Sometimes I feel cheated

[DrFaroohk]

When I was a kid, kids were basically black. You had ZERO rights as a kid. The only obligation your parents had to you was make sure you didn't die. That's it. Feed you, cloth you, keep your warm in the winter, make sure you don't run into the road and try not to rape you. Anything else was basically out of the question. You were basically a third-class citizen.

What I remember mostly sucking about my childhood was being basically forbidden from speaking. Talking back was a smackable offense, and basically anything other than "I'm sorry!" was considered talking back. Even saying "I didn't do that, it was my brother" no matter how true it was, was considered rude backtalk.

FUCK KIDS! That was the attitude. Make sure they don't die, and they can go fuck themselves the rest of the way.

But all through those years, I reminded myself "Dude, someday you'll be an adult. Then YOU get to run the show."

And now that I'm an adult, I'm wondering just what in the fuck changed.

[Rapscallion]

What changed? Perspective.

There may be some societal shift over time, but I doubt that much. Instead, you're still just perceiving more of what irritates you.

Rapscallion

[Ipecac Drano]

And now that I'm an adult, I'm wondering just what in the fuck changed.

The set of adults did.

When I was growing up, I didn't have parents, teachers, or that many other adults like that around me. Sure, there were a few crotchety neighbors and strangers like that, but most of the adults around me were pretty mellow.

[crashhelmet]

Back then, parents were allowed to discipline their kids. Now a days, we can't. You're at risk of some outside party mistaking your discipline for abuse and reporting you, or in worse scenarios, your child lying about your discipline and reporting you. Some parents are afraid to discipline their kids. Others just don't care enough about their kids. Now the kids run the show.

[Plaidman]

That's the mistake people make. Parents are still perfectlly allowed to corporal punish their kids.

They are not allowed to excessivly punish their kids, which means don't break the skin or bones and whatnot.

A beaten on the ass by a wooden spoon is still perfectlly legal.

[Racket_Man]

That's the mistake people make. Parents are still perfectlly allowed to corporal punish their kids.

They are not allowed to excessivly punish their kids, which means don't break the skin or bones and whatnot.

A beaten on the ass by a wooden spoon is still perfectlly legal.

your answer is below. a quick swat on the bottom of a misbehaving child in public is now considered abuse and some busybody WILL call CPS. count on it

Back then, parents were allowed to discipline their kids. Now a days, we can't. You're at risk of some outside party mistaking your discipline for abuse and reporting you, or in worse scenarios, your child lying about your discipline and reporting you. Some parents are afraid to discipline their kids. Others just don't care enough about their kids. Now the kids run the show.

I have been through the first two situations that Crash mentions (outside party and a child lying). I have also been through some asshole who thought it was funny to call CPS every few months to report totally false allegations. try being in a situation where (possibly) your own parents contact CPS because they "think" your spouse might not be a good parent. try having CPS literally alien anal probe you for a while and see how it feels.

[Greenday]

Well, when people realized it's possible to discipline kids without abusing them, they decided that abusing kids was wrong.

My mother never raised a hand against me once. She never abused me in any way. She didn't treat me like a prisoner. And here I am, a few months from being 23, done with college, working, clean record, never had detention, etc.

Obviously I'm living proof that you don't need to beat your kids to get them to behave.

[blas87]

Yes, but at the same time, this new-age uber liberal psychological bullshit doesn't work very well on children because adults and children operate on two different levels. My first experience with 1-2-3 magic was in elementary school (probably around the time this new age shit started) and I was never scared of the teacher getting to 2, or even 3. Oh, you're going to put me in a corner seperate from the rest of the class? Good. That'll teach me not to laugh when Little Bobby farts in class.

For instance, with 1-2-3 magic...."Johnny, that's one!" a few mins later "Johnny, that's two! Don't make me count to three!" and Little Johnny just smiles and keeps shoving Little Timmy's head in the toilet.

And the corner and the naughty chair. Oh puh-lease.

[AdminAssistant]

If I truly feel that I can't raise my children without hitting them or resorting to emotional abuse, then I won't have any. I don't want my kids to be in their late 20's and still be an overly apologetic neurotic mess like I am.

[blas87]

I don't think beating them is the best choice, either. I had a belt-loving father (because that's how he was raised) and a mother whose behind broke several wooden spoons, so you can just guess how many spoons my ass has destroyed and how many welts I once had on my buttocks.

It just disappoints me to see parents that absolutely refuse to step in and do their job and instead try to play Head Shrink with their kid to get them to behave. That just doesn't work. Kid is pulling kitty's tail, and you tell them to stop it, and they keep pulling it? Don't huff and puff and walk away, don't kneel down and start with the "This is why you don't pull kitty's tail, because he can sense your dominance over him and it intimidates and threatens him" talk, you pick the child up with your arms and remove them from the cat and put them somewhere else and say "You DO NOT grab kitty's tail, do you understand me?!" in an authorative voice.

Physical does not have to mean beating a child, it can be as simple as a swat on the hand to not touch something, picking them up if they refuse to come along with you to leave a store, or picking up up and removing them from a situation where they are causing trouble.

[Rageaholic]

Maybe it's not the times so much as it is the parents. There are still plenty of authoritarian parents out there. I wasn't raised that way, but many of my friends were. Hell, just walking through a store, I've seen parents yelling at their kids when they weren't doing anything wrong. I've also seen kids who probably should have been yelled at, but weren't. Time may play some part of it, but I think it's mostly the parents themselves.

[Andara Bledin]

Obviously I'm living proof that you don't need to beat your kids to get them to behave.

No. The plural of anecdote is not data.

You are proof that kids like you don't need corporal punishment to turn out all right.

As for the right way to raise a child, it's completely different for every child. Some will respond to time outs, others will respond to being spanked, and others will do with just a verbal reprimand.

I'm not sure what sort of place or time the OP grew up in, but it's completely alien to that which I went through.

^-.-^

[blas87]

I'm inclined to agree with Rage on the parents themselves and not necessarly the times. At some point, I think a lot of parents began to think they could relate and get their point across to their kids better if they acted more like friends than a parent, or tried to pre-maturely treat them like an adult by speaking to them like one, to get inside their heads.

[Teysa]

I think some of this is the fact when you're a kid it seems like grown ups have all the fun. I remember thinking that when I grew up I was going to eat cookies every day for breakfast. I was going to stay up as late as I wanted and get up whenever I felt like it. And most important: nobody was going to tell me what to do.

Then reality hit. Cookies are yummy but I do better with a healthier breakfast. I enjoy having electricity and eating on a regular basis so I have to get up early enough to get to work on time. By the same token, I have to get to bed early enough to get enough rest. Oh, and I still have people telling me what to do and I have to do what they say if I wish to continue getting a paycheck.

[Andara Bledin]

Then reality hit.

As the saying goes: Youth is wasted on the young.

^-.-^