When do you give the talk

[Brede]

My parents figured 'She's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know' SO when I was younger I got the really simple one - 'When two people love each other very much... etc', a bit older it got more complicated, and by the time I was about 11 I understood about contraception and how sex can just be fun, too.

As a result- unlike many of my peers of the same age-
I have never had an STD.
I have never had an unwanted pregnancy (although I did once have to take the morning after pill).
I was never freaked out about my periods.
I never succumbed to peer pressure about sex, I went ahead with it when I wanted to.
I never confused lust with love.

The only myth I fell for was that after your first time the world would looki and feel different, and it would all be marvelous. And I was bitterly disappointed.

A lot of sex ed- especially the emotional aspects- comes too late for a lot of kids. Imagine your an early developer- in every way. Your hormones are pumping, everything is working properly, but because your brain hasn't caught up with your body yet you act without thinking. All you know is 'the waterworks' aspect of it, you don't know much about contraception, and you may believe all the myths.

Imagine what can come about from that lovely little combination. Underage children having babies and STD's is something I think everyone can agree is a bad thing (tm).

[horror]

My parents gave me "the talk" at about eight or nine. I was a pretty quick kid, so they knew that things weren't going to go over my head. Although our "talk" was short and sweet. I can't remember the details, but one thing does stand out in my mind. My father asked me if I knew that homosexuality was, and without hesitating I said, "It's when boys love boys the same way that other boys love girls, and when girls love girls in the same way that other girls love boys."
I don't think I was too young, and even though my parents were pretty vague, I don't think they did a bad job of it.

All in all I think everything turned out okay. I know the risks, I know how to protect myself, I know how to stay healthy, how to leave a man unconscious if he tries to force himself on me (thanks, dad), and I'm now in my mid-20's and have not once had to run frantically to the drug store for a pregnancy test.

[blas87]

I can honestly say, there have been two times where I have frantically ran to the drugstore to get a pregnancy test (despite being on the shot), and both times I ended up being just extremely ill. I thought I had morning sickness.

However, because of those two instances, I will never allow a guy to try to haev sex with me without a condom (unless I ever get in a real long term relationship or get married). NEVER AGAIN will I put my "need" to please a guy over my own personal health and safety.

[MadMike]

A lot of sex ed- especially the emotional aspects- comes too late for a lot of kids.

Agreed. My son is eighth grade, and they're just teaching it. Meanwhile, my son tells me he knows of kids who are already having sex, including one girl who had a pregnancy scare at the age of 13, and another who is considering having sex with her boyfriend, and not worrying about pregnancy because she thinks it can't possibly happen at her age.

[the_std]

I spent the majority of my childhood in Catholic schools (from grade three till I graduated high school), and holy crap, sex ed was sorely lacking. We girls got the "period" talk in the fourth grade, and then an "abstinence-only" talk every.single.year, from fifth grade till I graduated high school, after that. I remember being taught about how easy it was to catch an STD, how incurable and unlivable they were, how pregnancy has ruined so many lives, how girls who had sex outside of marriage were immoral people, all that good stuff.

As a result, out of a graduating class of 220 kids, I know for damn sure that five girls had had kids by the time they hit the tenth grade, eight by the eleventh and twelve by the twelfth. One was pregnant in the eighth grade, but she miscarried. On top of the twelve girls with kids, five additional ones had miscarried, and three had abortions. Seven guys had gotten girls pregnant by the eleventh grade, and thirteen by the time we graduated.

It was ridiculous. Had I not had open, loving parents who never, EVER made sex a taboo in our household, I could have been one of these people. Like many who have already posted in this topic, I never actually received "the talk", because all of my questions were gradually answered in the fullness of time.

I don't think having "the talk" is nearly as important as being constantly open and honest with your children. It makes a world of difference, especially when it comes to a child's confidence levels. I grew up knowing that sex was a natural thing and was always sure that I could deal with sexual situations accordingly. On the other hand, I had a friend who knew NOTHING about the sexual reproductive organs until her parents sat her down one day when she was thirteen and laid it all out at once. She became very confused about this sudden onslaught of "do this, don't do this" and refuses to discuss sex or sexual topics to this day.

I have made it abundantly clear to my parents how much I appreciated the way they dealt with teaching me about sexuality. It was a great way to grow up.