Fuck Inspiration Porn

[crashhelmet]

one thing i again want to bring up is this concept.
"And I'm baffled by the weak minded that so willingly give up and quit"

I love how the both of you cut off the last part where I said "Myself included."

I was weak minded for a long time. I quit for a long time. Every time I see my son, I get weak minded and think of quitting again.

i'm wondering what the definition of "quitting" is. if a person hasn't achieved fame, fortune, success, etc, does that mean they've quit?
because for many people with disabilities, the triumph of making it through another day without an episode IS success. they may not be epic people in sports or business but hey, they managed to tie their own shoes that morning with crippling arthritis. or remembered their kid's names despite alzheimers.
inspiration porn makes their successes seem less monumental. so they might stop caring because they know they will never achieve things that would be considered an act of greatness.

Not quitting is continuing to make progress and move forward in whatever ways you can. It's making that transition from bed ridden to being mobile, from being recluse to being even the slightest bit social. You don't have to be a champion athlete or a celebrity rallying people for the cause. You just have to continue to make forward progress and it doesn't have to be by large leaps and bounds. Even the slightest of baby steps is forward progress.

As for achievements, they don't have to be monumental. My goals were to say "Fuck You" to my doctor and to the Navy for saying I couldn't do it. I did it in baby steps. First, I learned to walk without looking like a zombie. Then it was to be able to stand on my right leg. From there, it was jogging, then running, then jumping, then kicking. It took a lot of time, a lot of work, and brought a lot of pain. My next goal is to run and complete a Tough Mudder.

Also... You don't have to achieve your goal to be a "winner." You just have to everything you can and not give up. If you can do that, then there's no reason to beat yourself up for not being able to accomplish that goal.

This is where I still fight with depression. I convince myself that I failed my son. I convince myself that I could've done more. I convince myself I could've sacrificed more. I convince myself that there was blood in that turnip and I just didn't squeeze hard enough.

And then I fight with myself until I realize that I did do everything I could or that those extra miles I could've gone would've done more harm than good. And I'm good after that until the next time I see him. Then the cycle begins again.

[siead_lietrathua]

"Fuck you. This is what I have done, this is what I can do. This is me showing you that you're the failure here."

mental/ physical illness isnt a contest. showing someone that they're the "failure"? does nothing to help. it may have helped YOU. but it won't help EVERYONE.
you can believe you are successful in your life without having to compare yourself to anyone else, either as better or worse than them.
i'm not gonna go around to the people that would mock me and point out how i'm so much better than them. that would just make me a jerk that's no better than them.

feeling like you have proved yourself as normal/ worthy/ whole to those around you? is vastly different than coming to terms with yourself.

And what reality have you accepted? The reality that others made for you or that you made for yourself? Did you alter your reality to conform to what the others told you it is? Do you believe you're a waste of resources? Have you accepted that? Have you done anything to prove to yourself that you're not?

you are missing the issue with alot of people that have depression and it's ilk. we may not believe what people have told us deep inside, but the behavior is so self-ingrained that it's automatic. it's like trying to beat a stutter. yelling at someone to get over their stutter, and berating them (because that IS what you are doing, from an outsider's p.o.v.) isn't going to make the stutter go away.
telling people to accept reality? do you want them to accept theirs, or yours?
because i kinda like my reality how it is. and i bet others, even damaged, feel the same if they're on a healing path.

[crashhelmet]

you're seriously going to compare a living breathing person to a pithy quote on a picture, and ask what the difference is?

Yes. Yes, I am.

For starters, one is an inanimate object, that has no feelings, empathy or emotional attachment possibilities(we are emotionally attached to our friends and loved ones)

No. The only difference is how you perceive them. They could be just words on a wall that you think have no bearing on your situation. You may think that they don't apply to you. Or you may have given up and just don't care.

A person may try and be that support but you can be so convinced that they don't understand what you're going through, or think that they just pity you.

It doesn't matter what the source is. You have to have it inside you to move forward. Once you do, you can pull that inspiration from friend or phrase alike.

