Nursing Homes

[muses_nightmare]

This has been something that has been annoying me ever since my grandpa went into the nursing home in my hometown.

It annoys me how people refer to them as if you are just throwing someone in there because they are an inconvenience, or just neglecting them. While yes, some people are lazy and just plain cruel there are a lot of people who do it because it's better for the person going into the home.

My grandpa is a great example of this. He's 89, and while he is still pretty well all there he can't really take care of himself by himself. For awhile he did live on his own in another city that was several hours away from my mom and he would basically just sit and stare out the window most of the day, and his health was not great while he was there. My mom originally took him in to her place so she could take care of him, but she has her own health issues (mental health in this case) and is on long term disability. Not to mention her house has very steep staircases and all of the bedrooms are upstairs and my grandpa has COPD. Her place really wasn't ideal, and for her moving wasn't an option. So she got him a spot at the nursing home.

He loves it there. He has lots of people to talk to, there's a cat there that he feeds and treats like his own pet (it's basically the home's communal pet). My mom visits all the time. All of his medication is regulated and taken care of for him, and he goes out at least once a week or so. It doesn't feel like a hospital, or depressing at all, and the staff are really great there. His health has improved significantly since he got there compared to what he was like when he was living on his own with barely anyone to talk to. He actually said the other day he wanted to see how far past 100 he could get.

I do not understand this notion that homes are horrible places and that sending relatives there is the worst possible thing you can do because it's not true for the most part. Yes I know there are bad homes, and there are families that never visit, things aren't perfect of course, but it shouldn't be the assumption that it's bad before things are even looked at in depth.

[Plaidman]

I think it's one of those cliche jokes that people just do for tv and shows and movies. Like Santa Claus is Red, Jolly and old.

Reality of it is nurses are there to help you, care for you. They're paid to do it, and often enjoy it. Not all families can afford to take care of their loved ones due to many issues, be it money, their own health and time. (Hey, if you already have two jobs to take care of your child as it is, your not going to have time to take care of your parent ontop of that, who may be severeally ill).


Do some people ditch their family their and never return? Yeah. People are assholes. Just a fact. Not all people, but enough for it to be noticeable, and people are assholes in different ways. One may be an asshole in fact that Star Trek is better then Star Wars, and will even attack people that dare whisper otherwise. People are assholes cause they can't get a date, and their fundemental loneliness and bitterness consumed them, all the while the people with dates and others are giving the advice that they need to live life like they'd never get an SO. (This is of course, while their with someone, and laugh and refuse to if you suggest that maybe they should take their own advice and live life by themselves). People are assholes because they belive themselves superior to others in areas and fields.


It stands to reason, people can be assholes to their own family. You already have parents that abuse their children in many ways, from emontional to sexually. Or maybe it was more unknown to the parent, like say the parent was full on fantasy supergeek and never understood why his daughter or son would want to play something like baseball, and not do jousting, or archery. Point is, often the people that dump the person in there and leave? Have little to no emontional attactment to them. They're paying for it, and that should be enough. Or just how family was raised to show as little affection to each other as possible. Fact they're paying is their hug and kiss and christmas present all in one.


Or people that put them there, do care and love them. They just cannot give the care they need. It's better to put them there, rather then try to even come close to what a fraction of what they need just to avoid that stygism that they are abanding them or don't love them if they put them in a home.



Just cause their in a home, doesn't mean they can't visit. I remember a story I read, where an eldery wife put her husband of so many years in a home for alztimers because she couldn't care for him. Even though she visit everyday, and it was heartbreaking to see him forget her more and more, to the point that when the nice lady came to visit, he would introduce his girlfriend to her.

The wife loved her husband. It was painful for her for him to introduce his girlfriend to her, with little knowledge of how long they were married before. But she didn't complain. She didn't even try to explain that they were married. He was happy with this woman, and nothing she could do would fix that. All she could do, was visit and pay the bills as best as she could, and visit him with their kids. It was a touching story to me.

[Seshat]

My grandmother's well-being vastly improved when she moved into a nursing home. Instead of being alone most of the time, she could just walk down the hall when she wanted company.

And when she got too sick to walk, she could be wheeled down the hall.

And when she got too sick even for that, she could ask for her door to be opened, and her friends would visit her.

[HYHYBT]

It all depends on so many things... Grandma's nursing home is depressing primarily because of the condition the people are in by the time they get there. There may be healthier ones in other sections; I don't know. But most of the ones I see, never mind the physical problems, aren't "at themselves."

Can't do much about that... so if I could change one thing about that place, it would be the lights. I mean really, how at home can you feel under those excessively-bright, blueish fluorescent tube lights? Come on, at least get the "warmer" kind.

