Condescending Concern

[Rageaholic]

Here's something I'm sick of, people's "concern" over others to disguise their disapproval of them. A good example is the whole "hate the sin not the sinner" bullshit with regards to things like homosexuality. Or in my case, they want me to be more outgoing and won't accept that I am generally pretty quiet. Instead of just accepting the person for who they are, they show their "love" by trying to change them.

This is tricky because there are times when intervention is necessary (alcohol or drug problems), but a lot of the time, it's matter of trying to change someone because they don't like them. It's just a manipulative way to try to control people to your liking.

[crashhelmet]

Ahh yes... the "Let's show them the error of their ways" people.

I'll admit that I can be this way sometimes. If it's someone I care about and I can see they're having issues, but won't talk about it or try to fix it, I'll offer. Sometimes I may be a little persistent with that offer, but I'll back off and leave them be. In my mind, I feel better having at least tried to help than not at all. As a Catholic, I don't deal with guilt well

[HYHYBT]

I don't much care for the apparent premise that it's always a disguise. There is such a thing as genuine concern for someone you perceive as having trouble in their life.

[powerboy]

Yup, I am usually quiet. I usually agree to something, if it is a good idea. But ofcourse, I need my own voice.

[KnitShoni]

I don't much care for the apparent premise that it's always a disguise. There is such a thing as genuine concern for someone you perceive as having trouble in their life.

Genuine concern is not what OP is talking about. People can tell when concern is genuine versus "let me pretend to be concerned for this person so they don't get upset about me telling them how awful they are."

[blas87]

KnitSoni hit it right on the nose.

Some people get a sick pleasure out of pretending to care, yet still taking any opportunity to rub your nose in your piss.

[HYHYBT]

That's why I said "apparent premise"; to serve either as a prod for clarification or else as a reminder, whichever was more appropriate.

But I've been around too many instances of people taking genuine care the wrong way not to mention the distinction. Often, they do look very different, but not always.

Anyway, if this has derailed the thread, then I apologize and mean it.