old =/= creepy

[AFPheonix]

It's like walking outside barefoot. You don't deserve to step on glass, but you should be careful.

Weeeellll not really, because the glass didn't intentionally do you harm. Someone who assaults another person does intentionally do harm.
I should be able to walk down the street in my birthday suit and not be assaulted. That doesn't mean that I can expect to not get looked at, receive verbal feedback, or get the attention of the authorities. But the second someone grabs for me or goes further than that is the second that person has crossed the line into illegal behavior.

[Flyndaran]

Weeeellll not really, because the glass didn't intentionally do you harm. Someone who assaults another person does intentionally do harm.
...

You can only control your own behavior. In that way, other people's actions are just as random and uncontrollable as glass on the street.
Don't mess with my metaphor stretching ability. I will take you down... to the docks. Don't make me explain it.

[AFPheonix]

Lol whut?

If someone assaults me regardless of what I'm doing, they're not being random. They're doing something intentional to me for whatever reason they may have.

A piece of glass is not sentient, it has no choice in the matter if it happens to be in the right place to go into my foot. It can neither be a good samaritan and turn so it doesn't puncture me or be an ass and go right in.


Yeah, people need to be aware of their surroundings and all that, but they should be able to go down a street and not have someone grabbing at them.

[thrifty]

Hmm so what happens when you are no longer young?

Well considering that it wasn't my husband that said that, it was his father I'm not too concerned :-)

Plus there is the fact that every woman except me that he dated was his age I don't think he'll have a problem with me when I'm 30 or 40 or 50.

[Slytovhand]

Old does not immediately mean creepy. There are certain types of people who are just naturally flirtatious.

I don't have any problem with an older gentleman complimenting me or being charming or "smooth".

I DO however have a problem with guys old enough to be my dad hitting on me or being inappropriate (i.e. touching, ogling, harrassing, digging for info.).

Seriously, if you're hitting on someone young enough to be your daughter (or son), I think it's weird. Now, if the girl seems to be receptive or expressing interest, I'm not going to immediately call "creep!" But I still think it's WEIRD. If I see a couple with ages that obviously disparate it kind of makes me wonder what is wrong with either of them- like, why aren't you with someone your own age and maturity level?

*shrug* If the couple are both of legal age, they can do whatever they please. I won't SAY anything. But I will *think* its weird.

And when guys who are more than 10 or 15 years older than me shamelessly *hit* on me, I think it's creepy.

I have had it happen in my previous job and in this job. In my former job the guy was not exactly harassing, but just a weirdo (um, you're in your 40's, divorced with 2 kids, what on earth makes you think a 21 year old working in a children's store wants anything to do with you?)

As for the second guy- Thankfully, I don't work for that location anymore, so I never have to deal with him. He was at least in his 50's, married, with 2 sons that were just about my age. Again, what makes you think a young woman with no kids wants anything to do with you? On top of it all, this guy had poor hygeine and was not in the least bit attractive (heavy, slovenly, un-shaven, not well dressed, etc.). I mean, the first guy I'll at least give credit for being hygeinic and fairly attractive (clean cut, well dressed, well spoken, etc.)...

But both of them gave me the "weird" vibe. I didn't dig it.

Ummm... you are aware of the numerous contradictions in this post, aren't you??

"Old does not immediately mean creepy."... ok, good....

"I DO however have a problem with guys old enough to be my dad hitting on me "...ok, why? They aren't creepy, yet you have a problem with it... why?

" If I see a couple with ages that obviously disparate it kind of makes me wonder what is wrong with either of them- like, why aren't you with someone your own age and maturity level?" (my emphasis... for the obvious point)... because, they are of the same maturity level! Age and maturity are 2 vastly different things. They're interests in life are similar (which can be hard enough to find at the best of times), their outlook on life is similar, their senses of humour compatible... (as BJ said) all the important things in a relationship they have... including the love. The number (of either the age or wrinkles) is pretty irrelevant at that stage.

DF - if guys (number irrelevant) are hitting on you, it's because they find something about you attractive to them.. take it as a compliment. If they're asking you out, take it as a compliment. Remember, different things turn on different people. Maybe they're hoping you don't have a problem with such things as arbitrary as numbers, but for things like mutual interests...


(yes, I'm leaving the 'inappropriate touching' bit alone, because that's not actually related to the OP.. unless you're suggesting it's ok to be inappropriately touched by someone closer to your own age, but not by someone older than you....)

[DesignFox]

It seems contradictory I guess, Slyt. It's just hard to put into words.

I don't like when guys old enough to be my Dad express an attraction to me. It makes me wonder what their motives are. It makes me uncomfortable.

If two people get to know each other *first*, then become attracted to one another despite a big age gap, I can sort of understand that. By knowing the person first, you'd know what the person's maturity level is, and that could be why you get along so well.

But random 45 year old hitting on random 25 year old is kind of weird in my opinion.

Unwanted touching is inappropriate no matter what the age gap.

Maybe that makes more sense?

[Slytovhand]

I always hit onto random 25 year old girls... absolutely no logic or rational behind them whatsoever... and I'm a pretty random type of guy!

Well, sometimes, and then others, I just go with the odds...




Well, ok, being a tad more serious, I like people with a sense of 'life' in them.. not so jaded and cynical (as me ), I like a sense of youth, almost a naivete and still with a certain amount of wanderlust... which I usually find in younger people. As well, of course, as a younger body (but that's biology for you!). Find me someone like that, and the age is actually irrelevant... so, to me, it doesn't matter if they're 18 or 80.... (well, ok, maybe not 80.. ), but 'youth' can shine through in so many ways... I hear it all the time on the phones at work.. sometimes you hear a voice and think "Gee, they sound old", and you find out they're the same age as you, or "They sound pretty young" and they're 10 years older...


