Tweet
Acually it is more of F U Sister dear but.....
this is more of a rant as there is nothing I can do about the situation described below. It has just BUGGED the crap outta me for the last 6 months.
a bit of background first
I am the youngest of 4 children. youngest by 13 years (I was the ohhhhh memopause happening we can have more fun oppppssss baby or somehting like that). my "siblings are 13 (youngest sister), 15 (oldest sister) and 17 (brother first born obviously) years older than I thus causing "two" sets of children. mostly I do not really know my siblings, have never gotten the oppurtunity to get to know them because they have mostly moved out of the house by the time I reached conscienceness. by the time I was starting kindergarden, they were getting married, starting jobs, moving on to adult life, etc. before I was 8 years old they were having kids.
they are usually refered in my family to as the "other three".
I do know that I kinda "ruined" my parents "empty nest" type plans and it showed with their parneting style. and because of this differnece another divide was openned up. the others were allowed to do a LOT more things and participate in a LOT more outside activities than I ever did. I was activelly discourgaged or outright forbidden to even try out a lot of things.
unsurprisingly this created resentment in me. the other three got to do things I was not allowed to even think about.
I got/get along with my siblings on a somewhat superficial level as in no major fights or differences but there is litte communication between me and them.
end BG
fast forward to 1994
by this time I had graduated from college, gotten married, had a child, moved away from my birth city and started in a white collar profession. there was little contact between me and the "other three"
my Father died suddenly and the family gathered for the funeral. Brother gets a "staring role" in the funeral mass (Biblical readings and being allowed to speak "off the cuff" about our Father. I was given a very minior roll to perform.
fast forward again to 1999
our favorite aunt (Mom's sister) was sick for a while and finally passed on. again the family gathers for the funeral. again brother get center stage. again I am given the SAME minor task to perform. (see a pattern???)
fast forward again to last year
Mom has been sick for a while now so it was a question of when not if she would pass on. she passes in Sept ion a Saturday night after a summer of not really knowing who is who or what is real. when she passes there are plans in place for the funeral, just the details (such as the actual date of the funeral) need to be executed.
this time I had a week to think about things. THIS time I wanted to actually do something different. she was my Mother after all (though we did not always see eye to eye) I wanted to pay tribute to her.
5 years prior during the time my Ex and I were seperating, I had a poem come into my brain. it would not leave me alone until I wrote it down. it came out in about 2 hours of writing. it came out mostly whole with little editing/additions or subtractions. it was about the persons/people who come into your life and "guide" you through life.
now I should say at this point that in all of my schools years I hated poetry,hated reading it, studying it and writing it. I could NOT write a decent poem to save my life or get a decent grade.
but this one forced itself out of my brain.
I figured this was my last chance to pay "tribute" to my parents so I dug up the copy on my computer and looked it over.
my OS called me on Monday to discuss the details of the funeral. I get the details so I can let work know what the situation is on me takings time off at the end of the week. during the conversation I expressed my desire to get up and reading my poem as a tribute to our Mother
my OSs reaction was, needless to say, very out of character. her reaction was many steps above calm and collected. basically I was told there were NOT going to be any extenporious remarks by anyone, that brother was once again doing his staring role and I was once again to be performing my minor little task (same as the last 2 major funerals).
I tried to remain calm and explain my reasoning behind what I wanted to do and what was contained in my poem and how little time it would take to read my poem. NOPE not happening. NOT IN THE PLAN. NOT going to happen. NO way NO how.
needless to say I was devistated and a bit angry. and I resented it. I was dismissed and chastised like some "bad" little child who really did nothing wrong.
this was not me wanting to "grab the spotlight" but to pay one last tribute to the people who were my parents.
now I am at odds with myself as to how to feel towards my OS. she was usually the one to "stand up" for me and support me in my life's endevors. and no I have not really talked to her about this yet since it is still festering in my head.
