"You might meet someone who wants kids."

[blas87]

What really irritates me is that there are such high standards for women to donate eggs, yet if you don't meet the requirements, oh well, your nasty "rotten" eggs (because you're overweight or you smoke or you drink or whatever you do they don't like) are fine enough for you, and you're going to keep them, and most doctors won't do anything to prevent some of those eggs from turning into babies.

I agree with Andara. I like babies, but I can't seem to think why EVERYONE with kids thinks everyone else thinks kids, particularly theirs, are so cute, or why they have to take them around with them everywhere they used to go and subject everyone to their kid and it's shrieking or crying.

There was a girl at the gym the other day, younger mum....had a baby probably 9 months to 1 year old with her, NO KIDS are supposed to be on the cardio floor, she brought it up there anyway and did the rounds of showing all of her friends her baby, which was crying and screaming away.

[aurelemsrealm]

The only advice I can give is from my own experiences. I'm a father to a one-year old daughter. I love her very much. My wife and I had already experienced the loss of a child before her. I love my daughter very much, and would not trade her for the world. She has added a lot to my life. Going through the loss of a child before her was one of the worst experiences of my life. That kind of pain never completely fades. I think about her most everyday, too. You do learn to live with the loss, but there is still always a tender spot there.

Having said that, I can tell you parenthood is not a decision to enter into lightly. You must be prepared to take responsibility for this child. I don't think parenthood is for everyone. Only you and your partner can make such a decision. Don't let anyone else influence your choice ever. If you want to be a parent, be a parent. If you don't want to be a parent, don't be a parent. Being honest with yourself is the most important consideration because parenthood means considering more than just yourself. Again, only you and your partner can make that decision. I never saw myself as the nurturing type before my daughters were born. Now that I've had them come into my life, I wouldn't trade them for anything. My main point is that parenthood is not a decision to make lightly.

If you have the slightest reservations at all, it's better to be honest with yourself about it. Only you know what is right for you, and it's not fair to anyone to choose a path you may not want to follow. Going against yourself is only going to breed resentment. It sounds like you already know the decision you wish to make. The only advice I will give is to be honest with yourself about what you want out of life.

[Greenday]

So many things I want to spend my money on when I get home:

Grad school (maybe)
Car (mine is a 2000, will barely have been used in the past year, and is starting to not function so well.
Getting snipped. My GP was okay with it. She's awesome. She just said the problem would be finding a urologist to do it. But I want it done ASAP.

My family always tries to use the "But what if you find a woman you love and she wants kids? Then you'll change your mind." Yes, I will change my mind. She won't be the one for me.

[Eisa]

I don't want kids. I never have. Anyone I ended up with who DID want kids? Would not be the person for me.

I really, truly hate how everyone acts like I'll change my mind. My mom is probably the most egregious offender. She's even been like "so you don't want to have a baby with *BF* and carry your genes on? You don't want to *basically have a little piece of him for when he's gone*?" and shit like that. Um...no. Nope, still don't want kids. They're cute and all...and I certainly don't HATE them or anything...but nope.

And if there was an accident, I would not abort and may even keep the baby [it would depend on what my bf and I decided, of course], but I would certainly not be happy about it at all.

[guywithashovel]

I don't have kids and don't want them, and fortunately, I don't get people hassling me for it. I also don't get people hassling me about being single, either, like some other people do. Maybe something about me just screams "lifelong bachelor."

I really would like to meet someone, though. See, my aunt (dad's sister) is like me and some of you. She decided early in her life that she didn't want kids, and she never had any. She and her husband have been married since I was about 11. While growing up, I always wanted the life they had. They didn't spend all their time partying and goofing off like some people (usually new(ish) parents) seem to think childless people do. It just seemed like such a nice life, living together with just the two of them. Back then, I pretty much decided I wanted that life. I hope I can find it someday.

I do, however, have a friendly request of my fellow people who have chosen not to add to the population. Please, please . . . do not insist on being called childfree instead of childless because "to say childless implies that you're lacking something" (Actually, you ARE lacking something, even if it is something you don't want). It's very petty, and it's more likely to get people to scoff at you instead of take you seriously, and it makes us look silly.

[blas87]

The guilt trips of passing on your genes is sickening, as are the people who are so adament that "you're young, you'll find someone one day!"

[Greenday]

If it's not something you need or want, you aren't lacking it, guywithashovel.

[Cat]

If it's not something you need or want, you aren't lacking it, guywithashovel.

Agreed 100% here.

Childfree here, and I tell people pretty much on first dates that belief will never change. Thankfully, my current (and hopefully last ) bf doesn't want anything beyond a menagerie (though we do disgree on how many animal and what kinds)

[protege]

I've always told people that I already have kids. Except...that said kids have 4 legs, tails, and meow. That usually shuts them up

[blas87]

I've been saying that I have a 24 year old son.

My rude way of describing my boyfriend.

[guywithashovel]

If it's not something you need or want, you aren't lacking it, guywithashovel.

Even if you don't want something, if you don't have it, you are still lacking it.

Sorry for the slight threadjack, but that whole childless/childfree distinction has always seemed silly to me. I don't want or need a boat, but I'm not going to bristle if someone calls me boatless, because really, I am, even though I have no want or need for one (and not to mention boatless probably isn't even a word to begin with).

[Greenday]

Lacking implies a need or want. I have neither of those for kids. I'm not lacking kids.

[Ladeeda]

You only lack something if you want it. "Lack" indicates quality of life would be improved by the addition of the thing. I'm not lacking a boat. I just don't have one. Not lacking kids, since I don't want any.

Similarly, "childless" indicates that one's life or happiness isn't complete, is less, because they don't have kids. I don't want kids, so I am free from the responsibility I don't want.

Freedom from the burdens of unwanted children.

[MaggieTheCat]

Let's put it this way. There are basically two groups of people who don't have kids: Those who don't have them by choice, and those who want them but can't have them.

My husband and I don't want kids. I'm on the pill, we use a condom, and one day one of us is probably gonna get an operation to make it all permanent. We have no desire for children, at all. I'd consider us "childfree."

Some friends of ours (a husband and wife couple) really want kids, but can't have them naturally. The wife has some medical issues and is on a bunch of medication, and can't get pregnant while she's on said medication, and can't be off of it long enough to conceive and carry a child. They are looking into alternate ways to raise a child (adoption), but at the moment, I would consider them "childless."

So yeah, I think there is a difference between the two terms.

[guywithashovel]

Here is what the dictionary has to say about the word "lack."

Definition of LACK
intransitive verb
1
: to be deficient or missing <time is lacking for a full explanation>
2
: to be short or have need of something <he will not lack for advisers>

I'll give you that the word does have a slight implication of a need for something, but as you can see, it can also mean something that is merely missing. And if you don't have kids, they are missing from your life, even if you don't want them, just like a boat is missing from my life, even though I don't want or need one.

I really hate to dwell on this because I can see it's hijacking the thread, but I really don't think this is helping us any at all. If someone happens to mention the word "childless" and you (collective you) cut them off and say that you're not childless but "childfree" and follow it up with a lecture about how "childless implies you're lacking something, it comes off as a PC term and makes people scoff.