[muses_nightmare]

True sometimes it is just because of their condition, though I think at my grandpa's home the worse off people are in another wing.

The lights aren't so bad in his home either, I think they are fluorescents but I don't really find them too cold or harsh. It could be because of the wooden beams and the fact that there are lots of windows.

[daleduke17]

True sometimes it is just because of their condition, though I think at my grandpa's home the worse off people are in another wing.

That sounds like the nursing home in the next town over. South wing is the just outside of being able to be on their own while the further north in the building you go, the worse off they are until you get to the Alzheimer wing on the far north end of the building.

[Greenday]

You guys should check out the retirement home my sister works at. It's pretty much a resort. You kinda have to be rich to afford the place though. The food is amazing. They have boat rides on the river. One of the biggest fireworks shows in the country takes place on the river right outside of their building so they can all go on the patio and watch. You can leave to go shopping or whatever at any time. They have a pool table where they'll have competitions. Various bus trips. I got to meet some 103 year old woman who was walking fine with a cane (barely used the cane though) and was skipping around (literally). Great health care there.

I wouldn't mind living in that place.

[protege]

Before my grandmother died, we had to put her in a nursing home. My family really didn't want to do that, but it was impossible to get her the needed care where she was living. Sure, there were places that could take care of her nearby...but both had been cited many times for alleged abuse, and safety problems. Sorry, but fuck that.

It was hard, selling the farm she'd owned since the 1950s, disposing of the car, and even moving her into a small apartment temporarily. At the time, it was becoming difficult for her to take care of the house, not to mention get around. She really didn't *want* to have someone come in every day and clean and cook for her...even though by then, she was having trouble getting around, and had fallen more than once

Around that time, her mind started going--she was acting more and more bizarre. With an hour-plus car ride each way, it simply wasn't possible for my mother to help her...even though I usually spent the weekends with Grandma. I'd take her shopping, get the groceries, and keep her company All the while, her mind was going, and she was going blind

After a bad fall in her apartment--where she spent the entire night on the floor screaming--things had to change. Didn't want to take her away from her friends, church, and other familiar things, but we had no choice.

My mother spent several weekends checking out local nursing homes. Most were OK, but they tended to tell her what she wanted to hear. What can I say, other than she's well-connected with the county's health department? She'd actually go in the places, and tell them not to bullshit her. Piss her off, she can and *will* ruin you Grandma eventually ended up in one of the best nursing homes in the county.

Finally, she got the care she needed. The staff, and residents all loved her. In fact, many looked up to her. Here was this 92-year-old woman, who didn't need a wheelchair, and could take care of herself for the most part. Some were even jealous, because her family was always there.

The only issue I can remember with the place, was when she fell in her room one night. She was having some difficulty getting around, and someone had to check on her. That someone...decided to watch TV instead of taking Grandma to the bathroom. Rather than do her job, the bitch (and I'm being nice) sat on the couch...while Grandma tried to walk across the room, and fell. Needless to say, when my mother found out, she "hit the fucking ceiling." Not only that, but the bitch ended up losing her job. It was either that, or my mother was not only going to sue the facility for their neglect, but possibly ruin their reputation as well. Gotta love those connections.

But, all in all, I think the place was good for Grandma. They did their best to keep her safe and happy before she passed away last August

[Lace Neil Singer]

My granny, before she died, moved into a home after a bad fall in her house which resulted in health problems that meant she couldn't take care of herself any more. It was not convenient for Granny to move in with my parents; at the time, I and my little brother were both still living at home, and there just was not the room. So my parents looked about and found a really nice home for Granny and she moved in there. We visited as often as we could, and she had her own room and all her ornaments and stuff there, and made a lot of friends. I still believe it was the best thing we could have done for her.

[blas87]

This would be why I hate my great aunt and uncle, and even hold some contempt of my parents for not doing anything more about the situation with my Nanna.

She wasn't going to make it, but the last few years of her life would have been a lot more SAFE, HEALTHY, and she would have still had some DIGNITY if my stupid great aunt and uncle had owned up to the responsibility of having an elderly, very mentally ill mother and gotten her proper home nursing or put her in a nursing home. One reason they didn't was because they were cheap. I understand nursing homes are expensive, that's why you can hire nurse maids to stay at the house, it's somewhat more affordable. This is an unfortunate thing about getting old, you may get really sick and your mind may start to go or start to go very very quickly, and if you don't get the proper care, you will go even faster. And no matter what, NO OLD PERSON DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE A BURDEN OR HAVE THEIR DIGNITY TAKEN AWAY by selfish children who refuse to do anything and leave an old woman with severe dimentia and Alzheimers ALL ALONE for nearly all of the day and night and only "check" on her as if she were a pet or something, and when someone (oh who could that be) annonymously calls Social Services, get your act temporarily together by hiring a nurse maid to live with Nanna, until Social Services gets off your asses, then you find any reason to fire them, go through a few, fire them all, then go back to the way it was. Then EVENTUALLY put her in a home after ANOTHER annoymous call, but by then it was too late and she had to go to the hospice to DIE because even though it was coming and no old person surives this type of mental anguish, she would have left earth with respect and dignity the last few years of her life if she hadn't been treated the way she had been.

