Strangers Giving Parenting "Advice"

[Glados]

I may have posted about something similar before and I apologize if this is a repeat of sorts.

I am always shocked at how intrusive total strangers will be when they encounter people with young children. I have had numerous experiences with people demanding that I do something different with my children.

Yesterday, We were having an early dinner at KFC because we were out shopping and it was taking longer than we thought. While eating an employee of the store who had just ended her shift approached us and asked my younger daughters age. I told her and she scolded me that I should not be letting my daughter feed herself because she will choke.

First, it is rude to interrupt a family during a meal.
Second, I think I know my child's eating habits better than you.
Third, she hates being fed and would have made a scene.
Finally, it's none of your business.

I have never understood what makes people think that it is even remotely acceptable to interrupt my meal/shopping and criticize my parenting without any knowledge of the children.

Also, I am not sure if I should complain to the manager since she is an employee. She was in uniform but was off the clock. I believe that anyone off the clock should be treated like a customer but her behavior does make it less likely that I would visit the store again and the manager may want to know that. Thoughts?

[AdminAssistant]

If she was in uniform then she's representing the company. You have every right to complain.

[jackfaire]

She was in uniform but was off the clock. I believe that anyone off the clock should be treated like a customer but her behavior does make it less likely that I would visit the store again and the manager may want to know that. Thoughts?

Telling the manager will most likely end in disciplinary action possibly even firing. Your right she was off the clock however while still in uniform she is representing the company she works for which is why most companies have policies against wearing your uniform while doing anything like protests or parades unless requested to do so on behalf of the company.

That being said if you don't want her to suffer disciplinary action I wouldn't tell the manager besides if she makes it a habit to as she probably sees it "correct" parents about their child rearing then I am sure he will notice a drop in sales.

As far as the opinion about it. Seriously if she is all that worried she should sit and silently watch ready to rush in and save the child should your kid fall prey to your diabolical plan that she seems to think you have.

[Mishi]

I don't know if it's worth talking to the manager about it, but at the same time it was terribly rude. Maybe leave it another day or two to see if it still really annoys you and then decide if you're going to talk to her manager and explain the situation fully, but calmly.

I frequently receive unwanted and unwarranted 'advice' due to being a young mum and looking younger than I am. I've found that the best way to deal with most of it is to thank them for their concern and point out politely that every child is different. Most of the time, my kids are behaving much better than the kids of the well-meaning stranger.

[jackfaire]

I used to have people advise me that I should never ever let my daughter wear blue and that she should only wear pink, this is when she was 1 and under, so they knew she was a girl not a boy.

I was sorely tempted to give them advice on having their parents not teach them to be sexist morons that rely on color coding to determine gender.

I wouldn't have minded if it was a "friendly" suggestion but often when people would call her a boy and I would smirk chuckle and say yeah she gets that a lot but she is girl. They would then act offended that I would dress her in blue in fact one person actually told me "God that's offensive and going to screw her up when she is older it's going to screw up her gender identity."

[firecat88]

They would then act offended that I would dress her in blue in fact one person actually told me "God that's offensive and going to screw her up when she is older it's going to screw up her gender identity."

That's extremely stupid to get offended over, particularly if you know your history. O.o According to several sources, anyway, the whole 'pink is for girls, blue is for boys' thing is a relatively modern (within the last 100 years or so) concept. Before then, pink was considered to be a more assertive, manly color because it was so close to red. Blue, on the other hand, was regarded as being more delicate, soft, and feminine.

[Andara Bledin]

Considering the danger of chicken bones, I can understand the KFC employee's concern. However, that was definitely not the proper way to go about trying to voice said concerns.

^-.-^

[jackfaire]

Considering the danger of chicken bones, I can understand the KFC employee's concern.

