Are you calling me fat or forgetting I am standing here?!

[JLG]

OK this happens more often than I like.

So I am chunky and a lot of my friends and co-workers are not.

Somebody will be having a conversation about food and then somebody will say they are watching what they are eating because they don't want to get fat.

Or somebody will be talking about another person and say something about that other person being fat.

OK hello I am standing or sitting right next to you. Are you saying these things to me or are you somehow forgetting that I am over weight.

I asked a friend that is also over weight and she said the same thing happens to her with her friends and co-workers that are not over weight.

One time at work a co-worker told this 300+ pound man that he must be hungry
When I told her how rude that was she said that she said it because shopping makes most men tired and hungry
I told her that he probably didn't take it that way and he looked embarrassed when she said it.

I know I am over weight but please save your fat people conversations when I am not around!

[HYHYBT]

It's hard to say... but it's quite easy to make that *sort* of comment without realizing it would even apply to someone else within hearing range, much less how they would take it. Very easy to do, especially if you're either not directly in sight or are, as in this case, well-known enough to the speaker that they just think of you as you, rather than as a collection of features such as weight, height, etc.

[BlaqueKatt]

or as in the case of my cow-irker J-it could be a passive-aggressive insult* that if you report it to management, they have an out of "oh I didn't mean it like that-Katt is just too sensitive"

Some examples:

"Oh I'm such a fattie-I need to go on a diet so I can wear a bikini-I'm up to 130 pounds"(mind you she's 5'10" and no way she weighs that-I'm thinner, shorter and weigh around 150-160)

"God my teeth are soooo crooked-I hate it it's ugly, but at least I don't look like Kirsten Dunst-her teeth are hideous"(she had braces for 6 years, nothing wrong with her teeth, but guess who does have the Kirsten Dunst "fangs"?)

"Well once you hit your mid-30's, it's not even worth living anymore, you may as well just kill yourself" (she's 24, I'm 34, need I say more?)

[MaggieTheCat]

I dunno...I'm pretty chunky and most of my friends are thinner than I am, and when one of them makes a fat joke/comment, I don't take it personally. I'm about 98% certain that they're not saying it to me, or trying to be passive aggressive about it. They're just making a joke and probably don't even realize that it could potentially be insulting to an overweight person. These are just my friends, I have no idea if the people you deal with are just rude or if they just don't realize it could be insulting. They may just say things without even thinking about it/realizing it could be hurtful.

[BigGiant]

Something to think about when talking about this:

"Fat" is a relative term.

I'm a male, 6' tall, and never got above 180lbs for most of my adult life. When I was 30, I could still fit into pants and shirts I had from High School.

Well, at around age 35 a few things caught up with me. #1, my job now consists mostly of working on a computer, and #2 my metabolism has caught up with me a bit. So I'm now sitting at 205lbs, and have a bit of a belly that I've never had in my life.

Now, that might not seem like a big deal. 205 and 6' tall isn't what most folks would consider 'fat'. But I certainly feel fat, as my body has never looked like this.

So, although you may feel that folks are being insensitive, remember that sometimes it is just a matter of perspective. If for your whole life you've been a twig, and suddenly you find yourself carrying a few extra pounds, you may look at things a little differently.

[tropicsgoddess]

Something to think about when talking about this:

"Fat" is a relative term.

I'm a male, 6' tall, and never got above 180lbs for most of my adult life. When I was 30, I could still fit into pants and shirts I had from High School.

Well, at around age 35 a few things caught up with me. #1, my job now consists mostly of working on a computer, and #2 my metabolism has caught up with me a bit. So I'm now sitting at 205lbs, and have a bit of a belly that I've never had in my life.

Now, that might not seem like a big deal. 205 and 6' tall isn't what most folks would consider 'fat'. But I certainly feel fat, as my body has never looked like this.

So, although you may feel that folks are being insensitive, remember that sometimes it is just a matter of perspective. If for your whole life you've been a twig, and suddenly you find yourself carrying a few extra pounds, you may look at things a little differently.

I'm on the same boat as you. I was skinny for a good while and mind you I'm in my mid-20's. I was 115-1120lbs at 5'7" until I moved out of my parents' house at 21 and then I started gaining weight like crazy out of nowhere. Now I'm 175-180lbs at 5'7". I may look proportionate (due to my build) to most people, but to me I feel a bit fat. I went from skinny little thing that could eat and wear whatever I wanted to having a tummy and some "fluff". Though as a female, the only good things that came with my weight gain were giving me bigger boobs and more booty (SO loves that part too). I love that SO is accepting and loving to me (and that he's got some fluff too for a guy that's 6'10. Don't let that fool ya, he's insanely STRONG!!!). What I irks me is since my parents and sisters went on their health kicks, I constantly get lectured and chided about my weight every time I visit. Yes, I know it's bad to be overweight and all the health issues that come with it but do I need to hear you guys say it like a broken record?!! I've had times where in the past people mistook me for being pregnant...ass u me much?! You can say that I'm fluffy, thick or rubenesuque but just not fat.

