Blame it on Aspie

[Ladeeda]

Anytime someone acts like a jerk or does something inappropriate, there will be a chorus of "they probably have Aspergers". So often that if they were correct, Asperger would be the norm and we wouldn't have a name for it.

Why, oh why can some people not comprehend the fact that some people are just rude? And that some people just don't CARE about things like propriety and personal space?

And why, for the love of all things bright and beautiful, does anyone thing a mental illness allows an automatic pass?

[anakhouri]

I can accept social awkwardness, but if someone is downright rude for any reason, I will call them on it. That way, if they're just being a jackass they are embarrassed, and if they really didn't know they were rude, well, now they do.

I agree that the diagnosis of Asperger's/being somewhere on the spectrum has cropped up a lot lately, and unfortunately for people who actually do have these issues, many of the people claiming to have it are self-diagnosed (I took a Facebook quiz for giggles to see how 'autistic' I am- according to the -I'm sure- highly scientific quiz, I am so severely autistic that I should be on a road trip with Tom Cruise).

I'm sure there are people who use it as an excuse to be rude. But all the people I know who have actually been diagnosed by a doctor strive to understand the social cues that are difficult for them to grasp so they don't come off as rude.

So yeah, if someone is using their condition as an excuse...I'm guessing they probably don't have it at all and just think they can get away with it.

[Hyena Dandy]

At the D&D camp there was this pair of kids who were really bullying another kid pretty badly. Then, apparently, they went home and told their parents he was bullying them. I was with them all day, and that's not true, and I told the parents that their kids had at least an equal part in it. The woman said "Well, they have Asperger's."

I told her that I did too, and I wasn't acting like them.

So she said she wasn't signing them up for this again.

I have thus far shed no tears over that. >_<

[BlaqueKatt]

I can accept social awkwardness, but if someone is downright rude for any reason, I will call them on it. That way, if they're just being a jackass they are embarrassed, and if they really didn't know they were rude, well, now they do.

And if it was me being told, I would actually thank you profusely. It's rather frustrating to not know why people are angry or upset, because you did something "wrong" but they won't say what it is even when you ask/explain that you really don't know because of being on the spectrum(officially diagnosed). Especially because due to the "self-diagnosed" jerks*, they don't believe you because "you don't have x symptom", or "you're too y to be on the spectrum". Never realizing that everyone is different, a diagnosis doesn't make them an exact clone of every other person with the same diagnosis!

*the ones that just think it makes a good excuse for their horrible personality. No the disorder has not much to do with being a jackass, that's your personality. The disorder affects reading social cues, you can still be nice about it.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Agreed. As a doctor diagnosed Aspie myself, I get very annoyed at both self diagnosed and Momdiagnosed people trying to pass rude behaviour off and using their so-called Aspergers as an excuse.

[Rageaholic]

What bugs me is being treated like an insensitive jerk if the I get annoyed by someone who might have some kind of issue. It's one thing when people get annoyed at them because of their issue, but when the issue is defined by douchey behavior, then it's perfectly understandable.

[MrsEclipse]

Asperger's should never be an excuse. If you DO have it, it might could pass as a reason or explanation for some behaviors.

Like "Hey, stranger, how much do you weigh?" "Um, that was a really rude question, don't you think?!" "I'm sorry. I have Aspergers and sometimes I don't realize saying something can be wrong. I didn't mean to be rude, I apologize." (NOTE THE APOLOGY, PEOPLE.)
Never "Wow, lady, you're fat!" "What? How rude!" "Hey, I have Aspergers. I don't know no better."

It should never be "That was rude." "Well, maybe he has Aspergers. Ignore it."
It should instead bebe "That was rude." "Well, maybe he has Aspergers." "Then I should explain to him that was rude so he learns not to do it again."

Assholes like the self-diagnosed and all who stand up for them are the reason I don't usually tell people I have Aspergers. I just explain what accommodations I need or why I'm behaving strangely without attaching a word to it. ("Are you okay?" "Yes, I'm fine. It's just a little loud in here for me. Please excuse me." "Why are you rocking like that?" "Oh, I'm just a little nervous. Sorry. I'll try to get it under control.") And I had Aspergers before it was cool. I was diagnosed by the John's Hopkins Children's Hospital in like 1997 or something.

I expect to be called on my bad behavior. I expect to be punished socially if I make a grievous faux pas. I expect people I'm talking to to tell me to shut up if I go on too much about something nobody cares about. I expect to be temp-banned from a forum if I post something that's incredibly rude or offensive even if I didn't intend it to be. People who use it to excuse other people acting rude goes against everything I stand for.

[LewisLegion]

I have Asperger's as well. I might mistakenly *seem* rude to some people (in certain situations and with people I don't know, I *cannot* look them in the eyes *and* concentrate on what they're saying. So I look away from them in order to take in what they're saying, which to most people seems a bit rude) but if they call me out on it, I either apologize and do my best to focus on not indulging that behavior, or I explain to them the reason and *still* apologize. For example, I have a new boss. I had to explain to her I was Asperger's so she didn't think I was ignoring her in one on one's and meetings, but to a random stranger in the street, I would likely just apologize and move on.

