My Own Flaws

[blas87]

Going through the spanking threads and just going back on CS and reading old threads.....it just got me thinking of how much I sometimes hate my own flaws.

While in some threads I make my parents out to be Quakers or monsters, in reality, the harsh and old fashioned way I was raised probably did me a lot of good and has shaped the way I've become as an adult, an employee, a tenant, a car owner, etc. I was raised to be responsible and not make excuses and all that jazz.

But sometimes I think I inherited a few too many negative genes from the pool.....I will fully admit I can be a little spitfire. I oftentimes write people off too quickly as stupid or ignorant or irresponsible or immature.....and sometimes I may be right, sometimes I may just be refusing to look at this person's values or how they were raised or how they see the world.

I won't lie, I have a temper and can be high strung.

I just wonder if I'm ever going to be able to keep the positive attributes about myself, but try working on the negative ones. I really would like to give people a chance but at the same time, I don't want to make myself naive or a human doormat (as I already spent enough time being that). I'd like to be able to understand the differences in people, even the negative ones, and be able to try to make things work with people who see things from the total polar opposite that I do. Currently, I find some people extremely hard to get along with because they seem to be on a whole different maturity level or family value level than myself.

Your thoughts or advice? Feel free to add anything you feel about yourself, I'd love to know that I'm not alone.

[MaggieTheCat]

I think I know where you're coming from, Blas. I was always really mature for my age, even in grade school, and I really disliked most of the kids in my class. My mom tells me stories of me coming home and telling HER stories of what some stupid kid did and got the whole class in trouble, and how it just pissed me off to no end. I saw it at work, too, at my last job; some idiot would continually bend the rules just far enough that they wouldn't break, but that the managers had to re-write the rule or make a new rule that affected everyone just because one person was being a dick about it. It comes down to the same thing: People being immature idiots, and those of us who are more mature or responsible see it and think "god what an idiot."

Personally, I still don't have much patience for a lot of people. I have a few really close friends who I get along with really well, and a lot of "acquaintances" who I'm friendly with and like to talk to occasionally, but they tend to get annoying after a while so I don't talk to them THAT often. Although, thinking about it, I think I've become more tolerant in the last few years; I'm 25 now, and I think when I was 20 or 21 I was much more likely to call someone an idiot for doing one stupid thing. Either that or I've just naturally learned not to associate with people who are (I consider) that stupid.

So, as far as flaws goes, everyone has them. Not necessarily the same flaws, but everyone has flaws, regardless. You at least recognize yours, and from the posts I've read on CS about your co-workers (I haven't read all of them, but I know enough to get the jist of it) you have a legitimate reason to at least be short with a lot of them. Probably as you get older (I think you're in your early 20s, right?) you'll find that you'll level out emotionally, too; I know Kinkoid has said that about herself a couple of times here.

[blas87]

I'll be 23 in a few months, I think I've mellowed out a bit since I've been 19, 20, and so on.....hopefully it gets even more mellow.

I'm glad someone can relate. Although I really wasn't referring to work so much, because I totally justify my hate and intolerance of people I work with. I was mostly talking about guys I date, friends, acquaintances, peers, etc.

I just really wish I didn't snap at the drop of a pin sometimes and was willing to try to find the good in people, even ones I wouldn't normally.

[Savannah]

I also lack patience to deal with stupid people or any form of make-work. I have a poor brain-to-mouth filter, compounded by the fact that I have a really hard time backing down and admitting when I'm wrong...not pretty. Fortunately, I too seem to be mellowing with age (I'm 22).

The only thing I can say for advice is that when I'm annoyed with someone it helps to back off and talk with a neutral third party (or, failing that, a pet/stuffed animal/thin air) to try to figure out why they are doing what they are doing. Sometimes the only thing I get is "They're an idiot", but most of the time I can at least sorta understand where they are coming from.

If it helps, the psychology research I've seen shows that you can change thought patterns, although it's not easy. I'm sure trying.

[powerboy]

The only flaws that I have a temper. I will admit that am stubborn. But after the age of 23, I have became more mellow

[BlaqueKatt]

I just really wish I didn't snap at the drop of a pin sometimes and was willing to try to find the good in people, even ones I wouldn't normally.

It comes with time-patience does as well.

I have almost infinite patience now at age 34, I never had that years ago.


I usually just ask myself one question in decreasing amounts-
Will what just happened that annoyed me matter in 10 years, 1 year, a month, a week, tomorrow, at the end of the day? 9 times out of 10 the answer is no it won't, so I let it go. I'm not about to waste energy on something that I can easily trivialize-it's pointless. Pick your battles, even your internal ones.

[Flyndaran]

I have some traits that are problematic. Crippling anxiety, periodic cluelessness, and social phobia. I am also bit overweight.
Other traits, I consider good, but many here may not agree. Overly rational view of the universe, and distaste for religion and faith in all forms.

[Slytovhand]

I'm perfect.

Wel, ok, perhaps a little too much humility at times...






I think all these things we see as 'flaws' are just different ways of experiencing the universe. Also, since you opened with it, Blas, just remember that everyone was brought up differently - they see the world, and their place in it, differently. Some of it is more Darwin Award-oriented, others less so...


Yeah, you'll mellow out.. but consider this... what, really stops you from changing any part of your personality???

(coming from someone who still hasn't dealt with his shit...;-) )