Crying Wolf as revenge against parents

[PepperElf]

http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=66504

this thread over at CS got me thinking about a case in the navy where a child cried wolf as revenge against a parent.


at the time (spring 1998 or so) i was in a petty officer indoctrination class and the command master chief told us this story as one of the lessons... not sure what he was trying to teach us, other than why he distrusted Family Advocacy.

Background: for those who don't know, Family Advocacy exists to promote a healthy life for the families of service members. They have classes on how to raise your kids, information on rules etc... and they will step in and protect the family FROM the service member if need be.


In the story however... A Navy man had a wife and a teenaged daughter. The daughter asked to go to a concert but her father said "No. It's on a school night." Although not the answer she wanted to hear the reason was rather valid.

However she was SO angry with him she struck out in the meanest way she could think of. She called Family Advocacy and claimed that he molested her.

FA stepped in *instantly*. He was removed from the house and put into a hotel and his contact with the family - especially the daughter - was regulated.

I don't remember what else they did to him, but ... pretty much his career was over, he was being processed out of the Navy, and he received a lot of abuse from his chain of command over being a "child molester"

The daughter even confessed that she'd lied to FA... but FA wouldn't listen to her. They said she was only changing her story because her dad was getting fired over it.

And it came to pass that indeed, her father was kicked out of the Navy with bad marks on his record (not sure what kind of discharge he got though)... all because his daughter was pissy that he told her "No, you can't go to the concert on a school night."



now granted, there may be others who feel that she was being honest and that he really did molest her. all i know is what was told to me.

but indeed if she was crying wolf in revenge - just as the child in the CS.com story cried out "you're not my mommy" because mommy wouldn't buy him a treat - then it's a very sad outcome for such an outburst.

[Hobbs]

I had a similar story told to us during our SARC briefing, Pepper. However, in our story, a female enlisted lodged the complaint that she was raped by another airman (I don't remember if it was her CO or what). CO gets in a heap of trouble, they're about to outprocess him etc, when her story starts to get fishy. Upon investigation (Which I would suggest FA do next time) they found the allegations to be false. The female enlisted was discharged, but not before being tried herself.

[Racket_Man]

real world experience in my case. had Child Services crawling up our asses

long story short: duaghter is being a pain before school one day when Ex was dressing/brushing her hair. duaghter get mad at Ex and goes to school "claiming" Mommy tried to break her arms and legs.

cue uproar from school and Chld Services is called in. they determine no abuse bnut keep us on a short leash for a while (other details are being left out for story length)

a few weeks later daughter gets mad at us for not letting her do something or making her do something. she get the "bright" idea that she is going to claim more abuse to Child Services. Ex then has had enough of walking around on egg shells and calls our case worker. case worker tells daughter in no uncertain terms that her "threat" will (even is proven not true) get her taken away from us, cause us mucho legal problems, duaghter will be sent to a group home and not some rainbow farting uunicorn family and daughter will NOT be seeing us until she is much older.

daughter quickly learned what reality was all about.

I do have one question with your story Pepper. I do not know if youknow the answer or circumstances. was there ANY kind of investigation done. I know with state Child Services a through investigation is REQUIRED and a determination has to be made in a reasonable time frame. all allegations must be addressed whether physical, sexual, or other ie starving a child, or neglect or non parenting. a parent or child just can not be removed from the home unless there is blatant evidence of neglect or abuse

[Hobbs]

I do have one question with your story Pepper. I do not know if youknow the answer or circumstances. was there ANY kind of investigation done. I know with state Child Services a through investigation is REQUIRED and a determination has to be made in a reasonable time frame. all allegations must be addressed whether physical, sexual, or other ie starving a child, or neglect or non parenting. a parent or child just can not be removed from the home unless there is blatant evidence of neglect or abuse

Oh, I had that question as well. During the SARC briefing, they told us how, if a person chose to report it openly, that the allegation would be investigated by OSI (AF Office of Special Investigation) and Security Forces.

[DrFaroohk]

I don't understand why people blindly believe everything kids tell them. Oh, kid said daddy hit her? Wow, let's see, kid. Who brings you your christmas presents? Santa Claus? Awesome. Who took that tooth you lost and gave you fifty cents. The tooth fairy? Great. Who brings you candy on easter? The easter bunny?

Yeah, got a real firm grip on reality. Way to go. I believe everything you tell me now!!!!!

[Hobbs]

Maybe because attitudes like yours are the reason why children are often abused and are never helped. I'm not saying agencies/advocacy groups should react like FA, but an allegation should be treated seriously and investigated properly.

[BlaqueKatt]

I don't understand why people blindly believe everything kids tell them. Oh, kid said daddy hit her? Wow, let's see, kid. Who brings you your christmas presents? Santa Claus? Awesome. Who took that tooth you lost and gave you fifty cents. The tooth fairy? Great. Who brings you candy on easter? The easter bunny?