*blink blink* If we are going to assume chicken bones are magically dangerous to anyone who eats them, as has been stated she knew her kid knew how to properly eat and not to jam them down her throat then the worker might as well have gone around to everyone to warn them they should all leave for fear they are too uneducated to eat chicken.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I used to have people advise me that I should never ever let my daughter wear blue and that she should only wear pink, this is when she was 1 and under, so they knew she was a girl not a boy.

I never wore pink as a little girl cuz I hated the colour and much prefered to dress in boy's clothes anyway.

Guess what? Now I wear pink on occasion, love wearing dresses, skirts and makeup, and am perfectly well adjusted. Oh yeah, and I've seen dozens of non gay men wearing pink shirts. The colour code thing is a bit stupid.

Granted, I'll often joke that I can't tell a baby's gender when they're not "colour coded", but that's a failing of mine, cuz I can't tell the difference between baby girls and boys. I'd never have a go at a parent for not colour coding their child.

[AdminAssistant]

Considering the danger of chicken bones, I can understand the KFC employee's concern.

KFC also sells chicken strips, boneless chicken wings, etc.

Honestly, when/if I have a kid, I don't want to 'color-code' it. It's not that I want my child to be gender neutral, but I really dislike the "boys in blue, girls in frilly pink" thing.

[jackfaire]

Honestly, when/if I have a kid, I don't want to 'color-code' it. It's not that I want my child to be gender neutral, but I really dislike the "boys in blue, girls in frilly pink" thing.

My thing was, "Why does it matter?" Like I get when your old enough to date wanting to know the gender of the person your dating but until then a person's gender is essentially meaningless.

[guywithashovel]

It's kind of interesting that so many people find it necessary to dispense this kind of unsolicited advice, seeing as how so many people also grimace whenever someone says that "it takes a villiage to raise a child."

Also, "people without kids" are often accused of doing this. Honestly, I don't have any data to back this up, but from my own observation, when someone criticizes someone else's kids or parenting skills, it's usually another parent. Most people I know who have no children (myself included) actually have little interest in kid issues.

For example, a while ago at work, we were having orientation for new students. One of those new students had a couple of kids with her who were getting kind of rowdy (not too badly, though). Eventually, one of my coworkers finally said something about it. This coworker was one of several other faculty and staff, many of whom had no children of their own. This coworker had five kids.

[Andara Bledin]

I don't have kids and I have freely criticized some people's parenting.

Like women who let their kids run out from between parked cars at the grocery store. And parents who jaywalk across busy streets with their toddlers. And the assholes who let their precious snowflakes destroy merchandise at shops.

I had one woman yell at me for several minutes in a drive-through because I gave her the stink-eye for letting her sprout run across the drive-thru lane from behind the building; an adult can be seen approaching the crossing, but the kid in question was too small to be seen by a driver and the mother was too busy yakking on her cell phone to pay any attention to her kid. When she finally asked me what my problem was I let her know exactly what I thought of her parenting. She didn't take kindly, but I didn't care. I don't want to be the one that ends up hitting her unfortunate kid because she can't be bothered to keep her child from running across places where cars will be driving without looking first.

^-.-^

[jackfaire]

I don't have kids and I have freely criticized some people's parenting.

There is a huge difference between "I am criticizing you for not parenting your child stop letting them run in traffic" and "I don't like that you let your child pick what t-shirt they get to wear, how they eat, what they eat, etc"

[aurelemsrealm]

My daughter is 18 months old. I'm lucky that I haven't had any strangers offer any parenting advice other than, "Enjoy it while she is little...." I don't mind that one because I can see what they mean.

Then again, I have developed a knack for selective hearing from my years in customer service. I'm used to ignoring nonsense commentaries and complaints from whiney customers while listening for useful information to get my job done and send them on their way. I apply that same philosophy to most anything else that I deem irrelevant. So, I may have disregarded any unsolicited advice without really thinking about it. Things like that just don't bother me because I only pay attention to people when I want to know what's on their minds.

Having explained how I deal with things like that, I can understand not wanting advice from people who don't know you or your circumstances.