[Sage Blackthorn]

Always remember that standards of beauty have been skewed over the last 50 years. Marilyn Monroe and Mae West both would be considered "plus-sized" today. Recently I stumbled on a website called "Plus-Sized Models Unite!" In looking at the pictures of these so-called "Plus-Sized" fashion models, my only thought was "These don't look like plus-sized women to me, they look like normal, healthy ladies." Then my girlfriend explained that "plus-sized" today simply means that their dress size is in the double-digits. So a size 10 is, today, considered "plus-sized" by the fashion industry.

Personally, I've never been attracted to really skinny women. I'm 5'11" and I weigh 190. I don't consider myself to be a big guy, but some of these reallly tiny toothpick women that movies and magazine put forth as being the epitome of beauty make me think they'd snap in two if I gave them a hug. Sorry, but ribs and hip-bones sticking out is not sexy to me. It just looks sickly. There's a girl we know who's a friend of a friend who's constantly complaining that she's cold when it's a comfortable 75 degrees outside and the rest of us "normal sized" people are sweating from moving heavy boxes. We usually tell her "Yer cold because yer to skinny, Eat a sandwich and stop complaining about the weather. It's a beautiful day out."

On a related note, one of my long time friends use to teach a wilderness survival course at UCLA back in the 80's. Something he noticed was that invariably, the weight-lifters and the guys on the football team.....you know the t ype, the ultra-buff, uber-fit types who are so proud of their 0% body fat....were ALWAYS the ones who went nose-down from exhaustion if they missed a meal. I'm sure you can imagine what two weeks of having to hunt, fish, trap, and forage for their meals did to them. Without the high protein meals, 3-4 times a day that they were use to they began to suffer from symptoms of starvation before anyone else. A certain amount of body fat is NORMAL and even DESIRABLE for the human body to function properly. This is a survival trait. Naturally skinny people with high metabolisms would be out of friggin' luck if caught in a situation where they were unable to find enough food simply because they've got little to NO reserves of energy.

It's a good idea not to get sidetracked by weight if you are generally healthy. No high blood pressure? Great. No diabetes? Fantastic. Can you walk, run, do moderate exercise without having a heart attack? Superb. Weight is not the end all and be all measurement of good health.

[Lace Neil Singer]

A certain amount of body fat is NORMAL and even DESIRABLE for the human body to function properly. This is a survival trait. Naturally skinny people with high metabolisms would be out of friggin' luck if caught in a situation where they were unable to find enough food simply because they've got little to NO reserves of energy.

Reminds me of playing the desert island game in drama group. If you don't know that game, the premis is that you're all stuck on a desert island with no available food and a ship will come for you in a few weeks, but until then, you have to choose who will be killed and eaten.

I always used to point out that we should kill and eat the skinny people first, cuz they had no fat reserves and would probably die anyway. A mate of mine was always the first to be chosen to be killed and eaten; not only was he skinny, but also a vegetarian. XD He always took this in good part.

I don't mind reserves to fat people; I'm big, but then, at my height and body shape, I'd be ill if I was skinny. What does annoy me is when thin women say crap like "OMG I can't eat that, it'll go straight to my thighs!" What thighs, they're like matchsticks!?

[Boozy]

"Feeling fat" is different from "being fat".

I'm at the gym every single day, and I watch what I eat. So when I get too busy to go to the gym or too busy to cook healthy meals for myself, I guess you could say I start "feeling fat". I may have only gained five pounds or so, but for me, that's not healthy. If I gain five pounds because I'm sedentary and living off fast food, I'm not going to feel good about myself.

However -- I wouldn't complain about my body to someone who is clearly struggling with their weight. That's just rude. I have a few very athletic friends who understand what I'm saying when I say I'm "getting out of shape". Theirs are more welcoming ears.

[RavenStarr]

When I was in high school, there was this girl that was overweight. Any time she heard a skinny girl complain about how they were. She would look at them and say:

"If you think you're fat what do you think I am"

A bit OT but this same girl also got mad when someone would tell her: " But you're not fat, you're just ummm..." At that point she would cut them off and say: " Look I know I'm fat. It's okay to say I'm fat. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me FFS.

