Flakes

[LadyBarbossa]

If you don't want to do something or go somewhere, then say so! Last month, a coworker was having a party at her house. Among those invited was my GuyFriend coworker, that she knew I was interested in. He told her he would be there and he told me that he would, too. He didn't show up that night, let either of us know he wasn't coming, and didn't answer our phone calls, either. Next day said he'd gotten sick (when he looked fine a few hours beforehand) and that his new phone must have been messing up, because he didn't get any calls from us.

St. Patrick's day comes round. A few of my pharmacy friends were meeting for dinner and green drinks at a local restaurant, and I asked GuyFriend if he wanted to come. Oh sure! he says. I love that place! he says. I'll meet you there, he says. Again, he didn't show up and this time I was left sitting beside an empty chair for the evening and I hated it. Mind, I still love the people I was with and we had a good time, but there was the ever constant reminder of his absence. Once again, he did not let any of us know he wasn't coming nor would he answer calls or texts, and I know he's a chronic phone-checker. Between getting stood up again and the small amount of alcohol I consumed, I went home that night and let myself have a cry while talking it out with one of my pharmacy friends, who actually thought I was under-reacting to his behavior and that I should just drop him altogether and look for a new guyfriend. Mind, we were never together aside from being good friends, and I never gave the impression I was asking him out for a date, but I still think his no-showing was incredibly annoying and inconsiderate.

WHY do people do this?! If you say no, I'll be fine. If you say you'll be there and then don't, well . . . you've just gotten on my bad side.

[telecom_goddess]

OH I hate that too....if you say you're going to be in a certain place at a certain time then fucking BE THERE. Likewise if you promise to do something then do it.

[aurelemsrealm]

I hate to say this if you are interested in this guy, but it may be a warning sign that getting involved with him could be a bad idea. I can't say for certain, but I would certainly take such behaviors as an omen.

[LadyBarbossa]

I hate to say this if you are interested in this guy, but it may be a warning sign that getting involved with him could be a bad idea. I can't say for certain, but I would certainly take such behaviors as an omen.

I've come to the conclusion that he's either:

Hiding something from me

Is a closet alcoholic and can't remember five minutes ago

Is quite possibly gay*

** Not that him being gay would be a bad thing. But that's still no excuse for standing up a friend.

Or he just doesn't have the balls or know how to tell people 'No thanks' instead of backing out last minute, no warning. But no, I've had two close female friends and my own mother tell me that I should probably just forget about him and try to find someone better, who will show up when he says he'll show up and not leave me frustrated and upset all the time. Flake out on me once, shame on you. Flake out on me twice . . . shame on me? He's not getting anymore invites, methinks.

[aurelemsrealm]

It sounds like your decision to issue no more invites is probably for the best based on what you've described. The bottom line is that you don't want to set yourself up for an endless cycle of heartaches and disappointments.

[blas87]

I hate flakes and ditchers.

They have no regard for anyone's feelings but their own. The best thing about them is they also tend to not even care that they hurt your feelings, they always have an excuse or reason, and don't you know they had no other choice!

[LadyBarbossa]

He popped up on FB messenger last night. Oh shit, I don't wanna talk to him right now . . . oh well. Anyways I mentioned his absence on Thursday and he was all "Oh yeah sorry my daughter got into a fight with her mom so I was with her and she's been with me since."

Yeah, whatever. From other stories he's told me his daughter is a manipulative, greedy, spoiled little bitch so this pissed me off. And besides, I know for a fact he was playing games on FB all that night, so she couldn't have needed him that much. Screw him and his batshit crazy relatives, I've had enough.

[blas87]

Need a story to make you feel better?

One of the most epic times that my bf ditched me was because he and his mom got into a fight, and he simply had to go *somewhere*, he could not stay at home and wait for me to finish my overtime shift. Nevermind that his room is the guest house, which isn't even part of the house, and he can lock the door. If he really had to leave, he could have driven around town or met up with a friend LOCALLY for a movie, or gotten something to eat, or went to a park or something.

Nope. He went 90 miles away to go hang out with a friend.

Once again, he pulled the "It's NOT a big deal!" defense and argued that his mother is such a bitch and starts all these fights with him, he cannot just hang around when she acts that way, and that he didn't have anyone to hang out with and he couldn't wait 3 hours for me to finish work!

So, he had to drive 90 miles to the middle of Wisconsin, where he grew up, to hang out with friends and go drinking to feel better.

He's a liar anyway, he has lots of friends around here. His phone only blows up for hours on end every Friday and Saturday night.

