"If You Were Single..."

[blas87]

I'm not trying to sound arrogant or full of it, but he wouldn't be the first guy to pull that crap.

There's a few who just have absolutely no respect for my relationship. And that pisses me off.

It's one thing to not know someone very well, and not know they aren't single. Easy mistake. No problem. It's another to be well aware someone is with someone else, and be like "Well I gotta know if I have a chance!" especially if you can't handle what you're told, and act like a baby and get mad.

And it really honestly hurt me, like actually burned me, that someone had been friendly and casual with me for so long, only to one day just basically be like "I know you have a boyfriend but I don't care, I'd love to date you!" Seriously? Is this some stupid Katherine Heigl movie I haven't yet heard about?

Oh, and to address something Greenday brought up earlier: This guy is nowhere even near my age. I really wasn't that grossed out about the age factor, that really wasn't the whole reason, but when he started begging and pleading and then pulled the 16 year old girl not getting her way Online Stalker routine.......I was just disgusted. Absolutely disgusted. It's bad enough when people my own age can't get past high school insecurities. Someone my damn father's age acting this way? Really? Yeah, some men are forever 16.

[jackfaire]

I'm not trying to sound arrogant or full of it, but he wouldn't be the first guy to pull that crap.

I have in the past developed a thing for friends that weren't single but I respected their relationships enough not to say anything. You can't help who you like but you can help what you do about it.

[blas87]

I think we've all been there a time or two, in the "friend zone". It's not a good place.

[Gravekeeper]

I'm going to toss in a variant of this that triggers a similar horribly uncomfortable situation that has happened to me before:

When you agree to stay friends with an ex, only to have them ask you "Do you still think I'm attractive?". When they're now in a relationship with someone else. Who you know personally. That they cheated on you with.

Unravel that one. ;p

[Andara Bledin]

When you agree to stay friends with an ex, only to have them ask you "Do you still think I'm attractive?". When they're now in a relationship with someone else. Who you know personally. That they cheated on you with.

I'd call that a bit of insecurity with a good dose of self-doubt about whether they did the right thing, and hoping that if they find out that they didn't, they can still fall back on what they should have stayed with.

My answer would likely be along the lines of, "Yes, but we can never be more than friends any more."

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

I'd call that a bit of insecurity with a good dose of self-doubt about whether they did the right thing, and hoping that if they find out that they didn't, they can still fall back on what they should have stayed with.

Yes, also, as an added level of difficulty: She had gained a massive amount of weight in the interm since we broke up ( I don't mean a few pounds, I mean she had almost literally tripled her size and had become unrecognizable ). Throwing away the healthy lifestyle and fitness of a rugby player in favour of never moving from the couch again apparently. >.>

I could write an entire book on that relationship.

[Canarr]

I could write an entire book on that relationship.

That... sounds morbidly fascinating, I must admit. Though personally, I doubt I could remain friends with someone who cheated on me.
So, what did you answer her?

@blas: Agree with you, that kind of sneaking around, only being friends with an ulterior motive, is not a nice person's action. I'd count my blessings that they've showed their true colors, and try to cut them out of my live. Difficult with a co-worker, I know, but probably for the best.

[blas87]

Well, it's his problem. I'm not going to change the way I do anything at work, because I have no guilt and I'm going to continue as if nothing happened.

That's a tough one GK, but I've also been asked that. I think it's really inappropriate as well. Just as bad as an ex asking you, while you're in a new relationship, "Would you ever take me back?"

[Greenday]

Well, it's his problem. I'm not going to change the way I do anything at work, because I have no guilt and I'm going to continue as if nothing happened.

That's really all you can do. I've admitted to a friend that I liked her when I was drunk and when she asked why I never said anything, I told her it was because even when her and her boyfriend were going through a rough patch, it was because I knew she wanted to stay with him and I didn't want to mess that up for her. That was about a year and a half ago. We are still extremely good friends and everything is normal between us.

One of my best friends admitted she loved me. I didn't love her and let her down gently. We are still best friends and I don't know about her, but as far as I'm concerned nothing has changed.

You really just have to go into it as what was said is over with and things WILL continue on as normal.

[blas87]

I'm glad that worked out for you both times, Greenday. Although, maturity plays a big part in it, as does self esteem. This guy lacks both, apparently, even at his age.

I'm glad that at least for someone somewhere, they were able to get over something that awkward, both times.

Unless he's just having a tit about it, I think he's permanently embarrassed or mad. The Brown Noser noticed he won't even go near our work area anymore. Pity the fool. I just went about my day like normal all week and didn't care if I saw him or not, which I didn't.

[ExRetailDrone]

That's a tough one GK, but I've also been asked that. I think it's really inappropriate as well. Just as bad as an ex asking you, while you're in a new relationship, "Would you ever take me back?"

Ugh, that situation is not a nice one. And also extremely disrespectful.

Even worse is when an ex's mom tells you, after you've been broken up with said ex for a year and a half, and you've been in a new relationship for a year or more, that ex would take you back in an instant... And all this with current boyfriend standing just inside the doors. So glad I'm far removed from that nuthouse >.<

[jackfaire]

The only person that never ever got chewed out for saying "You should back together with your ex" was my daughter cuz hell that's her mom and I get it.

[Racket_Man]

I'm going to toss in a variant of this that triggers a similar horribly uncomfortable situation that has happened to me before:

When you agree to stay friends with an ex, only to have them ask you "Do you still think I'm attractive?". When they're now in a relationship with someone else. Who you know personally. That they cheated on you with.

Unravel that one. ;p

welcome to my life after my Ex left. SHE wanted to stay "friends" but I quietly vetoed that situation. too much baggage and way too many years together (esp after she betrayed, lied and deceived me BIG TIME) after what she put me through and the "cheating" she did (with multipule "guys" online) NOPE NOT HAPPENING.

I did get my "revenge" of sorts. I started dating (and now in a long term committed relationship) in real life before she did.