Without knowing someone's situation you CANNOT declare them "weak minded", that is the very definition of fundamental attribution error- the tendency to over-value dispositional or personality-based explanations for the observed behaviors of others while under-valuing situational explanations for those behaviors.

My situation there is not a damn thing I can do, that does not make me "weak minded", it's being accepting of my reality. Which is very different from yours, or anyone else's. And having no support, one tends to get very tired of fighting every day. Yes I have no friends, and my family is worthless(mom is a drunk that abandoned me at age 16, sister is a junkie), the last person to say ANYTHING nice or at least not a variant of "you're a waste of resources, and the world would be better off if you weren't in it", was Driver. It's a bit hard to look at a picture and "get over it".

*source

And what reality have you accepted? The reality that others made for you or that you made for yourself? Did you alter your reality to conform to what the others told you it is? Do you believe you're a waste of resources? Have you accepted that? Have you done anything to prove to yourself that you're not?

Weak minded in this case would be saying "You're right. I'm this waste of resources, so I'm just gonna do whatever. I don't care." A strong minded person would say "Fuck you. This is what I have done, this is what I can do. This is me showing you that you're the failure here."

People insult others to make themselves feel superior to them. I could call each and every one of you the ugliest of insults and they're nothing more than words unless you believe them. They hold no power until you believe them.

[Eisa]

Exactly, siead_lietrautha.

Sometimes just getting up means I haven't quit. Sometimes just the fact I haven't committed suicide yet means I haven't quit. Sometimes being able just to walk around the fucking apartment at all means I haven't quit.

But I haven't run any marathons. Done any Olympic things. Become some famous person who would apparently only be inspirational and motivational because hey, I became famous "despite my disabilities." Because that's what inspiration porn does. It focuses it ALL on your fucking disabilities. Not on the hard work you did to achieve whatever that goal is. Whether it's running a company, getting an Olympic medal, or getting your goddamn shoes tied.

No, it's always, oh look at you, doing x, y, z, look at you, doing something that normal people do all the time, look at you simply going to work or simply EXISTING...but because you have a disability, just existing somehow becomes so "inspirational!" to people.

Fuck that. Just fuck that.

No, inspirational porn does jack shit to inspire me because why would it? It's trite phrases, overused photos, and the people in the photos are usually not even identified! It's like it's oh "stock disabled child/man/woman here!" How is that supposed to be inspiring? How is that supposed to motivate me? Oh, look, there's more people doing things that I am physically not capable of doing.

Because no, I haven't given up. But I will be damned if I will constantly push my limits, go past what I know I am capable of, to land myself in excruciating pain constantly, because other people think that that's what you should do when you're disabled or you've "given up."

No, I'd just rather have a day without excruciating pain, thank you very much.

And no, I'm not going to be Miss Sunshine and Rainbows 24/7 because you know what, that's utter bullshit to think that ANYBODY is going to be like that all the time. Because sometimes all you can do is say fuck it, I give up...and that's okay and should always be okay. Because only YOU know what you have to go through every day. Only you know what your disabilities are like to deal with every fucking day.

And a pithy quote on a picture does absolutely nothing to help with ANY of that.

[siead_lietrathua]

one thing i again want to bring up is this concept.
"And I'm baffled by the weak minded that so willingly give up and quit"

i'm wondering what the definition of "quitting" is. if a person hasn't achieved fame, fortune, success, etc, does that mean they've quit?
because for many people with disabilities, the triumph of making it through another day without an episode IS success. they may not be epic people in sports or business but hey, they managed to tie their own shoes that morning with crippling arthritis. or remembered their kid's names despite alzheimers.
inspiration porn makes their successes seem less monumental. so they might stop caring because they know they will never achieve things that would be considered an act of greatness.

[Andara Bledin]

It's a bit hard to look at a picture and "get over it".

So hard, in fact, that the person saying it couldn't even manage to do it.

