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similar to kiwi's post only on a different level.
at first I got used to being a recluse, well not totally. when lisa was born I stayed to the bedroom mostly until I figured out a routine that worked for me. and slowly as the first weeks went by I realized hey you can come out of the bedroom she will be fine.
skip ahead a year and a half and I still get out of the house now and then. for dr appointments, shopping and...whatever hubs needs me for or if I can go with.
figured ok, I cannot legally drive for a while so deal with it. and I can go for a walk during the day. yeah well not anymore I cannot go outside unaccompanied. (not a rule, its not safe to do so anymore) Hubs is also a home bound person outside of work. joy. so ok I figure embrace this home bound life I can work with it....five months later I am going mad.
I want out, I really do, I want out of this awful house just to go out for an hour to either go to a park, library or on occasion local coffee shop with or without daughter cause she is not a problem to take as she is mostly well behaved!
well I finally got time, funds and baby sitter set aside to get out of the house! nope, karma, universe or whom ever says helll no eff you lexia you are sick, your kidneys are not going to work for a while and you cannot do it. queue nelson-esqe HAW HAW laughs.
*eye twitch* I wasn't hurting myself emotionally or physically I was sticking with my daily routine as suggested in my depression classes -was and is working great - not inflicting emotional abuse IE getting better, figured out the cause of part of the mood swings and changed meds and thats working great but noooooo.
lexia is forbidden to get out....and yes this is selfish but the one rare time I get to go out for one measly hour, making sure everything else is done first, is denied.
Guess that starbucks run for the benefit of my friend was it huh. yeah that was....fun.
i'd say life isn't fair, but it is. but life is also a very cruel bitch a times as is karma so if this is payback for something I did to someone so be it, but do you have to keep chipping at my sanity?
and also i realize just how much people on dialisis go through and how we as people take for granted functioning kidneys. not saying don't do it, just saying hey give your kidneys a break now and then. and the nurses and those in the know here know what happens when your kidneys aren't at 100% or close enough. all that crud they filter out starts going through your body and you feel like CRAP, low on energy and very sick. And until you flush it out, it eventually starts hurting.
or in my case a nasty infection to where you slowly bleed in effegy until you can do something about it and must find someone to help with daughter because the antibiotics given you WILL knock you on your arse without a doubt. not "may cause drowziness" WILL KNOW YOUR ASS OUT. at least for me...so....
this is my I hate being a recluse thread, and I hate being sick because it makes me a whiny wuss because after the c-section that whole lower torso area became this weak spot for me...front and back.
at first I got used to being a recluse, well not totally. when lisa was born I stayed to the bedroom mostly until I figured out a routine that worked for me. and slowly as the first weeks went by I realized hey you can come out of the bedroom she will be fine.
skip ahead a year and a half and I still get out of the house now and then. for dr appointments, shopping and...whatever hubs needs me for or if I can go with.
figured ok, I cannot legally drive for a while so deal with it. and I can go for a walk during the day. yeah well not anymore I cannot go outside unaccompanied. (not a rule, its not safe to do so anymore) Hubs is also a home bound person outside of work. joy. so ok I figure embrace this home bound life I can work with it....five months later I am going mad.
I want out, I really do, I want out of this awful house just to go out for an hour to either go to a park, library or on occasion local coffee shop with or without daughter cause she is not a problem to take as she is mostly well behaved!
well I finally got time, funds and baby sitter set aside to get out of the house! nope, karma, universe or whom ever says helll no eff you lexia you are sick, your kidneys are not going to work for a while and you cannot do it. queue nelson-esqe HAW HAW laughs.
*eye twitch* I wasn't hurting myself emotionally or physically I was sticking with my daily routine as suggested in my depression classes -was and is working great - not inflicting emotional abuse IE getting better, figured out the cause of part of the mood swings and changed meds and thats working great but noooooo.
lexia is forbidden to get out....and yes this is selfish but the one rare time I get to go out for one measly hour, making sure everything else is done first, is denied.
Guess that starbucks run for the benefit of my friend was it huh. yeah that was....fun.
i'd say life isn't fair, but it is. but life is also a very cruel bitch a times as is karma so if this is payback for something I did to someone so be it, but do you have to keep chipping at my sanity?
and also i realize just how much people on dialisis go through and how we as people take for granted functioning kidneys. not saying don't do it, just saying hey give your kidneys a break now and then. and the nurses and those in the know here know what happens when your kidneys aren't at 100% or close enough. all that crud they filter out starts going through your body and you feel like CRAP, low on energy and very sick. And until you flush it out, it eventually starts hurting.
or in my case a nasty infection to where you slowly bleed in effegy until you can do something about it and must find someone to help with daughter because the antibiotics given you WILL knock you on your arse without a doubt. not "may cause drowziness" WILL KNOW YOUR ASS OUT. at least for me...so....
this is my I hate being a recluse thread, and I hate being sick because it makes me a whiny wuss because after the c-section that whole lower torso area became this weak spot for me...front and back.
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