Sorry for the threadjack, this still upsets me so much to this day. Forgive the wall of text and the CAPS, it's just so frustrating. My parents didn't do very much more than attempt to get my aunt and uncle in trouble but it didn't help any, and after Nanna died, they forgot about the whole thing. Maybe it's not healthy to hold a grudge, but I will always have contempt for the two of them.

It cannot be easy to care for an elderly person, and it has to be heartbreaking to see your parents or loved ones slip away so quickly and so horribly. It's your responsibility to find care for them if you can't care for them. Whatever means necessary, but NO OLD PERSON deserves to have their dignity and health and safety taken away from them because their family is too cheap and cannot be bothered. It's WRONG.

[crashhelmet]

My mom's best friend was the manager/administrator or whatever they call the head honcho of one in Southern California. When we were stationed nearby, my mom worked there as their bookkeeper and activities director. My dad would bartend their parties and my brother and I would provide the musical entertainment. The residents loved it there. They had new homes, new friends, and new families. They were allowed to live their lives.

A lot of the stigma cast on them can be placed on Hollywood and the media. They only ever show the horror stories of corrupt/negligent providers and make everything to look more like a convalescent hospital, rather than a home.

Sometimes families feel guilty having to take their relatives to a home. They want to provide the care for them, but for whatever reason, they can't. Sadly, there is the reverse, where someone should be or would be better off in a home, but are moved in with a family member so that they can collect and control their social security and pensions that they receive. I've seen that shit within my own family.

CH

[Amina516]

Some are good, some are bad. People are stupid, so either way, you cant win.

What matters most is that whoever is in one, is well taken care or and not forgotten (by family and friends.)

I get WAY more elderly patients who have injured themselves at home alone (ie on the floor and cant get up FOR DAYS at a time and have small animals nibbling at their extremities) compared to nursing home residents who usually come in with a mild case of something or other.

[muses_nightmare]

It cannot be easy to care for an elderly person, and it has to be heartbreaking to see your parents or loved ones slip away so quickly and so horribly. It's your responsibility to find care for them if you can't care for them. Whatever means necessary, but NO OLD PERSON deserves to have their dignity and health and safety taken away from them because their family is too cheap and cannot be bothered. It's WRONG.

Absolutely. My aunt lived a very short distance away from where my grandpa was living originally, yet she couldn't be bothered to visit at all. She barely ever visited my grandma when she was in the hospital (She had had a stroke quite a few years ago, she's passed on since ). My mom was the one who came to take care of my grandpa, and my grandma while she was still will us. My mom moved my grandpa to BC, dealt with all the paperwork, she even managed to get him more money through veterans because of his hearing loss. She took care of him for as long as she could in her own home, as I said. And managed to get him into the home by being a bit pushy about it (not bitchy, but letting them know that he wasn't well enough to be in the house). My aunt, well, she's supposed to be visiting this week and she actually asked if she could maybe get a cheque from my grandpa for the trip.

[HYHYBT]

After a bad fall in her apartment--where she spent the entire night on the floor screaming--things had to change.

The last time Grandma fell at home, I left her on the floor for about 24 hours. Not intentionally! She'd gone into her room much earlier than usual one evening, but said through the door that she was fine, so I figured she was just tired and going to bed early. Since she and I both often slept late, I didn't start worrying about her until the next afternoon, when it was clear she hadn't been out. But again she said she was fine. Well, ok, if you insist... but by evening I was worried enough to get Dad to come with the emergency key (as she had a deadbolt on her door), and there she was, lying on the floor, obviously having been there a long time... and insisting that she *wasn't* on the floor and nothing was wrong. She's been in the nursing home ever since.

[KellyHabersham]

This thread has a bit of personal meaning at the moment as my mom's stepmother is temporarily in a nursing home.......to make it short, she recently fell and severely injured herself, and because she's got a LOT of health/physical problems, it's at the point where she might be better off where she can have full-time professional care. (Grandpa is able-bodied and everything, but he really can't do everything for her which would need to be done)