^-.-^

[BlaqueKatt]

I bet people like Dennis Byrd had trouble getting out of bed too. Had problems with depression and self-worth.

I bet this person had problems too.

What about Oscar Pistorious?

Survivorship bias

For every Dennis Byrd, or Stephen Hawking there are a couple hundred harry Weiders or Rosemary Kennedys(she was lobotomized at age 21 due to epilepsy and mental retardation and spent her life in an institution).

Disabled people continue to suffer persistent disadvantage in almost all aspects of life: one in three live in poverty; one in two of working age are unemployed; and older teenagers are twice as likely as their non-disabled counterparts not to be in education, employment or training.

*

Yes, I had the support of a friend. One single friend, out of a large group, that took the time to show me that I mattered. That i had other things in my life I could do. How is she any different than inspirational porn?

you're seriously going to compare a living breathing person to a pithy quote on a picture, and ask what the difference is?

For starters, one is an inanimate object, that has no feelings, empathy or emotional attachment possibilities(we are emotionally attached to our friends and loved ones)

And I'm baffled by the weak minded that so willingly give up and quit

Without knowing someone's situation you CANNOT declare them "weak minded", that is the very definition of fundamental attribution error- the tendency to over-value dispositional or personality-based explanations for the observed behaviors of others while under-valuing situational explanations for those behaviors.

My situation there is not a damn thing I can do, that does not make me "weak minded", it's being accepting of my reality. Which is very different from yours, or anyone else's. And having no support, one tends to get very tired of fighting every day. Yes I have no friends, and my family is worthless(mom is a drunk that abandoned me at age 16, sister is a junkie), the last person to say ANYTHING nice or at least not a variant of "you're a waste of resources, and the world would be better off if you weren't in it", was Driver. It's a bit hard to look at a picture and "get over it".

*source

[siead_lietrathua]

When you're feeling like you don't matter to anyone, when you're feeling like a burden to people, when you're feeling worthless, a simple gesture like that can make all the difference in the world and keep someone going....

this is just something i want to touch on, and i'm taking it out of the rest of the paragraph because i am NOT speaking directly to crash helmet, but want to speak in generalities. /disclaimer lol

for some people, the way their mentality works, this is a fantastic thing. that a simple gesture can shock them into a groove where they can start towards recovery. and it is inspiring.
but it won't work for everyone.
i do want to use a personal example here. i am surrounded by a supportive group, where i have people to talk to if i needed it, partners who love me, and family that i can call on if i need to.... and it doesnt help. see, the nature of my personal illness is very heavy in mental self-abuse and reality distortion.
if i was in a situation where some random person went out of their way to be kind to me, my mental issues would twist it into believing it to be an act of pity, which will just compound on the depression and self-loathing.
the same goes for "inspiration porn". that can actually trigger myself, and people like me, into a WORSE mental state. it makes us feel worthless and hopeless for not being awesome achievers of greatness.

now, directed to crash helmet:

when you were in your darker place, before you were inspired to gain control of your illnesses, you said:

I could've pulled from the Marine Corps slogans like "Improvise, Adapt, Overcome" printed on multiple objects all over my house, but I gave up.
I could've pulled from my Mexican heritage and time honored quotes like "Mejor Morir de Pie, Que Vivir Toda Una Vida Arrodillados." (It's better to die on your feet than to live a lifetime on your knees) - Emiliano Zapata, but I gave up.
I could've pulled from the philosophies of my martial arts background with quotes like "All men are the same except for their belief in their own selves, regardless of what others may think of them." - Miyamoto Musashi, but I gave up.
I could've pulled from all the stories I was told by disabled veterans about how they continued on with their lives, but I gave up.

can't you see that you have said, in this paragraph, that in your worst times things that are basically "inpiration porn" didn't work for you. and yet you advocate it to others. others that may not have reached that place where they are finally able to start healing.
if it didn't help you then, you should be able to understand that it won't help others.

[Andara Bledin]

It's not difficult to understand.