Yeah, got a real firm grip on reality. Way to go. I believe everything you tell me now!!!!!

um to be fair-kids don't make up santa, the tooth fairy or the easter bunny-adults did/do, and the child trusts the adult-that is lying to them....

[Hobbs]

um to be fair-kids don't make up santa, the tooth fairy or the easter bunny-adults did/do, and the child trusts the adult-that is lying to them....

St. Nicholas is real...O_o

[Mr. Anubite]

I don't understand why people blindly believe everything kids tell them.

Also to be fair, we shouldn't second guess those sorts of claims out of hand. You wouldn't second guess a woman screaming "rape", would you? There have been cases of women falsely accusing people of rape, just as there have been cases of children falsely accusing parents of child abuse. However, we should never second guess those sorts of claims, as there is always the probability that they are true.

[lordlundar]

St. Nicholas is real...O_o

Heck, Santa is real, depending on your point of view.

(Did I just pull an Obi-wan?)

[blas87]

Screw you all. I thought Santa didn't know I moved away when I was 19. Now I know the ugly truth.

I hate you all. Forever.

Back to all seriousness, I told my little story on CS. I can't believe how much trouble I could have gotten my mother into with that phone call. I can't believe my little friend at the time thought it was a good idea. I don't know why I let her talk me into it.

I guess I got lucky that CPS wasn't in panic mode when that happened, because I'm sure if I was a kid now and did that, they wouldn't have just called my mom back and asked her a few questions and dropped it.

[PepperElf]

I do have one question with your story Pepper.

I honestly don't know.

But from what i've seen of FA... I haven't really seen victims getting punished for filing false complaints.



1) First man - I'll call him "Q"... as far as i know he was 99% innocent. The one "bad" thing he did to his (now x) wife was throw a bill at her. However she made a lot of claims about him being drunk and attacking her. When it gets to the point where FA stops believing the victim, you know they've spun some tall tales... of course it might have been the fact that she started claiming "attacks" when he was accounted for onboard the ship....

But despite the lies, despite the fact that FA stopped believing her... they never prosecuted her for it. they'd have prosecuted him in a heartbeat if any one of those attacks and turned out to be real, but... for lying about being attacked? Nothing.

I guess Q could have sued... but at that point he just wanted the divorce and to be free of her. (and i'm thinking the settlement was cheaper than paying for a lawyer).


2) Another man, I'll call him ∏. Now the relationship between ∏ and Mrs. ∏ was a clusterfuck to begin with. They verbally abused each other. She accused him of cheating, only for him to find out (DNA test) that at least 2 of their kids weren't his. He felt he was the one in charge because he had 2 paychecks (esp since his "weekend job" paid better than his navy paycheck). He also said she was stupid and was tied of her being so dependent on him... though well, that's the kind of girl he was attracted to (very dim blond bombshells)

after the divorce she and her boyfriend started accusing ∏ of abuse. I don't know what the details of the claims were but ∏ said they were pretty much looking for $$$ and that the claims were false.

As far as i know Mrs-x-∏ never got in trouble for pressing false claims through the military... but ∏ did get yelled at by the command master chief for being a "wife beater". ∏ did not take it lying down, so he told us... apparently he yelled right back. I don't think the CMC ever punished him - directly - for yelling back... cos ∏ would have fought back on it, but... I do know the CMC yelled at ∏ for any rules he broke, or skirted after that.

[Lace Neil Singer]

My friend once, when she was a teen and arguing with her parents a lot, threatened her mother with ringing up the police and saying that she was being abused.

Her mother's reaction? "Go right ahead. In fact, we'll drive you to the police station ourselves. However, it will result in you being taken away from us and put in a yucky shared room in a children's home while they investigate us. You won't get any presents or any pocket money at all; there'll be other kids trying to steal your belongings and cuz you're a teenage girl, you won't be given a foster home any time soon. But if that's what you want, we won't stand in your way."

My friend, at that point, backed down. Even back then, there was still that kind of thing going on. The problem now is that kids will often be blindly believed and the parents made to feel like criminals even if there might be no truth in the allegations. There's got to be a happy medium between ensuring a child's safety and potentially ruining an innocent parent's life over nothing more than lies.

[jackfaire]

After my dad died my sister and brother were basically all alone with my mom and they started trying to walk all over her CPS had been involved before hand because of circumstances not directly involved. Anyway the CPS lady laid out in front of my siblings to my mom exactly what punishments were not considered abuse and made it clear that any false reports would not be good.

[smileyeagle1021]

My mom had a very effective way of insuring that I would not report her for abuse unless there was legitimate abuse.
"Edith is your Godparent and is on record with family court that she is willing to foster you at any time"
Now, to call Edith a bitch would be a kindness... this woman made Mel Gibson look like an open and accepting individual (she was a racist, an anti-semite, a homphobe, and a sexist... don't ask me how a woman can be sexist against women, but she was)... and all other things aside, was a bitch. Now, I know that I would not have stayed with her for long... but any time with her was more than I'd be willing to spend with her unless it truly was to get out of a dangerous situation.