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I hate when people ask a question that I know is an accusation.

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  • I hate when people ask a question that I know is an accusation.

    Today I was out running errands and missing my family, even my brother, wanting to be home for dinner so I came home. We had a nice dinner. No one argued with anything I had to say. Now, let me interject that we don't really have rules about the kitchen/dishes, but I end up unloading/loading the dishwasher because they do the outdoors stuff and also because they seem resistant to actually putting things in it and running it, or unloading it. It's kind of my job by default and I don't openly say I'm annoyed at that except once I was honest about it because they don't like when I don't say anything about being annoyed. Given that history, two things that were said to me that were sketchy:

    1. As the table was being cleared (again, no one's job; sometimes we all do and sometimes one person does, whatever) Mom said to me "I ran the dishwasher earliier so you don't have to." OK, I have vented about that in places she'd never see it so she just knows. I don't know if that was a "See? I did it" or "stop complaining (I don't) because I did it for you."? I don't complain; I just do it.

    2. The two of them were at the sink and it was crowded so I went to sit in the living room and finish my drink. My full intention was to unload the dishwasher once they were through, as I knew they wouldn't. Brother asked "Are you going to clear your plate?" using my full name as if he were correcting me like a child. Again, no rule about this. I don't take dirty dishes to the kitchen and pile them in the sink before emptying the dishwasher. I would've done ALL of it had they wanted me to. I was simply waiting for them to get out of the way. I did not answer right away, as I was formulating an non-inflammatory response and also processing this was my brother, not my parent, saying this to me. So he said "OK, I'll do it" or something like that, still in that tone of voice as if he were asking a dog "Did you do that?" So I went in the kitchen and asked them "Is there enough room for me to unload the dishwasher?" to let them know that 3 people was a bit much. He said no, they were busy doing things in a sort of singsong voice. I don't know if that was mocking. I said, "OK, let me know" and walked back to the living room.

    He ruins every third interaction like this, treating me like a child. There literally isn't room for 3 of us to be at the sink regardless of what we're doing. And I think it's riciculous to pile dirty dishes all over the place so there isn't room to set down the clean ones while being put away.* I also don't get why someone can't take 5-7 minutes to unload the dishwasher before cooking. It never occurs to Mom that it would make clean-up easier. They know I feel this way. Why does it have to be an almost fight?

    *You have to when there is no dishwasher but WE HAVE ONE. I did not have time to run it this morning and I haven't been home all day. My loving attitude is turning to resentment. This is why I hate living with people. The sarcasm. I'm trying to be the bigger person. There's absolutely no reason for him to correct me as much as he does. And to think, yesterday he was telling me all about his day before I left when he rarely talks to me and that made me happy. I felt bad that I had to leave.

    I should've said, "I'll get it once I unload the dishwasher" to let him know that hey, I do things around here (which they should KNOW, as they magically have clean dishes a few times a week because of me). But then he would've argued with that because that's not how he does it. I guess I'll go retrieve my watered down drink and clean up the mess in the kitchen now....