Nobody likes to be told that the only reason they're still depressed is because they don't want to be happy enough. Particularly when you factor in that some people are depressed because of a physiological issue and it's actually impossible for them to be otherwise without medical intervention, but because of people who think that the only problem is that they aren't trying hard enough, they either don't know or can't get that intervention.

When you get right down to it, it's victim blaming.

^-.-^

[crashhelmet]

That, alone, is a more than most people have. And while you appear more than willing to rub your own (and others') successes in the face of those without such a vital resource, you don't seem interested in acknowledging that your situation is not theirs.

I'll agree that my situation is not theirs. However, there is very little difference in the fundamentals of it. You have 2 choices. Fight or give up. Inspiration comes from everywhere. It's a matter of whether or not you choose to accept it or deny it.

I'm baffled that someone can't grasp the difference between the presence of a human being proving that they care and trite phrases saying that the people who don't just "get over it" are "losers" or "have only themselves to blame."

And I'm baffled by the weak minded that so willingly give up and quit, myself included. I learned from my mistakes and I look back and wonder how I could've let myself fall so far and why I continue to let myself fall at times.

People are so ingrained to believe that their situation is so different from everyone else's that their stories don't apply to them.

Bullshit. You said yourself that you had a friend there to help you through it. The friend is the difference, not the attitude of those who don't have such a friend.

To paraphrase from The Matrix, I had a friend show me the door. I'm the one that had to walk through it. Anyone could've shown me that door. It could've been another friend, a family member, or a writer I never met. But all of that is moot if I don't do anything with it. If I don't "Man Up," as you all keep referring to.

You know what your pain is. You know what your depression is. You know what your hurdles were like.

I'm not handicapped, depressed, or in pain to any notable degree, but as someone who has been that friend, your callous disregard for the fact that others can't just "man up" without the same advantage you admit that you had to be quite dismissive and, honestly, a large part of the problem.

^-.-^

You keep talking about me having an advantage. I didn't have any advantage at all. I had inspiration all around me and I ignored it.

I could've pulled from the Marine Corps slogans like "Improvise, Adapt, Overcome" printed on multiple objects all over my house, but I gave up.

I could've pulled from my Mexican heritage and time honored quotes like "Mejor Morir de Pie, Que Vivir Toda Una Vida Arrodillados." (It's better to die on your feet than to live a lifetime on your knees) - Emiliano Zapata, but I gave up.

I could've pulled from the philosophies of my martial arts background with quotes like "All men are the same except for their belief in their own selves, regardless of what others may think of them." - Miyamoto Musashi, but I gave up.

I could've pulled from all the stories I was told by disabled veterans about how they continued on with their lives, but I gave up.

I could've written her attention off as pity and killed myself before I graduated, but I finally opened my eyes.

All of those things fueled me after my eyes were opened.

Why must we have someone believe in us before we can believe in ourselves?

What is the difference between a person or an object telling you that you can do something?

Find your inspiration. Find what drives you. If you refuse to, then I feel sorry for you.

You've learned entirely the wrong lesson, Crashhelmet. Or at least, didn't learn all of the lessons that your situation offered you.

Instead of being the "I did it, anyone can do it," preachy bastard, you should look to your friend as an example. What they did, and how they did it, to pull you out of your funk. You need to learn how to be that friend to someone else. Because your arrogant declarations are so far away from that, it's frightening.

Where have I said that I'm not helpful to those in need? What i have said in other posts is that no one can fix your problems but yourself. People can show you the doors to go through, they can inspire you, but you have to be the one to do it.

Where did I say my friend did anything more than point things out. Do you want to know exactly what she did for me? In the beginning, all she did was say "hi" to me as I limped by her at lunch.

