It's not babysitting

[LeChatNoir]

Right now, I am our son's primary caregiver. My husband works 4 days a week and goes to school 3 days a week. That said...I don't call it babysitting when my husband is with our son. If I am out and someone asks where Jacob is, I will say he's at home with Daddy, or he's spending time with him, or whatever. It's not babysitting. I'm not paying my husband to watch him. To me, babysitting implies that the person isn't obligated to care for the child, but is doing so because they are getting paid for it or are doing it as a favor to the parent. Alternately, I wouldn't say that my husband is home "parenting the baby" because to me the parenting part is a given. Parenting is so much more than meeting the basic biological needs of a child.

[Kimmik]

All of that is admirable, Kimmik, and I don't dispute the "it takes a whole family to raise a child" aspect.

<snip> as Boozy has said, has traditionally meant "a non-primary caregiver".
It is saying that the mother is the primary caregiver, and the father's role is just to bring home the bacon and occasionally help out with the child if needed.

Generally you have a primary care giver in any family. For us I am the primary care giver, as with hubby's hours he normally gets to give her a bottle and lay her back down. Though this week he has the pleasure of being the primary care giver.. and I babysat so he could go out. I have been sick this week and it has thankfully been his vacation... it is not to say that we are not there for each other.

How I was raised is the mothers were primarily responsible and the dads sat with the kids as needed. Mother was the primary caregiver and giver of punishment... Not to say the men didnt help... my dad taught me to shoot, to raise veggies, to fish, etc as did my mother. But in the care giver aspect it was Mom or my aunt etc..

I know some fathers that are the primary care givers... my husband babysits so that I can go to work on fri-sun between the hours of 6-5 normally I work about 6 hours.. He does this because he sleeps days as he is swing shift sorta. So all he does is change her feed her and lay her down... it is all that he can do. We are planning that when she gets a bit older i will stay home full time. But as it stands now he watches her on his nights off so I can go out.

To me if you watch a child so your partner can go out.. it is babysitting. Your staying home to sit with the child. But I can see where some might be offended as I have been told in the past that I am wrong for thinking my place is at home tending the household... but dang it that is what makes me happy... grrrr.

PS thanks for the merge Ree... I didnt even think about editing... sorry... stupid tummy head bug thingy of doom

[Ree]

I can see where some might be offended as I have been told in the past that I am wrong for thinking my place is at home tending the household... but dang it that is what makes me happy... grrrr.

Ummm...if you're happy with it, how can it be wrong?
Yes, by today's standards, it seems an outdated way of thinking, but it it works for you, then fine.
Who has the right to judge that?

I am certainly not judging.

It's personal preference, I guess.
I still don't feel that it's "babysitting" when the father takes care of the child, but in no way am I criticizing the way you raise your family or live your life.

[Hyena Dandy]

DrFahrook, before I formulate a reply, I want to make sure I have all the information. Was the ONLY thing the e-mail said "Its not babysitting if its your own kids" or was there more than that? Perhaps you could post the full text of the e-mail here?

If that was all there was to the e-mail, then I'd say it sounds like a chain e-mail, which is more in the vein of the people who are saying "The English Language is Declining!"

It may even have been on the level of gentle ribbing. Like how I send my friend dictionary and pronunciation guide entries because he pronounces 'breest' instead of 'breast' and 'bray' instead of 'bra'

I certainly doubt that anyone intended to hurt you by sending it, and I doubt anyone was saying that saying 'babysitting' is on the level of leaving your children completely. I suspect it was something that mildly annoyed the person who sent the e-mail at best.

From your history, though, it does make sense that you would be upset. After all, I can see how you would feel like you're being accused of being an absentee father simply over your word choice.

And while I'm not sure that it ENTIRELY fits in this case, I am just as upset as anyone else over the implication that people make, that fathers are insensitive, or don't care enough for their children, or don't know how to manage children, or something like that. That for me is something which upsets me, because I know I was raised a great deal by my father, and he's always been a roll model to me, as I hope to be to my child one day. And he was never absentee in any way.

[Plaidman]

From your history, though, it does make sense that you would be upset. After all, I can see how you would feel like you're being accused of being an absentee father simply over your word choice.

And while I'm not sure that it ENTIRELY fits in this case, I am just as upset as anyone else over the implication that people make, that fathers are insensitive, or don't care enough for their children, or don't know how to manage children, or something like that. That for me is something which upsets me, because I know I was raised a great deal by my father, and he's always been a roll model to me, as I hope to be to my child one day. And he was never absentee in any way.

No kidding he be upset. It isn't his kids. He wants to be smoking weed and playing video games rather then parent the kids. But since it's in his eye sight, he technically watching them.

[Hobbs]

Plaid, not entirely sure what you're getting at that.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

No kidding he be upset. It isn't his kids. He wants to be smoking weed and playing video games rather then parent the kids. But since it's in his eye sight, he technically watching them.

Yeah, all because he refers to it as babysitting... chalk up another win for logic on that one.

Seriously though, it's gotten to the point where Dr. F is practically nailed to a cross, for as we all know, if one finds themselves in a position where they're expected to take care of children they never wanted and who constantly pose a significant legal threat, they're not only supposed to give up all of their earthly wants and desires, they have to like it. Seems to me we're short on people who measure up to what we would consider required, seems to me that, if we want more, we shouldn't call them assholes because they aren't shooting for the purple heart and a stay in the state penitentiary compliments fibbing brats.

[Ree]

It has already been said that this thread should not become a condemnation of DrF's parenting.

We are all well aware of his situation. Forgive us if we don't think it's grounds for a medal to just be a decent human being and help to raise the children that come as part of the relationship one has chosen to enter into.
Unless someone has a gun to one's head, if a person really does not want to be a parent, then they should be honest from the start and not marry someone who already has children.
While I know a lot of the posts he has made here are just venting, it's very hard to have sympathy for someone who willingly went into the situation and then complains about it after.

This thread was a discussion of the double standard for using the term "babysitter" when the father is looking after the child.

He objected to something on that topic in an email, and felt it was an insult directed at him.

That should be the focus of the thread.

Any more slams and critcisms of his parenting skills will be considered a personal insult and an infraction will be issued.

[boringscreenname]

We don't use the term baby-sitting in our household, unless someone other than my husband or I is caring for our son. I see both of our roles as equal.

Actually lately my husband has been taking on the primary caregiver role, because his hours at work have been drastically cut, whereas I'm still working 40 hours a week. It's not a big deal to us, our son is with either one of us at all times, and we try to split things up as evenly as possible.

People are somewhat surprised when they find out that my husband stays at home, while I'm working. I don't know why it's such a foreign concept to people. Actually we set up our schedules that way intentionally so that we don't have to pay for daycare costs, and so that our son and future children are always home with one of us. It works out well for us, and if anything has made my husbsand a more competent and confident father, because he's been taking care of our son from the minute he's born and he knows how to handle everything from how to handle the bed time routine, to temper tantrums.

[Red Panda]

The term babysitting implies the person babysitting doesn't normally watch the child. You don't say a stay at home mom babysits every day do you? A dad doesn't babysit unless for whatever reason he is not part of the day to day raising of the child. A father should want to not be considered a babysitter because it means he is involved with the child's life so much that watching the child is nothing special.