Also..."If two people get to know each other *first*, so, how do they do that without it seem like 'hitting on', if we presume that 'hitting on' equals "Wanna go out for coffee sometime?" (as against leering and being suggestive up front... which I think we've discussed is age-irrelevant)

[DesignFox]

Also..."If two people get to know each other *first*, so, how do they do that without it seem like 'hitting on', if we presume that 'hitting on' equals "Wanna go out for coffee sometime?" (as against leering and being suggestive up front... which I think we've discussed is age-irrelevant)

*shrug* If the guy looks old enough to be my dad, I probably wouldn't accept his invitation for coffee. But, I'd not be nearly as weirded out by THAT as the guy that's making suggestive remarks.

I was thinking more along the lines of two people who work together or are in classes together. Or maybe meet through friends (cause often if you're hanging around with people older than you, you'll tend to meet guys or gals that are older than you). I had a quite a few friends in college that were in their 40's. So, I could potentially meet and get to know a guy that much older than me through them. I, personally, never considered someone that much older than me dating material...but that's just ME.

Like I said, just because *I* think it's weird, doesn't automatically make the guy a creep...it's all in how he conducts himself.

In my experience, the older guys that have been making a pass at me have all given me the "creep" vibe. Mostly I think, because I look a lot younger than I am. The one guy wasn't even sure I was legal when he started making a pass at me. He asked my age and took that as the green light despite the fact that I was in NO WAY expressing an interest. (I've since learned the difference between people asking out of curiosity, and people asking out of motive, and cue my response accordingly)

[Boozy]

I don't like when guys old enough to be my Dad express an attraction to me. It makes me wonder what their motives are.

My guess is that their motives are the same as those of the 25 year-old hitting on you.

A lot of people assume that 40 year-olds can't be intellectually stimulated by 20 year-olds, but that's not true. I've met a lot of emotionally and mentally delayed men (and I don't mean mentally handicapped, I mean they just act like teenagers despite their middle-aged bodies). They're probably going to find it easier and more enjoyable to date someone in their early twenties than find a woman their own age to put up with their crap.

[Lace Neil Singer]

There's however a time and a place for that kind of thing; and it's definitely not when the older guy is hitting on the younger girl when she's at work, and therefore unable to tell him what she really thinks. I will stress that I don't mind guys of any age who are normally friendly but any guy who's being creeptastic by making suggesting comments or trying to touch me while I'm at work deserves no consideration at all. I don't get why they do it; unless it appeals to them that the girl is trapped and can't tell them to eff off? O_o

[Flyndaran]

There's however a time and a place for that kind of thing; and it's definitely not when the older guy is hitting on the younger girl when she's at work, and therefore unable to tell him what she really thinks. I will stress that I don't mind guys of any age who are normally friendly but any guy who's being creeptastic by making suggesting comments or trying to touch me while I'm at work deserves no consideration at all. I don't get why they do it; unless it appeals to them that the girl is trapped and can't tell them to eff off? O_o

Off course, but that has not a darn thing to do with age.

[DesignFox]

My guess is that their motives are the same as those of the 25 year-old hitting on you.

<snip>

It tends to mainly happen when I'm at work. Since, I don't go out to clubs and bars and stuff.

To me, the motive has always seemed...creepy. Like, "look at me, I can get the young 'uns". I get the crawly feel- like when I see pictures of Hugh Hefner with those vapid play boy bunnies. or Anna Nicole with that 90 year old guy.

Ewww.

That's my opinion.

Now, if someone came up to me in a bar, and he wasn't being inappropriate? I might have a different angle. And, again, if he took no for an answer, I wouldn't call him a creep. I'd think it's weird. I'd tell him "no".

Maybe, I think it's weird because I'm still rather young, the only people drastically younger than me are A) in their teens so not attractive to me anyway AND B) not legal to date.

The age gap matters a lot less after you've legally been an adult for awhile. So, it is entirely possible as a 40-something to find a 20-something attractive intellectually. (My aunt and uncle were 20 years apart age-wise) For me, at this point in my life, it isn't right. I don't like it. And I do question why a guy that much older than myself is really attracted to me.

Seriously, for me, I want a guy from my own generation that's likely to be able to keep up with me, knows what I'm talking about, and my friends aren't going to look at me like "Why are you dating your father?" I don't want to be dating someone old enough to retire in 5 years.

To each their own. This is how *I* feel. In my experience, even the guy's that were being completely inappropriate, I wasn't *rude* to. (granted, I was on the clock, therefore, rudeness was out of the question) I'm only ever rude to people who deserve it, and even rarely then.

So, if some guy came up to me, as long as he wasn't being a jerk, no matter what his age, I would be polite. It takes a lot of guts to walk up to someone and compliment them, offer a drink, etc. I would absolutely never be mean to a guy, of any age, who was being nice to me.

Just because I question it or think it's weird doesn't mean I'd be rude! I hope at least those of you questioning me can understand that.

[Slytovhand]

So, DF, wanna go for a coffee sometime??

[Rapscallion]

I can't see the reason for the 'ewww' response, but on a sheer practical level I can see why a young woman wouldn't want to get involved with an older bloke who's body is going to deteriorate to the extent where he'll need near round-the-clock care when she's in her prime years, then leaving her alone after death when she's not going to have as good a chance of finding another mate.

Rapscallion

[Nyoibo]

My dad once explained this to me, the way he put it is his brain refuses to believe that he's too old, his brain still thinks of himself as a young buck of 20-something, unfortunately, his body no longer lives up to that and he has to stop and remind himself that yes, he really is old enough to be her father.