At times I can be oblivious to how other people are feeling and I can come off as self-centered or rude sometimes but I greatly appreciate it when its pointed out *as I'm doing it*. That way I can assimilate what's going on and adjust more appropriately to the interaction and be careful not to do it again. It took a very good friend of mine suddenly getting furiously angry out of nowhere in a conversation (nowhere to my perspective, I missed all cues) to realize she was taking my behavior as being rude when I thought quite the opposite. I was horrified at how she had perceived it and did my best to be cognizant of that from then on.

I never want to be rude or hurt someone's feelings, or behave in an inappropriate manner that might upset others, but I am literally unaware I am doing it sometimes, and that reminder will ALWAYS bring out an apology.

In my experience, that's the way real Aspie's behave. The ones who shrug and say 'I'm Asperger's, I don't know better', and continue in the behavior are the liars or self-diagnosed asshats who just want an excuse to do whatever they wish.

[bara]

I hate when people claim to have legitimate medical concerns when they are just assholes.

[BlaqueKatt]

I have Asperger's as well. I might mistakenly *seem* rude to some people (in certain situations and with people I don't know, I *cannot* look them in the eyes *and* concentrate on what they're saying. So I look away from them in order to take in what they're saying, which to most people seems a bit rude)

My trick for this(from my therapist), look at their ear, or at something behind them at their eye level, to them it seems like you're looking them in the eye.

[kaycivine]

My former roommate tried blaming all of his misgivings on a possibility of being one with Aspergers or other form of autism.

Including his;
insulting people
screaming at people
threatening to kill my cats
calling people "niggers" and saying he doesn't have or need a mouth filter
anddddddd other things.


Yeah. I hate it when people do that. I realllyyy doubt that is the result of Asperger's, considering he has no signs of it or any autism whatsoever. Loves social stimulation, very active socially, can look you in the eyes, but maybe I am missing something?

[BlaqueKatt]

here is the DSM IV diagnostic criterion for Asperger's(which will be eliminated in the upcoming DSM V, as it is actually not a separate disorder, but within the Autism spectrum, already called High Functioning Autism-Asperger's research was done in WWII Germany and didn't make it out of the country until the 1990's, and it was added as "new" without double checking to see if something similar was already in existence, and because there's less stigma attached to the label "Asperger's"*)

Nothing in there about rudeness, lacking empathy(possible but not always), or just plain being a lousy human.


*

In the 1940s when Leo Kanner in America and Hans Asperger in Austria were both beginning to identify the existence of autism they separately stumbled on this term which they felt described what they were witnessing in the children they were treating. we do know that Asperger in later years read about the work of Leo Kanner. He argued, albeit unconvincingly, that they had identified separate syndromes with a great overlap. Other academics began to argue that Asperger's and Kanner's autism were the same syndrome. Most notably Judith Gould and Lorna Wing in their ground-breaking study in Camberwell in the late 1970s came to the conclusion that autism existed on a continuum

[kaycivine]

here is the DSM IV diagnostic criterion for Asperger's(which will be eliminated in the upcoming DSM V, as it is actually not a separate disorder, but within the Autism spectrum, already called High Functioning Autism-Asperger's research was done in WWII Germany and didn't make it out of the country until the 1990's, and it was added as "new" without double checking to see if something similar was already in existance)

Nothing in there about rudeness, lacking empathy(possible but not always), or just plain being a lousy human.

None of those are him.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I have the "not looking a person in the eye" thing, too. My main issue is stimming; I do try to curb it while at work, for example, but it's impossible to throw off completely. I was however much worse back when I was at school. -.- My main stims are hand/finger tapping, foot tapping, rocking, foot twitching, joint cracking and twiddling with hair, earrings and necklaces. I also used to twitch my face while I was talking to people, but if I concentrate, I can stop that. I also don't smile very often.

[LewisLegion]

Asperger's also presents in different ways in girls than it does boys, which is why a lot of girls go undiagnosed. I'm almost a 'textbook' classic Aspie, but because I'm a girl I went undiagnosed for a very long time.

Those are good tips about looking at ears or behind the person, I'll have to try that Someone suggested cheekbones once and I tried it but it is still far too close to the eyes for comfort, so it didn't work for me.

My main stim is bouncing my leg. I also pace, tug on my ear, and 'play with my face' when I'm tired, as my girlfriend calls it (tugging on my ears, rubbing my nose or my cheek or my lips, etc.) I tap/crack my fingers constantly as well.

Insulting people, screaming at people, threatening pets...that sounds more like just asshole behavior than Aspie behavior. If he's autistic and high enough functioning to make excuses, then he's high enough functioning to put a kibash on such drastic behavior.