My family never wants to see the kids...

[DrFaroohk]

My wife's family fights over chances to see (and take for a while) the kids. They're all busy people too, but they love the kids. Even my step-sons paternal grandparents, who have no relation to me or my wife, still want to be a very active part of the baby's life.

My parents....I don't get it. They always talk about how much they love kids. And if I happen to bring the baby over for an hour or so they'll act like she's such a great thing and make over her and all that...But they never want to have anything to do with her for any amount of real time. Especially my mom. She always tells me how much she misses the baby and wants to see her, but any real plans always fall thru, usually for some lame excuse. Today I was really pissed about it because me and my wife are both sick and were looking for an opportunity to get a break. And of course at the very last minute my mom yet again has something come up and she just isn't up for taking the baby today. I could call my father and ask him if he'd take the baby, but the problem is that he'll say yes, but then give me a huge guilt trip - "Oh man well I can do this for you but I hope you know I had way better stuff to do!" And I just don't want to deal with that.

I feel bad because our little girl has absolutely no idea who my parents are. When she does see them, she's just shy and hides her face and won't be as cute and fun as she can be, because they're strangers to her.

[MaggieTheCat]

That sucks. My parents are kinda the same way with my brother's kids. I know I've posted before about how my brother and his wife don't let their kids spend much time with my parents. But even when my parents do get the kids -- for like a week a year -- after about a day they complain about how much work it is, what a drag it is, how they can't wait till the week is over, etc. And they expect me to do about 90% of the babysitting. "Oh Maggie, would you take the kids to a movie?" "Oh Maggie, here's some money, take the kids out for ice cream and get them out of our hair for a little while." "Oh Maggie, isn't there a softball game in the park this afternoon? Why don't you take the kids so we don't have to deal with them for a little while." "Oh Maggie, the kids can sleep in/next to your room so if they need anything in the middle of the night, they can just ask you instead of bothering us." "Oh Maggie, the kids are such a hassle, will you play a game with them?" Yes, that's right, my parents won't even play a game (like a board game or card game) with the kids. They're not interested or even pretend to be interested in the kids' hobbies (dolls, sports, and video games, mostly) and they don't invite the kids to learn about their hobbies (quilting and scrollsawing.)

It really pissed me off when my parents would complain about never seeing the kids, and then not do anything with them when they DID see the kids.

[KitterCat]

With me its my own parents I’ve had that problem with. Hubbies parents are thrilled about having a grandchild but never pushed for it. They believed that when we were ready for kids we’d have them. When he was first born they lived 30 mins away and we ether went to them or they came to our house to see him every week. They now live 4-5 hours a way and still make time to see him at the very least every other month, but usually more than that. They love when I put him on the phone to talk to them even though he doesn’t “talk”, he’s only 2 after all.

My own parents on the other hand hounded us as to when they were getting grandchildren because “they’re gods gift and you cant refuse a gift from god.” Yet now that they’ve got one they’ve done nothing with him. We moved down to where they lived about a year ago. They would do nothing with him. Out of the few times they actually did baby-sit, half the time they would get one of my brothers to watch him. They were even an hour late to his first birthday after we timed it to when they were available. Didn’t bring him a gift or even a card and then rushed through the cake to watch one of the political debates because “after all he’s to young to even remember so it doesn’t matter.” They’ve now moved about 8 hours away and want us to visit. Its not happening. If they want to see their next grandchild they’re going to have to do the driving themselves.

About the only advice I can give you is that they’re writing themselves out of her life. You cant make them want to spend time with her and trying to make them will just give you a headache. Just remember when she gets older and they wonder why they don’t have a relationship with their granddaughter that they’ve done this to themselves.