[BlaqueKatt]

When I was in high school, there was this girl that was overweight. Any time she heard a skinny girl complain about how fat they were. <snip>" But you're not fat, you're just ummm..."

Ahhh yes the "fishing for compliments" girls....how I loathe them...."if you have to fish for them they aren't genuine, and you didn't deserve them anyway"...to quote my step-grandmother ....loved that woman

[AdminAssistant]

I'll admit, anytime I hear a thin or "average" person complaining about their bodies, I want to smack them. Oh, I'm SO sorry that wearing size 1 pants while being a DD causes SO many problems for you. Would you like some cheese with that whine?

[VacuousPlatypus]

I am a fat chick, and have struggled so long to be thinner and cried so many tears over these kinds of comments from skinny girls all through high school (and beyond). But now that I'm older and (I hope) wiser, I not only realize that it's not worth letting those kind of insensitive comments hurt me, but also thin people have body issues just like fat people do.

I'll use 'her' because women are much more prone to this behavior but men do it too. Generally, when your skinny friend says she can't eat something because she's trying to keep her figure she's not even aware of you at all. In that moment she's totally absorbed in her own insecurities, as unjustified as they may seem to you. And like someone else here said, she probably just sees you as a person, not even taking your weight into consideration because she knows you. Criticizing a stranger's (or somebody you don't like) weight is a totally different story, and in that moment as well, the criticizer is absorbed in her own insecurities and wants to make herself feel better about her own perceived flaws. Even so, it's still rude and insensitive. But not intentionally so (most of the time, if the person is your friend).

Someone also mentioned trying to tell someone who was obviously heavy "Oh, you're not fat..." and the recipient of that comment didn't take it too well. I hear that a lot because I'm not ashamed to use the word fat to describe myself and all my friends think I have low self-esteem or something because of it (not true, I just don't feel any 'sting' from that word any more). I just say that yes, I am fat; I have a scale, I know and you know I'm fat. But I appreciate the sentiment in that comment because saying "Oh, you're not fat" doesn't actually mean that you don't think I'm fat. It actually means "You're not every negative thing society associates with being fat; you're not ugly, smelly, stupid, lazy, unhealthy, and nobody loves you." I myself actually use the word 'fat' a lot to try to de-stigmatize it; dunno if it's working, but hey, it's worth a try. Because really, what does being fat have to do with any of those things? Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't shower every day, take care of my hair and skin or work hard at my job. It doesn't mean I couldn't have gotten my degree or have healthy, happy relationships with people. I only need go to the doctor once a year for my preventative checkup and there's even research coming out now that says being fat isn't as unhealthy as we thought and life expectancies are still going up in spite of the so-called 'obesity epidemic'... like you can catch The Fat.

I'm 5'11" and weigh 300 pounds. I am fat. But thank you for saying I'm not also ugly and unlovable.

[Sage Blackthorn]

Reminds me of playing the desert island game in drama group. If you don't know that game, the premis is that you're all stuck on a desert island with no available food and a ship will come for you in a few weeks, but until then, you have to choose who will be killed and eaten.

I always used to point out that we should kill and eat the skinny people first, cuz they had no fat reserves and would probably die anyway. A mate of mine was always the first to be chosen to be killed and eaten; not only was he skinny, but also a vegetarian. XD He always took this in good part.

I don't mind reserves to fat people; I'm big, but then, at my height and body shape, I'd be ill if I was skinny. What does annoy me is when thin women say crap like "OMG I can't eat that, it'll go straight to my thighs!" What thighs, they're like matchsticks!?

After reading a book called "The Vegetarian Myth", which pointed out that animals that do not eat what they evolved to eat produce a nutrionally deficient meat.... (grain fed cows and chickens for example) I would have to guess that eating a Vegetarian would not be as healthy as eating someone who's had a healthy, balanced diet But probably better for you than eating someone who's lived on nothing but junk food......

[Lace Neil Singer]

After reading a book called "The Vegetarian Myth", which pointed out that animals that do not eat what they evolved to eat produce a nutrionally deficient meat.... (grain fed cows and chickens for example) I would have to guess that eating a Vegetarian would not be as healthy as eating someone who's had a healthy, balanced diet But probably better for you than eating someone who's lived on nothing but junk food......

The point was more to do with the fact that as a vegetarian, he wouldn't want to eat any of the people in the group, so since he wasn't going to indulge in the cannibalism, he might as well be eaten. XD