Stop telling me what I want

[munchkin]

Went into work today all excited to announce my house purchase. Everyone at work knows that I am buying a house with my partner. I half joked that all that was missing was the ring.

One of the girls started going on at me that I was too young (I am 25) and i needed to live my life before I got tyed down.

So she was okay with me buying a house which ties me to one place and to my partner as we are purchasing it together but not with wanting to get married which would be easier and cheaper to dissolve (not that I want to).

To make it all worse I got my 2 pink lines today for a very wanted baby just a couple months early than we where planning.

I am scared to tell people even once the 12 weeks are up because of these reactions. Last time I had a pregnancy scare one of the department managers at work was "worried" for me and "relieved for me" when it turned out I wasn't.

I just wish i didn't have to defend myself to people that a family and stability is what I want. I did my years of partying and I didn't like it the first time. A night in with board games or reality tv has always been more my style.

[Kheldarson]

My husband and I have been married three years now. I'm 28. I don't know what they mean by too young. :P

But if you're happy, stable, and as prepared as can be, what does it matter to anybody else?

Congrats, BTW

[SkullKing]

Congratulations.

Don´t let them get to you.

On your manager´s part, you said it was a "pregnancy SCARE" so it makes sense that he would be worried, it is a different situation to someone actively wanting a kid

[munchkin]

Thanks guys.

This whole we need to wait til we are 30, 40 whatever to settle down is rather annoying. If that's what people want then go for it but not me.

It wasn't really a scare more a I thought I might have been - she noticed I looked unwell so I told her what was up.

[AccountingDrone]

Well, I don't think you should have a kid or a marriage before 25, though I do think you should rent a place with your SO to see if you can actually get along on a daily basis. Gives you time to get college or your first learning experience jobs out of the way, and a few years to save up money. I am also fond of the idea of term marriages - 1 year, 5 year types that dissolve automatically at the end, and you have to have at least a 1 year term marriage before you can do a permanent one.

[sophie]

I hate it when people give some arbitrary age for marriage or kids, as long as you are an adult and can handle everything that goes along with marriage and babies go for it. People mature at different ages I'm 21 and I married with a baby on the way. I'm as happy as can be, I know 40 year olds that still party and get drunk every night.

Congrats on the baby though! If a member of Fratching has a baby would that make it a fratchling?

[Kheldarson]

Congrats on the baby though! If a member of Fratching has a baby would that make it a fratchling?

I dunno, but I like the term :P Mine's my baby bear though

[D_Yeti_Esquire]

Well good luck and it sucks that you have to deal with that.

I know reading Jezebel time to time, it seems to be that the idea that women can wait and/or choose not to have children seems to have resulted in a sort of, "your choice to have them in your 20's is wrong" mentality to some people. Financially, I get it. The YOLO stuff I think is something both men and women use as a cover for either their failure at finding someone yet they think of that way OR often, they simply don't want to be serious about it. But sometimes it bleeds out as an attack on people who aren't wired that way.

I'm the type of passive aggressive person that would probably drop that I'm having a kid right after someone complains about the house. But then I can be an ass.

[Rageaholic]

Crap like that is why I am hesitant to tell people stuff. I don't always want to be in a position where I have to justify my choices to some armchair expert. It's just too draining.

[blas87]

No one is allowed to tell you when you're supposed to do anything in life as an adult.

They can preach that at you all they want, then turn around and when you're in your later 20s or just about 30, they'll all be panicking because you haven't been married or given birth yet.

Trust me, I'm already sick and tired of being asked why I'm almost 30 and still never even lived with a boyfriend, let alone had a serious one. It's exhausting to just think about, let alone have people poke at you. No, I'm not a basement dwelling neckbeard that can't find a mate. I have shit taste and shit luck.

[s_stabeler]

to be fair, there IS an increased risk of problems with a pregnancy when you are older- though there are more polite ways of mentioning it, and it is far from an "oh my god, you'll never be able to have kids!"

[protege]

Trust me, I'm already sick and tired of being asked why I'm almost 30 and still never even lived with a boyfriend, let alone had a serious one. It's exhausting to just think about, let alone have people poke at you. No, I'm not a basement dwelling neckbeard that can't find a mate. I have shit taste and shit luck.

Blas, wait until you're approaching 40. I've had several people give me shit because I "haven't settled down yet." Every time I'd see certain family members, "Do you have a girlfriend" was usually the first thing out of their mouths. They found it mind-blowing that I'm 38, and haven't been seeing anyone.

One reason, is that I wanted to get things in order. Some of you know that I lived with my parents until I was 30. I put myself through college, landed a decent job, and wanted to save up towards a house. Along the way, I paid off the school loans (several years early!), bought a new car, and did some traveling.

Now, I'm 38, and I've given up on dating and relationships. I've tried to meet people, but it's not happening.

[Kuari]

I'm 42 and even after I had popped out one child (who is now 22), my parents STILL ask me if I'm going to have more. And they give me shit for not owning a house or car, and for not being married by now.

I've struck out in the relationship department so I'm much like protege in that regard. When I finished my degree a couple of years ago I gave dating a try for the first time in ages because I actually had the time to have some sort of life outside of writing papers and research, and ended up dating the human equivalent of a barnacle. Ugh. Never again.

As for the whole owning a house and car thing, well, I've been there done that. Bought a house with my then fiance and even owned my own car. When my ex torpedoed the relationship (developed a raging drug habit and his drinking kicked up to a hellish notch), I had my name taken off anything to do with the house because I knew that there would be a huge fight otherwise - he told me point blank that he'd torch the house with me and my son in it (no, he's not my son's father, thank fuck) if I tried to get it in a settlement. And I've owned several cars in the meantime, but where I live now it's just not feasible to own a car so I don't. But my parents keep thinking that I need one :/

[Gravekeeper]

I am 34 and in a committed, long term relationship with one cat. If nothing works out by the time I am 40 I will add a second cat. After that, if I remain single I will add 1 cat every 5 years till I am 50. Then 1 cat every 2 years till I am 60. Then I will maintain my swarm of cats on the unspoken agreement that when I die, they get to eat my corpse before the authorities discover it.

Its good to have long term plans.

[Rageaholic]

I don't get why anyone would have a problem with those who don't wanna have kids or get married. In the past month or so, I've heard of 3 asshole bloggers and personalities take a jab at those people, acting as if it's a sign of the times. One even said that some are called to be parents.

Who the fuck made them God?