I hate being treated like a little child even at the age of 50.
this is more of a rant as there is nothing I can do about the situation described below. It has just BUGGED the crap outta me for the last 6 months.
a bit of background first
I am the youngest of 4 children. youngest by 13 years (I was the ohhhhh memopause happening we can have more fun oppppssss baby or somehting like that). my "siblings are 13 (youngest sister), 15 (oldest sister) and 17 (brother first born obviously) years older than I thus causing "two" sets of children. mostly I do not really know my siblings, have never gotten the oppurtunity to get to know them because they have mostly moved out of the house by the time I reached conscienceness. by the time I was starting kindergarden, they were getting married, starting jobs, moving on to adult life, etc. before I was 8 years old they were having kids.
they are usually refered in my family to as the "other three".
I do know that I kinda "ruined" my parents "empty nest" type plans and it showed with their parneting style. and because of this differnece another divide was openned up. the others were allowed to do a LOT more things and participate in a LOT more outside activities than I ever did. I was activelly discourgaged or outright forbidden to even try out a lot of things.
unsurprisingly this created resentment in me. the other three got to do things I was not allowed to even think about.
I got/get along with my siblings on a somewhat superficial level as in no major fights or differences but there is litte communication between me and them.
end BG
fast forward to 1994
by this time I had graduated from college, gotten married, had a child, moved away from my birth city and started in a white collar profession. there was little contact between me and the "other three"
my Father died suddenly and the family gathered for the funeral. Brother gets a "staring role" in the funeral mass (Biblical readings and being allowed to speak "off the cuff" about our Father. I was given a very minior roll to perform.
fast forward again to 1999
our favorite aunt (Mom's sister) was sick for a while and finally passed on. again the family gathers for the funeral. again brother get center stage. again I am given the SAME minor task to perform. (see a pattern???)
fast forward again to last year
Mom has been sick for a while now so it was a question of when not if she would pass on. she passes in Sept ion a Saturday night after a summer of not really knowing who is who or what is real. when she passes there are plans in place for the funeral, just the details (such as the actual date of the funeral) need to be executed.
this time I had a week to think about things. THIS time I wanted to actually do something different. she was my Mother after all (though we did not always see eye to eye) I wanted to pay tribute to her.
5 years prior during the time my Ex and I were seperating, I had a poem come into my brain. it would not leave me alone until I wrote it down. it came out in about 2 hours of writing. it came out mostly whole with little editing/additions or subtractions. it was about the persons/people who come into your life and "guide" you through life.
now I should say at this point that in all of my schools years I hated poetry,hated reading it, studying it and writing it. I could NOT write a decent poem to save my life or get a decent grade.
but this one forced itself out of my brain.
I figured this was my last chance to pay "tribute" to my parents so I dug up the copy on my computer and looked it over.
my OS called me on Monday to discuss the details of the funeral. I get the details so I can let work know what the situation is on me takings time off at the end of the week. during the conversation I expressed my desire to get up and reading my poem as a tribute to our Mother
my OSs reaction was, needless to say, very out of character. her reaction was many steps above calm and collected. basically I was told there were NOT going to be any extenporious remarks by anyone, that brother was once again doing his staring role and I was once again to be performing my minor little task (same as the last 2 major funerals).
I tried to remain calm and explain my reasoning behind what I wanted to do and what was contained in my poem and how little time it would take to read my poem. NOPE not happening. NOT IN THE PLAN. NOT going to happen. NO way NO how.
needless to say I was devistated and a bit angry. and I resented it. I was dismissed and chastised like some "bad" little child who really did nothing wrong.
this was not me wanting to "grab the spotlight" but to pay one last tribute to the people who were my parents.
now I am at odds with myself as to how to feel towards my OS. she was usually the one to "stand up" for me and support me in my life's endevors. and no I have not really talked to her about this yet since it is still festering in my head.
I hate being treated like a little child even at the age of 50.
Comment