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That I know people aren't listening to me.

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  • That I know people aren't listening to me.

    Background, I KNOW I need to speak up I know. For the longest time I was soft spoken and lived in two households with so many rules and it was easier to always use an inside voice just to make it easier on me. So when someone asks me to please repeat no problem. Most of my family, mom, step dad, husband dad in law are deaf or going deaf or have selective hearing. Mom and stepdad live in texas. And when on the phone they tell me when they don't have their hearing aid in. Around here I just try and speak up
    End background.

    I told husband on three separate occasions to not touch mah stuff and specifically what not to touch, WHY and that when I GOT BACK from vacation that I would deal with it such as writting this down and throwing that away when I GOT BACK. I made sure I had his full attention. A week passed I guess I had to call him every day to nag cause he claims I never said that. BS

    Dad in law, I have to repeatedly tell him with daughter don't do it that way please and WHY. Dad in law is not so bad.
    Its everyone else that replies with HUH, WHUT, or blank stares instead of saying repeat please or say again or something like that. I now react SO NEGATIVELY with family when I hear WHUT huh...and grrr with total strangers. Most people ask me to speak up
    I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND IT when I KNOW people hear me and either ignore me or act like I don't know what I'm talking about. ITS NOT MY FAULT that I KNOW what I want to say but for some reason what comes out doesn't come out right or I say it wrong or my train of thought is way faster than my mouth can keep up with.

    Example. I WANT to say Please don't leave the car seat strap down it is harmful to daughter and should someone hit the brakes hard will hurt her.
    INSTEAD I SAY THIS: DAD don't leave her buckled like that its bad, you need to move the thing up. But it comes out quiet and some unheard tone of worry.

    OR I sound too vague or coming out of nowhere. I try hard to say with detail but keep it short so that my point is made and I KNOW what i'm talking about instead of sounding like some paniky twit....dammit people! LISTEN TO ME! I shouldn't have to do this and then nothing be done until someone is hurt because no one listened. If that happens I will say eff you told ya so! (yes to that point as sadly thats how it is around this town, you can warn and warn and try to get the city to do something but until someone is seriously hurt or ded naaah you is stoopid)
    Repeat after me, "I'm over it"
    Yeah we're so over, over
    Things I hate, that even after all this time...I still came back to the scene of the crime

  • #2
    That sounds really frustrating, when you feel like nobody is listening and you're trying to make yourself as clear and succinct as possible. Maybe it's not just you. Maybe some people just don't know how to listen.

    So how do you teach them how to listen to you and remember what you said, without nagging and cracking the shits and having to parrot yourself constantly? It's hard to say without knowing who you're trying to get through to. Hmmm. Maybe try writing down the things that you want to say, and rewriting it until you get it just right... so you train yourself to say the exact thing simply each time, without passion, clearly and well articulated. Eventually, the basic messages might sink in for others without it being such an ordeal of frustration for you.
    Good luck

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    • #3
      Huh? Did someone say something? *looks around*


      Sorry, someone has to. Anyway, to be serious for a second that happens to me too. I don't know how many times I've told my cadets my office hours (I even have them posted online) and I still get calls at odd hours asking when I'll be available. As for one cadet, I told her I'd inform her and everyone else once a certain item becomes available. Like clockwork, she appears in my office asking for it. I mean, does she really want me to pull it outta my arse?

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      • #4
        I hate when I try to warn someone they're about to do something stupid, and they don't listen, even when I explain why. I must be like Cassandra in greek myth, I swear. Then, they want to come back after the stupidity has happened and either blame me somehow (the best is when I am yelled at for not speaking up more) or complain and "What'll I do NOWWWWW" me to death.

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        • #5
          oh I just made a pile of the things he didn't pick up and put it right at the bedroom door. was going to put it right at his side of the bed but some of the things that could have been stepped on would have hurt or been broken.

          message got through loud and clear.
          with dad, he listens, he does it just takes him a few times to get it and I let it be because his age is catching up with him and I cannot begrudge him the ever encroaching senility. And out of respect I repeat even though it is frustrating.

          Everyone else...(in my life, not on this board) heh. after the third time or discussion and it does not get through their head i start turning their own games on them. favorite is this, "well since you didn't get it the first umpteen billion times guess you are sol." or "whats in it for me to bend over backwards for you? or pull something out of my ass because if I do this, it will be painful for BOTH of us but the difference is You WON'T be enjoying it." and this is where my sick twisted humor comes in. continued failure after this just gets "not my problem, too bad for you" there is no worse....because if there were Lexia would have been in jail by now...for horrible horrible things.

          See my parents did teach me something, the threats of if I don't clean my room everything on the floor is going in the garbage did work. only had to do it once and I cleaned my room since. heh
          Repeat after me, "I'm over it"
          Yeah we're so over, over
          Things I hate, that even after all this time...I still came back to the scene of the crime

          Comment


          • #6
            Maybe its not actually them listening that is the problem but how you communicate. You did say you aren't as clear as you want to be, maybe you are thinking you are saying things one way but they aren't coming out that way.

            Comment


            • #7
              The OP sounds very clear. It's selective listening. People who have this self inflicted issue need to be hung upside down and beaten with broken spiked high heels.

              I hate when people do it to me, too.

              Comment


              • #8
                i promise i've worked on this for years. and that if i have to repeat fine but i make sure i have the person's full attention. now its just my attitude. i will say it once loud enough for all to hear and anyone that didn't hear it is not my problem in this house
                Repeat after me, "I'm over it"
                Yeah we're so over, over
                Things I hate, that even after all this time...I still came back to the scene of the crime

                Comment

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