[LadyBarbossa]

He can't pick up the phone to let me know he won't meet friends for dinner, but as I'm walking across the parking lot to put something in my truck after lunch, I see a missed call from him and look up to see him staring at me from the outdoor lounge with a dumb smile on his face. Gaaaaahhh.

[Andara Bledin]

I'm not sure why you guys put up with these overgrown children.

^-.-^

[LadyBarbossa]

I generally think the same thing about people, but when feelings are involved, it's hard. I have friends though. I mentioned worrying about hurting his feelings by giving him the cold shoulder and my friend at work was all "NO. No, Shiny. Nothing was stopping him from picking up the phone last week and letting you know he wouldn't be there. He might have started missing you now, but too bad."

I've been friends with him for 10 months and grown very attached. It's only recently that I've gotten the figurative balls to ask him out places that I'm learning he's so flaky and inconsiderate.

[Ginger Tea]

I'm a flake, but only to myself.
Work hours are not posted till the friday so although I know my days off (fixed 3 week rota) I never know my start hours, worse ones are the late finish followed by an early start, leaves me with little time to myself between home and bed.
So I got out of the habbit of making plans for an evening, even if I was to start at 6 all week, as I seem to be the first person they ask to stay late (my own fault for normally saying yes) so that 4pm showing of a film just doesn't get watched.

I only seem to meet up with one person outside of work and I'm loathed to 99% of the time as hes the main reason I don't have any friends outside of work as he either scared them away or I just stopped trying to make new ones saving myself the hastle of loosing them later.
So I don't care about flaking out on him as he normally asks that night if I fancy anything, nothing set in advance, so if I say no its no foul on my part.

Although if I say I can only afford to go out once and it will be friday or saturday (like this week) he'll ask if I'm up for something mid week, which are normally dead nights save for one venue most tuesdays, I don't care if hes working evenings that weekend, I made plans for myself to be out and to actually go to a nightclub atleast once a month instead of twice the whole of last year.

[boringscreenname]

I hate flakes. One of my husband's co-workers has a kid around the same age as my son. She kept asking on Facebook for volunteers to watch her son. I said that I would do it provided she watched my kid in return, and she agreed.

Well we watched her kid 6-8 times over the period of about 3 months, and she has yet to watch our kid in return. We've asked her several times and every time she has an excuse. We even asked her what would be a good day and time for her to baby-sit and she refuses to give us an answer.

So we've stopped offering to watch her kid, and I've basically cut off contact with her, because I don't need someone who only wants to pretend to be a friend when it's convenient for them.

[aurelemsrealm]

I have virtually no social life and few friends because I'm not willing to indulge the flakes of the world in their melodramas. I'm not sympathetic to "excuses" for flakey behavior, and not interested in hearing meaningless "apologies" for such.

I have my days when I forget appointments, commitments, dates, and such, too. If I realize my mistake before I'm called on it, I call the person I was supposed to meet to tell them I screwed up and apologize for the mess. I don't offer bullshit excuses, I just simply explain that I got confused, lost my train of thought, or whatever because I am known for getting off track in those ways. Anyone who knows me very well already knows I get distracted easily because I have too many irons in the fire most of the time. If I don't realize it before I'm called on it, I still offer an apology, but know I only have myself to blame for the mistake. I just accept the consequences, and move on with life. As I said, anyone who knows me real well knows that I probably got confused or lost track of time again since I'm prone to those problems.

Forgetfulness happens to all of us, none of us are perfect. Knowing that, I'm willing to forgive a lot of things if I think someone is being honest with me. However, I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of when someone is trying to bullshit me, and I take that as a cue to keep my distance.

[blas87]

I flaked out two weekends ago. As usual, I was too exhausted from a busy work week, mixed with a busy Friday I'd spent with my bf before he went on vacation.

That night, I was supposed to go to my friend's husband's bday party. Of course, it would just be another dumb drunken drama fight fest, so it wasn't that important to me to begin with, and I was only going to make an appearance, have a drink or two and leave. But I'd spent that whole morning doing some serious retail therapy, went to the gym and worked that fat ass, and then cleaned for a few hours. I laid down for a power nap after a light supper. I never woke up until after daylight saving's time went into effect.

And of course, my friend was irate with me.

This is the same friend who wouldn't go to my birthday dinner because she's on a DIIIIEEEEEEET, and she and her husband kept on and off cancelling and re-RSVPing to my birthday party itself because of their stupid fighting.

Ever since they let us temporarily off overtime, I've realized I can no longer nap, save for the three hours I do laundry, between cycles. I even lay down on my couch and shut my eyes, I'm out for at least 6 hours.