I Hate This...

[Andara Bledin]

Actually, that can work even if you do give a damn. But it's much harder to pull off.

^-.-^

[blas87]

I played it really, really thick. But that's one of my natural talents, so it isn't hard to do. The only part that was difficult was that I DID give a damn, not so much about the childishness, just about the person. But I kept conversations going like normal and pretended I had no idea they were upset.....and it just got worse and worse. Thankfully it wasn't face to face, they'd probably be screaming.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Of course it got worse. They were all like "oh, gosh, Blas doesn't notice I'm upset. Since I'm too immature to simply talk to her about my grievance like a grown ass adult, I'll just ratchet up my little tantrum till she notices and asks me what's wrong so I can say "nothing". THAT will show her."

So fucking pathetic. And so transparent.

[Canarr]

Of course it got worse. They were all like "oh, gosh, Blas doesn't notice I'm upset. Since I'm too immature to simply talk to her about my grievance like a grown ass adult, I'll just ratchet up my little tantrum till she notices and asks me what's wrong so I can say "nothing". THAT will show her."

So fucking pathetic. And so transparent.

*sigh* You're married already, right?

Years ago, I had a *very* short relationship with a woman whose only way of "communication" was this passive-aggressive bullshit. That got old fast...

I mean, I get it up to a certain point; when I'm in a bad mood over something that I don't want to talk about (most of the time, because it's some minor shit at work or whatever), I'll withdraw somewhere and work it out for myself. Maybe go play L4D2, kill some zombies. If someone pesters me in that phase, I'll be short in my answers and possibly unfriendly, but when I say, "Nothing to do with you, leave me alone!" - I *mean* that it's nothing you did, and leave me alone. At some point, I'll be fine again, and I don't expect others to help me work through it *unless I actually ask them to*.

[Andara Bledin]

I know exactly what you mean, Canarr.

I've had days where I just don't want to associate with anyone, including my boyfriend. If he (or anyone else) asks, I just let him know that I'm in a rotten mood, it has nothing to do with him, and I'd like to just be on my own for a bit till I feel civil again.

It's really not that hard, and it saves a whole lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings later on.

^-.-^

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Yes, I'm married. To a man who decided he wanted to marry me when he witnessed me delivering a window-rattling chewing out to his roommate (my ex boyfriend...we broke up shortly after that.). Evidently, some guys like that sort of thing. I was NOT being passive aggressive or playng games. I was getting my meaning across loud and clear. To the entire street, in fact.

If I'm in a mood, I don't usually want to talk about it either, but while I'm not talking about it, I'm also not taking out my foul mood on innocent people, either. I may say straight up, "You know what, I'm really not feeling very social. It's not you. I just don't want to talk about it. I'll maybe talk to you later about when I feel better."

I'm pretty direct.

[Canarr]

Pity... good for him, though, I guess

I like direct people. I like being able to talk to someone and get everything I need to know said in clear words, without having to search for some subtext that may or may not be there, and may or may not completely invalidate every word actually said. I get enough of that at work.

@Andara: yeah, I get that. Sometimes, you're just in a sucky mood and need to get over that. Happens rarely, but if it does, the best I can do is some clearly forced politeness in conversation - anything beyond that is out of the question. So, I try to avoid conversations with other human beings during such times.

[blas87]

I'm pretty direct, too. And I'll say it nicely that I'm not doing alright today or whatever, it's not you, we can chat later.

I mean, I deal with a LOT of childish bullshit where I work. I deal with a lot of drama at my parents' house, where I unforuntately have to move back to next year. I've learned a lot from the years at my work and living alone, that it's not worth it to be an ass to people for no reason. Ever. And it's not worth being rude for no reason. I am as nice as possible, no matter what's wrong. If I'm really stressed or upset, I won't be as smiley or nice, but I'm never taking my problems out on someone. The only people who get my wrath are the ones who caused the problems.

[RootedPhoenix]

I don't always want to talk about it with other people. Sometimes I need to go hide in a cave until my manners are better. I'll remember to tell people something like "I'm having a hard time, but I don't want to talk about it."

I just worry that being that direct will make someone angry, but I...I think that being direct will make fewer people mad. I just...don't always want to talk about everything.

[Andara Bledin]

I just worry that being that direct will make someone angry...

Just remember that anyone who gets angry at a direct comment that you don't feel like talking is choosing to be angry. You didn't make them angry in your attempt to avoid making them upset.

Nobody should have to walk on eggshells while letting others know that they don't feel good and want some time to themselves.

Anyone who gets pissed at me because I need some time to myself to get myself in a happier place needs to get their head out of their ass and realize that my world does not, and likely never will with that attitude, revolve around them.

^-.-^

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Sadly, my husband is one of those passive-aggressive types and will often get into a "mood". If it's not something I did, I wish he'd just say he loves me and it's nothing I did so I can relax. Usually, though, I get the distinct feeling it's something I did, or didn't do - often not something he really has a right to be annoyed with me over, but he is anyway. I've become a bit better about letting it go if I think it will pass, and I just act like everything's fine. Sometimes it's harder, though, and then I end up HAVING to pry it out of him. I have enough anxiety already...I really would love to know that the person I love and live with loves me unconditionally and doesn't play mind games

[blas87]

And just the same, no one should ever have to walk on eggshells because they don't know what sets another person off.

I laid it out on the table that I need to be told when someone has a problem with me, I'm not psychic, and from now on, unless I know something's wrong, life goes on as normal. Wanna give me attitude, have fun with it. I'm not going to make the mistake of showing my concern again, nor will I apologize for something I don't remember doing, or that I most likely didn't even do.

Then again, I have a really, really hard time with people who seem really insecure with themselves, or take it personally that I cannot and will not always be at their beck and call, and don't kiss ass.

Part of it was that the weekend I posted this, for once, I actually HAD some extra money, and went out and did stuff every night of my four day weekend. And this offended this guy, he thought I became "too busy" to talk to him. Look, when I CAN, I like to do more than just sit at home watching TV and playing online. It's not often, but sometimes, I can. And I will. I enjoy being out of the house and seeing people. I am not the most confident person but I also don't worry any time someone doesn't immediately give me attention, either.

Damn. Everyone seems to come with some kind of quirk that just doesn't work with my personality.