate. However, I keep italicizing the caveats (sometimes, very rare instances) because I find that many people go to physical punishment far to frequently.

I'm going to go see if I can find some studies I've seen on the subject...

[Kalli]

Please explain to me, in concepts that a 2-5 year old can understand, what the difference is between "Mommy smacks my butt when I do something she doesn't like" and "I smack sister when she does something I don't like". (Or show that my example is not valid.)

Same reason as:

"Mummy drinks red wine, so I can too"
"Mummy drives the car, so I can drive the car"
"Mummy grounded sister when she's in trouble, so I can ground sister when she's in trouble"
"Mummy goes to bed really late, so I can go to bed really late"

Your example isn't valid because there are dozens of things that "Mummy + Daddy" are allowed to do, because they are the authority figures, and you are not.

[Nyoibo]

I totally agree that there is a difference between a smack and a beating. However, I'm not sure what you mean when you say that a smack is not physical aggression.

A smack is not done out of aggression or a desire to cause harm or pain, or it shouldn't be, what I would consider physical aggression is something done out of a desire to cause harm or pain.

[Flyndaran]

A smack is not done out of aggression or a desire to cause harm or pain, or it shouldn't be, what I would consider physical aggression is something done out of a desire to cause harm or pain.

Aggression is predicated on intent alone? That seems inherently wrong to me. If I hit you, because you talked back to me but with no malice, then you can't call my actions aggressive?

[BroomJockey]

All I have to say is huh? I don't care how vicious or bratty a child is, it's not excuse for abuse. If the beating was as bad as the post implied, I certainly hope CPS will be called on "her" eventually.

You talking about the ToysRUs story, with the dirty kid and the well-behaved sisters? I didn't read it as physical beating, but reading the riot act and maybe a swat or two.

[kibbles]

I may not agree with the swat or two and they were most likely done in anger. The kid; however, definitely deserved being read the riot act. I more than likely read it wrong, it's just I read the post as implying more than a riot act or a couple of swats.

[violetyoshi]

You talking about the ToysRUs story, with the dirty kid and the well-behaved sisters? I didn't read it as physical beating, but reading the riot act and maybe a swat or two.

I was looking through this thread, what ToysRUs story? I'd like to know what you're referring to before making an opinion on this.