She was a local celebrity, a cast member on a really popular cable show. At lunch, she would be swarmed by fans but would still poke her head up and say hi to me as I struggled to walk past. When you're feeling like you don't matter to anyone, when you're feeling like a burden to people, when you're feeling worthless, a simple gesture like that can make all the difference in the world and keep someone going. Later, she would consistently remind me that music was still an option to pursue in college and point out my passion for teaching people. Again, it was enough to get me going in the right direction. Everything else was up to me

[the_std]

I had no idea this subject could incite such vitriol among a group of people as level-headed as Fratching seems to be. I am going to bow out of the discussion, because I obviously don't understand where this froth is coming from and therefore will not be able to discuss this on a rational level with y'all.

[Nekojin]

You've learned entirely the wrong lesson, Crashhelmet. Or at least, didn't learn all of the lessons that your situation offered you.

Instead of being the "I did it, anyone can do it," preachy bastard, you should look to your friend as an example. What they did, and how they did it, to pull you out of your funk. You need to learn how to be that friend to someone else. Because your arrogant declarations are so far away from that, it's frightening.

[Andara Bledin]

Yes, I had the support of a friend. One single friend, out of a large group, that took the time to show me that I mattered.

That, alone, is a more than most people have. And while you appear more than willing to rub your own (and others') successes in the face of those without such a vital resource, you don't seem interested in acknowledging that your situation is not theirs.

How is she any different than inspirational porn?

I'm baffled that someone can't grasp the difference between the presence of a human being proving that they care and trite phrases saying that the people who don't just "get over it" are "losers" or "have only themselves to blame."

The only difference is your opinion and how willing you are help yourself.

Bullshit. You said yourself that you had a friend there to help you through it. The friend is the difference, not the attitude of those who don't have such a friend.

Don't think for one second that I don't know what pain is. That I don't know what depression is. That I don't know what self-loathing and self-deprecation is. That I don't know what it feels like to think about the multiple ways I could kill myself and end it all.

You know what your pain is. You know what your depression is. You know what your hurdles were like.

I'm not handicapped, depressed, or in pain to any notable degree, but as someone who has been that friend, your callous disregard for the fact that others can't just "man up" without the same advantage you admit that you had to be quite dismissive and, honestly, a large part of the problem.

^-.-^

[Rageaholic]

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude".



Ah the unfortunate implications of such trite statements.

This sounds right out of that new age spirituality crap ("The secret"). It sounds like I'm not the only one sick of that "open minded" woo woo bullshit.

[crashhelmet]

So, you know. There is no excuse? I'm wallowing in self pity? Fuck you, I can barely get out of bed half the time.

Neither could I. I still have mornings where my entire body feels like it was in a car wreck while I slept. Where there slightest turns or movements brings new pain. The ankle is just the tip of the iceberg as far as my body is concerned. There are still my knees, my back, my shoulder, and my hand. When the weather goes to freezing temperatures, the only thing I'm good for is a paperweight or a door stop. But instead of feeling sorry for myself, I get up and continue on.

I bet people like Dennis Byrd had trouble getting out of bed too. Had problems with depression and self-worth.

I bet this person had problems too.

What about Oscar Pistorious?

Yes, I had a physical therapist. For 12 weeks after the cast came off. After that, it was all on me. I had to be the one to continue going. For a long time, I didn't want to. I didn't want to continue my rehab. I didn't want to continue my life.

Yes, I had the support of a friend. One single friend, out of a large group, that took the time to show me that I mattered. That i had other things in my life I could do. How is she any different than inspirational porn? The only difference is your opinion and how willing you are help yourself.

Tell me you're doing EVERYTHING that you can to better your situation. Tell me that you haven't given up and said "fuck it." Tell me that when that pain sets in, you get up and work through it like I and so many others do.

I also know what it's like to wake up in the morning on my son's birthday and work to convince myself that I didn't fail him. That I did everything I possibly could to get him out of state custody. That signing away my rights so that he could be adopted was the best thing for him. And then I have to remind myself of that every time I see him as I fight the urge to drive my truck off the side of the mountain when driving home.

Don't think for one second that I don't know what pain is. That I don't know what depression is. That I don't know what self-loathing and self-deprecation is. That I don't know what it feels like to think about the multiple ways I could kill myself and end it all.

The difference is I refuse to let it beat me.