Anger and resentment

[DrFaroohk]

Taking a whack at giving up the old cancer sticks, and damn...the cravings actually aren't that bad. I think I was ready to quit anyway, but dammit I realize I was repressing some serious anger and resentment issues at everyone from my parents to my first grade teacher to my best friend to the guy who cut me in line last week and holy shit it's hard to deal with sometimes.

The worst is knowing that it's not "real"...it's just part of whatever personal problems I have. But I still feel the need to bitch and vent. I can't say it out loud to anyone cuz I'll just hurt a bunch of people's feelings and get in trouble. I can't come here and vent about it because people fucking spy on me and I can't get anything out that way without getting into some sort of major trouble.

Which just makes me more angry and resentful of this whole shitstorm clusterfucker that people call life.

Thank god I'm not violent. Aside from angry typing I don't express my anger physically.

[Andara Bledin]

You might want to look into some sort of regular physical activity that you can use to release stress in a constructive fashion.

Also, anyone who doesn't understand someone else needing to vent is just begging for them to let the pressure build until they have a full scale meltdown...

^-.-^

[DrFaroohk]

Tell me about it, but most people are extremely unreceptive to anything I have to say that's even the remotest bit negative. I used to come here for lots of personal shit, but can't even do that anymore. So I have to post generic shit here that no one ever gets cuz I can't be specific cuz god forbid someone be SPYING ON ME and read it.

But it's even more maddening when I do try to confront someone in real life and talk about problems, and I'm met with "the stare", like "WTF are you talking about? Do I even know you?" Or there's always the "silence and walk away". I love that one too. Or the lawyering. Dad is great at that one. Ask a bunch of random questions that have nothing to do with anything until holes can be poked and then it's over. Or it's just all my fault. No matter what. Got assaulted? My fault. Guitar got stolen? My fault. Ex-wife falsely accused me of beating her? Must be my fault! It's all my fault!

As for physical activity, I'd LOVE to get into some boxing, but that requires gear, training, and a place to both train and box. No such place exists for me around here. I suppose I could get a punching bag, but then...where the hell am I gonna put it? I have no place for one in my home. And shadowboxing just gets lame after a while. I want to ht something and watch it bleed. Or just play Fight Night 3. that's always fun.